Me, Reading Most Of A Piece: Outstanding! I Love! Fabulous!

Me, reading most of a piece: Outstanding! I love! Fabulous!

Me, reading said piece’s dialogue: That’s not- that’s not how people… talk. 

Few tips for anyone writing something very difficult: dialogue.

1. Awkward people do not confidently proclaim heavy statements.

       If your character is awkward, anxious, or easily gets nervous, they will not smoothly declare “I love you with all my heart, and I have family issues”. If they’re uncomfortable in social situations, they won’t magically turn confident. Now don’t get me wrong, I love love love a well-portrayed outspoken, confident character. And those characters can probably state emotions easier. But an awkward character cannot.

2. Nervous stuttering (unrelated to a speech impediment) d-does not s-s-sound like t-this.

Try talking to yourself (I’m not crazy) and seeing how this would really sound. A good way to do an aggressive stutter is to fall back and repeat a couple of words. Ex. “What if- what if we- what if we just…” Another trick is to remember that there are varying level to a nervous stutter. If you’re hardly nervous you won’t have an aggressive stutter like that.

3: It’s okay to say “said” every once in a while.

Good god, please don’t avoid it like the plague. It shouldn’t be common, but it shouldn’t be your worst fear. We don’t want another case of “Slughorn ejaculated,”

Feel free to reblog with any corrections, or your own tips!

Edit: Dear god please check the notes. They’re SO helpful.

Jr still looks angry on the way to school the next day. He's got his arms crossed and is glaring at the ground. You walk over to him, "Hey..." His brother slips out from behind you, but retreats quickly when Jr lays his seering gaze on him. "Could you not bother me for one day?", Jr says shortly. You frown, "Why are you upset? Did it almost get you last night? That woul-" "HE." "What?" You frown. "He," Jr repeats, "It was a he, not an it." You blink, guilt creeping up your spine, "O-oh... Yeah, sorry, I know. I- did he almost get you?" Jr runs his hands through his hair, "NO. God damn it can you just LEAVE ME ALONE?" You take a step back, "What's your problem?" Jr snorts, "Nothing. You wouldn't care. Just go to school. You're gonna be late." You open your mouth and he snarls, "Get!" You jump and scurry off, his brother hot on your heels. You wait until you're a safe distance, then turn to his brother, "What's his problem?" He looks down, "He just.... Doesnt appreciate how werewolves are treated..." You raise an eyebrow, "JR, the snobby, full of himself, I'm better than you boy, is a free animal advocate?" Jr's brother shrugs, "Yeah, so?" You frown, "Does he not realize they could WIPE OUT THE CITY?" He looks down, uncomfortable, "Not ALL werewolves are bad..." You stare, "Maybe they're not bad PEOPLE, but they can't control themselves! Come the full moon they become killers!" He glares, "I KNOW! Why dont you argue with my brother about it?!" You flinch, "Sorry... You're right. I shouldn't be taking my frustration at him out on you." He nods and you go to your seat. You'll have to talk to him sometime about it.

I know I'm a little late but....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! :D :D :D

