MXTober Day 4 - Trust

MXTober Day 4 - Trust

Shen Qingqiu knows that he cannot trust anybody in his new life. He is a pretender, and imposter; a body-snatcher and thief, stealing someone else's body and life. He knows that he'll do his best to do best by the world, but does that really make up for - no, the original was scum, it doesn't matter; can't matter.

Luo Binghe wishes he could trust his husband, he really does. In some ways, in many ways, he doses - he trusts Shen Qingqiu to be on his side in battle, to always offer him support and ad if necessary, and maybe even to love him - but. His beloved Shizun is built of so many inconsistencies and oddities, of decisions that make no sense and the absence of any explanations, even now. Yet still Luo Binghe puts his trust in this man, tries his best to believe him and believe in him, and he knows that trust will be richly rewarded in the end.

Shen Jiu trusts nothing and no one; it's a childish concept, just like safety and love and family. Such a fragile thing - no matter how easily given or difficultly earned, it can take only a moment to shatter forever. (Sometimes it takes years and years of waiting, draining away even as you try to hold fast, only to shatter when you finally see and realize-)

Yue Qingyuan wars in his heart with whether he can trust Shen Jiu- Shen Qingqiu. He can trust him in many things - to always act himself, to stand firm to his beliefs beyond all reasonable logic or sense, to remain stubborn and steadfast once he's chosen an opinion or action... But he cannot trust Sen Jiu to watch out and care for others, and even though he knows he should care - knows that he is leaving people unprotected and vulnerable to Shen Jiu's unfeeling cruelty and jealousy - he feels too guilty to do anything but leave him be.

Shang Qinghua doesn't trust his king, and his king doesn't trust him, and that's okay! What else could he expect from the relationship between a demon lord and his human retainer, ahaha? Aside from, y'know, that gruesome, almost entirely off-screen death coming up probably sometime soon in the near future.

Luo Bingge could always trust in others to be self-serving, to watch out for themselves first and foremost, then sometimes their friends and family second. Oddly enough, he found demons more trustworthy than humans - demons were far more straightforward most times, and you generally always knew where you stood with them. That didn't mean he actually trusted anyone farther than his weakest wife could throw them, of course, but it was always good to understand the motivations of those around him.

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MXTober Day 2 - Silk

Shen Qingqiu wasn't sure about many aspects of his new life as Shen Qingqiu, but he had to admit – the clothes felt nice on his skin, for as much as a pain they were to put on. Made of silk in whites, teals, and greens, he could almost feel like the Immortal he was now supposed to be. For all of his hidden venom and terrible life choices, he had to admit that the original goods otherwise had decent taste.

Luo Binghe hummed happily as he smoothed out his Shizun's silks, adjusting the robes so that they were neat and properly put away. He'd had to beg his Shizun for the privilege, but it was an honor to be the one to take care of his Shizun's robes, to clean the fabrics that would drape over that blessed body. To be the one who cared for his Shizun in all ways; big and small ways, ways both life-ending and life-changing, or ways unnoticeable and unmentionable; anything and everything his Shizun could ever possibly need or even dream of wanting.

 Shen Jiu always took care with his appearance, his image; his posture, his decorum, his accoutrements. He wrapped himself in fine silks and simple yet expensive finery, luxuriating in the splendor even as he felt the imposter. His younger self could barely even dream of such luxuries, and yet – even as he felt himself surrounded by them now, he missed the honesty of the streets and the happiness of having someone beside him. (Now his life was a lie, and he was alone.)

Yue Qingyuan felt awe and shame the first time he wore robes of fine silks. It was an honor, a reward, a privilege for working so hard and reaching this position. Yet even as he put on the finery, all he could see was Xiao-Jiu in rags.

Shang Qinghua was Peak Lord of An Ding Peak – the "janitor" peak, as he once heard it called; he should have no need for silks then, right? Yet have them he did, for official meetings, for negotiations, for socializing at parties – and for the Northern Palace??? It was too cold to wear them there, but his king would thrust robes of furs and silks into his arms, so – he couldn't not wear them, what if he upset his king???

Luo Bingge had a closet full of fine silks and fabrics, satins and jewels, but his favorite clothes were made of common cloths. He enjoyed standing before his subjects and wives and delighting in their awe, basking in their admiration… but he favored the simple clothes of adventure, more. He somehow felt more himself in the quiet of the woods, traveling along dusty roads, exploring the paths of the world – until, of course, something new demanded his particular brand of "attention".      

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I have been wondering where the sequels would start! I guess I kind of assumed that they’d launch off from here – there really is so much potential!!!

AHHHHHHH I really wish I was better at picking up foreshadowing, but it’s such a treat to notice them on later readthroughs!!! There’s many reasons why I love to keep rereading this story, and this probably ties in a little! …main reason is still just how much this story makes me feel so warm and gooey and happy inside.

