Tony: So, I Was Recently Enlightened.

Tony: So, I was recently enlightened.

Pepper, sighing: What now, Tony?

Tony: I learned that you can Thor-honest sue someone for the "loss of enjoyment of life", and boy, DO I HAVE A FUCKING LIST.

Tony, holding Peter's hand: Alright, Petey-pie. It's time to open up.

Peter, squeezing it: Alright, okay.. Well, it all started a decade ago, when my parents died in an airplane crash.

The dentist:

Tony: How about you, kiddo? What do you want?

Peter: I want peace of my mind. To stop thinking about the inevitable deaths of my loved ones and that I'll have to bury them someday, and to stop crying myself to sleep every night.

Tony:

Peter:

McDonald's employee on speaker: I'm afraid we don't have that, sir.

Tony: Alright, everyone. Remember to come dressed to kill for tonight!

*later*

Tony: Peter, why are you wearing an all black attire with a balaclava mask– wAIT WHY DO YOU HAVE A BODY BAG—

Peter, filming near the window: i've never seen something as beautiful as this view of rain.

The Avengers, staring at him at the other side of the submarine:

Peter: "With great power comes great responsibility."

Tony: Okay?

Peter: With my fast healing, I have the greatest duty and responsibility to know what it feels like to be stabbed by all types of knives.

Tony: PETER, NO—

Natasha: How many kinds of knives have you been stabbed with? I had the pleasure of being stabbed by 6.

Peter: Oh, so far it's only 8, Ms. Natasha Romanoff ma'am. All of them hurt really badly when the bad guys twist it though, the first time I felt like I was actually going to have my life cut short—no pun intended!

Tony calling out from the kitchen as he hides the knives: NAT, STOP ENCOURAGING HIM, AND PETER WHAT THE FUC—

Bruce who hasn't slept in 63 hours: *pops in excitedly* Hey guys, wanna test that out? We can increase the numbers and I can expand the data on you guys.

Tony, full on panicking: BRUCIE-BEAR??????