Aneareyouok - Will You Still Love Me? - Tumblr Blog

When y/n does something so cringe that i have to look at the invisible camera for a sec.

Also can you imagine Shrek with a mullet? Wild.

Jamie’s new tattoo

New tattoo 😆

1.5.18 | Brooklyn 🎥 - paulinasubia

The Sinner

You're more than willing to help Billy Hargrove find his faith. The only problem is that he wants you on his knees for a different reason.

Billy Hargrove x Religious!FemReader

CW: Smut, some corruption, religious themes, Reader is holier than thou type, and Billy likes to break things.

Is this a result of my religious trauma? Absolutely.

"Hey,” Billy cornered you one day at the end of school as you were grabbing your books from your locker, “I wanted to ask you something.” You felt yourself staring for a moment, wondering what you had to offer for Billy Hargrove. You did your best to avoid gossip, but it still found you at times. You were smart enough to know that Billy had one thing in mind if he cornered a girl alone.

“You’d have to ask my father if you want to take me out.” You responded nervously, shoving the books into your bag. He chuckled, his charming smile lighting up the hallway. You could feel your hands shaking at the sound. You had never had him actually speak to you unless he was making fun of you reading your bible. He thought your devotion to your religion was something to make fun of. You always reminded yourself that he was lost and would one day hopefully understand. You always prayed for him when he would tease you about it. You didn't think anyone should have to burn in hell for eternity, especially when they were so young and could switch their ways. Then again, maybe that was your father's words inside your mind.

“I wasn’t going to ask you that actually, but noted,” You felt a warmth spreading through your body as you grew embarrassed. You hadn’t actually thought he’d ever be interested in you, but there was only one question Billy ever asked girls, “I doubt I’d get daddy’s approval anyways.” He muttered correctly.

The truth was you did like to imagine yourself going out with Billy. He was attractive, popular. It would be like one of those cliche movies. Maybe that was why you prayed for him so hard. You wanted him to better himself so you could dream of being with him. As much as you liked to pretend that you were, you weren't any better than the girls in your grade. You wanted him all the same. Late at night when you would toss and turn, dismissing the naughty thoughts that weighed in your mind. Those were the nights that you would pray and pray until you were too exhausted to think anymore. Your father would never allow you to go out with Billy, however much the boy could change. So, you pretended that you weren't interested in him. You'd still sneak glances, but you never told anyone about how you felt towards him, too afraid of the repercussions you would face. God always knew though.

“What’s your question?” You asked after a moment of silence. You swung your bag around your shoulders before pulling your bible from your locker. It was black and leather bound, and you liked the way the words were printed neatly on the pages. For some reason it made it easier to read.

“I want to repent, but I’ve never prayed before. I was hoping you’d help me.” Billy looked at you sincerely and you felt yourself growing lost in his blue eyes. A small smile formed over your lips as you pulled your bible towards your chest.

"You want me to teach you how to pray?" You repeated, filling yourself grow with pride. You couldn't believe Billy Hargrove had come to you for help. He nodded, almost bashfully as he looked over his shoulder, "I'd love to, but I really don't know how to explain it. It's just, talking to God." You explained, watching how his expression changed.

"I don't know how to do that. Please, I don't want to spend an eternity in hell. Teach me." You shifted on your feet, biting your lip as you considered him. You thought of his words again, understanding that you wouldn't want to burn in hell either. It was your job as a Christian to help eithers find the Lord, even if that person was someone like Billy.

"Okay," You responded slowly, watching how he grinned widely at you, "We could do it here?' You questioned him, watching how his blonde curls moved as he shook his head no. You found yourself raising your eyebrow in confusion, wondering why he was denying this location if he was so desperate to save his soul.

"I'd prefer a church. What about the one your dad runs? Is anyone there right now?" You faltered for a moment, not realizing he knew your father's position. You reminded yourself that it was a small town and he had more than likely overheard it from someone.

"Sure," You nodded in agreement, "No, he shouldn't be there right now. We could go by now?" You asked unsure, clutching the bible to your chest. Billy looked down at it, nodding like he was considering something.

"If you're scared about other people seeing you, you shouldn't worry. There's nothing to be ashamed about in welcoming the lord into your life." You smiled, repeating the words you had heard your father preach with hundreds of different times. You sounded robotic, like an exact copy of him. You thought of how proud he would be with you at the moment.

Billy faltered for a moment, rubbing his thumb across his bottom lip, "It's not that," He responded easily, "How about I give you a ride over? It's not that far." You nodded, thinking of how it would be a lot easier for you. However, you were worried your parents would grow worried once you didn't arrive home at your usual time. You shook the thoughts away, once again thinking of your father's beaming face once he heard that you had saved a sinner.

“Okay, thank you,” You smiled, completely missing how he already knew the location of your church. You walked alongside him through the long hallway, unsure of what to say, “You know I pray for you every night.” You finally spoke up, meaning it as a compliment.

“Yeah, why’s that?” His blue eyes casted down on you and you felt nervous suddenly. He had such an intense way of holding eye contact. You quickly glanced away and towards your shoes while you walked at his pace.

“I pray for all of the sinners. I don’t think anyone should spend eternity in hell would they could forever live in God’s Grace.” You explained, meaning it in the best way possible. You looked ahead, missing the way he rolled his blue eyes back in his head.

“How sweet,” You felt happy in Billy’s response as you stepped out into the breezy wind. It was warm the sun sitting high in the air. You didn’t even have to follow him to his car, already knowing where he parked from hearing the other girls talking about him, “Here. I’ve got it.” He opened the door for you, his smile shining against you. Your heart hammered as you felt nervous suddenly. You had never been alone with a boy in a car before.

“Thanks,” You slid inside, carefully tucking your skirt under you to keep from sitting on the hot leather seats, “It smells nice in here.” You didn’t mean to sound so surprised, but you had seen the way he smoked. It was shocking that the car didn’t smell that way.

Billy grunted in response, turning the car on as his loud metal music blared to life. You jumped, completely taken aback from how loud it was. You bit your lip hard to keep from saying anything. Your father had warned you about listening to this type of music. He said it was as good as devil worship.

