barcstravis

barclay travis.

he/it. transfag werewolf, transsexual dad. infamous spies guy. simblr: @cursed-bite.

989 posts

This Is,, One Of My Favorite Moments From The MBMBAM Tv Show

This is,, one of my favorite moments from the MBMBAM tv show

THIS IS JUST A PHONE NUMBER YOU CAN CALL

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i love u mbmbam tv show

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More Posts from Barcstravis

barcstravis

1 year ago

what if werewolves were real but they were all heterosexual

what if you didnt send me hate mail

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barcstravis

1 year ago

And they say brunettes with dimples can’t stabilize the reactor core 😏

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barcstravis

1 year ago

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barcstravis

1 year ago

Butchability, A Crip Asterisk Student Project by Keegan Thoranin

Illustrated is a carabiner with an eye looking through its hole. It carries a transgender pride symbol keychain, a keychain of a stick figure in a wheelchair, a spoon, and a butterfly. The lineart is colored in a gradient of the lesbian flag colors from orange to purple.

The entire comic’s lineart is colored in a gradient hue of orange to purple, reminiscent of the lesbian flag.

Keegan, a Thai lesbian with short hair and square aviator glasses, sits on her phone with a weary expression, muttering “man…I need to get more butch-y with it.”

Narration continues: “I like to joke that any outfit a cis man wears can be improved by putting a butch lesbian in it.” Two figures are wearing tank tops. The one on the left elicits the reaction of “ehhh” while the one on the right raises a lesbian flag and elicits a reaction of “yeah!”

The next panel features a figure in crutches wearing the same outfit. Keegan continues and says, “but what pains me is…I can never imagine myself just as easily.”

“The first thing anyone thinks about being butch is being handy…” Next to the narration are three butches repairing something in a basement.

“Or being, in the most literal, athletic sense, strong.” A bicep flexes.

“Leaving me feeling like the odd butch out, as a disabled lesbian.” The next panel features, both faceless, a handywoman with locs crossing her arms and a boxer with a long braid.

“Even in the most white, cishetero portrayals of strength, disability is rarely portrayed. After all, you rarely see wheelchair-using action heroes on TV.” Next to the dialogue is a wheelchair-using bald man rappelling down a building with a gun in his other hand.

Dialogue continues, leading up to Keegan pulling a sword out of her chest symbolically. “And if that’s the case for men, what’s left for the butches who repurpose masculinity into something more affirming? What use is a sword I repurpose from my stabbed chest if people like me were never intended to hone it?”

A hand caresses the face of a Black woman with close shaved hair. “Stone Butch Blues said it best: strong to my enemies, tender to those I loved and respected. That’s what I wanted to be.”

Keegan drives a figure in a car, who says “thanks for driving me!” Keegan thinks to herself, “I’m so butch!” The narration continues: “My butchness has been reaffirmed by doing.” In the next panel there’s a knee with spikes of pain. “But when the pain is harder to grit through, I find myself wondering…”

Keegan lies in bed in pain. “What good is a butch who can’t get out of bed?”

Two figures, one femme and one butch, sit. Narration continues: “The butch/femme dynamics may have queered characteristics associated with heterosexuality, but I can’t help but notice the demands of butchdom itself.”

An entirely black background. The words on it say: “I was afraid I’d be met with nothing.”

“I watch as new rules become death sentences for disabled people. Seeing emptiness would’ve led me down a panic spiral, wondering if this was how it has always been.” A news article with the title “Covid Isolation Now One Day, good luck!” Is shown.

Keegan is then seen petting her service dog, a black lab. She says “Still! Cowardice shouldn’t be an excuse for ignorance. Into the past we look!

Obligatory butch origin story! A baby Keegan with a bob haircut and a missing tooth holds up a school chair. Narration goes, “yeah, I was one of those literal baby butches. There was something affirming about masculinity, and proving my strength felt like the best way to do it.” Baby Keegan yells, “I show you! I can help!”

There’s a shot of Keegan’s mom and Keegan talking. Narration goes “And it was definitely supported by a mom who I think would’ve been a lesbian under different conditions.” Keegan’s mom is seen saying, “we all dated girls in college until we were forced to grow out of it, it’s only natural!” Keegan nods and goes “oh!”

Keegan at age 17 is on the computer, surrounded by question marks and gendered symbols. Narration goes, “I knew I was weird with gender as a kid, especially being left with little online supervision. Still, there was something missing when it came to the identities available to me.”

