It's 3:02 AM Where I Live. I Haven't Showered In Around 2 Months. I'm Afraid Of Showering Because It's

It's 3:02 AM where I live. I haven't showered in around 2 months. I'm afraid of showering because it's horribly uncomfortable and It gives me gender dysphoria. I'm stuck in a constant cycle of loving things/ideas/people with my whole soul to hating them with my whole soul. I don't have a source of income. I don't know how to drive. I live with people that feel like strangers to me. There is only 2 people in this world I would say that I love. I have no friends. I don't talk to my biological father. Whenever I vent I feel like I'm burdening the ones I love with my problems. I can't be myself around anyone but my sibling. I feel tired all the time. I feel angry all the time. I can never get enough sleep. Even though I hate wearing a mask around other people I feel like I have to to convince them not to abandon me. I don't and have never understood who I am at any given moment. I've done terrible things. I have horrible intrusive thoughts that I block out with music. I'm hardly good at anything. I can barely recall anything from my childhood that wasn't painful or traumatic in some way.

I deeply crave death.

It's 3:30 now. Might add more.

"He owed me 5 sand dollahs"

if i ever had godlike powers over the nature of animals i'd just make crabs smarter. like on par with crows or something. you'll walk out onto the pier at night and see a group of crabs working together to drag an unconscious man into the water. you can't help him now. he's gone.

Savvs said it for me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Proving a point to my boyfriend.

PLEASE REBLOG if you (male or female) believe it is perfectly okay and natural for a guy of any age to cry

Ah, I love hearing random gunshots in the middle of the night... So relaxing...

(I live in the middle of nowhere)

Autism is not an option. It chooses those who are worthy, end of story.

Not flexing or anything just saying I'm all-powerful