I feel a little bad for comparing them now ^^;; I really like your SJ meta!!!! and the SY meta!!!

Your Shen Yuan is one of my favorite depictions of him – how he’s competent even as he opens himself up to others; how his denial and intelligence shape his reactions – how he almost unintentionally weaponizes that denial in order to live with himself in happiness, and then to allow himself further happiness.

“It’s hard for SY, sure, but the System knew what it was doing when it made him be SQQ.” <33333

I absolutely ship those two’s broship, so I’m so, so glad to see that in your story!!! Airplane needs a friend just as much – maybe even moreso – than Shen Yuan. When I think about his situation for too long… growing up and spending decades in a world, alone, with the crushing pressure of being a Peak Lord and a spy; so much fear and helplessness and knowing he’s destined to die at his King’s hands even as his ‘son’ is destined to be unhappy and tear apart the world…

<3333 (Respectful)Love for author! Love for 1,000 years!!!

Rest well!!! This was way more than I expected, but I definitely do not mind the rambles!!!

(Chapter 2 here!)

Don’t You Know (That I’m Yours) - Read and React

(I’ve wanted to do this for a while! I have no idea how to do this properly, but - here we go!)

Don’t You Know That I’m Yours By chaoticgoodlawyer @chaoticgoodlawyerwrites Read and React - Chapter 1

His young husband had only managed to cure him of a hereto known uncurable poison that the foremost medial expert in their world had been puzzling over for more than a year in less than a day due to a heritage that absolutely no one else can learn about. No biggie.

Oh god, this was going to be awful.

 XD  XD  XD  This is going to be awesome  😁  😁  😁

Keep reading

Ahhhhh, a lot of your answers really resonated with me!!!!

😁 You'll have to keep us readers of yours updated if ever you start your own novel - just with how you've written your characters and interactions, I bet your own original characters will also be people to get really invested in!!

I'm sorry that you've struggled with depression, and I'm really glad for you that you've found something that brings you comfort and help. I know that, in my own depression, your story has still managed to bring joy into my life. It's... a soft story, a safer space where I know that whatever problems come up, pur couple will face them together, will comfort each other, love each other - and it's so soothing on those days when things are grey. A gentle golden light that paints the world just that little bit brighter; just a little bit easier to bear.

You should be proud of your story <3

I'm not surprised to hear you say dialogue comes easy to you - it's so natural and wonderful to listen to??? You do such a fanastic job with that?

Oh God - the passage of time, my beloathed. A fanfic I'm writing (and hopefully working to post, eventually) has 30k words... covering less than 24 hours 😭😭😭 I have decided to make it a series and have time skips *between* the stories XD

Lol I'm somehow very unsurpsied about your character choices XD It seems YQY is really hard for a lot of people - and yours is definitely more antagonistic than most I've favored, but it's really convincing? I don't have to put aside my feelings for the character, just see how his own feelings are warping him and he's just getting worse and worse and you can watch it happen and see it coming-

But, tbh, I prefer it like that/this? Because then you get to show us so much more detail in the world? And so many more tender, or thoughtful, or tense moments - little things, that you breathe life into?

Lol I'm somehow very unsurpsied about your character choices XD It seems YQY is really hard for a lot of people - and yours is definitely more antagonistic than most I've favored, but it's really convincing? I don't have to put aside my feelings for the character, just see how his own feelings are warping him and he's just getting worse and worse and you can watch it happen and see it coming-

*pats shoulder* You're in a better fandom, now.

Ok ending here bc mobile keeps trying to break the post

Thank you so much for replying!!!! And being so open with your answers!!

I want to ask you maybe too *many* of these questions! XD I had to stop reading the list partway, because I would already like to ask - what about questions 2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 13... and maybe 17! But if I had to narrow that down even further... I guess I'm most interested in 2, 5, 6, qnd 9?

Haha no worries! I love talking about writing and it's nice to share, you know?

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

I love writing! I think I want to write a novel one day, but right now fanfic is a way to explore all the ideas I have without needing to come up with an original setting/characters.

I also started writing fanfic when I was pretty isolated in college, and its been a way to feel connected to other people, to have my thoughts validated. I've struggled a lot with depression, and it's nice to have a concrete thing to look at to see my existence brings other people joy.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

I don't have that many fics! Um, probably Don't You Know (That I'm Yours) because I've really been able to plan and actually execute a lot of the ideas I have!

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

Dialogue! I write from a very character-centric perspective. Whenever I sit down to imagine a conversation, the characters are so alive in my head that they basically tell me what's happening with very little effort from me!

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?

