Day 3 Of @traumas-tmntober-2024 Starvation:

Day 3 of @traumas-tmntober-2024 Starvation:

Of Hunger And Heart

Words: 1802

Being raised in the dark sewers by a previously human rat mutant wasn't a recipe that lended well to healthy eating habits. Mikey is often underesrimated but his observation skills were always brilliant even as a small child who couldn't convey his feelings nor findings properly.

So he vompensated in a different way.

OR

Why Mikey will eat anything.

Michelangelo hadn't always been considered a glutton. Someone who would eat anything whether it was edible or not. He had picked this trait up very early on, however.

His earliest memories were shrouded in. darkness. It was also cold and wet and the walls echoed any noise that was made. The echoes of growling stomachs and soft whines were deafening and he could remember holding his hands against his tympanum to stop it.

That made hearing his father's quiet crying and lack of presence ever more obvious, at least to him. Raphie and Lee and DeeDee were still asleep in the turtle pile but Mikey was a light sleeper and his Chichi's fur and warmth was gone.

Mikey didn't get out from under his siblings even though he desperately wanted to. Mikey never sought out his papa or told him he'd witnessed many moments like this. Times where in the dim light he could make out the hunched form of their sensei holding his keepsakes from his first family or quietly counting tins of food.

It wasn't easy to see with the streaks of the far away streetlamp that his younger self had dubbed 'the mini sun,’ either. It was in this low light surrounded by his brothers that he had made the decision to be as helpful as he could. Whilst watching them play he'd keep him distracted, drawing him out of that hauntingly distant look. He would demand his attention and affection to keep him in the moment. He knew it upset Chichi when he was awake late at night. So, he would make up for the sad nights by getting up early to babble and take his mind off of what was upsetting him.

Most of all, Michelangelo would never refuse any food he was given. Unlike Raphie who would refuse foods that looked gross or he knew would taste weird, or Dee, who had cemented what he liked early on and never even tried anything new. He never complained about the food like Lee used to. He always ate without fuss.

Human food was difficult to attain for Sensei but he had tried when they were learning to turtle. He couldn't get money so he was forced to steal for what they needed, which he still tried to do in the most honourable way. He only took the bare minimum and he usually took what was already going to be thrown out and wasted.

It still proved too difficult to sustain. Having 4 babies to keep an eye on as he gathered blankets and formula and avoided witnesses and the sparse cameras was difficult enough but the danger of leaving his toddlers in the sewers as he scavenged alone made it even harder. Especially with some of the events going on at the time.

Mikey hadn't known any of this back then but there was a clear difference from seeing their father disappear every few nights to only seeing him leave once every few weeks, his shoulders taut with stress and exhaustion. Instead, often taking them throughout the sewers to collect sewer water and algae.

Mikey had loved the little bucket he had that was decorated with small painted pictures that he'd use to carry water and algae. He'd help Splinter separate the algae to be stored and to crush eggshells every now and then for the calcium. He did this whilst balancing precariously on the rickety chair they had found on the side of a road to reach the table that Splinter had rebuilt when it'd been thrown out with the bins.

He had first learnt to cook with his Chichi. Well, cooking was a loose term for everything they were doing. He wasn't allowed too close to the fire but Dee was because he was being taught how to purify the water so they could drink it. Instead, papa spent hours teaching him how to cure and plate and make the algae more palatable and something to do with hydraulics and his skills only expanded with age.

Mikey was the algae's biggest advocate. Chichi didn't love it but he bit his tongue and ate all of Mikey's dishes without a word and he was ever so grateful. That confidence and trust was what he needed.

Leo followed eventually, looking up to their Chichiue more and more and copying him but he still didn't find enjoyment from eating this food. Mikey had long banned him from the kitchen the few times he'd try to do something and destroyed parts of his kitchen. That boy could burn water and they did not have the resources for that!

Donnie didn't ever have anything nice to say about the algae but he'd usually hold his beak when Master Splinter ate with them. He only ate what was nutritionally required and sometimes not even that when he was cooped up in his lab. He'd snuck a few bits of lettuce at times, Mikey noted.

