Mom Can I Please Fist Fight Someone

mom can i please fist fight someone

i literally have no words except what the fuck

Morgan, doing her homework in similes: Happiness is like rainbows! If you see one, you smile because it's so colorful! Sometimes, you get two and you get double happy!

Peter, whispering: Sometimes, you always get none even after watching so many rainy days stop and you just sit there, disappointed that no matter your effort, happiness doesn't want you and life just truly hates you.

Tony, overhearing and speed-dialing the top 10 therapists in the area:

Peter, on the phone: Mr. Stark, uh, I accidentally fell off of it.

Tony, panicking: Hey Pe— what—fell off what?!

Peter: The roof.

Tony, calming down: Oh, your apartment's? Your patrol is supposed to end by now. I'll come get you so you can get checked out in the medbay.

Peter: Uh, no, IfelloutoftheChryslerbuilding.

Tony, suddenly hyperventilating: PETER BENJAMIN FUCKING PARKER YOU 𝘞𝘏𝘈𝘛—

Peter: "With great power comes great responsibility."

Tony: Okay?

Peter: With my fast healing, I have the greatest duty and responsibility to know what it feels like to be stabbed by all types of knives.

Tony: PETER, NO—

Natasha: How many kinds of knives have you been stabbed with? I had the pleasure of being stabbed by 6.

Peter: Oh, so far it's only 8, Ms. Natasha Romanoff ma'am. All of them hurt really badly when the bad guys twist it though, the first time I felt like I was actually going to have my life cut short—no pun intended!

Tony calling out from the kitchen as he hides the knives: NAT, STOP ENCOURAGING HIM, AND PETER WHAT THE FUC—

Bruce who hasn't slept in 63 hours: *pops in excitedly* Hey guys, wanna test that out? We can increase the numbers and I can expand the data on you guys.

Tony, full on panicking: BRUCIE-BEAR??????

Peter: Yes, we are in the shit. No, we never give up.

Tony: Peter, you have a stAB WOUND AND YOU'RE LITERALLY BLEEDING OUT RIGHT NOW, PLEASE GET OFF THE DAMN CEILING—

Tony: How about you, kiddo? What do you want?

Peter: I want peace of my mind. To stop thinking about the inevitable deaths of my loved ones and that I'll have to bury them someday, and to stop crying myself to sleep every night.

Tony:

Peter:

McDonald's employee on speaker: I'm afraid we don't have that, sir.