Literally Me

Literally me

if eris vanserra has a hundred fans, i am one of them. if eris vanserra has ten fans, i am one of them. if eris vanserra has one fan, i am that fan. if eris vanserra has no fans, i am dead. if the world is against eris vanserra, i am against the world.

I feel like more people need to see this, read humans, read!

Little Witch - Ruhn Danaan

A/N - Back with some more Ruhn while I figure out the next part of my Eris Vanserra fic! Enjoy!❤️

T/W - Talk of injury, captivity and torture! Please keep yourselves safe while reading! ❤️

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Ruhn's body was breaking, he wasn't sure how many more of these sessions with Pollux and Lidia he could take. Lidia who he had come to save, to protect, Lidia who had betrayed him in the end. Lidia who he could still feel in his mind, screaming for him. Lidia who made him feel alive, just like you did. What was worse is that his mind was breaking, he was going insane, he'd see you when you weren't supposed to be there, like a ghost, appearing in his worst moments, when the pain was too much and his body was about to give out or when his mind was about to shatter but you were safe, with his brothers, protected. Dec always had a plan, he'd have gotten you all out safely and Flynn was a warrior who would've fought to the end to keep all of you safe. Not to mention the unofficial Alpha and the Mer that adored you as well, no, no one would touch you, they'd have to get through his friends first.

You were powerful, he knew that much, it was the reason the Witches were so scared of you. The reason they'd kept you locked away for so much of your life. The reason they kept the nullifying bracelets on your arms. He could still hear you crying, screaming in pain as he held you while Dec removed them as carefully as he could. He could still see the dazzling smile on your face as Ithan ran barefoot with you through the forest and when Tharion took you into the water for the first time as you clung onto the Mer's neck for dear life. The gasp that escaped you when you sat with him and let him play you all his favourite songs, how you'd pulled him to his feet and danced with him. Your shy smile as you took in all the books in his room, he'd told you to take your pick and he often found you sitting on his bedroom floor reading, worried about taking them out of his room, he told you that you could take them and read them wherever you wanted. How you'd looked at him like he'd hung the stars for you. He supposed in your world, he had, coming to get you at Hypaxia's request, her second sister, her youngest sister who had been kept in captivity, she knew the other Witches would never accept you, so in came Ruhn, like a knight in shining armor to free you. 

It had taken you a while to adjust to living in the house with them, you'd jump at loud noises and look ashamed if one of them found you eating despite the fact Ruhn and Flynn had filled the cupboards for you. You were skeletal when you first started living with them so there was always food around. You didn't speak, you still didn't at least not out loud. Dec was the first to break through to you, handing you a phone and sitting there explaining how to use it, telling you if you didn't want to speak then that was fine, but if you ever needed anything to click messages, pick which one of them you wanted and to type out what you needed. You smiled at him softly and he left you to your book, moving back over to the other sofa. He'd received a text 10 minutes later. "Thank you, Declan." He beamed and texted you back, if this is how you wanted to communicate, he'd go along with it. "You're welcome."

Ruhn received a text 3 days later, he'd always been able to communicate with you without words, without speaking into your mind, he'd tried it once and it had terrified you, hearing his voice in your head, but he just knew with you and you just knew with him, he couldn't quite believe the bond the two of you had built without you saying one word to him. It was the middle of the night, he'd just gotten home from Aux duty returning in the early hours and leaving again a few hours after as had become his routine as of late and he was fully expecting you to be asleep, as you usually were at this time when he returned home. He'd just stepped into his room, peeling his shirt from his body and unbuckling his belt to head straight into the shower after his long day when his phone buzzed on his night stand where he'd left it. "I miss you." Was all it said, he smiled slightly, it had made him feel good to know he was on your mind as much as you were on his. He typed a quick response. "Why are you still awake? I miss you too." Your reply came instantly "Waiting for you." Ruhn had never showered so quickly in his life. He was drying his hair with a towel when you appeared in his doorway, two mugs of hot chocolate in your hands, smiling crookedly at him. Gods he loved that smile, he stood and approached you, taking the mugs out of your hands and ushering you into the room, closing the door behind you, he knew this was your favourite place to be, that you felt safest in his room, he'd never asked why, not wanting to push you away, he'd never admit it, but those nights when he came home and you were asleep in his bed, those nights were his favourite. 

Then he met Agent Daybright & everything changed. 

