(hoping for more good days)
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One of the biggest “I love you”s in Fullmetal Alchemist are all the ways people respect each other’s bodily autonomy. There are two scenes that carry this theme to its fullest potential, and I love them so, so much.
The first one is quite iconic: Riza’s throat was slit and Roy has a chance to save her - by dooming their country and committing human transmutation. And Roy would do it. He would throw it all away just to save her, even though he knows that human transmutation is an unforgivable sin. But she looks at him and signals him to Not Do It. And he doesn’t. He wants to, but he doesn’t do it. Because only minutes earlier, he hurt her again by dooming himself (and potentially the country) with his fury. And if there is one thing Roy Mustang doesn’t want to do, it’s hurt Riza Hawkeye any more than he already has. Even if that means watching her die. Even if that means letting her go.
He respects her and their goals enough to say no.
He loves her enough to let her die.
The second one is just as heart-wrenching: after Al sacrificed himself, basically dying in the process, Ed tries to think of a way to save him. Both Hohenheim and Ling offer him a Philosopher’s Stone to bring Al back - and Ed says No. Even though he wants nothing more in life than to save his little brother. Even though there is nothing he wants more desperately than the safety of Al. He says no for many reasons - Hohenheim is his father after all, Ling needs the stone to become Emperor - but mostly he says no because he and Al promised to never use a Stone for themselves. And he respects that. He puts Al’s wish above his own desire to see his little brother again. He respects Al’s decision (his own conviction) enough to break the rules of the world to find another way.
Because he loves Al - he loves him enough not to break the fundamentals of their principles. He loves him enough to respect the integrity of their believes.
And the narrative rewards both Roy and Edward for their choice to respect the agency and bodily autonomy of their loved ones - they survive, are saved, are brought back… and neither Ed nor Roy had to force their own desire for them to live on clearly stated last wishes.
So often we see media portray the disregard for bodily autonomy (especially in medical contexts) as a sign of love, the breaking of patient-doctor confidentiality as a sign of care, the violation of a living will as a sign of family - I like to think that Fullmetal Alchemist shows us that there’s strength in respecting it instead.
the death of 8tracks made you all so bad at making playlists i fear. good ship or character playlist is max 16 songs and devastatingly perfectly crushingly curated. it should make sense musically, if not across the playlist, then at least from song to song. GRADIENTS of genre. think about this before you make a 200 song ship playlist that includes both maroon 5 and mitski. Think on it
Like a Lotus Flower: The Overarching Narrative of Agust D
Min Yoongi is an idol. Min Yoongi is a songwriter, a lyricist, a composer and a producer. Min Yoongi is a rapper, a dancer, and a performer. Min Yoongi is an ambassador to global brands. Min Yoongi is SUGA, is Agust D.
Underneath all of this, Min Yoongi is a storyteller.
Storytelling is at the core of every creative endeavor he undertakes, be it his verses in BTS's songs or his solo music videos. His songs are an effort to paint the story of BTS SUGA's extraordinary life and Min Yoongi's very human struggles, and all the places where they meet. However, it's never been clearer than it is in the Agust D trilogy and its accompanying media.
Credit: Agust D '대취타' MV - HYBE LABELS
This article, in return, is an effort to summarize and explore all the parts that make up the lore and the myth of Agust D as a character—the music, the lyrics, the videography, and the concert tour.
Let's weave through all these components as we try to unravel the story of Min Yoongi's three personas.
Disclaimer: All lyrics, pictures, and quotes in this essay do not belong to me. Translations are paraphrased by me, with the help of doolset lyrics, Genius and Google Translate. For more accurate translations, please visit above mentioned sources. All interpretations of themes, topics, and concepts mentioned below are mine and may not match the artist's intent.
WHAT HAPPENS IF BANGTAN RISES?
Agust D—the sharp-edged alter ego of BTS' SUGA—has been a beloved figure among fans ever since the release of his first self-titled mixtape in 2016. If you don't know who he is, let me introduce you—very shortly and then very comprehensively.
