Queenofdarkestshadows:

queenofdarkestshadows​:

Zoya’s dark blue orbs followed the girls movements. Her expression reminded of a cat who acted all uninterested, then let its claws out when it’s least expected. ❝Well, I am not.❞ She grabbed Genya’s wrist, wrapping her fingers around it tightly.

❝I hate it when people are wasting my time. You are far from sobbing and pleading, so it’s quite disappointing, it’s also bad for my reputation, won’t you agree?❞ The grisha girl asked in exaggerated manner of a worry, that was far from truthful.

Genya studied Zoya’s features, carefully, trying to guess what was coming next. She was eager to see what the great squaller’s next move would be. The redhead gasped as soon as the brunette snatched her wrist. Startled by the sudden movement and the strength of her grasp. The tailor had quickly regained her usual composure though. ❛ Well, i’m not holding you back. ❜ she countered with a smile, amber eyes glancing to Zoya’s tight grip. ❛ In fact, by the looks of it, it seems you’re the one keeping me here. ❜ she added, ambers meeting the other grisha’s stunning stormy orbs. 

defendrelor​:

A SMILE spreads far and wide over his lips, his glassy eyes lightening up at the sight of his king. His lover? His.. whatever he was to Nikolai and Nikolai to him. The blonde was a stark contrast to Isaak’s own sickly appearance. Where the guard’s skin was gray, ashen from the strain of healing, the tsar’s was light, bright pink even, glowing healthily in the sunlight. Burn marks. Tended to by a Corporalknik nonetheless. He might have slept through the past days but he didn’t miss the obvious. The brief increments in which he’d woken up, he’d picked up pieces of conversations, little snippets. Another assassination attempt that had almost cost Ehri’s life and badly injured Nikolai. He wished he’d been there, to save him, stay at his side like he’d done-

❝ I heard. But you look as good as always…❞

Isaak exhaled a shaky sigh, mentioning Ehri had caused a flare up of phantom pain, a stabbing sensation in his chest. Or was it because he’d called her his fianceé. Nikolai was a TSAR it wasn’t like he could just take the next best Captain of his guard as his prince consort. Not even Dominik could have been - royal marriages weren’t about love, true love but power. Alliances. Strategic decisions to keep the kingdom afloat and their people fed. He felt a pang of hurt as he’d called him Captain Andreyev - not Isaya, not Isya, not Isishka nor Ishenka. Andreyev.

Nikolai had let himself down on the chair next to him, still talking about Ehri but he didn’t find the strength to answer him. Nor the actual willpower or enthusiasm. He felt strangely numb, not only from surviving yet another near death experience. Kolya was going to marry someone else and he could only ever be his guard, never more. Worse, his future bride was burned into his memory as death in person. A harbinger of doom and destruction. He could never… never face her. The king was so close to him, their legs almost touching and yet the distance between them had never been so immense. He’d lose him soon enough. No more fleeting kisses. Kind words. Holding hands. Curling up next to each other. He’d miss the feeling of Nikolai’s soft blonde hair between his fingers. He’d apologized, he’d promised he’d make up for it and all Isaak wanted to him was that he shouldn’t. That he couldn’t. Nothing he could ever do would reverse the physical and mental pain his position in the royal guard had caused him. Yet he’d never leave. Not on his own accord.

❝ It’s not your fault. None of this is…❞

He froze as the tsar’s hand ran over his forehead, over his sweaty dark brown hair that had started to curl again. He needed a haircut, desperately, hell probably an entire barber.

How did it go with Mayu?

Nikolai’s question was met with deathly silence only interrupted by Isaak’s heavy breaths. How should he even begin to answer? He found himself at loss of words. Another apology. Nikolai had realized what this was doing to him. He poured everything into keeping his composure. A weak nod, staring at the ceiling, anything as to not look at Nikolai, Kolya, Kolyshka, Nikolenka. Ever since that fateful day in the infirmary tent of Halmhend, where he’d lifted the glass to his lips and Isaak, in his panic and astonishment, had forgotten how one swallowed, he’d fallen in love with the young prince turned tsar. Would he ever be able to let go of him? Or would it eat him up? Ruin him?

❝ No such thing, no.❞

He shook his head, slowly, deliberately, letting his gaze wander over the half-dead Tavgharads before his brown eyes finally met Nikolai’s.

❝ Only that she doesn’t regret trying to kill you. That she’s sorry the knife struck my heart instead of yours…❞

Nikolai rubbed a hand over his mouth, furrowing his brows, like he often did when he was deep in thought. His fingers had stopped the incessant drumming as clever hazel eyes had somehow found the scar on the guard’s chest while Isaak told him what Mayu had said the other day and, at first, it seemed like he was too far gone in his head to hear anything. 