The chair he was tied to toppled as Lidia Cervos delivered a nasty kick to his chest, something crunched under her foot, ribs most likely and Ruhn turned his head to the side and spat out the blood that filled his mouth. He wanted to die, he was ready to die. He'd taken more than enough, his body weak and broken, and he was sure his mind was broken beyond repair as you flickered into his cell. He knew he was going insane when you spoke. "Ruhn." His name, he'd never heard you say it and he knew in that moment that you'd ruined him. His name would never sound as good coming from another. "Ruhn, I'm here." You said gently, your voice was like a melody as you knelt in front of him, tears lining your eyes. "You aren't real." He forced the words out. "I am, I'm here with you, I'm astral projecting." He looked at you for a second before saying. "Witches can't do that without a familiar that comes with them." You brushed his hair out of his face and hauled his chair upright, undoing the bindings at his wrists and feet. "Ithan's a wolf." It clicked in his brain then. "Ithan's wolf is your familiar?" You nodded as the wolf, as Ithan, entered the cell as well and sat by the door. "We've been practicing, I know you've seen me before, they're coming, Ruhn. Flynn, Dec and Tharion are coming for you. Ithan and I will stay until they get here." He couldn't quite believe the words coming out of your mouth. "Ithan gave up the opportunity to be an alpha to be your familiar?" You smiled his favourite smile. "Ithan did it for you, Ruhn. You saved him while he was drowning, so he's helping to save you, he's a shifter so he's not bound to me like normal familiars are, but his wolf responds to me as well as to him now." 

Ruhn reached for you, despite the pain it caused him to do so and his hand went straight through you. "Your nose is bleeding." He said and you touched your nose. "I've been here a bit too long, used too much power to touch you and to undo your binds." He opened his mouth to tell you to go but you beat him to it. "I'll go when they get to you, not a minute before, last time I left you ran off to save a girl and got caught." He closed his eyes as the memories played in his mind, the broken look on your face when he told you about her, his plans to meet her at the ball he'd promised to take you too, that Bryce had taken you shopping and bought you a dress to wear for. You didn't go to the ball, locking yourself in your room instead. He could still see the disappointment in his sister's face when she sighed and said. "She picked that dress for you Ruhn." He didn't understand then, he did now as he watched you bleed to stay with him. He watched you look around the cell, he knew Lidia was an uncomfortable subject for you, he'd pushed you away due to whatever it was he had with her. It was about to be made worse. "Where is she by the way, so I can tell the others so they can get her out as well?" Ruhn shook his head. "She's The Hind, she's the one that did this to me." Your mouth fell open. "My sister. My sister was who you were with in your mind? She did this to you?" He watched as your fists clenched and nodded weakly. "We still need to get her out, don't we?" Your voice cracking, he nodded again. 

He could hear them now, his brothers coming down the hall for him. "Y/N?" He said and you met his eyes. "Don't ever stop speaking to me?" You smiled softly and nodded as Ithan took up a defensive stance at the door. Dec was the first through the cell door. "Easy pup, it's us." He relaxed and the wolf trotted to your side. "See you at home, Ruhn." The others faltered at your voice, just for a second and then you were gone, Ithan going with you as his brothers descended on him to get him out of the hell he'd been living for the last few weeks, or months, he wasn't sure. 

It felt like a lifetime before they arrived at a house that Ruhn didn't recognise, Cormac had organised a safehouse in the middle of nowhere he'd learned, he'd also learned his cousin had died for Bryce, died to help his sister. He didn't dwell on the loss for too long, he couldn't because there you were, sprinting out of the front door and straight at him. His breath caught as he saw the look on your face, one he hadn't seen since he'd told you about Day. He couldn't brace his body for the impact, he didn't have the strength, but Flynn was there, catching you both before you toppled the floor. He was ready for the pain though, he'd take it if it meant you let him back in. He hissed in pain as you collided with him and tried to pull back instantly realising you'd hurt him, he didn't allow it, wrapping his tattooed arms around you like a vice, keeping you close to his body, inhaling your scent. "Hello, Little Witch." He murmured into your hair, his voice weak and laced with pain. "Hello, Princeling." You murmured back into his chest. He refused to let you go, walking you into the house, still wrapped in his arms, he'd have picked you up if he had the strength but he didn't, so instead you walked with him, clumsily, falling over his feet. He stilled as he entered the house and came face to face with Lidia. His arms dropped from around you immediately. "She led me out." Lidia said, approaching the two of you. "I'm so sorry, Night." 

