I Keep Imagining This Climaxing In Gunfire, Wei Wuxian Getting Shot, And Then Groaning.

I keep imagining this climaxing in gunfire, Wei Wuxian getting shot, and then groaning.

“This never gets easier. Grab the tweezers, bud,” to the music of Lan Wangji’s heart shattering even more.

Parent Trap AU 5

It’s a Parent Trap AU, plus on-the-run hacker!wwx and celebrity!lwj. Full series here.

-

At first, Lan Wangji finds writing songs to be extremely challenging.

He’s all but quit his job, and his son is gone. He’s alone in the house he once shared with his family, while his brother tries to keep quiet about pitying him and supporting him, and his uncle demands to know why he has no interest in searching for his son. He’s the one that files the kidnapping report, in the end. Not that it does much; they’re already searching for Wei Ying, since he escaped from prison.

All Lan Wangji really does, during this time, is cry by his piano, and sing.

The melodies come naturally to him. He’s been writing melodies for years, and these songs are no different. He has a thousand things to say, so some are angry, so fast he thinks he might tear his fingers on the guitar strings, some are soft with only piano accompaniment. All too soon he has dozens of recordings of phrases that can be put together into full-length songs. The only one he doesn’t record is the one he wrote for guqin, years ago.

But the lyrics, the lyrics he struggles with for ages. Not Lan Wangji finds himself at a loss for what to say. He doesn’t speak much, it’s true, but when he does he always finds precisely what he wants to say. Rather, Lan Wangji finds he has too much to say.

One Friday afternoon, he sits down on his couch and plays the same ten-minute ballad on his guitar, trying again and again to find a way to shorten it without feeling like he’s ripping a part of his already shattered heart out of his chest. While suppressing the urge to write more verses. He knows he can’t leave them all in; it’s too repetitive. He wants these songs to be good, though he doesn’t really plan on marketing them. A large part of him thinks it’ll always be like this. Just him and his instruments, alone in the living room, mourning over a love long lost, making himself cry over his own lyrics.

Still, Lan Wangji is a perfectionist at heart. He has to do something about the ten-minute ballad. It’s longer than two songs put together.

What if I made them two separate songs?

The thought comes to Lan Wangji suddenly, and he sets down his guitar to pick up the notebook containing the lyrics. This could work. He becomes convinced of this the longer he looks at the lyrics. He’ll never run out of things to say about Wei Ying, but if he separated each of those things into one song–that could work.

He chooses a different melody, edits the lyrics to fit it, picks out a theme, an aspect of Wei Ying to sing about, and suddenly he has a whole discography, and not a single published song.

Lan Wangji goes to his brother.

“Are you sure about this?” Lan Xichen asks, his brows pulled together in a small, worried dip.

“Mn.”

They stare at each other without speaking, because Lan Xichen knows that every concern he might think of, Lan Wangji has already over thought.

“Even if he hears them?”

Lan Wangji will never be famous enough that Wei Ying, wherever in the world he might be, will hear his songs. But if he does, then all the better. “Mn.”

Lan Xichen sighs. “I just don’t want to see you hurt anymore.”

Lan Wangji doesn’t think that’s possible. “Hm.”

Lan Xichen sighs again. “Okay,” he says. “If that’s what you want. I’m sure A-Yao knows someone. I’ll ask.”

It’s a while before he finds someone who’ll actually produce his music, but he’s happy with the person he ends up with. Luo Qingyang emails him back almost immediately after she listens to his demo.

I need you down here yesterday, she says. This is getting produced right now.

His first song, When We Were Young, is released as a single less than a year after the scandal that took Wei Ying from his life, under the stage name “Hanguang-jun.” He’s not sure it fits, but he wants to.

And suddenly, it looks like Lan Wangji might actually be that famous.

Of course, it’s still years in the future, so Lan Wangji carries on like he’s not. His second single, At First Glance, does even better than When We Were Young, and his manager starts bothering him about a music video. Apparently it’s expected of him, but Lan Wangji rejects all of the ideas that the directors Luo Qingyang finds for him come up with. They end up renting a house for a week and filming there, then going to a studio with lights and a piano. Lan Wangji dresses up for that and plays his heart out, and that’s it, that’s the music video.