This scar was proof he’d put his life on the line for his king. And Nikolai needed that reminder. He needed it because he was gonna make sure this would never happen again. Isaak would be safe. Any royal and noble would have argued that guards were literally meant to die for their monarch but Nikolai was no ordinary royal. He was a man of the people and cherished the few friends he’d made over the years. Also, Isaak was no ordinary friend. He was the one good thing that had come out of Halmhend. He was Hope. He reminded him of why he had been fighting so hard to make this world a better place for the people. Nikolai had seen many people die but Isaak had survived it all. He had become a constant in his life, a comfort. He was the phoenix rising from the ashes war had left in its wake. He was the light that pierced through his darkest nights, the heart he would listen to for hours. The thought of Isaak alone, of his smile, of his brown eyes like molten gold in the sun never failed to anchor him to his humanity when he was fighting the demon within. 

He stayed like this for a moment before letting his hand fall on his thigh. ❛ I’ll admit i wouldn’t have expected anything less of an assassin with a bit of honor for their nation. ❜ The king admitted, proving he had heard every word Isaak had said after all. Mayu’s words hadn’t surprised him at all. After all, he had seen them weep over his friend’s dying body. For him, there was no doubt: the Tavgharad had fallen in love with Isaak Andreyev and, as much as both parties tried to deny it, the pull between them was still there. He could see it in the way both avoided each other’s gaze, as if they were scared of facing the truth deep in their hearts. Of course, that might’ve also been because she’d literally almost murdered him but Nikolai knew better. That love story was like no other for sure. 

Just like ours, Nikolai thought. Those fleeting kisses and touches… He craved them and yet denied himself the right to more. He hid behind roles and titles, trying to ignore this constant pull he felt. Just earlier he’d gone from calling Isaak Sunshine to Captain Andreyev. Captain Andreyev felt weird in his mouth, honestly. My love sounds better, his inner voice whispered but he pushed the thought aside and focussed back on their current topic. Mayu Kir-Kaat. 

❛ She does seem sorry. ❜ Nikolai commented. He paused, pondering what he was gonna say next. He couldn’t believe he was gonna say those words but they needed to be said. ❛ They asked to visit you, you know. Mayu… She asked to visit you when you were in a coma. ❜ There. Said. If Isaak was going to judge the Tavgharad for their actions eventually, he needed to have all the information on display. Mayu was no heartless assassin. The Too-Clever Fox wished she was though. It would’ve been easier to settle this matter. It would’ve been easier for him to hate them for the pain she’d caused his Isaya. The demon had no problem resenting her though. In fact, the demon was very much hungry for their flesh. Saints! He’d even stabbed her forearm with a claw while leaning over her in the sitting room the other day. Mayu had looked scared for a moment and he’d reveled in the smell of her fear, like he would have with the best piece of meat, and it had horrified the man he was. A shiver ran down his spine at the thought. ❛ I denied her request, of course. I’d be damned if I let one of my guards be visited by the one person that caused his very demise. ❜ He made it sound like it was an evidence, a matter of simple common-sense. But the truth is, he couldn’t stand the sight of the Tavgharad breathing near the man as he lay lifeless-ish in the infirmary bed. It was too much for him and Nikolai would’ve never let that person alone with Isaak, even with ten guards in the room. 

defendrelor​:

Nikolai Lantsov was no king of hers , so much she’d made clear when she tried to kill his doppelganger. She showed no respect, no gratitude , were it for anyone else she would be rotting in a filthy dungeon for the rest of their miserable life - or until her execution . His chest stung uncomfortably at the thought of such a possible fate befalling them. Seeing her die again would be the last of his wishes - he’d have to inquire with Nikolai. It was difficult. It was a conflicted situation and yet , he knew he had to save them , himself and her , no matter the cost.

❝ Oh , indeed . Your second account of treason this week , Kir-Kaat. ❞

An exhausted smirk crept onto his features, knowing fully well that Tolya wouldn’t let her continue to spew nonsense like that lest she wanted to lose her head for crimen maiestatis.

Stupidly loyal as he was to Nikolai , he found himself disliking her tone , aware of how dulcet and kind they could be.

If I were not a KING … what is it you like about ME ?

He’d questioned, had asked and had meant it with all of his heart. Before she’d stabbed it.