"We need a healer." Dec said quietly once they had situated Ruhn on the sofa, you had said no more words since your greeting to him, opting to stay by the archway into the living room. "I can do it." Every head in the room swiveled towards you. "She talks!" Flynn cheered as Dec elbowed him in the ribs. "You're weak from the projecting." Ithan said. "You were there for too long, pushed too hard." You cringed at him ratting you out and you watched Ruhn tense. "I can do it." You said again. "No." Your head snapped to Ruhn. "I can do it, let me do it." It was Lidia who spoke next. "Do it, heal him." She placed a hand on Ruhn's damaged face. "Please Ruhn." He nodded.

Of course he'd do it for her you thought as you pushed off the archway. "We need space, everyone out, Dec, you stay, you can help." Dec nodded as the others left to the kitchen. Lidia didn't move towards the kitchen, instead she sat next to him on the sofa and began removing his shirt. It made you sick. She'd done this before and you knew it. It may have broken you but Ruhn had always been honest with you. Telling you about her before his friends. You don't know what you had expected when your feelings developed for him, for him to have them back? To fall for a witch who was too strong for her own people, who couldn't control her own power? Who had suffered so much neglect that she chose not to speak anymore? The only reason you were speaking now was for him, once healed you'd go back to your silence. 

You pushed those thoughts out of your head and focused on the job at hand, his skin was mottled, purples, reds and yellows covered almost every inch of him and you couldn't help yourself as you snapped at the blonde sitting next to him. "Are you proud of yourself?" She looked shocked. "Y/N" Ruhn croaked out, a slight tinge of warning in his tone but you continued anyways, healing as you went. "All you do is destroy things, break things, look at what you've done to him!" You could feel your power thrumming in your veins. Ruhn's hand grabbed your arm, stopping your movement, your eyes met his momentarily, warnings swam in his gaze. "And still he defends you! You must be really good on your back." That was the final straw. "Enough!" Ruhn's voice was clear now, even though it took everything left in him to make it so. "Dec can finish healing me Y/N. Go." He pulled you back as you went to leave. "Don't ever speak to her like that again. I won't hesitate to send you back to the Witches."

You span on your heel and left the same way the others did, you didn't stop in the kitchen where they were, you carried on through the back door and ran, you made it halfway down the huge lawn of the safehouse before you crashed to your knees and screamed, fists hitting the ground and it split from the impact of your power. Thunder crashed and rain poured, wind whipped around you in a fury and still you screamed, screamed until your throat was hoarse and you could scream no more. Only the storm remained as you dragged yourself to your feet, you were exhausted and there they all were, watching from the window. Ruhn leaning on Lidia for support, her leaning into him for comfort, you watched as Ithan pulled his arm out of Flynn's grip and ran at you, shifting as he went. You couldn't go back into the house, not yet, not while they were awake, not while Ruhn was looking at you like saving you was a big mistake. Thankfully the rain hid your tears. You turned away from them, from your friends and ran despite the exhaustion towards the forest that loomed at the edge of the garden. You could hear Ithan behind you and you heard Lidia say "Leave her Ruhn, the wolf has got her." 

You ran until your legs gave out and you crashed to the forest floor, you didn't even attempt to save yourself, to put your hands out to soften the fall, you just let yourself hit the floor. You sobbed as you pulled your knees into your chest. Ithan was tall as a male, big even, as a wolf he was massive. He curled his wolf form around you as best he could, trying to bring you any ounce of comfort he could and you sobbed into his fur. Ruhn's voice floated into your head. "Come back." You ignored him. "Y/N, come back to the house." You ignored him again. "You said you wouldn't stop speaking to me." He tried again, sounding more irritated with each attempt. "I can't." You finally answered, even in your mind your voice sounded pathetic and you could've sworn he sighed into your mind. "Can't speak to me or come back?" You tried your best to stop your voice from breaking but it did anyway as you replied. "I don't want to talk anymore. It was better when I was silent. I can't come back, not when you looked at me like you should've left me with the Witches." There was silence for a minute and his voice was gentle now. "Please come home, I need you with me. I need someone I know is real." You couldn't keep the sound of your sobs out of your mind anymore and they flowed into Ruhn's head like a river as you croaked a reply. "You have Lidia. I got her out for you." And then pushed him out of your head before he could respond. 

