And I'd Just Found Someone Who Is Still One Of My Best Friends :)

and I'd just found someone who is still one of my best friends :)

It’s absolutely heart-breaking and a morbid kind of funny how we tend to hold on to the things that are hurting us. Killing us, even. Our addictions, our abusers, our disorders, our ways of thinking. And woe betide those who try to save us from ourselves.

I do believe this was one of the factors that made me slow in recognizing my attraction to girls for what it was. In the formative years during which I could have noticed it, I was deep in my eating disorder, and my idea of what a beautiful female body would look like was quite sick and twisted. Girls I noticed were likely very thin, and so the line between attraction and sick envy was even thinner.

I'm sad I lost this ability.