Making time pass 😅😅😅 I tend to focus on the small details that make it hard for the story to progress over a long time span.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

...Shen Qingqiu. And, for my older fics, Matthew Williams. In part because they're the most like me of all my characters. Utter messes but in a quiet way haha.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

Yue Qingyuan, hands down. It's part of why I have such a deep understanding of him as a character for my fics; he didn't come naturally to me so I had to study him haha.

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

Hetalia. I was a history major and sheltered and... I don't want to talk about it.

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

Rape/Noncon. I don't even read about it in fic (I automatically exclude the rape warning when searching fics). I can get through if it's in service of a story like 2ha, but in fanfic? Not for me.

Don’t You Know (That I’m Yours) - Read and React Ch 3

Don’t You Know That I’m Yours By chaoticgoodlawyer @chaoticgoodlawyerwrites Read and React |<  << Chapter 3 >>

(Sorry this took so long!!! Fought with homework, and then some personal mistakes I made, whoops >_< These are really long - I might start splitting them into 2 parts for each chapter?)

It didn’t quite hit Shen Qingqiu until the next day that Luo Binghe had kissed him.

His disciple had kissed him.

 Yes. Yes he did. 😏

 He had more than enough things to be concerned with, but, after having happily consumed Binghe’s morning congee, it was all he could think about.

Pfffft!!! That sure took a while to sink in! 😂 😂 He had to sleep on it before he could even begin to process the fact that it had happened! XD XD

How inappropriate!

…Buddy. I, uh. Have to tell you that the kiss is only slightly more inappropriate than the rest of what you've got going on, and boy, are you going to nonchalantly do far more on your own without realizing later 😅 😅 😅

Good thing you two are so cute together, and can complement each other so well!

Oh, God. Unless he was wildly misinterpreting his and Ning Yingying’s relationship in this timeline, that was Binghe’s first kiss.

😏 😏 😏 It would have been yours, too, if it weren't for that alternate husband of yours stealing most of your firsts already!! 😏

Okay, this was definitely somehow his fault.

I mean. It was definitely inspired by how you were talking yourself down? But it's not actually your fault. Mostly. Because I know you, SQQ – don't try to take full blame for everything!!!

Shen Qingqiu had known he was relying on Luo Binghe too much, that he was too weak to resist the siren call of comfort he had gotten during the brief hours he had a spouse to claim. Now that he had a taste of what it felt like to be held in simple affection, he craved it, specifically from the person he cared for above all others.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!! awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

But that person was someone he had absolutely no business wanting anything from.

Ah- 💔

What, no!!! Yes, he is!!! Binghe specifically wants to be someone you can desire and want from!!! He's cultivating himself to offer you as much as possible!!! You'll be doing him a disservice if you ignore all of it!!!

On some level, Shen Qingqiu acknowledged what Luo Binghe had told him the night before.

…I doubt it's a very high level, but progress is progress!

The boy… the young man thought he loved him in a way that probably felt real and intense to him.

…..good thing LBH isn't here to hear that and prove just how real and intense his love truly is.

A not insignificant part of him wanted to accept his words at face value, to believe that Luo Binghe would always choose him if given the option.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ He would!!! He will!!!

The problem was that Luo Binghe didn’t even know his other options.

I mean… he's already met the main 3 leads from his possible harem, the ones who likely loved him the most in that other timeline? Ning Yingying, of course, and then Sha Hualing and Liu Mingyan – even if only briefly, he did meet them!

And once he did… if Shen Qingqiu let himself believe that Luo Binghe truly loved him and he changed his mind after he had the chance to experience life away from him, how could he bear it?

…okay, that's kind of fair. He knows that he's not strong enough to survive losing Luo Binghe, after having him. He's already experiencing that a little already – adjusting to not having his husband anymore is already tearing him up inside, and he only had him for a single day.

What about Shen Yuan was even worth coming back for?

…I feel you, bro.

That thought left Shen Qingqiu cold. He did his best to shake himself out of it and get on with the rest of his fairly packed day, but his heart wasn’t in it. More than one disciple had tentatively approached him and inquired after his health, which left him feeling even worse for causing them concern.

awwwwwww… your kids love you and worry about you, SQQ!

It was his fault for taking advantage of Binghe’s willingness to indulge him. Should he stop allowing himself to get close to him at all, completely cut off all physical contact?

MAYDAY, MAYDAY, DO NOT ATTEMPT!!! THIS WOULD NOT END WELL!!!

Even the possibility left him feeling almost despondent and, for right or wrong, he discarded it as something he couldn’t deny himself, never mind the effect the decision would have on Binghe.

Oh thank goodness

So much for a strictly student-teacher relationship, huh.

You're. Uh. Finally realizing that, huh? Ahaha… I feel like you're going to try to forget that and its implications as soon as you can ignore it.