Raph ate the least of his food. He picked at it, threw it at his siblings and fed it to Mikey's favourite turtle at-the-time: Spike. That was why when Mikey was old enough he would always beg Sensei with his best puppy dog eyes if he could grab lettuce if nothing else. Raph would show his gratefulness with soft noogies and a quick thanks and less moaning about the food directly after. The first time he even let Miley look at his comics!

Mikey didn't like the algae either though but he didn't truly realise until he had that first slice of pizza on their 15th mutation day. Mikey didn't realise how hungry he was until that first greasy slice hit his tongue. The cheese stretched and clung to his teeth, the warmth of the dough filling his stomach like nothing ever had before. It was like tasting joy for the first time. Just having enough would never be the same.

Mikey didn't handle the change from no real food to having so much of it that well. He probably took advantage of April's kindness those first few months asking for outlandish ingredients and amounts of so many new foods. He finally got to cook! He got to make food his family actually enjoyed. He got to experiment with wild concoctions.

Mikey was hooked on seeing his family's eyes light up at his dishes and come running when the smell of food wafted out of the kitchen. He got genuine compliments and felt useful to the team!

There was another problem, however. He started hoarding food and snacks in his room and silently panicking when the hunger pangs returned. Suddenly, going without food like during times when they were held hostage or just on a long patrol were even harder even though he knew he had gone days without anything when he was much younger. A few hours shouldn't scare him so much. It was a weakness he hid and buried deep down.

He and Casey often hung out in his room reading comics and holding their own really bad karaoke sessions or planning skating routes. Sometimes Mondo joined in. He hadn't expected Casey to find his stash when he hadn't before in all the times they'd hung out in his room.

Casey had held Michelangelo tightly and stayed quiet for a while until he dropped the bomb on him. “I understand.”

Mikey may be more in touch with his emotions than his brother's but he still wasn't a cry baby. Though he isn't afraid to admit that he ugly sobbed into Casey's shoulder and got snot everywhere.

Once he had settled down, Casey had promised not to tell the others so long as he spoke to his dad and let him clean the food out. Mikey agreed and Casey got to work. He didn't ask Mikey to throw out the food Casey could tell he was itching to hide it again. Instead Casey took the fresh produce and binned it. Mikey jumped in at first unable to let go of the food. What if they needed it? The apple was only a little rotten, it could sustain him for a bit if they couldn't get more food. He couldn't just waste it! Casey gently wrestled it out of his hands and sat him down.

“You know how shitty my sperm-donor is? Well he wasn't good at buying food for his offspring either. We don't usually have food I can hide but whenever there's free food handouts or some food going out of date I could take or Murakami's leftovers Ianaged to store up I'd hide em. They'd be gone within a few hours if I put them in the kitchen and not cause my little sister had eaten it either.” Casey stopped for a moment to breathe. He wrapped an arm between the lip of Mikey's carapace and his neck and pulled him closer.

“What I'm trying to say is you deserve better and this food is gonna get you ill. I'm not saying go cold turkey but leave the stuff that goes off out of your room. You hear me?” Casey grinned at that last but, using his other arm to lightly punch Mike's arm. The giggle that was pulled out of him had them in a better mood, joking as they continued.

Mikey still itched to stop Casey touching his hoard but he stayed disciplined and forced himself to watch as Casey finished binning all the gone-off food and placing the snacks that wouldn't go out if date or at least soon in a little box. He'd also taken the random bits like the tin if kidney beans out. It overwhelmed Mikey even though he hadn't actually done anything but everything felt so big and strange.

Mikey put the small box under his bed and hugged Casey again. He felt so lucky one of his best friends cared so much, hadn't judged him, and let him keep some snacks. He forgot he had promised to talk to his papa until Casey mentioned he'd ask about it the next time he came over.

Mikey was thoroughly stuffed. That was not going to go well but he decided that was a tomorrow Mikey problem. For now, Mikey was going to make sure Dee had eaten and then maybe head to bed.