His third single, Under Moonlight, is somehow more popular than his previous two combined. He has fans now, or maybe it’s just that he’s only now realizing it. He’s not quite sure what to do with that. The video this time takes place on the very bridge the song talks about. He doesn’t do much, since he rejected the idea of hiring actors to play the “counterpart,” so he’s confused as to why it continues gaining views on YouTube. Apparently he looks young. He’s not sure if this is insulting or not, but the internet would probably be shocked to learn he has a five-year-old son.

Lan Sizhui is too young to listen to music by himself, so Lan Wangji hopes that somewhere, there’s a radio playing one of the new hit songs by Hanguang-jun, and a father-son duo walking past.

Luo Qingyang bullies him into exactly one interview before his first album is released. On it, he accidentally confirms that all the songs on the album are about one person, and panics after that, not wishing to reveal anything about Wei Ying or even Lan Wangji’s own name on camera.

Apparently the mystery helps? Lan Wangji understands fame less and less the closer he comes to it. He thought if he just wrote good songs, enough people would listen to him that Wei Ying would hear it. Wei Ying is spotted in Thailand, and Lan Wangji ends up naming his first album Oceans Apart.

It sells, and it sells, and still, Wei Ying and their son are nowhere to be found.

-

Wei Wuxian is lying on a roof the night of his wedding anniversary.

Purple, white, and red fireworks explode in the black sky above him. There’s some celebration going on in the city, and Wei Wuxian takes advantage of it to pretend it’s in celebration of his anniversary.

Not that there’s much to celebrate. He doesn’t think it’s typical to celebrate the anniversary of a marriage which no longer exists, but their marriage didn’t end in the typical way either.

And he still loves Lan Zhan. Loves him so much that the sight of rabbits brings him to tears. So much that he feels like a traitor whenever someone so much as smiles in his direction, so much that he can’t imagine himself flirting with someone. So much that he cries on the roof when the fireworks light up the sky.

“Papa?”

Wei Wuxian looks to the right, and there’s Wei Sizhui, who is sometimes the only thing keeping Wei Wuxian going on his darkest nights. He’s nestled up with Wei Wuxian’s arm around him, small face peering earnestly at him from the dark. “What?”

“Why are you crying?”

Wei Wuxian raises one hand instinctively to rub the tears away. He’d forgotten about that. He’s thrown himself fully into caring for his son, making sure that he has clothes and good food to eat, which is hard when they never stay in a place for long and Wei Wuxian is paranoid of anyone who stares at them too long. Sometimes he wonders if he’s really doing any good, keeping Wei Sizhui away from his other father and uncles and aunts, from a happy childhood with friends and a school. And every time, he blinks back to the moment he woke up in the prison having narrowly avoided being murdered, and knows that Wei Sizhui is still safer with him than he’d be if he was still there, within the Jins reach.

“Nothing,” Wei Wuxian says. “It’s nothing.”

Wei Sizhui frowns. “But Papa is sad,” he declares.

Wei Wuxian presses the back of his hand over his eyes. Fireworks crack so loudly it muffles his shaky inhale. Tears stream down his cheeks and around his ears. Red lights flash across his eyelids.

-

White lights flash through the stage, focusing on the solitary grand piano, and Lan Wangji, in his white suit, seated on the piano bench. A hush falls across the massive crowd. He adjusts his microphone slightly, and places his fingers gently atop the keys. The cameras zoom in on him.

And Lan Wangji sings.

-

“I’m just remembering,” Wei Wuxian whispers. “Someone I used to know.”

“Is it Dad?” Wei Sizhui asks timidly.

Wei Wuxian inhales shakily again, then wraps his arm back around his son. “Yeah,” he admits. “It’s your other father.”

He hasn’t looked back since he ran away. Countless times, he’s thought about Googling the Jiangs in an internet cafe, just to check on how they’re doing. They have social media profiles, so he could. He could. But even the slightest hint of connection could ruin what Wei Wuxian has managed to salvage. The Jiangs would fight for him. Would drag their names on the mud for him, and he can’t let them do that to himself, so he cuts all ties and doesn’t look back.