How you'd fallen asleep on the forest floor in the middle of a storm you'd never know, you had a sneaking suspicion your body had just given out on you. You woke as someone pulled you into their arms. Your eyes shot open and Tharion's eyes studied you. "Oh little one, what have you done to yourself?" He asked, a thumb brushing along the grazes on your face from where you'd hit the floor. "He hates me." You whimpered. "Who?" He asked, genuine confusion filling his voice. "Ruhn, he wishes he never saved me." Tears spilled down your cheeks again. "Ruhn's worried about you, little one, we all are." You shook your head. "He hates me, he's going to send me back to them, he's got the sister he wants now." You whimpered again. You were still exhausted, so you didn't fight, you just let the Mer carry you back to the house, you feigned sleep, burying your head into Tharion's neck. 

"Leave it, Ruhn, not now." Tharion's voice was full of warning. "Is she okay?" You heard the prince ask. "She ran through the woods barefoot, she exhausted her power to help you and then pushed past that when she lost it, she's got grazes all over her face and arms and thinks you hate her, she thinks you'll give her back to the witches, what do you think?" Ruhn didn't respond and you knew he was following Tharion up the stairs, they both stopped again and you felt a kiss be placed on the back of your head. "I'll fix this, Little Witch." Ruhn said into your hair and you watched over Tharion's shoulder as he walked you towards your room, Ruhn entered his own, Lidia stood in one of his t-shirts, wrapping her arms around him and you watched him relax in her embrace. Your eyes met Ithan's still in his wolf form and you could've sworn the wolf looked sad for you.

You'd convinced your two fierce protectors to leave you, to let you be alone, sleep was not coming easily even though exhaustion was eating away at you. You sighed and checked your phone and found 3 messages. The first and second from when you ran, the third from 5 minutes ago. 

Tristan Flynn: Screw him, Dec and I will always love you. 

Declan Emmett: I'm here for you, Y/N. We all are. Flynn and I will always love you. 

Ruhn Danaan: I fucked up. I know I fucked up. I'm fucked up. You were there when I was ready to break, you kept me fighting. I don't deserve something as good and as innocent as you, my sweet little witch but I'm too selfish to give you up. Even after I said those despicable words to you tonight I asked you to come back, told you that I needed you after I broke you not even an hour before in defense of your sister. I know you saw her in my room, you forget you've slept in my bed, I know how you breathe when you truly are asleep, she's not here, she got changed in here and found one of the spare rooms to claim as her own. I wish I could explain what it was like down there, why Lidia did what she did to me and why I defended her like I did, but it isn't a story for me alone to tell. I'm so sorry for what I said to you. I'd never send you back, never. There's nothing you could ever do to make me want you anywhere other than at my side. I hope in time I can earn your forgiveness but I fully expect you to make me earn it. Until then, please know, I belong to no one but you. 

Tears were falling down your cheeks again but you had to see she wasn't there for yourself, you smoothed Ithan's shirt that you had decided to sleep in instead of one of Ruhn's unable to face it, and padded as quietly as you could down the hallway, phone in hand to his room and pushed the door open. His head shot up and his eyes met yours. His bruises still made you cringe, they covered his face, his neck, his chest and you were sure even further. He said nothing, he stayed where he was, sat on the edge of his bed, waiting for you to say anything. You raised your phone, making your intent clear as his right arm moved to search the bed for his, he didn't once stop looking at you. 

You: Do you really mean that?

Ruhn Danaan: Yes. I'm yours. I have been since the first time I found you in my bed, wearing my t-shirt, clutching another to your chest. Your hair all over my pillows like a halo. I was too blind to see it then.

Ruhn Danaan sent an image. 

It was you, fast asleep in his bed, exactly as he'd described. 

Ruhn Danaan: My beautiful, sweet, clever, brilliant, powerful, funny little witch. I was done for when you said my name for the first time. I'll earn your voice again. I'll earn your forgiveness and I'll give you everything. You'll never be caged again.

You threw yourself at him, arms wrapping around his neck as he pulled you with him as he fell back onto the bed. Your head finding a home in between his shoulder and jaw. His hands running soothingly up and down your back. He broke the silence a while later. "Will you stay with me?" He asked gently and you nodded, rolling off of him to climb into to bed as he grasped your wrist. "Wear one of mine?" He murmured as he pulled at Ithan's shirt, you smirked as he said. "I don't want you covered in another males scent while in my bed." 

