Day 4 Of @traumas-tmntober-2024 Desperation

Day 4 of @traumas-tmntober-2024 Desperation

When in Doubt, Hug a Mikey

Raph didn't understand Donnie and as the oldest, his little brother's not functioning is his failure. Raph can't handle failure so he lashes out. It's not a recipe to repeat.

OR

ROTT kids (9, 8, 8, and 7) don't yet quite grasp Donnie's autism and Raph ends up shouting at him at the worst time possible and he runs off. Raph then has to navigate the sewers as guilt weighs over him to find his brothers.

Word Count: 1614

Raph was fine, he thought, his tail scratching against the concrete, his teeth chattering nervously when they didn't catch his lip. He didn't like being alone and it was just dangerous to leave Mikey behind as he searched for the twins. Mike was tucked in his shell and dozing in Raph's arms, squished as close as plastron on plastron could get.

His breath fogged in a thick cloud. The cold of the sewers seeped into his bones and the walls surrounding him seemed like they were closing in. Every echo only cemented just how lost he was. Even the scratching of Raph's scales on Mikey's carapace as he rubbed it to keep his baby brother warm sounded ominous and unfamiliar.

The guilt gnawed at him. He could still hear his own voice from hours ago, cutting through the air like a blade.

Thoughts flooded him from just before sundown where Donnie had refused to come and eat the food Dad had left out. Raph had taken it upon himself to make Don come and eat his food. He hadn't known how bad of a day he was already having and had only made it worse.

Donnie had sat hunched in the corner, hands pressed tightly over his ears, his glasses discarded and broken on the floor. He had retreated into his shell—both figuratively and, to some extent, literally. His breath was ragged, as if the weight of the world was pressing down on him.

Raph paced in front of him, his fists clenched at his sides. His voice was already raised, trembling with frustration and hurt.

"Donnie, stop acting like this! You think ignoring us is gonna make anything better? You think hiding away is the answer?" Raph’s tail thumped against the ground with every step, a physical manifestation of his barely controlled rage.

Donnie didn’t respond. He only tightened his grip over his ears, shutting everything out, his eyes squeezed shut as if trying to block out the world.

Before Raph could shout again, Leo stepped in, his hand on Raph’s shoulder.

“Raph,” Leo said quietly, his voice calm but firm. "That’s enough."

Raph jerked away from Leo’s touch, turning on him with blazing eyes. "Stay out of this, Leo. You don’t get it!"

"I do get it," Leo replied, his voice unwavering, but there was a softness in his little brother's eyes. "You're angry because you're scared. You're scared for him. But yelling at him isn’t going to help."

Raph’s chest heaved, his fists still clenched at his sides, trembling with the effort of holding back. "You don’t know how hard it is, Leo! Donnie won’t listen, he won’t talk to us, and I—" His voice broke for a second, raw emotion spilling through the cracks. "I don’t know how to help him."

Leo’s gaze softened further. "I know you’re trying, Raph. We all are. But this isn’t about you. Donnie’s not shutting us out because he wants to hurt you."

"I know that!" Raph snapped, but it sounded hollow, almost like he was trying to convince himself. "But what am I supposed to do? Just not help him? He won't eat, Leo!"

Leo took a step closer, his voice dropping to something more understanding. "You don’t have to do nothin’. You just have to stop trying to fix everything with your fists and anger." He glanced at Donnie, who was still curled up, barely holding himself together. "Right now, he needs us to just be there. Not to force him to do anything."

Raph growled in frustration, running a hand over his face. "Really? That’s your answer? That’s all you’ve got?" He turned away, pacing again, his anger bubbling up, but now it was directed inward as much as outward. "I’m supposed to just sit back and let him fall apart?"

Leo’s voice remained calm, but there was an edge to it now. "Raph, he’s already struggling. You can’t fight that for him. It can't be yelled at or beaten up. What you can do is be there when he’s ready."

Raph stopped in his tracks, his shoulders tense. His eyes flicked to Donnie, then back to Leo. His voice came out low, dangerous. "You think I haven’t tried that? I’m always there. But every time I reach out, he pulls away. He acts like he doesn’t need us. Like he doesn’t need me."

Leo's expression shifted slightly, a hint of sympathy deepening in his eyes. He understood now what Raph wasn’t saying directly. This wasn’t just about Donnie shutting down. It was about Raph feeling helpless, useless even, in the face of something he couldn’t control or fix.

"You’re not the problem, Raph," Leo said gently, "And you’re not useless. Donnie’s always done stuff we don’t fully understand. But pushing him harder only makes him withdraw more. Remember?"