“Something wrong?” Billy questioned, noticing your expression. You should your head quickly, not wanting to seem fussy over the music he listened to in his own car. You didn’t want to scare him off either. If he was just now learning how to pray she couldn’t imagine trying to explain how the music he listened to worshipped Satan.

“It’s just loud,” You strained your voice louder to talk over the music. You quickly buckled up, realizing he wasn’t going to wait for you to do so before he left, “What about your sister?” You asked suddenly, remembering the small redhead. Billy shrugged.

“She got another ride tonight. I told her I had other plans.” You felt a bit guilty for taking her ride but quickly got over it. You reminded yourself that Billy had done it for a good cause. He was going to he learning of God’s love. That was even more important.

“Oh, okay,”

“Do you have a boyfriend or something?” Billy asked, turning his loud banging music down a few notches. You still had to strain your ears in order to hear what he said.

“No,” You spoke a little quickly and tried to correct yourself, “Daddy says I need a good Christian man.” You thought of what your father would say right now with you sitting in Billy’s car. He wouldn’t think of anything good, that was for sure.

“Huh,” Billy glanced over at you. Unbeknownst to you, his eyes lingered against your bare thighs where your skirt had risen high, “Have you been with someone before?” You could feel your whole body go warm as your hands clenched into fists, not wanting to have this conversation with him of all people.

“It’s up here,” You told him, pointing forward as your fathers church came into view. You purposely ignored his question, not wanting to feel the guilt and shame form in your chest, “It’s not much but it’s nice.” You admitted, unsure of why you found yourself needing to defend the size. You had never worried about it before. Perhaps, a small part of you wanted to impress Billy. After all, he had came to you specifically. Maybe you could change him.

It was tiny and white, with a long dirt path that blew up dust as he drove up towards the dirt parking spots. The sugar maple trees leaves had turned from orange to red as the seasons began to shift into Winter. It was one of those days where it had been chill in the morning, but the afternoon sun had made it hot. You smiled at him, hoping that he wouldn't be too worried about his nice car getting dirty.

“This is it,” You mumbled, thankful when he turned the music off, “I think it’ll be good to pray at the altar.” You responded after a second. He held onto his keys as he watched you

“Why there?” He asked, actually seeming to be curious. You grinned again, more than happy to explain the importance of the altar to him.

“In the Bible,” You began watching as he reached across you and pressed the button to your seat belt. You gulped, feeling the warmth from his hands linger against your side, “It’s where people used to make sacrifices for atonement of sin.” You explained, unsure if you made very much sense by the way he held your gaze. He nodded gruffly, before stepping out. You followed behind him, racing up the short cement steps as your skirt picked up in the breeze. You hastily flattened the material back down before opening the door.

“This is nice,” Billy spoke up after you, lingering behind your movements. You popped your knuckles, trying to walk as straight as possible and keep your hips from swaying, “Do many people come?” He questioned as you walked into the service room. You looked around the wooden, red pews before turning to face him.

“Sometimes. Usually around Easter and Christmas. Daddy says that’s when sinners feel the guiltiest.” Billy tilted his head as he watched you curiously. You dug your heels into the wooden floor, unsure of what he was thinking. You watched in a trance, staring at the curve of his hands as he reached into his back pocket. The church was so quiet that every little sound echoed in the room. Your eyes widened as you watched him bring a cigarette between his lips.

“No, no,” You quickly placed your hand over his fist as he began to open his lighter, “Not here. There’s no smoking in the house of the lord.” You explained quickly, watching how his lips curled up just enough to look as if he was smiling. You could tell that irritated him, but you stuck to your fathers' rules, watching as he placed his cigarette back in his box.

"S'alright," He grumbled out, glancing back up at you. You fiddled with your fingers nervously, unsure of how to speak to him, "Can we sit?" He asked after a second and you nodded quickly. You turned and walked towards the altar, sitting on the front row. You sat your bible next to you as you turned to face him, crossing your legs together.

"What do you want to pray about?" You asked, resting your hand against the side of his face. He faced you, mirroring your position. You thought that he looked far too large for the tiny pew. His shirt was unbuttoned in the manner that it always was. You found your eyes drawn to the necklace on his tanned skin and the blonde chest hair that peaked out from his blue shirt.

"My sins," Billy cocked an eyebrow, shaking his foot as he spoke. His movements were causing the pew to shake lightly, "I've drank, cursed, fucked. You know, all of that stuff." You turned away from his intense gaze, not liking how he cursed in the church. You didn't necessarily need all of that information.

"Maybe you should wait to speak to a preacher over that?" You could think of your father's gleeful face now, thinking of how he would be proud to bring another man like Billy to God's light.

“I don’t want to speak to a priest, I want to speak to you.” He reached across the pew, taking your soft hand in his large one. You stared, looking at how your hands connected. You thought of praying suddenly, trying to remove the thoughts that were clouding your mind. There were times you wanted to be like the other girls and have a boyfriend, but you knew your father would simply tell you to focus on God's love instead.

"Do you want me to write you down a prayer then?" You asked him, your skin burning as his thumb rubbed soft circles against you. You breathed in deeply, hearing your heartbeat in your ears. You pushed your legs closer together, feeling a warmth growing between your legs and shame rush into your chest.

"Maybe you could show me how to do it first? I'm so lost, I'll just follow your lead." He explained. You didn't know how to describe it, but his blue eyes looked darker than usual. You blamed it on the dim lights in the church. You didn't want to risk turning them on and having your father yell at you for running up the light bill.

"Over here, then." You stood, ignoring the wetness that was growing between your legs. You'd have to pray for your own sins later when you were finished with Billy. You walked to the alter, looking at the velvet red cushion that your father had spent so much money on. Billy stood close behind you that his warmth was seeping into you.

"Is he going to watch us?" He asked, sounding almost bitter as he motioned towards the very large cross with Jesus hanging from it. You smiled kindly, nodding as you watched his reaction. You were sure it was odd to see, gruesome even, but you knew it was a reminder to everyone of what Jesus had gone through to save people from their sins.

"Okay," You knelt at the altar, looking up at the blonde boy as he lingered above you, "Sit, with me." You smiled sweetly, completely unaware of the way he huffed and seemed to be growing irritated with you. You were too excited to share something with him that you were so passionate about. Not only that, but you would be saving him from damnation.