I was eating a cookie for breakfast today and that part of me that’s always in the acotar series said in cassians voice, You need to keep your energy level constant throughout the day. Foods full of sugar or flimsy bread give you a temporary high. Lean meats, whole grains, and fruits and vegetables keep you relatively steady and full.

I ate fruits and made myself an egg after hearing that in my mind.

Working Arrangement (Azriel x Reader)

Summary// You and the Shadowsinger had an arrangement, one that worked perfectly. That was until you got to know him.

Note: This was a request by @hazelqualquer. Looking at this now, I realize I could've made it about Azzy being worried, and it would've been cute, but uh... yeah, I didn't go that route.

Request: I wanted to know if you can write something based on the music.... the name is Enchanted...(I thought this song was similar to Azriel, so if you can write this fic about him I'll be very happy)

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You stood against the wall, dress hugging your curves the way you knew he liked. The Shadowsingers gaze had been tracking you all night, his eyes holding a dark promise, one that made your blood heat. He’d kept his distance thus far, allowing you to talk with Feyre and Rhys, the very reason for the party now in full swing. The High Lady had been hard at work for the past few months, planning her mate a surprise birthday party. You’d been more than happy to help, spending the whole morning decorating the room while his brothers kept him distracted. Body aching the whole day, thoughts of Azriel plaguing your mind.

You weren’t together. You’d made sure to draw that line after the first time it happened. When you’d first met, you both needed some kind of release. So that’s what you got. Quick, amazing, meaningless sex. Or at least that’s what it’d started as. You still hadn’t gained the courage to tell Azriel that you didn’t feel that way anymore. That you wanted more. It hadn’t taken long for you to fall for his charm, to fall for him.

You snapped out of your thoughts, looking up to find him watching you intensely. His head tilted to the side, a silent question. One that you’d be more than happy to answer. You set your drink down, making your way out of the room, knowing he followed close behind you.

The sounds from the party grew distant as you moved further away. You felt an arm wrap around your waist, pulling you into a storage room. He was on you the second the door shut, crowding you against the cool wood. You met his stare, eyes dark with lust. He dove down to your mouth, hand snaking around your leg and raising it to his hip. You eagerly matched his pace, allowing his tongue to slip into your waiting mouth. You moaned against him, fingers diving into his hair as he rolled his hips against yours, allowing you to feel the bulge growing beneath his dress pants.

“Azriel.” You panted out.

He growled as he hoisted you up, wrapping your legs around his hips and swinging you both around. Your ass landed on the counter as he surged forward, reconnecting your lips. His fingers hooked around the straps of your dress, pulling them down effortlessly. You sucked in a sharp breath as the cool air brushed against you bare chest, nipples hardening further. Azriel moved to your neck, slowly kissing his way down your body.

His voice was rough, “I’m going to fuck you so good, princess.”

You whined, tilting your hips up in desperation. You needed him inside you now. Your thoughts clouded as he knelt down on one knee, hand slowly dragging your dress up your thighs and bunching it at your hips.

He dragged his finger over your clothed center, “So wet for me.”

You groaned, grinding your hips against his fingers, needing more. He grinned, shamelessly edging you on as he pulled the lace down your legs. As he stood, you lunged forward, kissing at his neck as you worked to undo his belt. He tilted his head, bearing his neck to you as his hands wrapped under your knees and pulled you forward.

You moaned, mouth watering as his cock sprang free from the confines of his pants. He hooked your leg over his hip, lining himself up to your entrance. His hand wrapping around your neck, tilting your head, allowing you to meet his eyes. Pushing in, the both of you let out a sinful moan.

“So fucking tight, y/n.” He groaned as he brought his forehead to yours, watching the way your eyes rolled back as he pulled out slowly before slamming back into you, hitting that perfect spot.

You both knew someone could come looking for you at any time, the thrill of it bringing you closer to the edge as Azriel set a unforgiving pace. He captured your moans with his mouth, needing to quiet his own grunts as you both neared the edge. Your arms wrapped around him, nails scrapping his clothed back as you barreled into your orgasm. The white hot bliss continued as Azriel pounded into you, thrusts becoming uneven as he too neared his release. He pushed you through a second orgasm, this time joining you. Your heavy panting filled the room as you both worked to gain your bearings.