Raph opened his mouth to argue, but then closed it, biting down on his lip, his snaggletooth almost cutting in. His eyes flicked again to Donnie, who still hadn’t moved. The sight of his brother, so small and broken, made something twist painfully in his chest. He was scared. t

Terrified, even. And he hated how small he felt even when he was the biggest and strongest. But the more he pushed, the more it felt like Donnie was slipping away.

Leo watched him, his voice softening even further. "We can’t force him to open up, Raph. He’ll.. snap out of it when he’s ready. But right now, you need to give him space. We're practically smothering him with togetherness right now." He joked poorly.

Raph’s breath hitched, his voice dropping to almost a whisper. "What if he doesn’t come back? What if we lose him?"

Leo’s face softened but he remained calm. "We won’t lose him. We just have to trust him to find his way through this, and be there when he does."

Raph looked at Leo, his eyes searching for some kind of answer, something that would make all of this make sense. But there wasn’t anything, only the uncertainty that came with watching someone you love struggle, knowing you couldn’t fight the battle for them. Couldn't shield them: take the punches. Just forced to wait.

Before Raph could say anything more, there was a sudden movement from Donnie. He stood up abruptly, his hands still covering his ears, his eyes wide and unfocused. Without warning, he bolted toward the door, stumbling in his panic, barely able to see without his glasses.

"Donnie, wait!" Raph shouted, his heart leaping into his throat. But Donnie was already gone, the door slamming behind him.

Leo reacted immediately, sprinting after Donnie without hesitation. "Raph, stay with Mikey! I’ll find him!"

But Raph stood frozen for a moment, his heart racing, his mind spinning with guilt, fear, and frustration. His anger at Leo, at Donnie, at himself, all felt meaningless now.

When he finally scooped up Mikey, the weight of everything felt like it was crushing him. He had let his temper get the best of him, again. And Donnie was gone.

Now, as the slow hours of night stretched into dawn, Raph trudged through the sewers, his limbs heavy with fatigue and guilt. Every shadow felt like it could be Donnie or Leo, but they weren’t. He had been searching for what felt like an eternity.

The cold seeped into his bones, each breath a reminder of how long they’d been gone. He could only hope Leo had found Donnie by now, that maybe they were huddled up somewhere safe. But there was no sign. Only the occasional plip of water and his own heartbeat drumming in his ears.

He stopped to catch his breath, shifting Mikey slightly so he wasn’t as squished. He stared down the tunnel, difficult even with his enhanced vision.

“I’m sorry, Donnie,” Raph whispered, though no one could hear him. The weight of his own words felt like they might crush him. He hadn’t meant any of it. He was just scared. He didn’t know how to fix things. Donnie's the one who fixed things! For the most part.

Suddenly, a sound – a faint shuffle in the distance, barely audible over the drip of the sewers. Raph’s heart skipped a beat.

“Mikey,” he said, more to steady himself than to wake his brother, “I think we’re close.”

He trudged forward, muscles tense, his grip on Mikey’s shell tightening. He strained his ears, listening for any sign of life. It was hard to tell in the dark, but the movement grew louder, the sound of feet scuffling through water.

"Leo? Donnie?" His voice came out rough, desperate. He waited, holding his breath.

Then, a shadow appeared, moving toward him.

"Raph?" It was Leo’s voice, weary but unmistakable. Relief washed over him like a wave.

"Leo!" Raph’s legs moved on their own, carrying him toward the shadow. As he got closer, he could see Leo, soaked, exhausted, but standing upright. His face was a mask of determination, but beneath it, there was relief too.

And there, behind Leo, was Donnie, eyes red, trembling, but alive.

Raph nearly collapsed, his chest heaving with emotion. He wanted to say something, to apologise, but all that came out was a choked sob.

Leo was the first to speak, his voice soft. "We found him, Raph. He’s okay. Let’s all go home." His grin was clear even in the near pitch black tunnel. “Before Dad notices it's been too quiet.”

Donnie had given up fighting and in fact let Raph hold him gently, Leo now holding the still asleep Mikey. The blubbering was just starting to quiet down when Leo quipped. “What are you crying for? You know I always find my twin.”

Hiiii!! Thanks for reading this.

Today's prompt was difficult because I had so many half baked idead and couldn't commit to any one. I decided to do another Rise fic too even though most of the ideas ended up with 2012 like the desperation felt in the early s3 or with Mikey in Into Dimension X.

I decided I'd written a lot of hard hitting angst lately and wrote something eadier to figest with a much fluffier ending and giving Raph his much needed spotlight. He's underrated by the community!!!