Wei Wuxian hasn’t dared to search Lan Wangji since he ran away.

-

“Hello,” Lan Wangji sings, and the crowd cheers.“It’s me. I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet, to go over everything. They say that time’s supposed to heal you, but I ain’t done much healing.”

Before he knows it, there’s tears streaming down his face. They drip onto his nice white suit, but the music doesn’t pause.

-

Hello from the other side

“Will we ever see him again?” Wei Sizhui asks plaintively.

I must have called a thousand times

Wei Wuxian tries to shake his head, his shoulders pressed against the dusty brick roof. “I don’t know, baby,” he says.

To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done

“But why not?” Wei Sizhui pushes. It’s far from the first time he’s asked, but each day it gets harder and harder to answer.

Hello from the outside

“Because he’s very, very far away,” Wei Wuxian replies this time, and tries not to think of Lan Zhan as he last saw him, sleeping peacefully in their bed the night Wei Wuxian broke in and took Wei Sizhui with him. “Oceans away.”

At least I can say that I tried

Eventually, the fireworks stop, and Wei Sizhui falls asleep, head resting in the crook of Wei Wuxian’s arm. Wei Wuxian raises one hand to the midnight sky, pretends he can reach through the vast expanse to wherever his family is. “Happy anniversary, Lan Zhan,” he whispers. “I miss you.”

To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart

Eventually, the song ends, and the cheers deafen the stadium. The lights go out long after Lan Wangji has gotten up from his seat and stepped away from the microphone. The tears on his face are invisible until the cameras focus in on him walking.

“Happy anniversary, Wei Ying,” he whispers, before he picks up the microphone to thank the crowd. “I love you.”

I feel like we need some clarification

This is a Kimono (Japanese):

This is a Hanfu (Chinese):

This is a Cheongsam (Chinese):

This is a Hanbok (Korean):

Any questions? 

ao dai (vietnamese)

I *have* read the book, and several translations of it in various stages of completion. @antebunny The Phoenix Mountain Kiss is not portrayed, in the moment of it happening, as romantic. It’s actually a really good example of Wei Wuxian’s basic instinct of putting aside his comfort for the benefit of someone else. Lan Wangji is so horrified by what he did that he’s physically wrecking a tree when we meet him next. He himself is *not ok* with stealing a kiss, even though Wei Wuxian laughs it off as having kissed others a lot.

As for the *entire* sexual dynamic between them, the Rebel translation does not have the same tone. There are a *lot* of tumblrs discoursing it better, but the translation by Rebel is, not tonally correct. There are plenty of instances where Rebel translates things as definitive “no” statements that on or the other character proceeds to ignore. Other translations have the “no” statement as, well, not that. The bathtub scene for example. Rebel has Lan Wangji telling Wei Wuxian to stop touching him, only for Wei Wuxian into grope him instead. I‘ve seen that same passage translated as “stop moving” or “stop squirming.“ And Wei Wuxian still escalated the situation, but in meager defense, he wasn’t expecting to get away with it either. Doesn’t make it right, but they both have a few acts in their relationship that make me raise my eyebrows.

Now the novel extras are a totally different beast. First off, it’s between an established relationship, so I hope things get talked about. Actually, let me backtrack to the ending of the novel and the sex there. Wei Wuxian kneels to initiate oral sex on Lan Wangji, who basically tells him not to force himself to do anything he finds distasteful or humiliating. Wei Wuxian grins and tells him he isn’t doing anything he doesn’t want. They have several back and forth discourses, and yes Wei Wuxian does yelp and wail for help a bit, and accuses Lan Wangji of being mean to him. *However* Lan Wangji tells him he isn’t sure if Wei Wuxian is being serious or not and that he doesn’t want to actually hurt him, so stop talking if he really wants/needs to have Lan Wangji back off. Wei Wuxian responds in a torrent of *loud* words. I would call it under-negotiated kink between two virgins at worst.