He felt lighter and anxious all at once and it was a feeling he felt was best slept off. Maybe he could put off talking to Sensei if he talked to Casey about it instead.

How could he tell Chichi that, despite all his sacrifices, it hadn't been enough? That they had still gone hungry? He wouldn't do that to him. He couldn't bear to hurt him like that.

The thought was forced out of his mind as he dragged open the lab's sliding door.

Hello!!! Thanks for making it this far, I appreciate it and hope you enjoyed it!! This fic is very personal to me and a lot of it is my own projections adapted to fit my child: Mikey!

Chichi and Chichue both are japanese endearments for father that I believe the tots would use more than sensei and Mikey would still use as he does Papa in the show.

Mikey mentions hyrdaulics but he's actually misinterpreted this as its hydrolisis, one of the ways algae is treated and the egg shells are actually for the calcium carbonate needed.

I have so many little tidbits in these fics I add in like Casey having a little sister and using his IDW backstory as inspiration for Casey's backstory. Also a lot of these are headcanons that are reflected in fanfics like Hey Sunshine by @leadenn (my favourite fanfic series!! sorry for the tag but its so worth the read!) and I'd love to hear about my writing criticisms and all from those who bothered to read it!!! Thanks for listening to my tangent, enjoy yourselves!!

Edit: Tyyy so much to my mate who beta read this just as I posted and pointed out a few mistakes, theyve been fixed now!!

I present you my "Donnie, the Emotionless, Absolutely Never Crying Badboy" collection:

and, of course:

Yep, definitively no emotions here!

Day 6 of @traumas-tmntober-2024 An Injustice

Two Weeks of Eternity

A farewell was something Donnie was far too young to have let alone a funeral. None of them could process the fact that he was gone and they didn't even have his body to bury.

OR

What if April couldn't bring Donnie back

Word Count: 1489

Two weeks. Two weeks was a very short amount of time. Two weeks was common. Two weeks was a blip in the universe. Two weeks wasn't even anything that special within just a year. Yet, the two weeks it had been since Donnie had passed stretched on like an eternity.

Raphael sat in silence, rolling his wrist absentmindedly. His fingers were tightly wrapped in bandages, splinted with a precision that should’ve been Donnie’s work. But it wasn’t Donnie. It was Leo. Leo, who had quietly taken over the task Donnie used to scold him about, patching up injuries, grumbling under his breath about Raph's recklessness. The absence of Donnie’s voice, that familiar mixture of annoyance and care, hung over him like a ghost. Was it strange to miss being scolded?

He didn't know where he had gotten that injury. His knuckles throbbed as he tried to think back to where it could of happened. Moments after April- He punched the metal column harshly once. Then again. And again.

Later on, when April had come back to her senses, Raphael had decided to remedy that. By beating her senseless. She had killed his little brother. His twin. She had done so many awful, inexcusable things to Donnie that he had let slide. He'd even let Donnie's own strange behaviour, his misplaced loyalty in her go a little for his sake but he was not going to sleep on this. He was done managing his temper.

So he snapped and charged toward her, knocked her to the ground. He pulled back and rammed forward right for her nose, the wet crack of cartilage echoed in the dim alley. The second hit landed squarely on her jaw. Twice. Then he hit her cheekbone. Then her lip. He punched her so hard she was coughing up blood and teeth. He got one more wallop to the eye before Leo had bothered to pull him off of that bitch!

Raphael didn’t resist. He couldn’t bring himself to fight his brothers, no matter how much rage clawed at his chest. But as he turned back toward April, a low growl tore from his throat. He spat at her, his disgust seething through his entire body. The sight of her mangled face and tangled hair had barely even satisfied him. His heart hammered as he breathed raggedly, he itched to do more. Deep inside he was still screaming to do more but it was all pointless. If Donnie knew what he'd just done he would be livid. But Donnie was gone now.

Raph would bet money that if Donnie somehow managed to come back after that he would just forgive her and move on immediately. Too soft-hearted, too goddamned willing to let her get away with everything, even when it had destroyed him in the end. He was so down bad it had gotten him killed. It infuriated him. Raphael raised his good hand to knock on Leonardo's door.

