Awkwardchrissy - We'll Be Ok

STOP THINKING THERE IS A DEADLINE. THERE IS NO DEADLINE. TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND TAKE YOUR TIME.

I don't know how consistent I'll be with blogging or writing again but I will try. My format may be inconsistent every now and then but I don't wanna pressure myself to stick to a single format as I'm still tryna discover which way I like. I honestly can't be bothered to check for typos/ misspellings in previous post coz my mind's pretty loaded at the moment. I've been getting back to reading again and have recently started reading "The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love" by bell hooks. Hopefully, I can commit to it and finish before the month ends. Gonna take it slow for now.

“It’s about who you miss at 2 in the afternoon when you’re busy, not 2 in the morning when you’re lonely.”

— Unknown

coping with missing him

he still hasn't woken up. i couldn't speak to him because his speech has been affected by the incident. for now, i've been watching his twitch vods and clips so i can hear his voice and his laugh again while i'm waiting to speak with him again. now i regret deleting my older accounts without backing up my data. i would've been able to save our conversations. i miss him so much.

i miss him he'd be the first person i hear in the morning and the last one id hear at night. i miss how he'd wake me up on our video call when i dont wake up from the sound of my alarm. he saved me from getting late to work a LOOOOOT of times. i miss how he'd smirk and raise his eyebrows up and down whne he's suggesting something. i miss how he'd laugh at the stupidest things. i miss how, albeit annoying sometimes, he'd interrupt me when i'm speaking because he recalled a random funny or memorable moment in his past. i miss how he'd get so passionate when he's playing games or when he's talking about something he loves doing like games and food. i miss when he calls me pretty. i miss how he suddenly laughs heartily when i do the randomest things. i miss how he'd remember the smallest details about me that i only told him once. i miss how he'd be present and ask if im okay when he feels like im bottling my feelings. i miss how he'd always remind to take meds when im sick. i miss how he looks at me. i miss how he'd kiss me thru the screen. i miss how he'd send long ass messages when he feels like it and i know he'd be typing whatever pops up in his head coz there'll be grammar lapses and so many running sentences coz of lack of punctuation marks. i miss how he'd tell me he loves me. i miss him.