Leaving was not the solution to their problems , not that Tolya would let her anyway . She was here for a reason . Not to die but for a purpose . Something greater. His eyes lifted and his posture straightened when he spotted his king , pushing himself up against the pillows of the divan , sitting now , half - reclined , trying to mask his discomfort at moving too much. Ehri was beautiful indeed with her porcelain skin and raven black hair - but something inside of him flinched at the sight of her . Her appearance had burned into his mind . Doom . Death . Destruction .

❝ It would be my pleasure , moi tsar. ❞

USE your brain one saints forsaken time instead of letting your tongue slip , he thought to himself, cursing inwardly at his own response. Being this close to them hurt , hurt him more than it did any good and still he craved her presence.

A satisfied grin spread across the King’s face. ❛ Perfect! ❜ Then, he turned to Mayu who seemed… shocked. Was the Tavgharad hoping Isaak would say no? Because Nikolai had sincerely no doubt the man would say yes. ❛ What’s the matter? Are you not hungry for a royal meal? ❜ 

Mayu blinked, realizing they’d been staring at Isaak, lips parted, since he had given his response. She pressed her lips together, turning her gaze back to the king, brown eyes narrowed. ❛ You would have dinner with someone who attempted your own murder? ❜ They asked, the suspicion clear in her voice. And almost succeeded in killing your friend and doppelganger, had been left unsaid. 

❛ What can i say? I live for the thrill. ❜ Nikolai replied as Tamar escorted Ehri out of the room and back to her chambers. Mayu wasn’t listening anymore, their gaze following their princess until she disappeared. They needed to talk to her. Know how she was doing. Trully. Let her know that she was gonna get her out of here. No matter what. But first, she needed to behave. Make sure the king trusted them. Play their game, Mayu. Play their silly game and, when you have the occasion, strike and take Ehri far far away. You can do this. She breathed out. Letting go of the tension in her frame. ❛ Very well then. It would be rude of me to refuse the Tsar responsible for my survival and my luxurious accommodations. ❜ They summoned a smile of gratitude. ❛ After all, i’m but a traitor to your crown. I should be on my knees, begging for my life in this very moment, not wondering if the king of ravka has gone mad. ❜

❛ Oh, i’m most certainly going mad. ❜ Nikolai smiled, slyly, adjusting his gloves that hid the proof of his literal inner demon. ❛ And begging me for your life will not serve you, Mayu Kir-Kaat. Flattery is always appreciated. Though, in this case, mercy isn’t for me to grant. ❜ The eyes of the Too-Clever Fox fell on Isaak, his friend and loyal guard, still recovering from his literally and metaphorically wounded heart. Nikolai had witnessed the attempted murder. At first, it had seemed like two lovers meeting in secret and then the dagger had plunged into his doppelganger’s heart. He had witnessed the tears pouring down on the assassin’s cheeks as they kissed the dying man's lips one last time before driving the same dagger into their own beating heart. Thank the Saints, Nikolai had been there to call for help! Otherwise both of them would be dead and the blame would’ve fallen on Fjerda. He looked to Mayu as he spoke again. ❛ Need i remind you it is not my heart that had an unfortunate run-in with your dagger. Sure, it might’ve been your intention to kill me but i’m still alive and well, and therefore, after dinner, after you told your story, Isaak shall decide how you should be judged for your actions. ❜

queenofdarkestshadows​:

❝You are not just vain, but delusional as well, that is a pity. One more useless grisha potential.❞ Zoya was harsh, but was she honest? That was a secret she would prefer to keep to herself. She did not let her hand to immediately, after small hesitation, she let the hand drop down. Her blue eyes losing interest in this conversation. ❝I am holding no one. I have better thing to do anyway. I’m leaving tonight.❞ She mentioned the last part as a matter of fact, as if it was nothing out of usual. Zoya came and went a lot, but since all the happenings of Sun Summoner she was lingering around more, since Darkling did not give her a new assignment…not till today.