Leonardo slowly tied the mask around his face, his fingers trembling as he secured the knot. The mask was such a deep, inky blue that in the dim light, it seemed indistinguishable from black. It clung to his scales, a second layer meant to hide the cracks in his composure, to bury the emotions clawing their way to the surface. The dark fabric would conceal the tears he knew were coming, the moisture soaking in without a trace, but it couldn’t hide the bloodshot edges of his eyes. They glared through the narrow slits, raw with the weight of sleepless nights and a mind tangled in turmoil.

He stared into the mirror, the mask transforming him into a stranger. It was ironic, how something meant to conceal could only magnify his pain. Yet still, he tied the mask tighter, hoping it would somehow hold everything in place: his face, his grief, his unravelling.

They were holding his funeral today. There wasn’t much they could do without a body, but their father was used to that kind of grief. He had mourned Tang Shen for sixteen long years and Miwa for fifteen. So the funeral had been set up accordingly but they had all seen their Sensei's face yesterday. His eyes deep with an ache he had learned to carry in silence, and now, it was happening again.

The rituals would be the same as they'd always witnessed: flowers, incense, whispered prayers, but the emptiness would weigh heavier without a body to lay to rest. And with how he died, his soul could be just as vapourised

A cool hand rested on his shoulder, causing him to look at his younger brother. It was painful to see him in a mask colour so unlike his own. Where Leo's mask was blue it wasn't too unsightly to see himself in black but the dark carmine of Raphael's mask made him want to weep again. It didn't suit his fiery personality, the anger that was meant to fuel his every move.

Instead it was just the underlying fear that was present. He had to be strong for the both of them. He steeled himself, clenching his fist tight, fingernails digging under the scales and teeth clenching painfully. With great difficulty he reached up to Raph's hand with his own and rested there for just a moment before he brushed him off and silently made for the door.

He wasn't strong enough for weak words right now. Small comforts and placations wouldn't work on Raph if he had the strength to try. It felt odd describing himself as leading Raph to Mikey even though if Donnie were here, that very same act wouldn't have changed at all. Every consuming thought was plagued by the nightmare-turned-reality.

Leo didn’t bother stopping at Mikey’s room. He already knew it was empty. Mikey hadn’t slept there since that night. He had always spent more time in other parts of the lair, but now he avoided his room entirely, as if stepping inside might force him to confront the nightmare they were all living in. Lately, Mikey either slept in Leo or Raph’s room, wandered through the kitchen, dozed off on the couch, or sat silently in Donnie’s lab. Mikey’s usual energy had been snuffed out, his laughter hollow, his smiles strained and far too thin to convince anyone that he was okay. Every joke fell flat, and seeing that forced brightness on Mikey’s face was almost worse than his sadness.

The sliding door of the dojo parted easily, where the funeral was to be held and where they found Mikey. He was darting from place to place: rearranging flowers in an intricate pattern; placing a photo of Donnie on an easel so it was easy to see; and straightening up the little trinkets placed on the small wooden shrine. At the top of the shrine sat Donnie’s mask—the only thing left of him since April…

Casey stood off to the side, leaning against the wall, watching in silence. The weight of the moment stretched on, unbroken until finally someone spoke.

“This doesn’t feel real,” Casey muttered, his voice low.

Raph scoffed softly. “You can say that again, Jones.”

“This is surreal!” He repeated with a bitter tone. And he meant it. Just two weeks ago Donnie had trained in this very dojo, full of life but getting his ass beat. Now he had a mourning shrine here to offer a cruel solace to the living as he floated through space and time or whatever hell April had condemned him to.

Leo dragged his feet along the carpet as he made his way to Master Splinter's door. He knew when he knocked, he would emerge. Then he'd let everyone else attending Donatello's funeral in. Karai, Slash, Leatherhead, Dr Rockwell, Pidgeon Pete, Mondo Gecko, Timothy, and Shinigami. Everyone they knew and trusted were to be let in to pay respects to Donnie. Leo knew it was selfish to stand here with his hand raised to knock yet still refuse to start it just to put it off for himself.