You flipped your bible open in front of you, referencing John 3:16 as it stared up at you in a golden hue. It was your favorite quote and the only time you actually allowed yourself to write on your bible. You thought of it as too holy to decimate but allowed yourself the pleasure to do so with this one quote.

"I think I should get behind you, that way I can mirror how you sit." You furrowed your eyebrows confused. You didn't understand how he wouldn't be able to copy how you were sitting by looking at you, but you believed him, nonetheless. Your breath hitched a bit in your chest and your body grew warm as he sat behind you. You moved your knees further apart as he nestled his knees next to yours and reached around to link his large hands over your own. You weren't sure you should be feeling this way in the house of the lord.

"Alright," Your voice was shaky as you spoke up again, ignoring the warm feeling growing inside your stomach. You glanced over your shoulder, noticing how intensely he was watching you. You felt like a trapped bunny suddenly and he was the big bad wolf. You exhaled, turning away and ignoring the picture of Mother Mary that seemed to be judging you. You reminded yourself that nothing you were doing was wrong, "Dear Heavenly father-," You began as you bowed your head and closed your eyes. One of Billy's hands moved away from yours, but you ignored it as you thought of the way your father prayed so powerfully and tried to mirror his words.

"We come to you praying for forgiveness of our sins," You continued, ignoring the rustling sounds that Billy was making behind you, "Billy comes to you, exhausted and needing your guidance to right his wrongs." Billy made a sound behind you, and you felt your eyebrows raise but kept your eyes shut. You were slightly worried but then remembered he had come to you for assistance. You reminded yourself of how eager he sounded to learn to pray earlier. You hadn't allowed him to smoke either, perhaps he was acting out of nerves.

"Billy invites you into his life-," Your voice caught in your throat as you felt a slight breeze underneath your skirt, feeling it lift above your thighs. You gulped hard, too lost for a second on the shivers that crossed your skin before you snapped your eyes open, "What are you doing?" You rushed out, turning to look at him.

"Praying with you," He replied simply as his hand toyed with the hem on your skirt. You felt your mouth turning dry. It had been so long since you had been touched in this way. It brought shame to you as you thought of the previous incident. One night at church camp was all it took for your father to think the worst of you. You had spent many evenings like this, on your knees repenting for what you had done in the dark, "What's wrong?" He asked oblivious as his other hand moved from your clutched fingers and traced the exposed section of your thighs. You gaped, feeling more warmth rush between your legs. You hoped he wouldn't raise your skirt too far to see the wet patch that had formed on your panties.

"This isn't praying," You responded quickly but were unable to push him away. Your body seemed to purr against him, urging for more of his touch as his fingers dipped under your skirt and near your panty line. You burned in shame as your hips moved forward to their own accord, "Billy." You warned as his chest vibrated against your back as he laughed. He pressed up against you and you could feel a hardness against your backside. You fought everything in your power to grind back against it as you remembered where you were, what you were doing.

"We're worshipping God, aren't we?" He rested his cheek against yours and you could feel the tickle of his mustache against your skin as he turned to speak to you. He smelt of smoke and mint, "What are we doing wrong?" You knew exactly what you were doing wrong as his hands curved over your hips and ground his bulge against you. You whined, overly enjoying how good it felt.

"You're praying?" You looked at him for reassurance, watching how his blue eyes held onto you. You felt nervous, but ultimately believed him. Was there really a written doctrine on how you were supposed to pray? You realized you'd have to ask your father later. Perhaps this was completely okay as long as it done in prayer.

"I'm praying for my forgiveness," Billy confirmed, letting the material of your skirt rest against your back as his hands traced over your backside. His fingers gripped the hem of your panties, and you could feel your heart racing in your chest. You didn't have any protests as he slid them down your thighs, "Keep praying for me. You don't want me to go to hell, do you?" He drew you away from your sinful thoughts and feelings. You blinked back as you looked at the words of the bible in front of you, unsure of where to begin again.

"Billy invites you into his life," You repeated again, taking a shaky breath as he rubbed the bare skin of your backside. You closed your eyes tightly, ignoring the sound of plastic tearing, "To fill the emptiness in him and make him w-whole." The gasp caught on your words as you felt pressure between your thighs as Billy slid his hard cock inside of you. He fit into you perfectly and you felt as if you were putty in his hands. The sounds that left your mouth was pathetic as your pussy squeezed around his cock, urging for more of him. Your hips rocked forward against the altar, elbows digging into your bible and curling up the delicate pages as he bottomed out in you. Moans left you breathlessly as you shook your head, trying to find the words to speak again. He pushed all the way forward, bottoming out inside of you as his balls pressed up against your bottom. He grunted in your ear, lips ghosting across your skin. It was sinful, it was pleasurable.

"Help him to understand your grace, your mercy," You squeaked out as he dragged his hips out slowly before pushing back into you. It felt so good, so good that you were unsure you'd feel anything like this again. You were having a hard time thinking of God when all you could focus on was the drag of his cock inside of your fluttering walls, "Your peace." You finished as you rested your head against your enclosed hands as Billy rocked into you. The grip on your hips was tight as he held you steady. Your knees were burning from digging into and slightly dragging along the hardwood floors. You began to pray for more, to never ever go a day where you wouldn't feel Billy's cock inside of you.

"Fuck," Billy's curse drew you from your thoughts and you felt your mouth open in horror as your conscience overtook your lust. You were letting Billy fuck you on your knees against the praying altar, "You're not so pious now, are you?" His warm breath tickled against your neck as you stared up the large cross that was hanging proudly above the two of you. You trembled against him, your thighs shaking as his cock rubbed against the bundle of nerves inside of you.

"Wrong," You moaned out, your hips pinning against the altar as he drilled into you, his hands gripping your waist and shoulder harshly as he kept you still. Not that you would purposely move away anyways. Your pussy was wrapped around him tightly, coating him in your wetness as you begged for more, "Billy, this is so wrong." You pleaded but you didn't want him to stop. You wanted him to continue, to bring you over the edge. Praying had never been this pleasurable before.

“How could this be bad if we’re with the lord right now?” Billy hummed from behind you. Your hands were linked together so tightly that they were turning white from the pressure. Your elbows were digging into the red cushion of the alter as you stared up at the portrait of Jesus hanging above the two of you. You prayed for forgiveness silently, hoping he would understand this one moment of lust.