Min Yoongi is a Korean rapper and producer, who rose to fame as 1/7th of the idol group BTS. Known mostly under his stage name SUGA, he's climbed every social and musical peak you can think of. His group has been streamed more than 40 billion times across all platforms and holds many world records that will remain nigh impossible to break for years to come.
To fully grasp the scope of SUGA's solo works and the themes therein, we need to understand the history of BTS. SUGA's work is always deeply personal and to comprehend its depth, knowledge about his situation is beneficial. The music, themes and topics he explores in his music are going to be wildly different depending on where he was at anz point in time, both as an idol group member and a person.
Progress to some steps which are a bit more difficult
BTS hail from a once small production agency Big Hit Entertainment. However incomprehensible it may seem now, BTS's entertainment agency was for a long time on the brink of bankruptcy. After BTS debuted in 2013, they were Big Hit's only active idol act for a long, long time, and they didn't receive acclaim and success instantly. The road to the BTS we know today has been long and winding and hard. Their first significant success—a win at a weekly Korean music show with their single I Need U—came in 2015, two years after their debut. It is, in retrospect, a small victory, but one that felt monumental at the time.
It's hard to pinpoint when BTS truly hit it big, but to me, it's this—the release of their 2016 album Wings and their massive hit Blood, Sweat & Tears, their very first foray into international stardom.
Credit: BTS (방탄소년단) '피 땀 눈물 (Blood Sweat & Tears)' Official MV - HYBE LABELS
2016 marked another milestone for BTS—their first major award win. As of today, BTS hold the record for most received Daesangs, major awards, but when they won their first, they stood on the stage and wept.
However, before BTS started sweeping Korean awards and made their big break overseas, just on the brink of getting big, 23 years old Min Yoongi released his first eponymous mixtape.
Fame, Money, Success
Agust D the mixtape, released in 2016, is SUGA's first solo endeavor and first proper introduction to Agust D the persona.
It's anyone's guess what Min Yoongi thinks of being an idol at that point. It's a fair assumption, though, that it's not all sunshine and roses. His group is struggling for success, his agency is struggling to survive, and according to his lyrics, Min Yoongi is just struggling.
At the time, SUGA and his group member RM (then known as Rap Monster) were facing criticism and ire from their hip-hop contemporaries. Allegations of selling out, inauthenticity, or mockery of their idolhood were not strange to them. Their very public altercation with an older rapper is well documented—videos of the rapper's hostility towards them at a radio show are widely available online.
It's not surprising the theme of selling out, the price of fame and success, and artistic integrity plays a big part in Agust D's first mixtape.
Agust D oscillates wildly in his approach to it, however. In the title track Agust D, he addresses the allegations head on with ferocity and anger that will come to characterize him for a long time.
They say I made it too easily Fuck you, I'm a pain in the ass of those far from success [...] All you fried rappers should be thankful that I'm an idol "Agust D" - Agust D, Agust D
Even the video plays on this anger—it starts with Agust D shackled and bound in a decrepit trailer, breaking free to wreak havoc on his immediate surroundings.
The next song on the record and the second single, give it to me, carries on in much the same vein. It's also the first exploration into another prominent theme—greed. Agust D makes it no secret that he yearns for money, fame, and spotlight.
Money, fame, anything is fine, just bring it to me Fame, flash light Gi-give it to me "give it to me" - Agust D, Agust D
The MV also seems to be a direct sequel to the previous video—the freed Agust D makes his way into the wider world, bruised and bloodied, but unafraid, hungry for success, and ready to take on a challenge.
Credit: Agust D ‘give it to me’ MV - HYBE LABELS
This hunger for wealth and accolades will come into play once Min Yoongi acquires them, but it's easy to see why it would be such an important thing to him then. In the face of adversity, failure and poverty, money and success are a symbol that he's made it. That the naysayers were wrong about him, and his artistic integrity didn't take a blow for no reason.