It was a relief to leave the Peak after midday, his mood not enough to ruin his appetite and waste Luo Binghe’s hard work in the kitchen

How many times can one person be attacked by feels in a single chapter??? How many times can I just awwwwwwww at them as my heart melts???

(even though the accompanying note about wishing him good health made him feel like scum).

>_<;

He was en-route to Jing Xue Peak which specialized in arrays and talismans when he got a message from Shang Qinghua. He looked around the clear, open sky, and thought it was safe enough to open it.

Broship time, cucumplane time!!!

- - -

SQH: hey bro you okay? SQQ: ?? yeah why?

Breakdown, what breakdown??? I'm totally alright!!!

SQH: well I’m a spy, right? I generally know what happens in the sect but my disciples started observing you closer after LBH came to get me like a week ago and we’ve been hanging out

SQH's disciples also care about their teacher! 😄

SQQ: your disciples are spying on the sect for you? SQH: not *spying* spying. Just like keeping me informed on things for logistic purposes SQQ: they’re spying SQH: …

XD  XD

SQH: Anyway! What’s going on? I’m here if you want to talk!

For the love of everyone's sanity, SQQ, please take him up on that offer!

Shen Qingqiu sighed and gave it real thought. While he didn’t quite feel comfortable divulging everything to Shang Qinghua despite their declared friendship, who else did he have to talk to about this besides Binghe? And what would happen if he kept relying on Binghe alone?

A) Yes, please talk to your friend about your troubles! B)…….you go the canon route and fall apart and eventually develop a highly unhealthy codependent relationship, so please go talk to SQH. I am begging you.

(What would happen when Binghe left?)

…Several very sad years, most likely.

SQQ: okay. Thanks, I guess

<3

SQQ: …It’s about Binghe. He kissed me last night. SQH: !! Congratulations…?

😂😂😂 I love how airplane is just like, !!!! Yay!!! Wait - he's freaking out, so I guess I should make that a question???

SQQ: No! No congratulations!! SQQ: He’s my student! My 16-year-old student!!! The only people he should be kissing are people his own age who are not his teacher!

"NO CONGRATULATIONS FOR ILLICITLY SMOOCHING MY STUDENT!!!" “Jail for this teacher!!! Jail for a thousand million years!!!!!

SQH: Yeah, but would either of you be happy if he did that?

*mic drop*

The sentence was like a punch to the gut. He was nearly at Jing Xue but he descended to nearby cliff to perch on solid ground, the open air around him suddenly feeling none too safe and dangerously thin.

oooof SQQ actually had to stop and pull over, that truth hurt so much.

Because no, he would not be happy if Luo Binghe started kissing other people at all.

 Nope. Not even a little bit.

SQQ: …no SQH: Okay then just let him know that wasn’t okay because of the age difference/teacher thing and you’re good, right?

That would require actually talking about our problems, and – boy howdy, is that hard. And you can only ever hope that the conversation goes that well and is that simple

SQH: When did he even have the chance to kiss you? I mean this is the best possible way, but you’re not the most approachable person.

😏 😏

 SQQ: …we spend evenings together. He cooks our dinner and seems happy to spend time with me until I go to sleep. He was brushing my hair for the night as I explained what I said to MQF. I thought he didn’t react well when I mentioned I had feelings for him but he kissed me as I was telling him that I didn’t expect anything from him. SQH: …

… … …wow. When he just – lays it all out like that – it's so-

SQH: there is so much to unpack there I don’t even know where to begin SQH: how much time to do you have?

-it's so that. yeah. That's a lot going on, there.

SQQ: not much, I’m heading to Jing Xue to start research before our meeting with MBJ tomorrow SQQ: we still good for that?

Mobei-jun!! This will be fun!!! I assume this research was related to Tianlang-jun's array, as guessed by LBH later this chapter! Most probably!!!

SQH: yes, my king will be there, don’t distract me though

😏

SQH: let me get this straight. You, the person who singlehandedly ended his hell of living with SJ as his master and continues to welcome him into your inner sanctum, told my protagonist with major abandonment issues that you’re in love with him but don’t expect him to feel the same? SQQ: …more or less? SQH: bro

Bro

SQH: bro you’re lucky the only thing he did was kiss you

XDDDDDDD

SQQ: No! No talk of Binghe doing… anything else! Binghe is baby, the cutest bun!

Cute, yes. Innocent??? Oh, you sweet summer child. *shakes head in sympathy at his delusions*

SQH: …if I’m recalling correctly you were fine with him doing a lot more than kissing at 17 SQQ: I was 16 at the time! Of course I was more okay with it!

oooof Young age range of Shen Yuan here, but still easily perceivable!