"It's wrong," You replied weakly, a squeal leaving your mouth as he pulled his cock out until only his tip remained before slamming back into you. He laughed as his lips traced over the crook of your neck, sending shivers down your spine, "F-Forgive me lord." You pleaded, begged even as your body responded differently from what your mind was saying. You knew this was wrong, completely forbidden but you couldn't help how your body was reacting.

It felt so incredible. Your body felt as if it was lifting slowly into the air, warped in pleasure as Billy bent you down harder over the altar. Your hands were still crossed, and you could just barely hear the sound of paper tearing from being pulled against your skin over the sound of your skin slapping together. His rhythm was brutal, and you responded just as eagerly to him, coating his cock with your slick. The sounds that left your mouth that begged him for more, pleaded for him to never stop making her feel this good.

You could remember the way people reacted to your father, cheering him on and praising him during his service. You had never heard anyone sound the way you did at the moment when they responded to God. Billy was drawing out feelings and sounds from you that you didn't think were possible.

"Look at you," He mocked, smacking your cheek lightly, "So fucking desperate for my cock. What would your daddy say if he saw us?" You whined, licking the drool from the corner of your mouth as his cock repeatedly hit against your g-spot. You were so wet, drenching his dick so badly that every time he pulled out it was easier to push back into you and go that much further. Your toes were curling as you cried out.

"He'd be so mad," You whined pathetically, a gasp leaving your mouth as Billy wrapped a large hand around your throat. You moaned when he squeezed softly, tugging your head back so he could lick at your parted lips. It felt so dirty, so wrong as his wet tongue slid inside your mouth. You were desperate, rutting back against him as you opened your mouth wider for him to explore, "Oh God." You took the lords name in vain as Billy swatted at your ass.

"Oh, the poor preacher would be so disappointed in you," Billy tsked as he pulled his mouth away. His cheeks were flushed, lips red and eyes dilated as he spoke full of bitterness, "Knowing his daughter was such a sinner. Letting a stranger fuck, her in his church." He spit out and you turned your head in shame, not liking how his words affected you. They went straight to your core, making you clench around him as his movements became more rapid. For the first time, you didn't understand how something so wrong could feel so good. You felt as if you had been made to be forced upon your knees and fucked in this manner.

“Please stop talking,” You whimpered out, unsure if you could take any more of his words as you felt your stomach muscles tightening together. Your hips were rocking back against him with such urgency, such deprivation as your knuckles turned even whiter, “Billy!” You yelled out as he reached between your legs, rubbing harshly against the bud there that had been begging for attention.

He pulled his hand away quickly before swiftly smacking your pussy. You yelped, the force of his movements pushing you deeper onto his hard cock. You blubbered, moaning as the sensation from his slap traveled across your pussy. It was so embarrassing, but you could feel yourself growing wetter from his actions.

"I don't listen to slutty little preacher's daughters," He yanked on your hair, pulling you back and pressing you against his chest. You mewled pathetically as his cock moved into you harder and faster, "So drunk on my cock, aren't you?" He squeezed your neck, and you felt your face grow warm as the air left your lungs. You felt your eyes beginning to strain before he released his grip, and you were gasping for breath.

"Yes," You whispered out pathetically as he swatted your cheek, making your head more towards the side. You stared at where the piano was positioned in the corner, trying to focus on that instead of the way his hips were rolling into you, "Feels so good." You could feel tears forming in your eyes. You were unsure if it was from the pleasure or the shame.

Billy reached between your legs, his fingers tracing across your folds before rubbing your sensitive bud again. Your whole pussy felt sore from where he had smacked it earlier. You were whining, grinding into his hand as he played with your clit. The sound of the two of you echoed loudly inside of the church and you were sure that anyone nearby could hear your desperate cries.

It didn’t take long after that. The feeling of his cock swelling inside of you, stretching you out with each thrust and hitting your g-spot mixed with his fingers rubbing your wet clit had you chanting his name as you shook around him.

"God," You cried out as you came, fully shaking and trembling around Billy as he held you in place. You were afraid that without his strong grip you would've melted into a puddle on the floor. You partially wish you would so you could slip between the tiles and disappear forever, "Oh my God." You repeated.

Billy grunted into your ear, slamming you against the altar so harshly that your hips burned and screamed in protest. You felt your toes curling as he held himself deep inside of you, before he pulled away quickly. You were stunned, shaking on your knees as he gripped your hair harshly and turned you to face him. You stared up at him from your knees, your hands still clenched together in front of you as he pumped his cock with vigor. You watched the lines of his face, watching how they curled into pleasure. His mouth fell open when he groaned loudly and released white, stringy liquid across your face.

You gasped, blinking your eyes quickly to avoid getting any of the liquid in your eyes. You felt the warm, thick goop resting on your cheek before slowly sliding off and landing on your chest, your arm, your bible. He cursed again, reaching down to wipe the goop away from your eyes. You opened your lids hesitantly.

You thought he looked like an angel. Surrounded in golden light with his cheeks red and his eyes dilated. He scooped his liquid from your face, watching you intensely before pushing it into your gaping mouth. You moaned as his thumb pressed down on your tongue. You held it there for a moment, unsure of the taste. It was odd, too salty and musky. His eyes narrowed.

"Swallow it," He commanded, holding your chin in his hand harshly. You closed your lips together but couldn't find the strength to swallow the odd taste. He frowned and pinched your nose together, cutting off your hair, "Do it." He spoke calmly and that scared you. You forced it down, furrowing your eyebrows together and wincing as you felt it settle heavily in your stomach. It almost burnt you.

"That wasn't God," Billy looked down at you, seemingly surrounded in the golden haze, "That was all me." His words left a gaping hole inside of your chest where your heart had once been pure. You could feel the darkness swirling in as it mixed with the guilt and the shame. You gaped, when he spit on you. It dripped down the side of your cheek, moving towards the curve of your lips. You hastily wiped it away, smearing the saliva onto your cheek and palm. You were repulsed with how good it made you feel.

You shook, still sitting on your burning knees as your emotions flooded inside of you. Billy seemed to be enjoying how conflicted you looked at the moment. You had to pull yourself away from his gaze as your eyes searched the altar for some kind of relief. You looked back, gasping as you looked down at your ruined bible. Pages were torn and ink was smeared from the drool that had left your lips. There was a large puddle of his liquid against your highlighted words. You were horrified and felt the swell of tears rising within you as you were suddenly too aware of what you had just done.

