I Love The "he Asked For No Pickles" Meme With Doorkeay Bc I've Only Ever Seen It With Gerry Being The

I love the "he asked for no pickles" meme with doorkeay bc I've only ever seen it with Gerry being the one talking and u just KNOW it's not bc Michael doesn't want to correct the food staff, but that it wants to correct them a little too much. Gerry has to step in otherwise they'll be there for at least another hour of Michael spinning some philosophical bullshit and scaring some poor fast food worker, and while Gerry doesn't necessarily mind Michael doing that in and of itself (he knows the thing he's in love with), as the only one of the two of them who actually needs material food he would like to eat that food before it gets cold tyvm.

have finally unearthed the web!martin au content, my god........this is the page of not-memes, some of them are very old and some are new lmao - i do have a semi-serious au in my head -- details of au under the cut after ID (it's a little long lol)

[Start ID: Multiple comics of Jon and Martin from the Magnus Archives where Martin is an avatar of the Web. Jon is a thin Persian man with dark curly hair and a beard. Martin is a fat mixed Polish/Korean man with glasses and a beauty mark under his lip, he has shoulder length dark hair with a streak of white in his bangs.

1st comic: Martin is looking down at a pack of cigarettes in his hand and has a cigarette hanging in his mouth. He is wearing a cardigan with a simple shirt underneath. Jon looks at him with a captured expression, a light blush on his cheeks, and holds his spider web detailed lighter out. He asks, "E-er, do you n-need a light?" Jon's hair is slicked back and he is wearing a business shirt. Martin has the now smoking cigarette pointed down to Jon's lighter and is looking up with a coy expression, saying "Hehe, do you like spiders or something?"

2nd comic: Martin is looking to the side with a blush across his face, saying "U-um". A spiderweb behind him is shaped in a heart and there are multiple hearts floating around him. He is wearing a simple sweater with a jacket that has pockets in the front. Next, it shows a spiderweb with "Jon" spelt out in it with a huge heart below the name. Next, Martin is blushing intensely with wide eyes, eight of them on his face, and his mouth is hanging open with two fangs. He is holding his hands stretched out, each end pointed into a claw. Blink is written next to him. Next, a simplified Martin is swatting at the spiderweb, screaming "Aaaargh!". A couple spiders are flying off.

3rd comic: Jon is crawling on the floor through a doorway, a rug with a spiderweb pattern outside the doorway. He is shouting, "I'm going to the Institute even if I have to crawl my way there, Martin!!". His hair is short and he's does not have a beard, he is wearing a business shirt and green tie. Next, a pair of claws grip Jon's waist and he grabs onto the rug for leverage. A simplified angry web!Martin shouts back, "Oh no, you are not going back to that hellscape prison calling itself an academic institute!". Jon grits his teeth and yells, "No, no! You can't stop me-". Next, several spider legs hover over Jon in the doorway. Martin says, "Oh? Is that what you think?". Jon gulps. Next, Jon is being pulled back by the spider legs and screams, taking the rug with him.

4th comic: Jon and Martin are kissing, there are multiple hearts around their heads. Martin says, "Have a nice day, love" and Jon responds, "You as well". Next, Jon and Martin part with surprised expressions and there is a black widow spider hanging on a thread between their lips. Martin says, "Oh!". Next, Jon is trembling with a wobbly grimace, his eye is stylized black with tear shines in it, and a stream of tears is coming from his eye. He is gripping Martin's sweater ferociously. Martin has eight eyes now and looks at him flustered, his mouth has fangs. He yells, "AH!! J-Jon I'm so sorry!!". The spider hanging between them begins to spin down a web thread.

End ID.]

basically, the Web wants to bind all 14 Fears to the tapes in order to place them under its control, without anyone's knowledge such a thing is occurring. they could pit the Fears against each other when necessary, control their actions from the shadows, etc. However, the Web understands that a successful ritual would mean the demise of all the Fears through the End. Jonah Magnus understands that a successful ritual would mean the same, but does not care about the ramifications. this, the Web cannot allow to happen. So once all the Fears are bound, the Magnus Institute will burn in order to ensure no one else can gain control of the Fears. Except for the Archive itself -- the Archivist.

like in canon, jon is marked when he's young so that it will keep his interest in the paranormal enough to get a job at the Magnus Institute. he becomes the Web's 'person on the inside' but jon of course has no idea that's what's happening. the Web wants an avatar to become marked by the Beholding enough to be useful but not so much that they become corrupted or Jonah Magnus can use them as a tool for his own plan. the end goal is for him to become the walking, marked Archive that will abide by the Web's will.

but as jon continues at the Institute, the Web finds that he's becoming embroiled and marked faster than they would like and not in the way that would preserve their 29 year old 'secret weapon', both in his mortality and his corruption.

in comes martin. he became a web avatar after his mother died, the Web having taken interest in the way he could subtly manipulate and lie to others in order to make ends meet. he's genuinely nice and is good at manipulation, but does so as a means to help others do what he thinks is best for them rather than to hurt them. it's important to me that a web!martin does not enjoy hurting others. his most powerful weapons are gentle hands and a patient, nurturing voice. things that guide others into doing what he wants them to, under the impression that it was their own idea in the first place. (but also it's martin. he could body someone if need be. most of the time though, he's passive like in canon. the Web loves a sneaky bitch)

he's perfect for jon. in his paranoid state, what jon needs is someone unassuming, someone who'll slow him down, gives him a sweet smile, a friendly face to rely on -- and later, someone who, unfortunately, can relate very well to the 'i didn't want to become an avatar, i hate being a monster' situation

so martin comes to jon to give a statement. he gives the same statement to jon about jane prentiss as he did in canon, except this time he's lying. jon, having already suffered the jane prentiss attack, feels intense sympathy for him (played like how he acted with Helen after the Distortion statement). they get to talking and slowly become friends. the plan is for martin to crawl his way into jon's heart, get him to care about him, value his opinion, place his utmost trust in him -- until he'll do anything martin says.

