Meet The Plastics

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I didn’t think I would be that invested but now I must know.....who swings their feet on the bench

NHL Bench Theory

AKA: Bench Thoughts With The Bestie

Ok hockey tumblr, buckle up n' here we go.

Summary: I take some time to muse upon the strange height, width and structure of NHL benches, provide photographic evidence and describe ways this might affect players colloquially known as... "short kings."

Disclaimer: I don't know if anyone's made this post before. I am not an NHL player. I am not affiliated with the NHL. I don't own any of the pictures included in this post. This is all conjecture and assumptions. Read at own risk, take with grain of salt, etc.

I was talking to my dad last night about his brief stint playing men's corporate hockey (Yes, people have company leagues and teams with their coworkers, that is a thing apparently) and he mentioned for a work event one time they got to skate at the actual game playin' rink for the NHL team in my city.

Their team signed up, went to the rink, watched a National Hockey League game with thousands of others, waited for the maintenance staff to clear the ice, and then got to skate and scrimmage a bit.

What he said next surprised me quite a bit: He said every guy on his team got to the bench and sat down and their legs were dangling off of the edge. No, really! Everyone was laughing because they felt so short, except for a few of his taller coworkers who were fine.

My dad is average height for a North American adult man, about 5'10", and his buddies are about the same height. So this got me thinking. If my dad couldn't sit properly on this bench, and there are shorter mfs than him in the NHL, then how do they go through day to day life practicing and playing hockey??

A quick google search answered these questions. And then I fell down a rabbit-hole of bench lore.

There had already been a bit of buzz around benches on Hockey Twitter, etc, after this video of Nils Höglander getting his headshot. But anyone who's ever been to a public skating rink or community centre in Canada/North American in general (not sure about rinks in other places) was probably like, what the fuck is that bench. And for good reason! What the fuck IS that bench?

Well apparently (according to reddit at least) they're purpose-built for hockey and fine-tuned to the game's needs, so wobble back and forth a bit. They're a bit taller than normal as well, likely because the average NHL player is taller than the average user of a public or community rink (which are built to cater towards all ages). The fact that they're thin probably helps save space as the players have got a lot of padding on and need to squeeze past each other at times. It all makes sense. However:

This means that players often need to sit or lean more forward on the bench, as seen here by P.K. Subban in the penalty box (yo why does the green guy on the left kinda look like Tyson Barrie ...)

P.K. is about 6 feet tall but we can see his upper legs are still angled slightly down like how you would sit on a chair that's an inch or two too tall. How would this bench height affect a Short King, you ask? Well, someone of PK's height already has to adjust their posture slightly, so someone shorter than him would likely have to sit even further on the edge or with their legs less bent/upper legs angled further down. Idk how those people feel about it, but on a personal level this would hurt my ass.

Here's a shot of the Bruins leaning forward on the bench as well. (Is it just me, or do the boards look thinner lol?) This is where I realize that a lot of the in game shots of players leaning forward on the bench probably make sense, not just because they want to get closer to the action or cheer on their buddies, but... Thin Little Bench.

Here's the Habs on th'bench. Now, back to the beginning. My first thought when my dad mentioned his feet didn't touch the ground on the bench was: could someone swing their feet on that bench? And would that be cute or no.

Okay, I think it would be reasonably cute. But to the first question: Logically, no because it's really wobbly. But when it's weighed down by many other heavy, probably taller people (NHL players are about 200lbs and 6 feet on average) then someone of about 5 feet 10 inches like my dad (... Or travis konecny ...) could probably sit on the back edge and swing their skates a little without falling. Or maybe the bench would shift back and forth and make this past-time even more fun and daredevil-y. They probably don't get bored out there, but. Still.

Here's an article about NHL players under 5'10" for reference (aka, those who are shorter than the queen herself Jojo Siwa)

TL;DR, this whole time, it's likely that at least one hockey player has been sat like this during a game and none of us knew it.

Thank you for reading this obnoxiously long post about a piece of sports furniture.

(and yes, this likely is part of the reason why Nathan Mackinnon fell off the bench that one time)

WHATEVER LIFE THROWS AT YOU – m. tkachuk

part thirteen – THE MORNING AFTER

warning(s): hospital scenes, brief mentions of sex, language, and a grumpy ethan.

summary: it’s the morning after a hospital stay and matt and caroline find themselves subject to…interesting conversations with ethan– who makes quite the unusual request. matt let’s ethan in on his secret to staying cool and calm whenever he finds himself in a frustrating situation. and a persistent jonathan leaves caroline finding solace in the four walls of the Tkachuk family home.

word count: 17,289

an: there are some very important sneak peeks in this chapter that come into play in future chapters– one of them even comes up in the next two chapters, so keep that in mind while reading.

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*screams into my pillow* DREW MF STARKEY

WHATEVER LIFE THROWS AT YOU – m. tkachuk

part twelve – SAFE AND SOUND

warning(s): matty being a lil thot [in his thoughts], language, hospital scenes, panic, tears, very brief mention of throw up, slight violence not really, jonathan slander much deserved and some fluff.

summary: it’s new year’s eve which means a new year and new beginnings are on the horizon. what starts off as a fun and relaxing day with family, quickly turns into a race against time in the matters of life and death. and when tensions come to the boil, matt’s left at a crossroads of whether to go with what feels right and what’s the right thing to do…but both roads lead him exactly where he wants to be at the end of the night.

word count: 19,904

an: for the sake of this fic, let’s pretend like rittich and sam didn’t get traded this week. this summary is sooo dramatic omfg. anyway, i got super carried away with this chapter, but oh well…enjoy :)

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