Min Yoongi is already dead (I killed him)
The dark side of Min Yoongi's situation is explored further in the crown jewel of the mixtape, the track The Last. It's a dark, grimy mirror to the cheeky Agust D calling his contemporaries lazy and fake.
While boasting the same gritty atmosphere as the rest of the record, this song's mood is undeniably different—darker, more raw, more painful. The Last is no less a diss track than Agust D or give it to me, but this time, it's aimed at Min Yoongi himself.
Behind the idol rapper Is my weak self, a bit dangerous "The Last" - Agust D, Agust D
The hunger for success that was presented as a virtue in give it to me is now a vice. Agust D goes as far as to call it monstrous, something that threatens to swallow him. He admits that his callousness is an armor to hide his weakness.
With time, I'm turning into a monster The monster I exchanged my youth for, success, demands more My greed used to be a weapon, now it swallows me, ruins me, leashes me "The Last" - Agust D, Agust D
This song sets not only a precedent for the rest of Min Yoongi's art, but introduces another red line that intermingles throughout it—the death of self. Agust D declares Min Yoongi, his original, his creator, to be dead by his hand.
Whether this alludes to literal or metaphysical death is up for speculation—the part of the song that could have answered this is redacted, maybe to stimulate the listener's thoughts, maybe to shock them. But when Agust D grits these words out, you believe him—Min Yoongi, at least in some way, doesn't exist anymore.
Such is the price of success.
This is the first real look we get at Min Yoongi's exposed, bleeding core. It's not often that an idol gets so candid about their mental health or the bad and the ugly of idolhood, and this song unsurprisingly came as a shock to many. Even sound wise, this is far from k-pop's usual bubbly and colorful shine. It's proof that Agust D is not here to play, and a testament to Min Yoongi's desire for authenticity.
This is further cemented by the final piece on the record, the crooning ballad So Far Away. A duet with Korean singer Suran, it explores the idea of a life without desire and ambition. It's a stark contrast to the start of the mixtape, where Agust D boasted about his success and accomplishments, and threatened anyone who dared question him. It's also a painful resolution to the wounded admissions of The Last.
Agust D, by design, is a creature of contradiction, and Agust D the mixtape is a piece of history of one of k-pop's most interesting figures. A first step in a fascinating journey of self-discovery, it's a record that only Min Yoongi could have created, and only in this particular pocket in time.
It will take him four long years to follow up.
I'm a king, I'm a boss
The day is 20th May 2020. The world is deep in the throes of a global pandemic and Agust D makes a comeback.
Min Yoongi is in a completely different situation. Since the release of Agust D, BTS shot to global superstardom. In his previous mixtape, Agust D confessed how embarrassing his song Ssaihanuwar is. The song brags about BTS having sold 30.000 record copies.
Honestly, Ssaihanuwar is embarrassing We sell half a million copies a year now "Agust D" - Agust D, Agust D
At the time of the second mixtape's release, BTS's latest album Map of the Soul: 7 sold more than 4 million copies in its first week.
It's almost ironic. In 2016, Agust D grappled with his desire for success and the understanding of how it's destroying him. Now, he seemingly has it all. The greed he called so monstrous and all-encompassing has won.
I got a big house, big car, big ring
D-2, the second mixtape of the trilogy, is in many ways a direct response to the first. In Daechwita, the lead and only single from this record, he exchanged western-style marching drums from Agust D for Korean marching music, traditionally played to accompany a king's procession. It's a statement to his listeners—he's an undisputed ruler of his genre, and his arrival should be met with proper reaction.
This is also visually represented in the song's music video, where SUGA plays the double-role of a corrupt, crazed King and a Rebel on a path to destroy him. He gives visual form to a topic so prominent in Agust D—the fight between greed and integrity. The King is arguably the same Agust D we've seen destitute and furious in his previous two videos, Agust D and give it to me. Now, he's driven mad by power and wealth, parading around with his opponents' decapitated heads.