"You've damned me," You cried weakly, pathetically as Billy adjusted himself. He tilted his head, a grin ghosting across his lips as he looked down at you. Your hair messy, lips swollen and eyes red. Your knees burned as you moved to sit on your backside. Your thighs were slick from your come and your panties hung pathetically on your thighs as you tried to pull them up between your blubbering. He had taken away your faith and left you with an entirely different craving inside that you feared only he could solve, "Why?" You asked a loaded question, too full of your emotions to care. It was just as much your fault as his, but he had tempted you.

He crouched down in front of you, ignoring your rules from earlier as he lit his cigarette. You stared in horror as he blew a puff of smoke out at you. You suddenly wondered if he was the devil. The bible had spoken of Satan being so beautiful, so appealing that he could easily persuade those who were weak of faith into sinning. You realized your father had been right all along about you. You were weak. The worst thing was that you knew if Billy asked, you'd do it all over again. Despite your shame and humiliation, you would let him take you on the floor of your father's church again.

Billy cupped your chin, forcing you to look up at you as he stared at you with hardened blue eyes. You had thought that they were so pretty earlier, but now all it did was remind you of the terrible things you had done, "We're both sinners now," he mumbled, looking like he had just devoured his favorite meal, "God will forgive you if you just pray it away."

maybe the only post I’ll do for kinktober? no idea.

this is very much something. what it is? you’ll have to read it. inspired by my med teacher who taught us about the history of vibrators today in class ✨✨

—> synopsis: Only woman in your house besides your gravely ill mother, it was a great concern when you fell ill out of nowhere. That is where your family physician, Doctor G. Way came into play. Despite your fathers otherwise wishes, you were brought to Dr. Way’s clinic for overnight supervision and treatment.

—> warnings: revenge era gerard, victorian au, vibrators, cunnilingus, vaginal fingering, hysteria, female hysteria, loss of innocence, sexual inexperience, overstimulation, glove kink, mask kink, Doctor/Patient, medical setting/kink, older male/younger woman

by clicking read more you consent to anything and everything in the warnings.

It had made you feel like a bad person, wishing that your mothers condition got worse. Of course you never wished anything pallid or something that caused harm, maybe just a small spike in a fever or she had trouble sleeping at night. Or maybe an injury that happened to your younger brothers, just something that needed medical attention.

Because with every injury or sickness came your family’s physician, Doctor Gerard Way. He had been your family’s main care provider since you were ten, and what you thought was just a silly little childhood crush blossomed into an infatuation with the doctor. No one in your family knew, and of course the doctor himself could never know. The bite back that would happen if your family found out you had feelings for a measly physician would be terrible. The daughter of an earl dating a lowly physician? Blasphemy! Hell, you didn’t even know what his face looked like in full, not really!

Everytime Dr. Way came to visit, he wore an elegant mask, pointed into an elongated beak. It was mainly black with red and gold stitching, some red and white flowered etched in onto the base of the mask. It covered the bottom half of his face, leaving his deep brown eyes to show any hint of emotion. And they were expressive, you had learned.

They were gentle when caring for your mother or bandaging a siblings sprain, and firm when telling your father to lose weight or to not miss a medication dosage.

He didn’t look your way often, but you did try to give him opportunities to. You tried to provide an extra set of hands when ever he was at your estate, holding your mothers hand or calming your crying brothers. If he asked, you were already halfway gone to fetch what he needed.

Your father allowed your behavior, after all it is good for a housewife to learn first aid. Your older brother teased you for it, calling you a make-shift house-wench. Of course, if your parents knew your true thoughts, they would stop at nothing to prevent you from seeing Dr. Way again.

Because you were not just only emotionally infatuated with him, you found he did physical things to you, aswell. Even a simple brush of his eyes against yours, or his calm voice telling you “Good day, Lady [last]” sent sparks down your spine. Luckily, you were good at hiding your crush on the doctor, but you knew it would only be a short amount of time before your father found out about it. It was harder to keep still the longer you went without seeing the doctor, the last time being a month ago when your brother tripped down the stairs chasing the dog.

Your parents thought he had broken his ankle, but when Dr. Way came, he assured them it was only a bad sprain. You helped bandage your brothers ankle, and when Dr. Way bumped his hand with yours, you nearly fainted.

“Keep him on bedrest for at least three weeks, and when he can no longer sit still, light exercise only.” He said sternly to your father, your brother held in your arms as you stood next to the Doctor. “Thank you, Doctor. We don’t know what we would do without you.” Your father smiled, shaking the gloved hand of the doctor. “Oh, I think you’d be ok. Lady [Name] is getting exceptionally well at helping me around. She was very helpful today when bandaging [Brother].”

Then, he had done something he had never done before. He took your hand that was stationed by your side, placing the back of it to the underside of his mask in an imitation of a kiss. Your eyes blew wide, his own chocolate eyes staring into yours before placing your hand back down by your side. You smiled, “It’s all thanks to you, Doctor. I wouldn’t learn what I have without you.”

“Still, you have an exellect space for medicine. It’s not everyday I meet someone with the mind for health.” He tapped his temple. “If you were not the daughter of a noblemen, I would sure hire you at my clinic.”

“That’s very nice of you, Doctor.” Your father interjected, coldly. “My daughter is perfectly fine here. I’m sure you have other patients to attend to?”

Dr. Way nodded, rolling his shoulders. “Of course, good day Earl [Last], Lady [Name].” He said before taking his leave, exiting through the large front doors.

Most nights you laid in bed and replayed that fraudly kiss over in your mind, wondering what it would be like if it was his real lips. It didn’t mean that he returned your feelings, did it? Did it mean that he wished to court you? It was stupid. You can’t be seen dating a Physician.

But if that was the case, it explained his hesitancy. You were the daughter of a high Earl while he was a common physician. There was no glimmer of hope that you could marry him, let alone court him.

You couldn’t deny your mind though, what it would feel like. What it would feel like for his gloved hands to trail down your neck, down to your waist, his lips placed on yours, his hand dipping down to...

“[Name]!”