SQH: Wait wait whoa back the fuck up SQH: 16! What were you doing reading my web novel at 16?!

Even worse – he was actually buying your stallion novel at 16!

SQH: Wait, how old are you now??

Considering you spent 4 years writing PIDW… not that much older than 16

SQQ: Age checks on websites are a joke, Airplane. And I was there for the monsters and Binghe, not that mess that came later. SQQ: I died at 19, so I’m about 21 now. Hard to say with the shifting dates between death and rebirth.

I mean. it was probably pretty legit at first, when SQH still was working from his notes and not pandering yet – so it's actually your fault for being a good writer, SQH! …When would he celebrate his birthday? I feel like if LBH ever figured out how big a deal birthdays can be, he'd want to celebrate. Celebrate Shen Yuan coming into their world! New birthday is also your death day, in a way – if you celebrate the day you entered SQQs body. Depending on how close or far you were from your 20th birthday, you can either round up or round down ^^;;;

SQH: Jesus I’m talking to a baby

Qi Qingqi from several truth reveal fics agrees with you XD XD (Fic recommending – "Unveiling The Imposter" by ladylufffluff. They never catch Shen Yuan's name even as they're basically watching canon, so they she persists in calling him 'Baby' – much to some other's protests.)

SQQ: Hey! I’m an adult!! SQH: A Child. SQQ: NO

XD XD

SQH: oh God I’m having a crisis. Do you know how many times I almost told you “Luo Binghe won’t fuck you” in response to your more pointless criticism? I almost said that to a teenager?

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTT

SQH: oh the irony when you consider that statement NOW

😏😏😏

SQQ: all my criticism had basis SQH: yeah yeah but you were also a troll who was cruel because it was fun sometimes

:(

Guilt gathered in the pit of his stomach, confronted with the person who was no longer just a name on the other side of the screen but was actually kind of his friend.

SQQ: …you’re right and I’m sorry. I knew you worked hard to get that content out. I shouldn’t have been that mean to you just because I didn’t like it. You didn’t owe me that.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ Shen Yuan realizing and being honest about when he did wrong!!! And then apologizing for it!!!

SQH: no no! I mean I appreciate the apology but really no need for it now. I could tell that it was based on frustration from how much you cared about the characters and world and it hurt more because I could actually see your points a lot of the time. But I had bills to pay and needed food, so I put that ahead of actual quality, which I won’t apologize for.

SQH is a good author when he's not selling himself out, and I stand by this statement – this sort of mature view and acceptance of the comment is a facet of that!

SQH: Besides, there were times when I could tell it wasn’t really about me, but more about you and whatever you were going through. With how dedicated you were to it, I kinda got the sense you didn’t have a lot else going on? SQQ: …yeah. I had always been sick and I probably directed what I was feeling about that at you sometimes SQH: and you were a teenager. Wow that puts so much into perspective.

<3333

SQQ: Can we come back to the present, here? You were going to unpack my situation or something?

Right – forgetting about the part where you're only a few years older than Binghe, and back to the part where your future husband cooks all your meals, brushes your hair, and puts you to sleep XD

SQH: oh yeah SQH: yeah that boy is gone on you don’t know how else to say it

asfhasjldkfhkjhklasdfhjsk YUP

SQH: look, to write him, I had to fundamentally understand him SQH: between what I saw of you and adult LBH and what you told me? SQH: LBH? Would probably worship the ground you walked on as long as you kept treating him well.

YUP and now that SQQ doesn't have to betray his fave- There's no possibility that he won't keep treating him well!!!

SQH: Anyway, unless you actively push him away, he’s going to adore you for life. He won’t even look at anyone else because you’re giving him all the love he craved since his mother died. SQH: He never needed 3000 beauties, or an empire or any of that really. He just needed love and when he couldn’t find it he tried to manipulate and force it into being. LBH here doesn’t have that issue.

❤️ 😭 ❤️ 😭 ❤️ 😭 ❤️

Oh. Oh. So… maybe he had a chance?

YES!!!!!!!

SQH: and with him being 16… yeah I stand by my statement you’re lucky that all he did was kiss you

He's not wrong XD

SQH: sorry, but why did him kissing you make you feel bad enough for it to show? I got a report that your Peak was near frantic with concern.

Disciples adore their Shizun so much <333

SQQ: it wasn’t the kiss so much as what it meant SQQ: I was SQQ: I was honestly nervous about letting myself rely on Binghe being there for me in the future, thinking he would meet one of his wives and move on

Completely irrational, but a very understandable fear

SQH: WHAT SQQ: so thanks this was actually helpful

Only by the powers of the two combined, can either Airplane-bro or Cucumber-bro experience the rare phenomenon known as "Common Sense"

SQH: No wait for real you thought he would what go into the Abyss and what? Forget about you?

yyyyyyyyyyyyyyeah no That's literally never happening

SQQ: … SQH: that’s real fucking dumb

What he said.