Now to get back to the extras. First off, those are happening in what is clearly stated to be *dreams,* wind dreams they had as teenagers. (At least the first one.) Which is where a lot of us take the demisexual Wei Wuxian from, because he’s dreaming of an emotional domestic intimacy between the two of them that never actually makes it to being naked. Lan Wangji had the dream, as a pubescent teenager, of railing Wei Wuxian in the library after the porn stunt. He even dreamed of the porn being between two men, which it had not been. We can tell by the adult Lan Wangji‘s reaction that he is ashamed of ever having had the fantasy, despite the glee coming from adult Wei Wuxian, who is observing the dream with him. The next dream, Wei Wuxian *knows* it’s a dream. He runs into a younger version of Lan Wangji, they interact a bit, and they wake up, yaddayadda. The next time they dream, Wei Wuxian plays out a fantasy, that he did not have as a teen, of dragging Lan Wangji into the back hills and provoking him into, well, railing Wei Wuxian. He is, indeed, successful. So, if you ever wondered, yes, he does indeed enjoy that, and he enjoys it when Lan Wangji is rough.

What he *does not* enjoy is impact play/spankings, nor do I believe he has a humiliation kink. He wakes up and immediately falls out of bed. Lan Wangji, now that he’s awake and fully remembers his whole life not just being a teenager railing adult Wei Wuxian in the back hills, calls him back to bed. He goes willingly, with the caveat that Lan Wangji not hit him again. This is, again, under-negotiated kink. We have no cause to believe that the two of them would have other encounters that would involve more of the same. So in a dream, they tried a new kink, and Wei Wuxian didn’t like it. It happens, and he’s still quite pleased to be bitten and handled roughly, and they still have sex.

So. Is the Phoenix Mountain Kiss a character flaw? I don’t think so. I think it was a lapse in judgment and good taste, but then so was that boyfriend I had at twenty. Do I think it was romantic, no, not really. Lan Wangji doesn’t think it was romantic, not even in the moment, or he wouldn’t have taken off so quickly or done it so quietly. Do I think that they role play that scene a few times, if only in the Incense Burner Dreams? Oh, most definitely. I think the only character flaw on display was Wei Wuxian allowing an unknown to take advantage of him, because he didn’t think his own comfort/wants mattered as much as letting this happen, and I blame *that* on a lot of other things.

Ok, so about that Phoenix Mountain kiss scene

About a year and a half ago, my friend tried to get me into anime. MDZS was the second one recommended to me, and we sat down on a sofa to watch it together on a laptop. My friend's description, by the way, was very bad (“Guy comes back to life and goes on adventures with his past life’s friends.” “Wait how did he die?” “His brother killed him.” “Why did his brother kill him?” “It’s understandable.” “…Sounds like I won’t like this protagonist very much.” “Just watch the anime.”) It was during the third episode that I saw Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji meet, and I, an avid fanfiction reader, immediately said “someone ships it.”

“It’s canon in the book,” my friend said.

“Really?” I said. I’d never seen an actual canon gay couple before. “That’s cool.”

Later, after we’ve discussed how it’s censored in the show and how tragic that is, my friend asks, “Do you want to hear about their first kiss?”

“Sure,” I said.

“So [wwx] is blindfolded.”

“Wait why is he blindfolded?”

“Archery thing, he’s showing off.”

“Okay cool.”

“And he’s in the forest, and he hears a noise, and he’s like, ‘who’s there?’”

“Okay.”

“And then [lwj] kisses him.”

Now that’s not what I’d been expecting at all. But I immediately thought of movies with varying levels of dubious consent and how they use the audience “knowing” that the other characters actually “wants it” to get away with it. I figured that they have a ~passionate kiss scene~ and then Wei Wuxian takes off the blindfold and goes “Oh, it’s you!” and they get together.

So I said, “they get together after that, right?”

“No.”

“No? Then do they ever, like, talk about it?”

“Yeah,” my friend said. “At the end of the novel, when [insert vague euphemism for sex here] and they kiss, and [wwx] is like ‘oh that was you’ and [lwj] is like ‘yeah.’”

“Wait that’s it?” (Side note: it’s so very fanfiction to get kissed and think “yo this is familiar”).

“Yeah.”