After school you hunt down Jr. You really need to get this cleared up. Despite the fact that werewolves ARE human most of the time, they’re also monsters that kill people, infect people, and spread their disease. Many cities had been wiped out before this order was started. Many cities that don’t like the order and refuse to accept it have been wiped out since. The disease is getting out of hand. It must be contained. It would be impossible to completely wipe it out, but keeping it under control is good enough. As long as the government stays hard against them, giving no leniency, they’ll at least behave. That’s all the people want. Just for them to behave… You find him at the park, sitting under a tree. You walk towards him. As soon as he sees you he scrambles up. You hurry over to him, stopping in front of him, “We need to talk.” “I don’t have anything to talk to you about.” Though his responses had been short and difficult before, now he’s cold and unfriendly. It seems he already knows what you’re here to talk about. “Yes we do Jr. Your brother told me why you’re upset… I just don’t think you realise-” He laughs, cutting you off, “Don’t realise? YOU don’t realise! What the Hell do you know?” You glare, “I know that plenty of cities have already been wiped out from werewolves! I know that you ungrateful brats have NO IDEA how dangerous this disease is! Sitting there crying for “animals’ rights”, once they’re granted this city is going to be wiped out and it’ll be YOUR FAULT!” Jr snaps, “I’m not upset at them rounding up werewolves! Werewolves need to be contained! They round up anything that shifts! Not just werewolves! ANY SHAPESHIFTER! Yeah, I GET IT, better safe than sorry! Have you SEEN how those who are confined are treated!?” “They’re given their own CITY! They’re aloud lives! Just SOMEWHERE ELSE!” Jr grabs your wrist, making you jump, “Come on. I’ll show you their 'city'.” He walks off, dragging you with him. “Wait! We’re not allowed near the wall! It’s dangerous!” “And that should be a sign that something is wrong, shouldn’t it? They’re not giants. They’re not gonna break out of the wall. They don’t want you away to keep you safe. They want you away to keep you stupid.” You frown, tugging at your wrist, “I’m not stupid Jr.” His grip only tightens as you near the edge of town. You glare at the back of his head, “Let me GO Jr. I don’t want to get in trouble! Jr let GO!” You yank at your wrist, but he only jerks you forward, causing you to stumble and almost fall. “Stop fighting me. If you want to come preaching to me, I want you to see the facts first…” You glare, but don’t fight anymore. No matter how dangerous and illegal it is, you have to admit, you’re curious. Eventually the wall rises in front of you. A little gasp escapes your lips. It’s huge and magnificent. It’s kept in pristine shape, practically shining. Towers sit at intervals across it, tall and proud, certainly full of guards.

You run up to Jr, "let's go to the park!" Jr sighs heavily, but you grab his hand and drag him along. You had considered seriously what you should do with him all through school. Obviously the coffee shop hadn't been a good idea. He wasn't going to tell you what be enjoyed, of course, so you would just have to figure it out by process of elimination. Coffee shop was already eliminated. Next up, park. Besides. Jr's out of school, he's already done all this crap, and you really need help... You reach the park and plop on the bench, "I need help with my homework." Jr scoffs, "Like I know any of that." You pout and he sighs, sitting by you. You resist the urge to grin, one win for you. You show him your homework and he sighs heavily but starts explaining it. You lose track of time as he walks you through your homework. You're brought back to reality by his brother muttering, "I need help too..." Jr laughs and goes over to him immediately. You follow and help him explain things to his brother. By the time you decide to go home, it's getting dark. You wave, beaming. This went way better than expected. You practically skip home, admiring the raise of sunlight streaking across the sky as the sun goes down. Maybe this won't be so hard after all…

You're walking home from school when you see the boy looking out into the crowd. His face lights up. You freeze. You've never seen him look genuinely happy before.... A boy breaks away from the crowd and heads over to him. He's shorter than him, also blond, but with gold eyes. He has a small frame, very similar to the boy's. He stops in front of him, head down, facing away from you, so you can't see his expression, but the boy's eyes soften and he pulls him into a hug. The smaller boy grabs his shirt tightly and his shoulders shudder, as though he's crying. The boy watches him fondly, then his lips move. He's too far away for you to hear what he's saying, but he pulls the smaller boy away from him and slides his shirt off his shoulder, revealing the bandage over his bullet wound. His lips move again. You catch the, "see? I'm fine..." The smaller boy grabs his shirt again hides his face in it. The other laughs, pulling him away again and saying something to him. The smaller boy nods and he ruffles his hair. The smaller boy ducks his head. The other says something else and the smaller boy hugs him tightly, then runs off. You wonder over to the boy, "I didn't know you had a brother...." The boy looks at you, suddenly guarded again, "......Yeah...... so?" You shrug, "It's just surprising...." You don't know why you're even here. You don't like him. But something about seeing him soft and caring makes you more curious about him. "He's not really mafia material is he?" You blurt it out without thinking. The boy bristles, "So what? Just cuz you're born into a mafia doesn't mean you HAVE to be one. If he decides to do something else I'm fine with it." You nod quickly, "Ok. I'm sorry. That was stupid of me to say..." "yeah. It was." He brushes past you and stalks off, leaving you, once again, wishing you would have never approached him....