Hmm What About I Was Fearless, And Now I Im Just Im Just Afraid. As Rhaenyra Talking To Harwin Post-wedding

hmm what about ❝ i was fearless, and now i… i’m just… i’m just afraid. ❞ as rhaenyra talking to harwin post-wedding feast about what happened

The morning after her wedding was not quite what Rhaenyra had thought it might be. Any romantic notions she'd held for marriage had fallen to the wayside years prior, a casualty of the years spent dealing with suitors set before her by her father and his small council. She'd accepted that her wedding would an exciting affair for the court but not a dream of her own fulfilled. But the bloodshed the night before had left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Laenor had spent the night in her chambers, inconsolable at the death of Joffrey. Consummating the marriage didn't even cross her mind, a concern for another day when they both were in better spirits and more willing to do their duties. He'd stayed past dawn, waking only once her handmaidens had come to dress her and bringing breakfast for the newlyweds. By the time he'd excused himself to return to his own chambers, the cloud of melancholy had settled over them both and she'd had no desire to face the world outside her room.

Hours had passed and maids had come and gone, some with requests from her father she'd turned away and others simply doing their jobs without so much as a word. She'd taken advantage of the quiet while she could, trying to reconcile her feelings of what it was like to be entering the next chapter of her life and push back the images of blood pooling on the stone floor the night before.

A heavy knock at her door startled her from her thoughts, the hair on the back of her neck standing up. An anxiousness filled her belly in a way she'd never felt in her own chambers. The last man to be outside the door of her rooms had killed a man in a crowded room the night before for reasons she still wasn't sure of. But she was a Targaryen, the blood of Valyria and descended of warriors like Visenya. She wasn't made to cower in the corner at the idea of a man at her door.

"Come in," she called out, her voice wavering just a touch. The doors opened and she couldn't explain the relief that filled her when she saw it was Ser Harwin Strong who entered, his gold cloak a welcome sight in comparison to the white she'd always seen waiting in the corridor. "Ser Harwin. What - what can I do for you?"

He hadn't stepped further into the room, staying cautiously by the doors as if he wasn't sure what would be best. "The king and my father spoke this morning about what would be best in regards to your personal shield for the time being. I thought you would like to know who'll be standing guard."

A look of surprise crossed her face at the news, piecing together what it meant that he was the one giving her the message. "Oh. I hope this new post doesn't leave you inconvenienced."

"I volunteered for it."

A silence settled over them both at his words, a kind half smile being directed towards her that offered more comfort than any of the platitudes she'd been given the night before had. For the first time since the fighting had broken out, she felt the weight her chest lift away, still present but not as stifling as it had been. Her time spent in Ser Harwin's company had never been long but he'd always been a welcome companion at whatever feast or celebration they'd crossed paths at.

"I don't mean to overstep, princess, but how are you faring after last night?"

The lie was on her lips before she had a second to think it through. "I'm fine. The wedding wasn't quite the ceremony we had all expected but..." She found herself faltering the longer she tried to express her expected happiness and the curious eyes of the goldcloak before her did little to help her maintain appearances. Their eyes met for a moment, violet and green as each watched the others expressions and finally the mask slipped away. "Truthfully... I'm still unsettled after last night. I've never... it's one thing to see the blood on the tourney field. To see them enter a mostly fair fight with the weapons at hand and their armor on. It can be gruesome but it's nothing they hadn't agreed to. But what happened last night - the way that Ser Criston - I don't think I've known such violence before. Not with my own eyes. And it's left me feeling more mouse than dragon. I feel I was fearless before I entered that hall last night and now - now I'm frightened. Frightened of the men I should trust without hesitation."

A scowl had formed on his lips, some of that dark cloud that had lingered over her moving to envelop him as well. The expression left Ser Harwin as an imposing figure in her doorway though she hoped it wouldn't stay. The happier expressions she'd seen him bear were much more suited for him. The hand at his side clenched as he seemed to search for words, fist closing and opening almost without realizing it and she watched carefully, not out of fear but curiosity at what the man would say next.

"What Cole did to Lonmouth, the way he let his promises to you fail in favor of whatever provocation he may have received to set him off, was his failure. And no one would fault you from fearing him - or any man with that sort of power. And I'll do what I can to ensure that whoever my father and the king posts to you permanently won't make you feel that fear again."

There was a determination in his words that made her believe him, a conviction that felt like more than just empty promises being fed to her for her own good. It was a reassurance she was eager to cling to.

"I don't feel that fear with you, Ser Harwin," Rhaenyra told him, her words quiet but still echoing against the stone. They brought him a step further inside, a move he seemed to not even realize he'd made as his hands folded in front of him. "If the city watch could spare you, I'd be grateful to have your company and protection for a while longer."

The half smile returned, a soothing balm to the nerves that still picked at her as he nodded his agreement. "I'm yours, princess. For however long that need be."

And with that said, the heir to Harrenhal took his place at her door and gave her back the first bit of control and comfort she'd lost in the midst of the great hall the night before.

Thank you GQ!

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