SQH: not in a mean way but, like, you tore me apart for writing LBH a tragedy because you cared about his happiness that much but you can’t see that you’ve set yourself up to create his happiness here SQH: you literally cultivated the power to make him happy and can’t see it

… ❤️ 😭 ❤️ 😭 ❤️ 😭 😭 😭 😭

-

SQQ: …yes but not about my disciples unless they’re in danger or something. They deserve their privacy.

👍 Pure, pure Cucumber-bro! He's inherently such a good guy who genuinely cares about his disciples <3

SQQ: and your spies need to be trained better if they didn’t inform you I spend my evenings with Binghe

How did they miss that??? Was the peak protective of that for him???

SQQ: minions? SQQ: like those creepy yellow things from America?

lolol

SQQ: you think of yourself like James Bond, Airplane? Really? SQH: no no, the quartermaster! Nerdy twink in the most recent ones, shipped with 007?

…Now I'm picturing MBJ as 007

SQQ: none of the words you’re saying make sense to me and I prefer it that way SQQ: I’m going to go work now

XD I love these dorks

SQH: okay okay good talk, see you tomorrow with LBH SQQ: …thanks again SQH: anytime bro!

<3333333333333333333333333333333333 I really, really love their friendship Let them be good friends!!!! Who can talk to each other!!! Give them a second person to rely on!!!! <33333

Shen Qingqiu continued on his way to Jing Xue Peak feeling a lot lighter than he had earlier in the day. Maybe things wouldn’t have to fall apart when Binghe went into the Abyss?

 I mean – yay, I’m glad you’re feeling better – but!!! Even though your relationship won’t fall apart – haha, not a snowball’s chance in hell – you most likely will. I mean. Not looking forward to being the other Peak Lords when you throw yourself headfirst into denial of how badly you’re hurting. Probably brushing it off with claims of, ‘this lord knew it was a possibility’ and ‘there’s no need for ill feelings, my disciple should survive’ if you admit to it at all… Throwing yourself headfirst into work… Sometimes imagining Luo Binghe’s scent as you struggle to fall asleep…   But, yeah! You’re status as first in LBH’s heart isn’t going to fluctuate even an iotat!!! So, that’s good!

-----

Luo Binghe was not having a great day.

 …Yeah, I just upset myself too, buddy.

On one hand, things were going well. Ming Fan had already told Ning Yingying about A-Yuan being bullied and she’d tracked him down to get the fuller story. With Ning Yingying sufficiently mobilized, it didn’t take long for the entire Peak to start feeling animosity towards most of the rest of the Sect. The feelings were only heightened by their Shizun’s reported low mood: he wasn’t angry, he just seemed sad was the rumor, which only made the ire of Qing Jing worse.

😈 😈 😈

[...]on the other hand, his A-Yuan was sad and he couldn’t help him.

: ( Too bad you don’t live together anymore, huh :(

By the time Luo Binghe was free, Shen Yuan had already left for his planned research session on Jing Xue Peak, working on figuring out how to free his birth father from his horrible prison.

 And then he keeps trying and just missing him!!!

 Even when feeling down, his A-Yuan managed to do things for him, even when he really should have taken time for himself since he wasn’t feeling well!

 Awww… but, Binghe, do you really think Shen Yuan would not throw himself headfirst into doing things in order to distract himself from whatever was upsetting him?

 Truly, Luo Binghe didn’t deserve him.

You two absolutely deserve each other!!! …in all ways, both good and bad ^_^;; -

And then of course Binghe does his best to make his evening easier, even making comfort foods! 😭 Binghe’s food really is one of their love languages – Binghe gets to provide, and Shen Yuan gets to appreciate and compliment! The sincere enjoyment both have for it!!!

 He smiled at him when he came into view and Luo Binghe’s chest filled with warmth. “Shizun, welcome home.”

Shen Yuan’s smile widened and Luo Binghe loved him so, so much.

Welcome home, Shizun!!! <333333

-

It was only after Shen Yuan seemed truly relaxed, about halfway through the osmanthus jelly that Luo Binghe had specially crafted for him, that he tried to get more clarity. “I’m sorry that your visit was difficult, but that occurred in the afternoon. Does A-Yuan not wish to share what ailed him this morning?”

 You can’t distract the protagonist, SQQ! He needs to take care of you!!!

 Shen Yuan froze and Luo Binghe couldn’t help continuing after a moment. “Did… did this Binghe do something to upset you?”

Shen Yuan seemed to stop breathing for a moment and a rock fell in Luo Binghe’s stomach. Oh.

