A Quick Little Something I Knocked Together, The Patented Tragic Backstory Generator Is The Easiest Way

A quick little something I knocked together, the patented tragic backstory generator ™ is the easiest way to give your character a mythically horrible origin. 

(actual tragedy may vary, results are final and non-negotiable, i am not responsible for any tears you may shed while imagining the sad life your character must have led up to this point)

*pulls up to the fanfic drive-thru window* uh yeah, i’ll take a fake relationship with a side of mutual pining and thinking the other isn’t interested, thanks

psychic *reads my mind*

Me;