He wasn’t ready to let go. Not yet. The crushing weight of admitting Donnie was truly gone pressed down on him like an anvil. The finality of it wrapped around his chest, constricting until it was hard to breathe. He wasn’t ready to accept that there was nothing left of his baby brother par memories, nothing but this pain shared between them all. But Leo knew he couldn’t hold onto this moment forever. He had to let the others grieve too. This wasn’t a burden for him to carry alone. He was probably selfish, hoping it was just his burden because that would mean none of them cared for Donnie.

With a deep breath, Leo finally raised his hand and knocked. There was no turning back now.

Truthfully, Leo knew there had been turning back as soon as Donnie started to plead and beg April for his life.

Hello!! I say todays prompt but its 3am of the 7th Whoops. Todays prompt was hard to get started but thanks to @agalactichalo I was able to start steamrolling this fic.

It ended up being an episode rewrite plus an au because the writers constantly served an injustice to the audience withApril's poor writing. They couldn't handle complex trauma and plots for her and they always bent the story so she would be painted in the most positive light even when she didn't deserve it. I was so angry when none of the brother's reacted to Donnie's death properly and just forgave April immediately. It was so poorly handled and Donnie doesnt process trauma like at all. Like please, babygirl, you can process the fact you just died!!

Also the panning and zoom in on Casey was so funny. Like why did they choose Jones, his rival out of everyone to focus on aftsr his death if they weren't destined to be boyfriends??? And the rain!! Pathetic Fallacy at its finest and these are two pathetic idiots in love your honour. Anywhizzle, I rewrote it with Raph beating the crap out if April because thats more in line with his character that the episode to me and I found it cathartic. Fanon April I love you so much, pls dont hate me.

Also does anyone know if its 'bar' or 'par' or 'pare' for 'something absolute EXCEPT this'? Many thanks if so!

I've decided to try my hand at @traumas-tmntober-2024

Day One: An Old Favourite

La Primera Telenovela

Word Count: 1064

If you had asked Leonardo what came to mind when thinking of an apocalypse before the night The Krang ripped open the sky then he would have spoken of battles and death mid combat. The agonising pain of loss wouldn’t have been something his teen self would have dwelled on. Now after years of war, Leo had a different sense of loss. He wouldn't think a simple show would have him shedding long held tears. OR Leonardo finds the finale he and Splinter bonded over so many years ago before The Kraang invaded. Leo gets to share that painful favourite hobby with his pseudo-son. (Warning: Author is British and refuses to use American spellings for sanity's sake.)

If you had asked Leo what came to mind when thinking of an apocalypse before the night the Krang ripped open the sky then he would have spoken of battles and death mid combat. The agonising pain of loss wouldn’t have been something his teen self would have dwelled on. Now after years of war, Leo had a different sense of loss.

Archiving things was difficult in the apocalypse. Donnie had tried originally to save things to a personal cloud but that got too difficult to maintain and was needed for more important things and he eventually got too busy upgrading equipment for them and their sister bases to be able to focus on remembering the past. That left external devices and drives.

One of these drives was on Splinter’s small shrine. They had already had to move shelters many times but they were usually able to stay for a couple of months meaning they had the liberty to allow their father’s belongings to be displayed. Leo always kept a sack nearby to dump the shrine into if they have to get up and go… again.

Leo wasn’t sure what possessed him that night. He should have been sleeping. They had an important mission in the morning. They didn’t have unlimited electricity so wasting this tablet’s charge on this was truly wasteful and self indulgent but he couldn’t help it. He loaded up the saved episode of the finale of the first telenovela he and Splinter had watched together. Adverts and all.

This was their favourite telenovela even as he’d grown and had widened the list of spanish dramas they had watched together, they always returned to the first and binged it annually before the apocalypse. A truly golden piece of media and easily his favourite despite the awful writing and the admittedly bad cinematography, even for the time. There were some scenes where you could even see the full crew during tracking shots.