When you went to turn around, your head tilted and you felt yourself bump into the wall before crashing to the ground.

When you awoke, there was a horrible stinging smell in your nose. It took a second for your eyes to open, to see your sickly mother held up by your father, holding a glass of smelling salts. Your mother pulled the glass away from you and you looked to the door, seeing your brothers stand still.

“Mother? Father? What happened?” You groaned, rubbing your eyes with your cold and clammy hands.

“Well, you fainted darling.” Your father said, helping your mother to sit down in a chair next to your bed. “Why?” You asked. “Well, we don’t know. That's why we called someone who will.”

Despite having fainted a few hours prior, you felt your heart leap out of your chest. You were going to see the doctor, and it was going to be about you! You couldn’t help but get giddy.

A few hours had passed since you awoke, and you were starting to think that your little fainting spell had been nothing. But every time you tried to leave your room, your father or one of your brothers were there to send you right back into your room. After the third or fourth time, you had given up and changed into a nightgown, picking up a book and flipping to where you last left off.

It had been about three hours before your father knocked, “Are you decent? Dr. Way is here.” You smiled, and quickly replied with a simple “yes.”

Soon after, the brown-haired man opened your door and walked through, stethoscope around his neck. He was still dressed in that mask, eyelashes batting when he blinked at you.

“Why did you call me here today, Lady [Name], Gerard said, placing his medical bag on the foot of your bed. “Well, we called you because...” Your father was cut off when Dr. Way interjected. “I believe I asked Lady [Name], not you.” Way tilted his head at your father before turning back to you, crossing his arms. “My father called you here because I fainted, but truly, I’m fine!”

“No, your not! Dr. Way, not only has she fainted, but she has been acting really skittish and in her mind! She does not finish her meals anymore, and locks herself up in her room all day!”

The doctor could see you grimace at your fathers words, clearly exposed in your state. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave, the Lady [Name] has to be properly relaxed for me to address her.” Dr. Way nodded before motioning a hand over to you.

“[Name], is this alright with you? He is a man... and a much older one than you.”

“Yes, father. I trust Dr. Way to remain professional.” You hoped you didn’t sound too eager.

Your father left a few seconds after you spoke, a clear dissatisfied look on his face.

With your father gone, Way sat down on your bed. “I need to check your pulse.” He said, pulling off one of his pristine white gloves.

His voice was so calm, so collected. It made you feel relaxed.

You nodded, outstretching one of your wrists for him to assess you, but it never came. Instead, his fingers reached out farther, tilting your jaw to the side and placing his index and middle finger on your necks pulse point.

After a good thirty seconds in that awkward situation, Dr. Way pulled his hand back and slid his glove back onto his pale skin, standing up to let your father back in.

“You said that Lady [Name] has been experiencing other symptoms, correct? Always being in her head and being more skittish?” He replayed your fathers words, adjusting his black tie. “Y-Yes! She has also been so quiet, unlike she normally is!”

Dr. Way closed his eyes and tilted his head, as if he was pondering about something.

“I think Lady [Name] is experiencing early symptoms of Hysteria.”

Your father gasped, though you weren’t sure he knew what the doctor was saying or if he was just reacting as a concerned parent. Either way, it did little to nothing for your nerves. Your mother was already diseased, and to hear you had an illness you never heard of spiked up your fear.

Luckily, Dr. Way noticed your discomfort.

“It is a rather common in young ladies around Lady [Name]’s age.” Dr. Way paused to make sure your father was as well listening. “It also has a fairly simple treatment.”

“Oh, thank heavens!” Your father exclaimed.

“A simple one, but I cannot perform it here. I will have her return to my house with me and continue treatment there.”

Your fathers eyes narrowed, his voice loudened. “Absolutely not! I will not have [Name] spend a night at a mans house not intended for her!”

You couldn’t help your stomach sink. This was your chance to talk to Dr. Way alone, and help your illness, your father be damned!

“Ah, my mistake. I meant to refer to the clinical wing of my estate, I assure you.”

Clinical wing? Does that mean he had more than one wing? How could a physician have such a large wing? You knew he lived less than a two hours carriage ride away, and there was nothing but Noblemen's houses around here. Was it possible that Dr. Way was a nobleman himself?

Whether your father came to the same conclusion as you, or he just had a huge amount of trust in the doctor, he allowed it, and had the maid pack a bag for you. About ten minutes later you were placed in the elegant carriage of Dr. Way, sitting right next to him. He smelled of fine herbs and laundry cleaner.

Once again, your emotions had begun to perturb you. The usual excitement was mixed with the fear of your new illness, and nerves of being away from your household for more than a few days. You were happy to be staying at Dr. Ways estate, but you would be staying in the clinical wing, where you wouldn’t necessarily be the center of the doctors attention. You sighed.

“Hysteria... I’ve never heard of it.” You pondered out loud, looking out the small carriage window. “It’s quite a common illness, I assure you.” Dr. Way spoke, turning his head to look at you,

“Although, it has more to do with the alignment of the mind than the physical body.” He tapped his temple. “It is caused by repressed emotions, negative ones. Fear, anger, anxieties, even the common day loneliness.”

Brown eyes fixated on yours with the last few words. There was a heavy weight on his gaze, one that made an uncomfortable lump settle in your stomach. Quickly, you turned your head over to view out the window again.

“It is a rather... Intimate cure I have to say. You’ll have to put a huge amount of trust in me as a doctor and a man.” Dr. Way said, eyes still staring into the side of you.

You turned back to look at Gerard, shifting in your seat. “Don’t worry, I trust you. I’m sure you know how to treat me better than my father.” You giggled, hand moving to squeeze his knee.

Before you could continue the conversation, the carriage slowed to a halt as it pulled in front of Gerards manor. Your jaw had dropped, never had you expected to see such an elegant house!

In the middle there was a large rounded porch, and from the sides there were two long flanking wings with windows covering a majority of it. You were sure that there was another wing behind the house as well. You were caught up in the beauty of his estate that you hadn’t notice him exit the carriage, waiting for you with an outstretched hand.

You quickly took it, hopping down from the box and adjusting your clothes. Dr. Way had gently squeezed your hand before tucking your hand into the crook of his elbow, the coachman grabbing your bag.