I got everything I wanted—what else do I need to feel satisfied? I got the clothes, then the money, then the goal—what comes next? I realize my situation—there's nothing above me to strive for "Daechwita" - Agust D, D-2
Meanwhile, the Rebel mucks about with the commoners, making connections. The two protagonists are clearly one and the same, both sporting a matching raw scar across one eye, but each features on a different part of a spectrum. They contradict each other. Their conflict is even given a resolution this time—the Rebel shoots the King, killing him.
The status is reset. It's now the Rebel's turn to succeed. The King is dead; long live the King.
The cycle continues.
Credit: Agust D '대취타' MV - HYBE LABELS
If Daechwita is a response to Agust D, the next song What do you think? is a response to give it to me—a humblebrag exploring life, creativity and artistry after unprecedented fame.
In 2013, SUGA asked for 'a big house, big car and big rings'. In 2016, Agust D begged for fame and the spotlight. Now he has it all. He doesn't need to ask—whatever is brought his way, he can afford it. The question of integrity seems meaningless in the face of his overwhelming success.
The ten zeros in my bank account, I paid for that money with my youth I'll get a big car, big house, big ring, or whatever, take my black card [...] I don't fucking care if idol music is music I'm high, higher, I'm so high you can't even see me "What do you think?" - Agust D, D-2
Art is what he dictates it is. The masses seem to agree. And so another question arises—what comes next if you have achieved all of your dreams?
To live, to live, to live
The comfort of success gives SUGA the space to ask existential questions—what is the meaning of life if not hardship? Why am I here, if I've reached all my goals and more?
D-2, compared to the eponymous mixtape, is both much more external and brooding in this exploration, be it in the track Strange (featuring his bandmate RM), 28 (featuring Korean singer NiiHWA), or in the probably most important track of the record—People.
While all previous tracks on the record sound like something Agust D would have made—coarse, gritty, and cutting—this bittersweet, melancholic ballad marks the first significant sidestep into a stylistic change.
Am I a good person? Am I a bad person? However you look at it, I too am just a person "People" - Agust D, D-2
This gentle approach feels new to Agust D, even though it subtly recalls themes from his previous work. The Last especially comes to mind, with its lyrics about how monstrous his lust for success is. People, on the other hand, offers comfort—not only to the listener, but to Min Yoongi himself.
It feels like something Agust D in 2016 couldn't have done.
D-Day's coming—it's a fucking good day
Two years after the release of D-2, BTS soft-launched their hiatus. The members are set to start their military service, and before they leave their fans for an extended period of time, they decided to focus more on solo activities to make the transition smoother, shorter, and less lonely.
It's no surprise that Agust D, too, announces his latest installment, titled simply D-DAY. The announcement follows an earlier one about an extensive tour across the United States and Asia, spanning over four months and 28 shows total.
Slaves to hatred and prejudice
The release of D-DAY is accompanied by three singles. The pre-release track People pt. 2 is, unsurprisingly, a spiritual and literal successor to D-2's People. The jazzy pop ballad, featuring Korean singer-songwriter IU, follows in People's footsteps, exploring the themes of human connection or loneliness. The music video, almost shockingly, shows Agust D at his most vulnerable—dressed in comfortable clothes and barefoot, but ultimately alone, haunting a luxurious mansion.
Credit: Agust D 'People Pt.2 (feat. IU)' Official MV - HYBE LABELS
On the last record, the soft comfort of People was for the faithful listeners only. Now, it heralds Agust D's return, unashamed. It's a first sign of integration of the three personas—the furious Agust D, the proud and accomplished SUGA, and the wounded Min Yoongi—into a single entity.
However, the edgy Agust D returns only a few days later with the release of Haegeum. As the main single of the album, Haegeum speaks mostly of freedom and self-indulgence, and how closely the two play together. A critique of both the sensationalist press and the public that consumes controversy mindlessly, the song is a less traditional diss track than Agust D or Daechwita, but it's no less scathing.
