Preach.

Preach.

People who act aggressive and negative as fuck and then when you’re like “hey can you stop” they’re like “I’m going through some stuff 🥺🥺🥺” like damn dude that’s crazy me too - for example right now I’m going through YOUR behavior.

Death world and proud of it!

Humans Are Weird

So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather? 

What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving. 

So, I totally did several people dirty. I read a fic marked Dead Dove. I know what that tag meant. I knew it going in. And I was still upset that I got Exactly What Was On the Tin. (No I didn’t leave a comment or complain, I’m not a *heathen.* I exited out.) But it got me thinking.

So the basic premise of the fic was Imperial Prince Lan Wangji yadda yadda, Lesser Noble Ward Wei Wuxian in distress, etc, but with a Dark and Dead Dove twist. So. Here’s the resultant not!fic my brain came up with.

Wei Wuxian is, understandably, Pissed at being blackmailed/extorted into being Hanguang-Wang’s consort. However, in another universe this is the same man that Took A Fourth Option when dropped into the mass grave of resentment. So. He bides his time. He’s good at that. The relationship he shares with his husband notably cooks in public. Their private activities continue to be as heated as ever, but Wei Wuxian grew up with the ever angry Madam Yu. He knows how to play the game. Nothing he does in public can be pointed to as being impolite or over stepping his bounds. Nothing. Everything is done with the level of exact propriety. You can’t exactly punish someone for being too polite.

Hanguang-Wang enjoys breaking down the distance between them in their nightly games. (The fic that spawned this was a Dead Dove.) He does miss having his consort come to him playfully during the day however. He has his pretty little toy all to himself, he is confident he can coax back the daytime affection.

And things proceed, time passes, Jiang Cheng is quietly working to gather enough forces to rebel in the background, and then we get to the fun stuff. Wei Wuxian is pretty. He is very pretty, and Hanguang-Wang is not the only one who has noticed. Meng Yao is already dead, so there is no one to stop Su She from being an idiot. He tries to undermine Wei Wuxian’s confidence in Hanguang-Wang’s affections for him, to try and shift the pretty, polite consort’s attention onto himself. He is not nearly as subtle as he thinks he is, but Hanguang-Wang is not concerned. He knows exactly why Wei Wuxian agreed to stay by his side always, and that his consort will never do anything that might jeopardize Jiang Yanli. He pretends to be away for a day, and Su She takes his chance.

Wei Wuxian is unmoved by the increasingly less subtle come ons during this farce of a tea.

“Hanguang-Wang claimed everything of me the moment he laid eyes on me,” he says serenely with a sip his tea. “I am well aware that his eye will wander eventually. There will be nothing to be done when that happens, certainly not from a minor person such as your self. He will tire of Wei-Mou, and eventually some other noble ward in unfortunate circumstances will catch his eye and he will start his games again. In time, this will cause men like you to approach me, to offer me consolation for my diminished attentions. Some will undoubtedly be sincere in their regrets, while others will be looking for a less than discreet tryst. I will refuse them all. Eventually this will cause a scorned would be lover, or perhaps Hanguang-Wang’s newest toy to arrange for me to be caught in compromising circumstances. Hanguang-Wang may or may not believe my protestations of innocence.“

Wei Wuxian tilts his head slightly, gaze still calm and unaffected by Su She’s stuttering indignation.

“In the end it will not matter if he believes me or not. My supposed paramour will have been killed on the spot, while his family receives a purse of compensation. And I will have been a discarded toy, and one caught breaking oaths and surrendering honor. It will be a pig cage, or the Death of a Thousand Cuts, or the Death of Strangulation for Wei-Mou.“

He took another sip of his tea as Su She gaped at him. Really, one would think that someone so desperate to ape Hanguang-Wang would have at least attempted to hold his composure with half so much dignity.

“I’m looking forward to the rest. I believe I shall smile when I pass. I wonder what the gossips will make of that,” he mused. “Oh dear. It appears you’ve finished your tea. This has been an, interesting time of conversation. The servants will show you out.“

A dazed (and slightly aroused) Su She is escorted from Consort Wei’s courtyard. Tucked behind a tree, a stunned Hanguang-Wang doesn’t move until the two of them are alone. He looms behind his petite consort, his wife, his pretty little toy, still lost for words.

”Do sit down, Hanguang-Wang,” Wei Wuxian indicates the vacated seat without a hint of surprise. “There is still some tea left in the pot if you must insist on sitting with Wei-Mou now.“

Hanguang-Wang does move now, wrapping himself around other man, biting at the supple neck that yields to him. There is no warmth, as there has been since his toy reclaimed his memories. But neither is there the embers of resentment, no fire to be tamed into passion.

“Never,” Hanguang-Wang hisses into the smaller man’s ear. “This one will never set aside Wei Ying. Will never let anyone else touch him, claim him. He is mine.“

”Wei-Mou is yours, Hanguang-Wang. Hanguang-Wang has taken my body. Hanguang-Wang had not seen Wei-Mou for more than an incense stick before he took my body. Hanguang-Wang has claimed this lowly one’s body many times. Eventually Hanguang-Wang’s eyes will wander to another’s body. He will not make the same mistakes with this lowly one’s junior. This lowly one has no doubt that his junior will never notice the lost memories or time.“

Some back and forth, with possessive Hanguang-Wang and indifferent Wei Wuxian. Eventually we get to my favorite line.

”Hanguang-Wang has claimed my body, and in doing so has forfeited my heart.”

I’m not looking to off someone, I’m just researching deadly plants and herbal supplement regulations for class, I swear.

Bystander in the shallows: you have never heard of this fandom and have no idea what’s about to hit you like a truck. The undertow is a strong and you don’t actually realize you have a preference yet, but you find you gravitate towards a certain Aesthetic.

Ship Sizes

Supercarrier: fandom flagship.  Everybody and their dog ships it.  The fandom is glutted with artwork and fic.  You cannot escape this ship.

Dreadnought: massively popular.  Nearly everybody ships it.  You can, with dedication, in theory, reach the end of the AO3 archive for the ship’s tag, but it’ll take a long time.

Cruiser: pretty popular ship.  Not everyone ships it, but everyone knows about it.  Has a good amount of fic/art, and probably multiple ask blogs.

Frigate: just plain popular.  Feels like it could use more fanworks.  New people to the fandom might not know about it, but they’ll stumble across it sooner rather than later.

Gunboat: bit of a rarepair.  It might have an ask blog or two.  A couple big name fans ship it.  Probably only takes a few weeks to get through the entire AO3 backlog, and one new fic gets added during that time.

Tugboat: rarepair.  Almost never seen except as a side pairing to a more popular ship.  You can usually get through everything on AO3 in a matter of days.  You’ve forgotten what it is to be picky about what you read.

Rowboat: less than a dozen people ship it.  You all know each other.  You exist in an endless cycle of the same five people desperately producing art and fic and one person who constantly contributes headcanons.

Canoe: you are one of maybe three people who ship it, and there’s a not-insignificant chance you’ve never encountered those other two hypothetical shippers.  You spend your days paddling furiously in hopes of keeping the ship afloat, dreaming of the day you upgrade to a rowboat so you can finally rest.