You gasped when you entered the foyer. A large chandelier hung from the painted ceiling. It was decorated with many shades of reds and whites, with the occasional black and gold entitlement.

“The clinic is that way.” Dr. Way motioned with his other hand. When you went to go step that way however, the doctor had gently pulled you back to his side. “I’d thought you’d prefer a room in the residency side, away from the chaos of the patients.” Gerards eyes crinkled, a tell-tale sign of a smile.

He had lead you up the fancy set of stairs and into a separate hallway with doors lining each wall. You both had stopped at one down near the end, Dr. Way opening the door for you and taking your bag from the coachman. It was cold in the room, and was not much different from yours at home.

Dr. Way placed your bag on the foot of the bed and placed his hands in his pockets. “You have a beautiful house, Doctor.” You said, the man chuckled. “Doctor is much to professional now that you are a guest in my house. Please, call me Gerard.” You smiled, turning your head to him and giving a short nod.

“Would you mind if I joined you for dinner tonight, in say, two hours? We could talk more about treatment then.” You had accepted, and with the tip of his head, he had left the room.

“Gerard, Gerard way. Lord Gerard way?” It fit him, as you thought to yourself. You flopped down on the bed, hand going over to pull your bag closer to you and pull out one of the two books the maid packed for you.

Then it had hit. You’d be having dinner with the doctor. You’d be having dinner with Doctor Gerard! You smiled to yourself and turned around to your back, giggling giddly.

-

Exactly two hours later Gerard had come knocking on your door, pushing a cart of yummy looking food into your room. Gerard had been dressed differently, much more casually. His usual beak mask had been replaced with a black fabric mask, and his pale gloves had been replaced for black leather ones. You couldn’t deny, he looked attractive in the casual outfit.

You jumped to help set the small make-shift table, allowing Gerard to fuss over you before taking his own seat.

And what had seemed in like a long time, you had one of the most pleasant dinners you had in awhile. Gerard could see that you were anxious and decided not to bring up the topic about your illness into the morning, encouraging you to eat and not be nervous.

You watched him intently while he ate, too. He did not take his mask off to eat, and instead pulled the bottom up a bit to expose a sliver of chin and sometimes his bottom lip.

You quickly learned that your doctor was quite a good conversation holder, now that he was not under the pressure of being professional. He was well versed in a multitude of things, all peaking your interest.

After dinner, you both had nursed a cup of tea when you decided to spark a conversation.

“Gerard... Is this manor yours?” You asked, almost sheepishly.

The doctor paused for a moment before answering your question.

“Yes.” He nodded, “Way manor has been in my family for generations.”

“Then you must be a noblemen, correct? How else would you have this house?”

Gerard paused again, setting his cup of tea down.

“You are right. I do not like bringing the fact up with my patients as it might cause them to doubt my expertise, but my full title is Lord Gerard, Augustine Way.”

You paused. Gerard was an Augustine?

Another thought popped into your head.

If Gerard was an Augustine, that would not only make your relationship allowed, but prefered! You felt a bit honored to have such a socially well classed doctor, but a bit silly as you were a daughter of a mere earl.

A gloved hand was placed onto your own. He had a worried hint to his eyes, did he think that you wished to return home and find help from another doctor?

“If your an Augustine, why become a doctor? Surely you don’t need the money.” You questioned, Gerard huffed. “No, you are right. I do not need the money, but I enjoy helping people. My father was a doctor as well and I wished to follow in his path. The more I looked the more I saw why he did it, the more I saw how people needed help. I don’t want to become another stuck-up, vapid, high-class socal snob.”

Gerard had sounded true, earnest. You smiled, and decided to place your hand in his in a brief moment of comfort. The doctor nodded, smiling.

A distant clock chimed, breaking up your moment as Gerard stood up, tearing your hand away from his. You were about to help clear up the table, but was stopped by Gerard.

“There’s no need, the servants will clean it up. I have gone ahead and took the preparation of a bath for you, if you wish.” A small ‘oh’ left you as you stood up and nodded.

“Tomorrow we will discuss the means of treatment and how it will forego. Please, do get a goods night sleep.”

Hours later, after you had been bathed, brushed, dried, and combed, you laid in bed and store at the creme colored ceiling. Three thoughts had ran rampant in your mind.

Your relationship with Gerard was not only possible, but favorable.

By judging the actions of dinner, there was a strong will that said Gerard reciprocated your feelings.

You were even more in love with the man then you had been before,

---

The next morning you were awoken by the same maid, she had brought you breakfast in bed. However, when you were finished and got up to change, she gently pushed you back down onto the bed.

“Your treatment has begun today, and Dr. Way had ordered that you remain comfortable.”

“That... makes sense, I suppose.” You say, the maid handing you a book before taking her leave.

It felt like days, which was only truly a hour, before Gerard came and knocked on your door. Before he had entered, you had a moment of panic, trying to straighten yourself up for him.

He sat aside you on the bed, still in a more casual outfit with a fabric mask and leather gloves. Gerard smiled, patting your shoulder.

“Good morning, [Name]. I hope that you slept well.” He said, watching as you returned the book to the table beside you.

“I did, thank you. How was your night?” Gerard sighed.

“We had a patient in the clinic last night that...” He paused, “Nevermind. We are here to talk about you, not other patients.” He matter-of-factly said, adjusting himself.

“Oh, ok. You said about how we should go about treating...”

“Your Hysteria, yes.” Gerards voice had took a clinical turn, “What do you remember about what I said of Hysteria?”

“You said it was more of a mind-thing than physical, and that it was caused by repressed feelings, right?”

“Very good. Now, there are two ways to treat a common case like what you have, one short-term and one long-term. However, the long-term one might not be a very available option for you right now, so we will go about the short term option for now.”

“...Which is?” You leaned forward, curious.

“Release. To relieve symptoms of Hysteria you have to release those built up motions that were caused there in the first place.” Gerard stated.

You pursed your lips, licking them after. “So we are going to be talking, then?”

Gerard shrugged, “Sort of,” His hand was placed on top of your ankle, and when you had no reaction, he moved it up to your thigh and gave you a light squeeze, a moan slipping out of your mouth.

“O-Oh! I’m so sorry! I didn’t me--aaaahhh!”