So it’s armed with second-hand knowledge from my friend who had read the book that I entered the fandom. To my surprise, I found people on Tumblr who say that the kiss scene was intended to demonstrate a character flaw of Lan Wangji, and that it is discussed later in the book. This directly contradicts what my friend told me, and I have no way of telling who is correct because I have not read the book.

(Though on the topic of character flaws, I will say this: it doesn’t make much sense to me, because 1) a flaw that you’ve spent your whole life trying not to emulate because your father did it is not one you’re likely to pick up, especially if you didn’t interact much with your father. And 2), sexual assault is not caused by being too horny™, but rather entitlement. (Yale University defines sexual assault as “a broad category, denoting any kind of nonconsensual sexual act: touching and kissing can be forms of sexual assault, for example, as well as some forms of oral sex. The legal definition of sexual assault varies from state to state, but indicates some form of nonconsensual penetration.” Obviously this definition varies from country to country too; nevertheless this is the definition I am working off of when I classify the kiss scene as a sexual assault. Whether it’s acceptable varies by period of time and culture, but it’s still assault. Sexism is still sexism even if it’s acceptable. Homophobia is still homophobia even if it’s the norm). Entitlement is a character flaw, you could say, but it’s a product of your upbringing. All this to say that entitlement is a valid character flaw, but…it doesn’t make any sense).

Obviously I cannot say with certainty whether the people on Tumblr or my friend are right, because I haven’t read the book, but I can speak with certainty about the fandom, because I’ve spent a long, long, long time reading MDZS fanfiction. And here’s the attitude that I’ve seen in every single fic that uses the book as canon (save for one (1) fic): the kiss scene was not a “character flaw” of Lan Wangji. Rather, it’s understandable that Lan Wangji “just couldn’t help himself” because Wei Wuxian was “asking for it” by being “too pretty” (and yes, I am quoting fics here). So if the author did intend the kiss scene to be exemplary of a character flaw, it did not come across at all to the book fandom.

I’ve been in this fandom for over a year now, and I’m still so confused. Is it in the book? Is it not in the book? If it is, why does the fandom disagree? Why do people on Tumblr have a different interpretation than the fic writers? Why are there such wildly different opinions on what happened in the book? What is going on?

Anyway if you can give me answers hit me up.

I’ve made this. While incredibly tasty, does not taste like chocolate. Still yummy, will make again.

Look, I don't make the rules but you're legally required to watch this.

I’ll hear you laugh, I’ll see you smile, you’ll be with me... Just for awhile. For when the morning comes and the sun begins to rise, I will loose you. Because it’s just a dream, when I open up my eyes I will loose you.

an encounter in yiling

Are real people as kind as you characters? I mean, it's not just yours, other fictional people are like that too, but what do YOU say? Are you guys actually like that on the inside?

today i got a coffee on my lunch break and a man had his daughter on his hip and two coffees in his hands and he held the door open for me anyway

i went to go pick up a skirt that was being held for me and the employee said to me “uhg, i’m so tired, the coffee hasn’t kicked in yet” and i said “your hair is so beautiful” because it was long and red and shiny and had blown out curls and she perked up and said “thanks! it’s to distract from the fact that i didn’t put on makeup this morning” 

i was driving home and i realized i was in the wrong lane and i needed to move over and a car slowed down so i could merge in front of them

that was just today

whether or not you think people are kind is a sort of confirmation bias, i think

if you go through life expecting people to be terrible, that’s what you’ll remember, that’s what you’ll focus on

but if you go through life looking for kindness, that’s what you’ll find

overtip your waiters. let the car go in ahead of you. smile at the homeless person and give them your spare change. compliment people. 

you yourself are likely never more than one rushed morning away from a bad mood, one missed paycheck away from suffering, one accident away from ruin

you are probably not a politician or a ceo or a god. you cannot remake the world in your own image

but you can make other people’s lives easier and softer in small, effortless ways that cost you nothing. you can be the silver lining not just for your friends and family but for hundreds of thousands of strangers you haven’t even met yet. life is nothing but one opportunity after another to both show and be shown kindness

life can be cruel. people can be terrible. 

but the simplest way to increase the number of kind people in the world is to be one