Ba-by-bi - I Heard We're Doing Tumblr Again

There is a special kind of feeling, one that continues to intrigue me. It is a feeling that manifests physically, of course, because all the important ones do. You know you have it when you find yourself smiling and you don’t remember starting; or when the corners of your mouth fly upwards like arms having been pressed to your sides for a while, like a plastic bottle filled with air in a bathtub; when you consider wiping it off because you know you look stupid but then you just decide to leave it there because it makes you happy. You know you have it when you constantly feel like taking a deep, very deep breath, until your chest can hold no more air; not because you can’t breathe, but because there is something in there that needs more space. When you can feel a delicately swirling pattern inside, caused by your heartbeat and breathing and maybe something more, different rhythms like layers woven into an ever-changing yet steady pulse that both presses and pulls against the walls confining it. Like a living thing, formless but tangible, an amoeba perhaps, or a soul. And you’re smiling still, and you wonder what happiness truly means; if it’s those ecstatic states you’ve only ever heard of… or if your own personal kind is precisely this, a thing of subtle beauty, a wallflower among emotions. It could so easily be drowned by another one - yet it is not; because in the face of far more powerful rivals it secures its existance by simply taking away their desire to dominate in the first place. And as it disarms its superiors it pulses on in innocence, with a dim, humble glimmer and a simple, astounding grace.

It is, I believe, the internal equivalent of the smile.

this is a recurring theme around this time and i appreciate it a lot