My New Years Resolution Is To Kill Myself.

My new years resolution is to kill myself.

BMTH // Run

Depressed. Anxious. Suicidal. Tired. Exhausted. Broken. Drowning. Sad. Attached. Detached. Dissociated. Done.

So today I realised, that I have let down the dreams of a little girl. A little girl who dreamed to make friends and support and love them, the best she could. A little girl who dreamed that she would never be lonely. A little girl that dreamed to do well in school. A little girl who dreamed to get into uni. A little girl who dreamed that she would fly through uni with straight A’s and graduate with a first class honours degree. A little girl who dreamed that she would be happy and enjoy her life. A little girl that dreamed her life would be without pain. A little girl that dreamed she would make her parents proud. A little girl who dreamed she would be a strong, independent woman. A little girl who dreamed that she would always dream of her future, and look forward to what the world had to offer. A little girl, with more dreams than we could ever imagine in adulthood.

That little girl, is and was, me. That little girl, was me at the age of 8, planning out her future with such hope. I have crushed the dreams of that little girl, and for that, I will never forgive myself. If you get the chance, don’t do what I have done so many times. Fight for that little human, fight for their dreams and don’t you dare let them down. Because I can promise you, if you do, you will hate yourself for it for life.