Aww, Binghe, baby!!! It’s- it’s not really your fault! It’ll be okay!!!

 Panic began clawing at his throat. He was trying so hard! What had he done wrong to upset Shen Yuan so much that he couldn’t hide it? He was lucky that he was allowed to still cook for him, let alone sit and talk with him as they had been. How many chances would he have before he screwed up once too many and he lost the chance to be by his side? Would Shen Yuan give someone else a chance to take care of him better than Luo Binghe could?

 It'll be okay!!! Someone help this precious bun stop spiraling into a panic attack!!!!!!

“Binghe, Binghe, stop.” Gentle but firm hands settled on his shoulders and pulled him upright. Luo Binghe dared to look at him and was equal parts surprised and relieved to see concern there.

😭 😭 😭 Don’t be surprised by the concern!!! Of course your Shen Yuan cares about you!!!!

“In truth, I don’t know what to say about how I felt this morning without sounding silly, especially since I’ve had a chance to gain some perspective on it. Yes, it was in relation to something you did but no, it wasn’t your fault.”

Thank you so much, Shang Qinghua!!! …You deserve a raise for all the counseling you’re going to be doing for your new best friend XD …Make him pay you back by editing any future writing :3

“…Why was Binghe so upset just now?” Shen Yuan asked, worry furrowing his brow as he gently wiped away the tears that had escaped his eyes.

Awwwwww…….. 🥲 

Luo Binghe looked down again, embarrassed by his own lack of control now. “This one was also being silly and would rather not say.”

Awwwww, sweetheart……. <3333

“If. If I shared what I was upset over this morning, would Binghe perhaps be more comfortable saying? That way we could both be silly together.”

! Good boy! Smart boy! Communication is the way to go!!!

 Luo Binghe nodded and couldn’t help saying, “I doubt A-Yuan was as ridiculous as he says.”

…Binghe. I adore you, and I know you love him, but - you do know how ridiculous your Shizun is… right?

“Well, I was. Considering how Binghe kissed me last night and feeling bad for relying on him so much. Not because Binghe hasn’t proven himself reliable, but because I was afraid of relying too much on someone who’s going to leave.”

💔

 Luo Binghe stared at him. “A-Yuan, leaving you is not my choice. And I am coming back, after the Abyss. I would always come back for you.”

 I know 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭

 Shen Yuan’s cheeks were filling with red. “…I didn’t know that.”

…but apparently, this ridiculous man didn’t.

 Luo Binghe could do nothing but stare. Nothing safe, anyway. Climbing on top of the other man and kissing him was decidedly not safe.

…pffffft XD

 Luo Binghe blinked and decided that them not touching was no longer tolerable. He reached out to take one of Shen Yuan’s hands and reverently pressed a kiss to the back of his knuckles.

akasjf;l

 He felt a little better after hearing A-Yuan’s (ridiculous, mildly infuriating) insecurities

…Yeah, those aren’t disappearing quite so easily. Better get used to dealing with them ^^;;

“I fear many things, A-Yuan, not the least of which being banished from your side. I know you have… other options in choice of a spouse–“

aasdckkkkk don’t remind him!

 “Huh?”

…because he just plain won’t have a clue what you mean XD XD

“–and that you are interested in me at all has to be the result of lifetimes of good karma. I would hate to see you upset, let alone be the cause of it. Having your regard feels like the greatest gift in the world that I did nothing to earn, and one I fear losing.”

YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS, BINGHE

 “…You thought I would stop caring for you if you upset me?”

“…I’m not sure I was doing so much thinking as feeling at the moment because it sounds unlikely now that you’ve said it.“

I LOVE THESE IDIOTS IN LOVE BLESS THEM BOTH

I mean – these are legitimate feelings to worry over, but-

“More than unlikely, Binghe,” Shen Yuan said gently with a squeeze of his hand. Then, surprisingly, he laughed. “Oh, we’re both so, so stupid. We’re sitting here, worried about the exact same thing!”

  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ <33333

“Yes! You know, I only have some idea who you might say are my ‘other options’ for a spouse, but I can name at least a couple hundred women who were part of your harem in another timeline?”

…What the fuck? Oh, Luo Binghe didn’t like that at all.

….Yeaaaaah...... You heard that right - a couple hundred.

 “And you know about them, because you read about them and that Luo Binghe…”

…doing the papapa!!!

 Shen Yuan hid his face while saying, “I skipped as much as I could, honestly!

Mmhmm.

But, um. Yes.

XDDDDD

 -

It’s hard for me to wrap my head around Binghe being satisfied with just one person, let alone that person being me.”

awwwwwwwwwwww – my other baby, let me promise you – he will be!!!!!!