I'd love comments both good and critical of my work. I struggle with dialogue and making the turtles sound the ages I've decided so any help on that front would be greatly appreciated!! Toodles!

Please reblog if YES so your followers will know!

I present you my "Donnie, the Emotionless, Absolutely Never Crying Badboy" collection:

and, of course:

Yep, definitively no emotions here!

Chessmaster Leo is one of my favorite headcanons about him, right up there with Medic Leo.

Day 6 of @traumas-tmntober-2024 An Injustice

Two Weeks of Eternity

A farewell was something Donnie was far too young to have let alone a funeral. None of them could process the fact that he was gone and they didn't even have his body to bury.

OR

What if April couldn't bring Donnie back

Word Count: 1489

Two weeks. Two weeks was a very short amount of time. Two weeks was common. Two weeks was a blip in the universe. Two weeks wasn't even anything that special within just a year. Yet, the two weeks it had been since Donnie had passed stretched on like an eternity.

Raphael sat in silence, rolling his wrist absentmindedly. His fingers were tightly wrapped in bandages, splinted with a precision that should’ve been Donnie’s work. But it wasn’t Donnie. It was Leo. Leo, who had quietly taken over the task Donnie used to scold him about, patching up injuries, grumbling under his breath about Raph's recklessness. The absence of Donnie’s voice, that familiar mixture of annoyance and care, hung over him like a ghost. Was it strange to miss being scolded?

He didn't know where he had gotten that injury. His knuckles throbbed as he tried to think back to where it could of happened. Moments after April- He punched the metal column harshly once. Then again. And again.

Later on, when April had come back to her senses, Raphael had decided to remedy that. By beating her senseless. She had killed his little brother. His twin. She had done so many awful, inexcusable things to Donnie that he had let slide. He'd even let Donnie's own strange behaviour, his misplaced loyalty in her go a little for his sake but he was not going to sleep on this. He was done managing his temper.

So he snapped and charged toward her, knocked her to the ground. He pulled back and rammed forward right for her nose, the wet crack of cartilage echoed in the dim alley. The second hit landed squarely on her jaw. Twice. Then he hit her cheekbone. Then her lip. He punched her so hard she was coughing up blood and teeth. He got one more wallop to the eye before Leo had bothered to pull him off of that bitch!

Raphael didn’t resist. He couldn’t bring himself to fight his brothers, no matter how much rage clawed at his chest. But as he turned back toward April, a low growl tore from his throat. He spat at her, his disgust seething through his entire body. The sight of her mangled face and tangled hair had barely even satisfied him. His heart hammered as he breathed raggedly, he itched to do more. Deep inside he was still screaming to do more but it was all pointless. If Donnie knew what he'd just done he would be livid. But Donnie was gone now.

Raph would bet money that if Donnie somehow managed to come back after that he would just forgive her and move on immediately. Too soft-hearted, too goddamned willing to let her get away with everything, even when it had destroyed him in the end. He was so down bad it had gotten him killed. It infuriated him. Raphael raised his good hand to knock on Leonardo's door.

Leonardo slowly tied the mask around his face, his fingers trembling as he secured the knot. The mask was such a deep, inky blue that in the dim light, it seemed indistinguishable from black. It clung to his scales, a second layer meant to hide the cracks in his composure, to bury the emotions clawing their way to the surface. The dark fabric would conceal the tears he knew were coming, the moisture soaking in without a trace, but it couldn’t hide the bloodshot edges of his eyes. They glared through the narrow slits, raw with the weight of sleepless nights and a mind tangled in turmoil.

He stared into the mirror, the mask transforming him into a stranger. It was ironic, how something meant to conceal could only magnify his pain. Yet still, he tied the mask tighter, hoping it would somehow hold everything in place: his face, his grief, his unravelling.

They were holding his funeral today. There wasn’t much they could do without a body, but their father was used to that kind of grief. He had mourned Tang Shen for sixteen long years and Miwa for fifteen. So the funeral had been set up accordingly but they had all seen their Sensei's face yesterday. His eyes deep with an ache he had learned to carry in silence, and now, it was happening again.

The rituals would be the same as they'd always witnessed: flowers, incense, whispered prayers, but the emptiness would weigh heavier without a body to lay to rest. And with how he died, his soul could be just as vapourised

A cool hand rested on his shoulder, causing him to look at his younger brother. It was painful to see him in a mask colour so unlike his own. Where Leo's mask was blue it wasn't too unsightly to see himself in black but the dark carmine of Raphael's mask made him want to weep again. It didn't suit his fiery personality, the anger that was meant to fuel his every move.