Endless influx of information that prohibits freedom of imagination and seeks conformity All these painful noises that blind you, and even infringe on freedom of thought All the controversy incessantly triggers confusion in judgment And is fabricated over and over again "Haegeum" - Agust D, D-DAY
The video, an important piece of the Agust D puzzle, is an indirect sequel to Daechwita. The protagonists, the King and the Rebel, are now represented by the Detective and the Thief. The detective carries Agust D's scar, and his legacy. The Thief's face, however, is surprisingly bare.
The story starts out as any other noir fiction does—the Thief murders and steals, and the Detective works tirelessly to catch him. We find out very quickly what the twist is—the dirty money the Thief stole belongs to the Detective. The healed scar across his eye betrays him—he's the Rebel from Daechwita, and his success corrupted him yet again.
Knowing this, you are seemingly meant to cheer for the scar-less Thief as he outsmarts the Detective and disposes of him.
Credit: Agust D 'Haegeum' Official MV - HYBE LABELS
However, it's important to note that Agust D doesn't seem to make a clear distinction in who's the hero and who's the villain. When the Thief succeeds and returns to the scene of his crime, he eats using the same red chopsticks he used to kill a man. We're reminded that while he doesn't bare Agust D's scar, his hands are dirty as well.
You understand, then, why the Detective laughed in the face of death. Agust D had, once again, failed to kill this part of him. The cycle of greed and corruption will keep repeating forever.
The never-ending trials that failed to kill me
The third and last MV for the track Amygdala is released 3 days later, completing Agust D's cinematic universe. It doesn't feature elaborate settings, but presents a very human story—the story of Min Yoongi's real trauma. Disheveled and washed out, the rapper sits in an empty room, suspended in nothing at all. In front of him stands a closed white door, a way out, as if to taunt him.
We get to watch as he relives his most agonizing memories over and over again—including his traffic accident that nearly crippled him, and sentenced him to years of chronic pain.
I can only hope that all my choices were the right ones Because they too are in the past now Could it be that all these trials are for my benefit? "AMYGDALA" - Agust D, D-DAY
Everytime Min Yoongi attempts to escape the room, his tries are thwarted—the room tilts until he's forced to crawl uphill, or it begins to rain, making his climb even harder. The door remains out of his reach, as if he's never going to be free of the ache.
It's here that we witness the birth of Agust D and the origin of his most defining feature. His scar. In the end, it's quite simple—the greatest hurt is the one we inflict upon ourselves.
This MV doesn't end happily, or actually at all. The Min Yoongi trapped in his own psyche isn't able to get out, isn't able to stop reliving his past, and isn't able to change it. The video ends with Min Yoongi, or maybe with Agust D, lying wounded and defeated on the ground amidst a storm. Unable to heal from his trauma.
Credit: Agust D 'AMYGDALA' Official MV - HYBE LABELS
It's an end to a story, but not the end of Min Yoongi's story.
For this day, I've wandered through the maze
D-DAY, technically Agust D's debut album, is released only five days before his world tour kicks off—making the album forever tied to its live accompaniment. It would have been preposterous to expect SUGA to create a tour that doesn't tie to his established lore, or that doesn't have any deeper meaning, anyway.
At first glance, the production is quite simple—a plain, rectangular stage with a large projection behind it. Before the show starts, the screen plays a looped recording of rain on a dark background, accompanied by the occasional thunder—the atmospheric backdrop makes it quite clear that from the moment you enter the venue, you are part of Agust D's vision.
It's then that you notice the peculiarities. The stage, a metal grid segmented into fifteen individual parts, hangs suspended on chains from the venue's ceiling.
Conceptually, the production directly ties into AMYGDALA, the MV. The show kicks off with a literal bang—a sound of screeching tires and a crash. Agust D is then carried, lifeless, onto the stage accompanied by the haunting wail of a haegeum.