Three stages of Keegan are shown throughout the years. The first one goes, “I’m gender-fluid and a lesbian but I do like masculinity…” Then the second goes, “so maybe I’m a bi trans man! Still that doesn’t feel right though, but it’ll do.” The last one is of current Keegan, standing with her crutches with a nonchalant expression. She says, with finality, “I’m a butch dyke. Later.”

Keegan reads a magazine with white able-bodied butches on the front and back covers, saying, “and butchness has been treating me well as an identity! It’s just that it feels hard to be seen as butch when I don’t see anyone like me.”

“When I researched further into the past of disabled dykedom, it looks like I wasn’t the only one going through this.”

A quote from Dykes, Disability, and Stuff is drawn by a pencil on paper: “The lesbian community itself is an oppression. My hearing impairment makes me feel insecure about relationships. Would a woman want me with my physical imperfection? It may not be visible, but it can still cause problems. I’m afraid I won’t understand intimate whispers.”

In the next panel, Keegan stands with her crutches with a serious expression, saying: “but what really caught my eye was a concept researcher Jess Waggoner highlighted: the cult of ability.”

A muscular woman rips the DSM apart, yelling “get our name outta the DSM!” The narration continues. “Described by Robert McRuer in Crip Theory, I read how the gay and lesbian community were so focused on demedicalizing queerness…”

“That they ended up alienating the disabled folks in their community.” A woman with oxygen tubing says in response to the previous page, “but what’s wrong with being sick, though?”

“Even unintentionally, the beauty standards in the community don’t factor in disabled lesbians.” A woman with long hair poses for the camera with sparkles around her.

The next panel has a wheelchair using lesbian in front of an inaccessible club entrance. Narration goes, “and if it wasn’t the standards of muscularity and thinness that left disabled lesbians out, it was the sheer inaccessibility of night clubs.”

Keegan thinks pensively and says, “Hm…I wonder how I’d fare in the dating scene back then…”

Keegan is on a date with a woman with short choppy hair. The woman looks away, saying, “you’re not, like, looking for a caregiver, right? Cause I’m not here for that kinda stuff.” Keegan on the other side looks exasperated and responds, “we’ve literally met two days ago.”

Keegan stands looking infuriated, saying, “and even though I’m luckily not in the dating pool today, it makes me mad thinking about it! Would my social capital diminish when someone learned I was disabled? Would they have swiped away if they saw my crutches? Disabled love is work, but it’s worth it!”

A bare shoulder is shown with a person saying, “this hurts, let’s switch!” Narration continues, “because while I love differently…”

A hand rolling dice. “Have fun differently…”

A message exchange between Keegan and their butch. Text reads “having a flare up. Is it cool if we reschedule?” The response reads, “of course!” Narration continues, “and overall live differently…That doesn’t make disabled love worth any less!”

Keegan leans her head on a panel, looking tired. She says, “but that aside…it’s still hard to really believe that when disabled love isn’t romanticized in media. Let alone disabled love between lesbians. Being intimate while disabled and queer also means you blend into different types of shame.”

A faceless statue poses as narration continues, a quote from Connie Panzarino in Off Our Backs is shown. It says: “A disabled woman is apt to be ashamed of her body anyway. People look at you, stare, avoid looking, so there is a lot of inhibition to get rid of.”

Narration from Keegan continues. “I always viewed any form of intimacy as this unattainable thing. Something I observe like a statue than experience it myself.”

Keegan and her partner, a Black butch lesbian with glasses and short hair, watch a movie in a theater. Narration continues. “So while I’m glad I’m seeing more lesbian content out there…it’s really hard to feel represented.” Keegan and their partner are watching Love Lies Bleeding, and Keegan grimaces while thinking “oh god, I’d be having a flare up in that position.”

Hands type at a computer as Keegan continues. “Looking at history really validated my grief about not belonging in an already-marginalized community. But I can’t help but think…”

“How do I make this comic less depressing!” Keegan flails her arms up and down.

“Disability joy is a tricky topic. A part of me wants to believe in it, be loud and proud!” That part of Keegan stands determined with eyes closed, saying, “fuck everyone! I’m just as butch as anyone else!”

“Another part of me is tied to reality, reminds me of the ableism I face daily.” That part of Keegan looks down dejectedly and goes, “yeah, but that doesn’t change how the community views disabled butches.