❝Try not to cry yourself to sleep, dear Genya. Not all of us can be so special.❞

Genya tilted her head to the other side, gazing at the brunette’s features as she held her wrist far longer than she’d expected. I’m leaving tonight, Zoya had said after she’d free her from her grasp. It sounded like she was talking about the weather. But Genya knew better. The redhead’s heart had skipped a beat. The Darkling is also leaving tonight. Could it be——  ❛ Did he found her? ❜ The urgency in the tailor’s voice would’ve stopped anyone dead in their tracks. She couldn’t have helped it. She cared about Alina. The girl had been so kind to her and, unlike Genya, Alina had been hundred pourcent genuine about it. As soon as the word came out of her mouth, she regretted them. Regretted to be a gentle heart in the middle of a war zone. As much as she was loyal to the Darkling, she still wished for Alina to have her freedom. No one deserved to be used as a weapon like the beauty had been since she was a child.    

as some of you knows, my writing may suffer from the recent events that happened in my life. i may write less or with less quality. i only ask you be gentle with me. rp is my coping mechanism as is screaming about my muse so you’re always welcome to hit me up on discord for some quick back and forth or something. love y’all <333

defendrelor​:

Milk pudding, fried cakes, dumplings with sour cream, braised lamb with stewed apples and turnip. A perfect mix of both Ravkan and Shu cuisine, Nikolai had obviously put thought into this dinner long before they’d even had a chance to agree to it. Ever the considerate, ever the strategist. Isaak wouldn’t have expected different of him.

Cabbage rolls. Isaak’s mouth watered. He doubted they were as good as his mother’s but they reminded him of HOME. A feeling of security and stability he was longing for.

❝ No jellies, thank the saints.❞

A tired smile slipped onto his lips and he thanked the guard - Belyaev, a tall, blonde haired man who’d served in the border wars as well - for helping him to the table. He was long beyond feeling ashamed for his WEAKNESS.

Isaak was no hero, no king, no savior. He was a peasant boy eager to indulge in his favorite meal.

Time passed but Nikolai hadn’t shown up. Minutes stretching into eternity. He didn’t want to look at Mayu, didn’t converse with her without his tsar. Their stomach growled, Isaak held back a chuckle, understanding very well how she felt. He hadn’t eaten anything but Porridge in the last two days either. Light diet, the healers had said. He shouldn’t overwhelm his recovering body.

Sometimes, when the pain got too bad, he wished they’d put him into a coma again. Wake him when he was healed and well.

Months, Isaak. It will take months.

The confusion about the king’s whereabouts hadn’t gone past him as he noticed Mayu’s questioning glance.

A flick of his hand, a simple gesture he remembered from slipping into Nikolai’s role and pretending to be the most POWERFUL man of all Ravka for weeks.

It didn’t take long for a guard to hurry over, white uniform gleaming in the bright chandelier lights. A quiet exchange of whispers and then Isaak nodded.

❝Please, we shall begin with dinner. The tsar will join us later.❞

That flick of the hand. It didn’t fail to remind her of their private dinner on the island at the center of the lake. The moment they’d shared as king and princess. But of course, none of it had been real. Right? They’d both lied and played pretend and yet—— 

Could you love me if i wasn’t a king? I could, Mayu had said, I know I could. 

Isaak’s quiet exchange with the guard brought them back to the present. Her military brain had decided this was a set up, a trap. A way for the two of them to be alone together and work on their issues. The urge of punching King Charming had made a strong come back and she decided she was done playing this stupid game. Without thinking, Mayu rose to their feet, having every intention of leaving this place and punching their host. She would probably pass out before then but—— Wait a minute. The weakness was gone. Almost gone. At least, she could stand without the world spinning around her. That’s because Tolya isn’t in the room anymore, they realized. So the Heartrender DID have a hold on her. Mayu eyed the biggest knives on the table, weighing her options, wondering if, in their current shape, they could take on the four guards and get to princess Ehri. Probably not, she told herself. And even then, Tamar was probably still with her right now and the Heartrender could crush their heart as soon as she entered the room. A loud sigh of defeat and irritation escaped them as they fell right back into their chair with a wince. ❛ Your King is fashionably late. ❜ She commented between two bites, like nothing happened, as if they hadn’t been plotting their escape just a few seconds ago. Ehri was never late. Unless she had an anxiety attack before a banquet. But even then, Mayu was there to make sure she’d make it on time. They weren’t gonna mention Ehri though. Not unless absolutely necessary. She was very much aware of how Isaak reacted to that name and her image. Ehri had been burned in his mind as an omen of Death. Sweet, innocent Ehri… The Tavgharad couldn’t help but think the ravkan guard and the shu princess would've gotten along pretty well if it wasn’t for that assassination attempt. They both enjoyed poetry, were eager to learn and valued knowledge. They were also both gentle and polite…with the people that hadn’t stabbed them in the heart.

❛ I’m not sorry for attempting to assassinate the king of Ravka that night. ❜ They paused, picking the food in their plate. They seemed lost in thought for a moment. Then, her lips parted again as they found the courage to meet the man’s gaze. ❛ But if it’s any consolation, i am sorry that the heart i stabbed was yours. ❜