You cut yourself off as Gerard had moved to rest on top of you, gloved hands on either side of your head. His knee came to rest in between both of yours, spreading them apart. You watched as his pupils dilated, black covering until a small brown ring remained. He was close, so close.

“Gerard..! I-- What are you doing?”

Gerard’s head dipped down so his forehead was resting on yours, “Something I’ve wanted to do for a long, long time. From the first time I met you, you were like an angel sent to me, so eager, so earnest, so ready to help.”

Gerard knew. He knew how you felt about him, and he reciprocates those feelings. You watched as he pulled his head back, shifting his weight so he could pull the straps off of his face.

Before he did, he paused, unsure if he should do this. But all was confirmed when you placed your hand on his, gently nudging the mask away.

You smiled when you saw him, saw his face in full. He was what you could only describe as stunning. It was like you had imagined him to be, face round and perfect for him.

A few second later, covered fingers were placed under your chin so Gerard could tilt your head back, lips coming into contact with yours. A kiss, your first kiss. It was more calming than you had imagined it to be, his hand coaxing its way down your body to rest on your hip.

As he pulled away, you drew in a deep breath. That felt... Good.

“Was that the kind of release you were talking about? Telling each other we have feelings for each other?”

Gerard smiled, hand going from your hip to stroke your cheek.

“Yes, and no.” He paused for a split second. “There are two types of release; Emotional and physical.”

You dawned a puzzled look, speaking up, “what do you mean physic-ooohhh”

You moaned as you felt warm lips nip at your pressure point, giving small butterfly kisses around your throat. You felt as his hands wandered down your nightgown, him smirking into your neck.

“Angel, tell me to stop and we won’t continue.” Gerard spoke, still speaking into your neck.

“Gerard,” You whimpered, “it felt good, please continue!”

Gerard chuckles before one of his hands slip under your nightgown and caressed your thigh.

“Last chance, angel. Tell me to stop and I’ll walk away.”

You did not answer, but instead your hand went down to join his as it gave him a little nudge. His fingers went down to remove your undergarments, pulling them off and placing them on the ground.

Gerard adjusted himself so that he was lying on his stomach, face close to your sex. It felt awkward and embarrassing to have someone down there, but you trusted Gerard.

A leather-covered hand caressed your folds. You didn’t know if it was just the leather, or having anything near your vagina at all, but it felt weird. Good weird. You did know the basic functions of your vagina, but you never thought that it would feel this pleasurable, this good.

His finger slid up and down, up and down. It repeated the action a few times before it caught on something that made you yelp, Gerard smirking. The doctor petted that one spot a few times before speaking up.

“Give me your hand, angel.”

You brought your hand down, and he took it in his own, bringing your fingers down to the spot he was petting, making you gently touch yourself.

“Do you feel that little nub? It’s your clitoris. It's a small bundle of nerves, mainly used for pleasure.”

Gerard pinched your clit, and your back arched as a strange sensation shot through you. Your hand fell useless by his, fingers digging into the soft plush of your thigh. He continued to stimulate you, keeping one finger on your clit as the other hand danced around your folds.

Your other hand shot out in search for something to hold onto as something was building up in you. Gerard seemed to notice you, and removed one of his hands to entangle it with yours.

You felt the tightness of your stomach increase, that bundle of buzz swarming and building in your lower stomach and back. It was so close, it felt so close to achieve... please, please, please, please, please!

With a shout, that knot in your back snapped as you felt a warm liquid gush down in between your thighs. When you propped yourself up on your elbows, you were greeted with Gerard sucking that wetness off of his glove. You watched as he closed his eyes and moaned,

Still shuttering, you sputtered, “was that the release you meant?”

Gerard chuckled once again, “Yes, however the treatment of Hysteria is not cured by one orgasm, but by a few.” He stated, moving up so he was now sitting on his knees. His hand reached down to his pocket, pulling out a small, metal bullet-looking device.

“What’s that?” You question, slumping back down. “It’s called a vibrator, and it was invented to cure Hysteria.” He said. “It runs off electricity, and you see, when I turn it on...” He clicked a button and it buzzed on, gently vibrating in his hand.

You reached out, fingers brushing over the head of it. You giggled, “That tickles! But where does it go?”

“Oh my innocent little angel, where do you think it goes?”

You didn’t have much time to respond before Gerard was pressing the head of the vibrator to your clit, your back arching as a loud moan left your mouth. You squirmed, but Gerard was quick to pin you down with his body. “T-That!! UH-aHa!”

Gerard slotted his hips up against yours, getting the crotch of his dress pants wet. Without knowing what was really happening, you felt a knot quickly build up and release, another shout leaving you. You twisted, tears forming in your glossy eyes.

Gerard removed the head of the vibrator so you could recompose yourself, breath heavy as you sniffled. “Ger-Gee... I-Ahuh...”

“Still able to speak, honey? That just won’t do for this type of treatment.”

Before you were able to understand what he was saying, the buzzing head was back again, this time pressed harder.

You nearly screamed as you felt wet rush against your legs again, hands flailing as your legs kicked. “You did consent to this.” Gee said, one of his hands coming to rub against your thigh.

A broken moan left you as drool came out the corner of your mouth. A broken sound that might have been his name was all you could fathom, body tensing and freezing as you felt that coil again. That sweetly sick coil.

Throughout it all, Gerard hovered above you, peppering kisses into your neck as he ground his hips up against you. The final moment before that string snapped again was him licking a stripe up your neck, vision going white as another orgasm ripped through your body.

Luckily, Gerard pulled the vibrator away from your clit. You were still twitching in the aftershocks, hands squeezing the sheets tightly.

“Such a good, good darling for me. Do you think you have another one in there for me?”

You braced for the harsh vibrations again, but that never came. You barley felt Gerard shift down onto his stomach, lips coming to kiss at your wet clit. You jerked, hips accidently grinding down onto his mouth. You yelped loudly as you felt Gerard smile against your sex before inserting his tongue inside what you think was your vagina. That was all you needed before you screamed, gushing all over his face. With how wet you were, it was easy for him to replace his tongue with a slim index finger, his tongue going to dance over your clit.

You were a crying, screaming, kicking mess twitching in overstimulation, a painful coil building and snapping when you felt a finger prod at a very sensitive wall. With a suck on your clit, that was all you needed to pass out in pleasure.

--

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