Credit: SUGA | Agust D TOUR 'D-DAY' in JAPAN - Big Hit Music
He's laid down on the floor in the same position we've seen him in before, both in AMYGDALA and in Haegeum. We are now in the moment where the music videos left off. Physically in the room with him, we are a part of Agust D's mind, and about to witness him rise from the dead to tell his story.
The concerts cut through the entirety of Agust D's discography, from Agust D to D-DAY. As each show progresses, the segments of the stage lift one by one, exposing the technical production beneath. This not only bares the raw production elements to the audience, but also takes away from the performer's space—to perform, and to exist.
By the time the setlist progresses to AMYGDALA, there's only one stage segment left for Agust D to stand on. The exposed flame machines fire all around him as the narrative really hammers it home—this is Agust D's own, personal purgatory, and you're here to witness his pain.
Credit: SUGA | Agust D TOUR 'D-DAY' in JAPAN - Big Hit Music
As the song nears its end, Agust D collapses on the stage, once again lifeless. The death of self, first explored in The Last all those years ago, comes into play once again. The artist fulfilled his purpose—your entertainment. Emptied out and driven into a corner, he falls lifeless to the ground and is carried off again. The show goes full circle to its start, as if nothing had ever happened.
Much had happened, though. Over the course of the show, Agust D unearthed his entire musical and artistic history for you, the viewer. From the opening tones of Haegeum to the last notes of AMYGDALA and everything in between, the artist exposed his inner core to us. Just as the stage slowly lifted away, so did all pretense—Agust D, SUGA, and Min Yoongi became one.
Future's gonna be okay
With the last segment lifted out of view, the stage exists no more. The inner mind of Agust D has been taken apart, the pedestal is gone, and what's left is Min Yoongi on the venue's floor, eye-to-eye with his fans for the last three songs.
It's no coincidence that The Last is the closing cut of the show. Besides its title predicting its place in the setlist, it's also a key track of Min Yoongi's career. Ending the show with such an emotional, deep track only confirms his understanding of the fact. It's a message not only to his audience, but to himself as well—he performs the song he wrote about his struggles, faced with tangible adoration from his fans, as if to say, 'This is the fruit of my labor. This makes the suffering worth it.' But it's also a reminder of where he came from.
When the show ends, Agust D usually power walks backstage with barely a glance back. He doesn't linger with the audience—the past is the past, including these moments of joy.
It's in the very last show of the tour that the story comes to its conclusion. As the show ends and the band plays, the door from the AMYGDALA video appears behind Agust D. In the music video it was as impenetrable as a solid wall. Now, he opens it without issue and walks through.
It's not only the end of a show, or the end of a tour. It's a closure of a decade long chapter of Min Yoongi's life—through his effort, and with the help from his audience, he is finally healed.
Credit: SUGA | Agust D TOUR 'D-DAY' The Original - Big Hit Music
The journey of Agust D has, at least for now, come to a close. We've seen Min Yoongi go through struggles and hardships, and have witnessed him maturing into an artist capable of facing his own demons and overcoming them. The anger, at least in that one triumphant moment, can be laid to rest.
SUGA addressed the future of Agust D in the 'Thanks to' section of D-DAY, the final installment:
"After I wrap up the Agust D trilogy, I don't know when he will be back. But when I have more to say, and thousands of emotions, and when the devil in my right hand wakes up again, that's when he'll return."
It's hard to say what kind of emotions or music Min Yoongi chooses to convey next, whether as SUGA, or Agust D, or even as someone completely new. What I do know is that when that time comes, I will help hold that door open.
he looks like the main character from some romantic winter movie ❄️
![[SCAN] BTS Memories Of 2016 - Suga: First Love](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a67684ff2b6f99bff7109a66faa3d0aa/tumblr_ou2122ApyY1v1lnwto1_500.jpg)
April 30, 2023 - j.m on instagram - 😁