 I don’t think Shen Jiu was capable of it, really. That man should not have been put in charge of teaching let alone the care of children.”

That. Is. Hm. A bit of an understatement.

 “My point is the first version of Binghe I was exposed to was far from perfect and I still cared deeply for him even in the abstract. While you are different, Binghe is Binghe. I have seen you at your worst–a worst that hopefully you never get pushed to in this timeline–and I still choose you.”

HE HAS SEEN ALL OF YOU AND HE STILL CHOOSES YOU HE HAS SEEN YOU AS A MURDEROUS, BLACKENED RULER, AS A PRECIOUS WHITE LOTUS, AS EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN, AND HE LOVES YOU THROUGH IT ALL!!! HE LOVES ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!

 -

“…A-Yuan, I started loving you more than a week ago.”

“…Thank you?”

asfj;lkajsdf;lkasjf;alkjsdf;lajskd bless your precious little soul

 Luo Binghe sighed at the adorably awkward response. “I started loving you when I thought that you were Shen Jiu. I had seen past the pain I thought you had caused me because of your actions later and had forgiven you enough to love you. You were enough for me to love you at something worst than your worst. How can you still doubt me?”

 DAMN IT I’M CRYING AGAIN STOP DROWNING ME IN SWEETNESS (please continue drowning me) “You were enough for me to love you at something worst than your worst.” I CAN’T EVEN sakdjfa;sldfj 😭 😭 😭

Shen Yuan’s eyes were incredibly wide. “…Oh.”

OH

 Emboldened, Luo Binghe came closer and lightly touched Shen Yuan’s face.

I love their little touches so much ❤️ ❤️

 “That said, I would be honored to know you. I want to know about your world and how you grew up. I want you to feel okay being utterly yourself, even when it doesn’t fit the elegance you project in public. Even though you can’t see me as an adult yet, I do want you to see me as safe to be around. Seeing you as Shen Yuan for the past week has only left me wanting to know more and I am so, so grateful for the privilege. Won’t you let me know you, A-Yuan?”

😭 😭 😭 There’s just- too much in there- I can’t-

 I do want you to see me as safe to be around.

I can’t-

 Seeing you as Shen Yuan for the past week has only left me wanting to know more and I am so, so grateful for the privilege

It’s just-

Won’t you let me know you, A-Yuan?”

😭 😭 😭  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

They were close, so close and Luo Binghe loved it, lived for it. Shen Yuan’s eyes were dark now and Luo Binghe worked to memorize the exact shade of them in this moment. Mine, he thought. Say you’re mine.

Mine Say you’re mine Be mine forever

 Shen Yuan’s hand came up to touch his and he leaned into Luo Binghe, their foreheads touching and breaths mingling. “Binghe should not kiss this Shen Yuan.”

That’s not a no

 “…Yes.”

HE SAID YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 “Yes to what?”

“Binghe will know me as much as he wants.”

“All of you, then.”

ALL OF EACH OTHER!!!

 Shen Yuan closed his eyes and pulled Luo Binghe into a hug. “I could never punish Binghe for being himself.”

asfdhaskdjhf Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug as the bond forms and I try to hold back tears

 Turned out that Luo Binghe’s day was pretty damn great after all.

And so was my day after reading this!!!!!!!!!!!!!! …each and every time I read this!!!!!!

  💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖

>> Chapter 4

MXTober 2022

*shows up hours late with Starbucks*

So, as a writer and not an author, I wasn't quite motivated by any of the Inktober lists I could find. I have realized, however, that I could simply create my own! Thus, trying not to think too hard and trip over myself, I came up with words I associate with MXTX's 3 amazing series!

I've been trying not to overthink it (say hello to anxiety+ brain!), so... here! If anyone else wanted to use this list (or save it for next year, since it was late), please feel free!!

I'll start writing and uploading my own tonight - and here are the "rules" I use.

Pick several characters - 4 to 7 of your favorites. Write three sentences for that character, using the word of the day. Only three. No more, no less

(or. You know. Pick the number that works best for you. I like long sentences that pack a punch. Maybe you don't; maybe you like a full paragraph. Maybe you only want one line. Up to you!)

(Image text under cut)

MXTober

1 - Scar

2 - Silk

3 - Blood

4 - Trust

5 - Love

6 - Death

7 - Friend

8 - Trapped

9 - Power

10 - Sword

11 - Music

12 - Loss

13 - Resentment

14 - Ghost

15 - Prayer

16 - Faith

17 - Story

18 - Rules

19 - Ribbon

20 - Hunger

21 - Lust

22 - Patience

23 - Devotion

24 - Longing

25 - Suffering

26 - Sacrifice

27 - Edge

28 - Pain

29 - Insanity

30 - Tears

31 - Acceptance

-AnnAisu