Below, a Venn diagram is shown. Left circle says Butch Joy, right circle says Disabled Joy. In the middle lies a question mark. Narration continues. “At the end of the day, yeah. It shouldn’t matter what society thinks of me. But that doesn’t make finding joy in the intersection any easier…So what do I even do?”

Keegan sits at her laptop talking to her professor. She says “any attempt at ending this on a good note feels…wrong.” In parentheses reads, “A paraphrased conversation with my professor.”

The professor from the laptop responds. “Well, disabled joy is a complex thing, isn’t it? Inherently being a community on the margins means you’re still reflecting the community that marginalized you in some way. A counterpart can’t exist without its initial reflection.”

Keegan leans against a mirror and looks behind her. “Yeah…I guess a silly part of me wanted to end things on some after-school special message.”

The professor responds, “that’s the struggle with being a marginalized artist, isn’t it? They want to say they witnessed your diversity…”

Keegan finishes the sentence and says, “without really grappling with how complex being diverse is.”

Across two panels is an iPad leaning against a pillow on a bed next to the laptop. The professor continues. “Let yourself lead with the art. That’s the fun thing about comics, they live outside of time. Your story is still going, isn’t it?”

Keegan off screen is silent, then responds. “I guess it is. I hope it’ll be one of many.”

A panel shows tangled scribbles as Keegan’s narration continues. “I am learning what it means to be strong, butch, and disabled. And it’s hard to unravel all of that from ableist standards. But like Catherine Odette writes in her essay “Butchdom and Disability,” perhaps there’s a certain type of strength disabled butches like myself are lucky to harness.

A symbolic representation of Catherine Odette. In a powerchair, she separates a crowd of women who look like they’re made of water. “Odette commands a room by parting aisles of women like the Red Sea. Age and disability didn’t “take” anything away from her as she repeats that the diesel dyke of her past still exists within.”

A panel of a faceless representation of Odette continues. A quote reads: “I am tough and tender and sturdy and competent. I have mostly squeezed my fears into a tiny spec of my soul and I have carved much power for myself in this, my own life.”

Narration from Keegan continues above an illustration of two hands holding a cat’s cradle. “Even if ableism is entwined with our meaning of strength, disability is entwined with the experience that is living. Somewhere in that tangle, perhaps I’ll find myself.

Keegan holds an Apple Pencil and looks at the viewer, saying “even at the end of this comic, at the end of what I’ve read throughout the school year, I still struggle with fully believing I am strong. And that tracks. No amount of self esteem can rival preexisting biases. But I can tell myself this with certainty…”

Two incense sticks release thin wafts of smoke as narration reads, “aging is a privilege many of my ancestors didn’t get. The fact I continue to live and, some days, thrive, is something that’s pretty badass. Even if I don’t know what disabled butch joy looks like for our community…I’ll at least learn what it looks like in myself.” A carabiner with a charm of a star and a disabled sign latches on a speech bubble trail connecting to another speech bubble, like a belt loop.

“I’ll write stories with disabled butches who live in a reality I hope those after me inherit.” Below that is an iPad with an illustration of a wheelchair-using butch.

“I’ll use my knowledge to open up spaces where I can.” Keegan is texting on a phone, saying “hey, this entrance isn’t accessible!”

“This will be one story out of the many I write and draw, its own constellation in the galaxy that is me.” Below that narration, a crumpled up wad of paper lies next to a sketchbook page with comic thumbnails.

Leading towards the bottom of the page, it’s revealed that a galaxy has been caressing the entire page behind the panels above. Hues of oranges, pinks, and purples are dotted with white stars, reminiscent of the lesbian flag. Floating in its expanse are two final bubbles of narration:

“My disabled butch joy takes the form of expansive possibility.”

“And by god I’ll harness it whenever I can.”

A list of referenced works, which includes:

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg.
Dykes, Disability, and Stuff (Volume 1, Issue 2)
Dykes, Disability, and Stuff: Queer Ableisms and the Work of Cripqueer Print Cultures by Jess Waggoner
Off Our Backs (Volume 11, Issue 5)
Butchdom and Disability by Catherine Odette.

in honor of lesbian visibility day, i made a comic on my experience being a disabled butch. we exist, we are worth it, we are loved.

If alt text doesn't work or you wanna see the image descriptions in another window, here's the image description doc!

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barcstravis

1 year ago

It is perhaps the greatest honor to make fellow faggots horny

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