and by anything he says, it means: don't fucking die by shoving tape recorders in powerful avatars faces. and also maybe pretty please burn down the Magnus Institute.

martin masquerades the Web's plan as genuine care for jon's wellbeing. "you work too hard, why don't you take a break? christ, the Magnus Institute really creeps me out, why don't we go to a nice cafe instead? if youre feeling bad, call in sick to work and lets go have a nice day out!"

martin starts to find his 'fake' feelings for jon aren't so fake anymore. was it necessary to the plan that him and jon eventually start dating? no. but he didn't exactly deter it from happening because oh my god surprise! jon is super cute and charming and harbors a mutual endearment for him, and its making him forget himself at times (and a certain annabelle cane is noticing). he finds himself falling for him, and the act he was putting on is soon becoming the real, instinctive way he wants to care and to love jon.

then jon finds out he's a web avatar. and all hell breaks loose.

martin feels like an idiot, thinking he could forever be a sense of normalcy for jon -- but the fact remains that he is the monster of jon's nightmares, and jon is already on his path to becoming a monster as well. he still has a mission though: protect jon from harm, make sure he doesn't get corrupted. the only problem now is that jon wants to kill him dead with a shoe and spray him with Raid if he so much as gets within a mile radius of him.

complicated hilarity ensues.

martin tries to sort of distance his lingering feelings by acting coy and aloof. he begins only speaking to jon by calling him on the phone and referring to him as "the archivist". but the act is.....well, jon tells him point blank it's not very convincing. martin will slip up and call him jon whenever he does something cute. they both still have each other's numbers. they both know these little personal facts about each other. jon remembers to tell martin happy birthday over the phone one day and martin nearly cries right then and there. martin can't help but remember the times he felt so safe in jon's arms, and jon the same. they both are too stubborn to say they miss each other, but god do they.

as jon learns more and more about the Fears and his descent into the Beholding becomes impossible to undo, he finds the only person he trusts to turn to is martin. martin who, despite initially lying to him, has protected him from certain death, always lent his shoulder to either lean or cry on, and has been the one person he feels truly understands him. jon finds that, as much as he hates to admit it, the feelings he held for martin may not be as fabricated as the man himself. and the martin who's a web avatar isn't very different from the martin he fell for. in that, he also feels a sense of pity, realizing that martin is just as human and helpless to the Fears as he is, stuck in the web right next to him (think Oliver Banks level solidarity). martin didn't choose to be a part of the Web, the Web robbed him of choice entirely.

eventually they bond over their shared tragedy, reconcile their differences and work in tandem, steadily repairing the repertoire they had prior. it's an unlikely pair for sure. the Web, who deals in secrets and subtlety, and the Eye, hungry to see and know all. martin does not want to be known, but when jon looks into his eyes, a smaller part of him wants to bare his soul for him and only him to see. jon does not like secrets, but loves a mystery, and finds unraveling the threads of martin blackwood to be quite compelling.

the au ends bittersweetly. my idea of a big ending scene is when martin and jon go to burn down the Institute, jonah magnus makes a last ditch attempt to perform the ritual, compelling jon to begin the incantation. martin and jon manage to kill Magnus before the ritual is completed, and they stand outside on the dark night street, hand in hand, watching the Institute burn.

jon is still the Archive, though he and the tapes are under the control of the Web now. he's free from the Magnus Institute, but certainly not the Beholding. Monsters will still come, him and Martin will still need to feed their gods, they will never have their original lives back. eventually the Web will grow bored of gorging itself on the bound Entities, and will consider other threads, woven long before this current one. it may not be for a while, there is still a chance the Fears may leave this plane. jon and martin will take any time they can get, so long as they're together.

anyway, blah blah, i probably didn't write this very well but i wanted to at least summarize. i just want to manifest a web!martin au where he's helping to protect jon from the Fears by being the most caring boyfriend ever and then realizes too late that falling in love was not part of the plan (even though it totally was)

I love the idea that Jmart is trying to flirt with each other and Elias is doing the very stereotypical Father ™ moves to Martin like “if you hurt my son I swear to the EYE—“

dating jon in this universe is 100x much harder

ok maybe im having way too much fun with this idea LMAOAOAOA

good luck martin you’re gonna need tons of it

More of this AU here

SIMON HAS THE SKY IN HIS EYES JOEJCN EOJCNFEN

Part 2 to this comic lmao

Maybe they should think of a new way to find victims

More tma doodles here

Bonus:

(peter thrives on lonely old people but occasionally visits after arguments w elias bhahhaa)

elias tried to hang it in his office but gertrude almost burned it, so to the fridge it goes

More about this AU here

[#tmakidjonau] 

nah but what if gerry meets michael and the distortion but fails to recognize them as one entity 

—-

Michael: (sees gerry) oh my gosh it’s a tiny eric delano!! :D I knew your father!! :D  Gerry: ok???

(eventually becomes good friends through jon)

(much later)

The distortion: Ge - Gerard: ew ew wtf is that ugly thing get away from me im getting a headache The distortion: The distortion: The distortion: (closes the door and sobs)

(later) Gerry: Oh hi michael what’s up Michael: ? ? ?

—-

and so Michael is terrified to let gerry know that he’s the spiral LMAOOOOO 

im so mad i cant draw hahaixst anyway maybe next year