Instead it was just the underlying fear that was present. He had to be strong for the both of them. He steeled himself, clenching his fist tight, fingernails digging under the scales and teeth clenching painfully. With great difficulty he reached up to Raph's hand with his own and rested there for just a moment before he brushed him off and silently made for the door.

He wasn't strong enough for weak words right now. Small comforts and placations wouldn't work on Raph if he had the strength to try. It felt odd describing himself as leading Raph to Mikey even though if Donnie were here, that very same act wouldn't have changed at all. Every consuming thought was plagued by the nightmare-turned-reality.

Leo didn’t bother stopping at Mikey’s room. He already knew it was empty. Mikey hadn’t slept there since that night. He had always spent more time in other parts of the lair, but now he avoided his room entirely, as if stepping inside might force him to confront the nightmare they were all living in. Lately, Mikey either slept in Leo or Raph’s room, wandered through the kitchen, dozed off on the couch, or sat silently in Donnie’s lab. Mikey’s usual energy had been snuffed out, his laughter hollow, his smiles strained and far too thin to convince anyone that he was okay. Every joke fell flat, and seeing that forced brightness on Mikey’s face was almost worse than his sadness.

The sliding door of the dojo parted easily, where the funeral was to be held and where they found Mikey. He was darting from place to place: rearranging flowers in an intricate pattern; placing a photo of Donnie on an easel so it was easy to see; and straightening up the little trinkets placed on the small wooden shrine. At the top of the shrine sat Donnie’s mask—the only thing left of him since April…

Casey stood off to the side, leaning against the wall, watching in silence. The weight of the moment stretched on, unbroken until finally someone spoke.

“This doesn’t feel real,” Casey muttered, his voice low.

Raph scoffed softly. “You can say that again, Jones.”

“This is surreal!” He repeated with a bitter tone. And he meant it. Just two weeks ago Donnie had trained in this very dojo, full of life but getting his ass beat. Now he had a mourning shrine here to offer a cruel solace to the living as he floated through space and time or whatever hell April had condemned him to.

Leo dragged his feet along the carpet as he made his way to Master Splinter's door. He knew when he knocked, he would emerge. Then he'd let everyone else attending Donatello's funeral in. Karai, Slash, Leatherhead, Dr Rockwell, Pidgeon Pete, Mondo Gecko, Timothy, and Shinigami. Everyone they knew and trusted were to be let in to pay respects to Donnie. Leo knew it was selfish to stand here with his hand raised to knock yet still refuse to start it just to put it off for himself.

He wasn’t ready to let go. Not yet. The crushing weight of admitting Donnie was truly gone pressed down on him like an anvil. The finality of it wrapped around his chest, constricting until it was hard to breathe. He wasn’t ready to accept that there was nothing left of his baby brother par memories, nothing but this pain shared between them all. But Leo knew he couldn’t hold onto this moment forever. He had to let the others grieve too. This wasn’t a burden for him to carry alone. He was probably selfish, hoping it was just his burden because that would mean none of them cared for Donnie.

With a deep breath, Leo finally raised his hand and knocked. There was no turning back now.

Truthfully, Leo knew there had been turning back as soon as Donnie started to plead and beg April for his life.

Hello!! I say todays prompt but its 3am of the 7th Whoops. Todays prompt was hard to get started but thanks to @agalactichalo I was able to start steamrolling this fic.

It ended up being an episode rewrite plus an au because the writers constantly served an injustice to the audience withApril's poor writing. They couldn't handle complex trauma and plots for her and they always bent the story so she would be painted in the most positive light even when she didn't deserve it. I was so angry when none of the brother's reacted to Donnie's death properly and just forgave April immediately. It was so poorly handled and Donnie doesnt process trauma like at all. Like please, babygirl, you can process the fact you just died!!

Also the panning and zoom in on Casey was so funny. Like why did they choose Jones, his rival out of everyone to focus on aftsr his death if they weren't destined to be boyfriends??? And the rain!! Pathetic Fallacy at its finest and these are two pathetic idiots in love your honour. Anywhizzle, I rewrote it with Raph beating the crap out if April because thats more in line with his character that the episode to me and I found it cathartic. Fanon April I love you so much, pls dont hate me.

Also does anyone know if its 'bar' or 'par' or 'pare' for 'something absolute EXCEPT this'? Many thanks if so!

TMNT 2012 Aired 12 years ago, congrats on such a long reign. Despite the ups and down you were my introduction to this fandom and Y'gthgba and Fugitoid are still my favourite characters ever.

Happy 12th Mutagen Day 2k12.