He let himself indulge in Maria’s story as she murdered her ex-fiance Alejandro and ran into her mother as she tried to hide the body. More beloved characters appeared reminding him of the old arcs from that season and the ones to follow in the following. Suddenly the screen had distorted with drops of water and he instinctively looked at the pipes on the ceiling praying that they weren’t yet again leaking and wasting the incredibly limited water they had.

That’s when he felt it. There were tears on his face, they were so silent he hadn’t even noticed the salty waste had escaped. He turned the screen off and used his cape to wipe the screen dry whilst forcing the tears to stay in when he heard the familiar pitter patter of his charge’s footsteps approaching: Casey Jones Junior.

“Master Leonardo?”

Leo cringed. He didn’t feel like the Master he was meant to be but he hid that behind a smile and lifted an arm up for the pre-teen boy to crawl into. He hugged the boy tight and didn’t ask why he was up, like he had many times in the past. He did so especially after Cassandra’s passing but it often just led to unbridled fury that didn’t belong on the child’s face. He had already suffered so much loss but he always offered to listen if he needed it.

Honestly, his need for comfort after such nightmare’s could be due to anything from the war although they did tend to find it took more to shake the ‘apocalypse babies’ but also found it harder for them to cope with what did. Casey often just needed a firm hug and someone who he was sure would watch over him to keep the nightmares away but he never did go to sleep straight away.

“Hey Case, wanna see what this is?”

Leonardo waited for the tired nod before he turned the screen back on and rewound the episode. He spent the next 10 minutes explaining what a telenovela is and the plot of the season previewing this episode before playing it.

This time he got his entertainment watching Casey’s expression light up. He didn’t get to watch many video feeds and the most common one was that of the security cameras that Donatello monitored. He paused the video every time Casey wanted clarification. Leo hadn’t taught Casey much Spanish. There wasn’t a huge need to be rich in multiple languages beyond how to have basic conversations and communicate directions and supplies. Explaining why Jose and Rosemary were robbing Maria’s childhood house excited much joy, however.

It didn’t take long though to see Casey’s eyes drooping and struggling to focus on the finale, no longer asking if the grocery store he had seen was real or why there were full homes for just a couple of people. He was quiet and Leo waited until he was snoring softly before he turned the tablet off and took Casey back to bed.

He would never watch a telenovela with his father again. He would never get to hear his father’s rambles about why Penelope was the worst character in the series. He would never get to hold his dad’s hand as the climactic monologue started and they revealed the plot twist they had already rewatched countless times over. He would never have his pops there to give him advice. He’d never have his dad’s hug again and they were already rare.

Leonardo hated that he missed his dad’s death. He never got his moment to say goodbye. His father had to pass without knowing if he was going to be okay. All because of that stupid portal. He hoped from the grave that his dad’s spirit got to see him become a resistance leader that would make him proud. Be proud of the kid they had all practically adopted after Cassandra went out fighting, like the warrior she was.

He hoped Splinter knew how much he missed hanging out with him and loved him. He hoped he hadn’t lost his love with that stupid stunt.

He placed the drive back on the shrine and put the tablet back into the room they used to plan missions and hold important decision meetings: needing the distinction so they didn’t have arguments everywhere around the shelter.

He would try to get some sleep but the ghosts of the past may haunt him all night.

I really wanted to try doing a fic a day for a month and I've decided today is the day. I originally based this off of an idea @agalactichalo gave me. "A used to be shared hobby between you and someone who died." Which immedietly got the cogs in my little lizard brain turning and I just had to!

Hope everyone who reads this enjoys it!!

Donnie Data Collection!!

I ran out of creative juices from yesterdays near 4000 word fic. I aint got any decent ideas TwT

I haven't yet started on todays tmntober and its 6pm

I have instead abandoned the joke piece I wrote about 3 hours ago of Nickelodean being a classic villain and throwing injustices as the turtles like comic book onomatopeic words as a weapon.

TMNT 2012 Aired 12 years ago, congrats on such a long reign. Despite the ups and down you were my introduction to this fandom and Y'gthgba and Fugitoid are still my favourite characters ever.

Happy 12th Mutagen Day 2k12.