Peter, Muttering: I Just Realized My Super Healing Is So Fascinating And Interesting, But I Know Little

Peter, muttering: I just realized my super healing is so fascinating and interesting, but I know little to nothing about why and how it works. Maybe I should test it by—

Steve, overhearing: There will be no testing!

Peter: But—

Natasha: No buts.

Peter: I mean, I know that it's—

Tony, who came back after fetching coffee not knowing what Peter even did: Then nothing, Peter. Discussion over.

Civilian: Oh, Spider-Man! I thought I was going to die for sure! Please, have anything, on the house!

Peter: Uh, I don't think I can...

Civilian: Please, as a thank you?

Peter: I-I really can't. I'm uh.. hormones.. I'm pregnant.

Civilian: Oh. Uh, congratulations..? Is it a boy or a girl?

Peter: Uhm, a spider. The father's a, uh, a daddy—daddy long legs.

Peter: "With great power comes great responsibility."

Tony: Okay?

Peter: With my fast healing, I have the greatest duty and responsibility to know what it feels like to be stabbed by all types of knives.

Tony: PETER, NO—

Natasha: How many kinds of knives have you been stabbed with? I had the pleasure of being stabbed by 6.

Peter: Oh, so far it's only 8, Ms. Natasha Romanoff ma'am. All of them hurt really badly when the bad guys twist it though, the first time I felt like I was actually going to have my life cut short—no pun intended!

Tony calling out from the kitchen as he hides the knives: NAT, STOP ENCOURAGING HIM, AND PETER WHAT THE FUC—

Bruce who hasn't slept in 63 hours: *pops in excitedly* Hey guys, wanna test that out? We can increase the numbers and I can expand the data on you guys.

Tony, full on panicking: BRUCIE-BEAR??????

Peter, on the phone: Mr. Stark, uh, I accidentally fell off of it.

Tony, panicking: Hey Pe— what—fell off what?!

Peter: The roof.

Tony, calming down: Oh, your apartment's? Your patrol is supposed to end by now. I'll come get you so you can get checked out in the medbay.

Peter: Uh, no, IfelloutoftheChryslerbuilding.

Tony, suddenly hyperventilating: PETER BENJAMIN FUCKING PARKER YOU 𝘞𝘏𝘈𝘛—

Tony: Alright, everyone. Remember to come dressed to kill for tonight!

*later*

Tony: Peter, why are you wearing an all black attire with a balaclava mask– wAIT WHY DO YOU HAVE A BODY BAG—

Peter: But Mr. Stark, this is a once-in-a-lifetime oppurtunity!

Tony: For the last time, Peter, I am not letting you go anywhere near the damn electric chair.