He pulled away from you, beginning to readjust himself. You hopped down, fixing your dress and hair, quickly swiping your under eyes to catch any smudged mascara. Azriel said nothing, only nodding towards you before turning and letting himself out. You steeled your spine, that familiar pang of hurt beginning to bloom within your your body as you made your way out of the room, following closely behind him.

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Your heart was beating out of your chest as you made your way to his room. After the party, you knew you needed to tell the Shadowsinger, owing it to yourself more than anything. You tried to calm your nerves, terrified of his reaction despite trying to tell yourself that it didn’t matter. But you knew it did. Your heart would be shattered if he turned you away.

He wouldn’t though. You’d seen the way he looked at you when you were together. The long looks thrown across the room. He had to care for you, he had to. As you rounded the corner, inhaling a deep breath and readying yourself to face him, the man you loved, you pulled up short.

You darted back around the corner, peeking your head out and using the shadows to stay hidden. You watched in confusion as Azriel crowded Elain against the door, placing one hand above her head and the other on her waist as he grinned down at her. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly, cheeks becoming rosie at whatever crude words were being exchanged. You silently begged your feet to move, but they stayed put, forcing you to watch what would unfold in front of you.

You watched in horror as Azriel bent down, running his lips across Elaine’s. Tears began blurring your vision as they deepened the kiss, her hand sliding into his hair and pulling him closer. You were stupid, so incredibly stupid to believe for even a second that he cared about you. Your hands shook as you watched her giggle before placing her hand on the door knob at her back, watching the way Azriel grinned as she tugged him into the room before kicking the door shut with a soft click.

You heard the lock turn, the sound deafening. Spinning on your heel, you sprinted back to your room. Slamming the door shut, your body slumped against it before sliding to the floor. No longer were you able to hold back the sobs that were tearing through you as your heart shattered.

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You didn’t bother getting out of bed the next day, or the one after that. As you lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, you debated another day. Realistically, your family probably already knew that something was up and going another day would only worsen the round of questions they would inevitably have. You reluctantly pulled yourself out of bed, dawning your leathers and heading up to the training ring. You inwardly groaned, seeing Cassian, Nesta, and Rhysand in the middle of their own training. Cass threw you a look that you ignored, turning to get started.

It’d been over an hour, your body slick with sweat as you pushed yourself further, welcoming the burn. Azriel had shown up shortly after you had. You’d thought about leaving, but ultimately decided against it. If he could go on with his life like nothing happened, then so could you. But Mother above, he made it difficult. His perfectly chiseled body was on full display, shining slightly under the morning sun. You hadn’t missed the looks he’d been giving you all morning, choosing to ignore the way they sent heat straight to your core.

As you finished, you headed to the water station to grab a drink before you would flee back to the safety of your room. You didn’t know how you’d survived the heated glances that were being thrown your way but you weren’t about to push your luck. You said nothing as you gathered your stuff, swinging the roof door open and taking off down the stairs.

“Y/n!”

You quickened your steps, “Y/n.” Azriel’s hand banded around your arm, eyes darting around before pulling you into yet another storage closet.

He spun you around, pinning you against the door before leaning down to connect your lips. You instinct, your mouth began to move against his own. You planted your hands firmly on his chest, shoving him back.

He looked down at you, confusion breaking through his mask before placing a hand on your hip, “I’ve been thinking about you for the past few days. Where you been, princess?”

He made to pull you closer as you let out a laugh, completely void of humor, quickly placing your hand over his and removing it from your body, “Oh yeah? Was that before or after you fucked Elain?”

He pulled back from you, “Y/n, what are you talking about?”

You crossed your arms, “Sure, sure. I guess we’ll both just pretend that I didn’t see you kiss Elain in the hallway before following her into her room.”

His expression morphed into one of frustration, his stance becoming defensive, “Why were you following me?”

You took a deep breath, supposing that it didn’t matter now, “I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.”

He stalked towards you, gripping your chin and forcing you to look at him, “Why, y/n? What did you want to talk about.”

You steeled your spine, knowing that you were shooting yourself in the foot by telling him but needing him to know anyways, “I wanted to talk about our arrangement.”

He cocked a brow, waiting for you to continue, “It’s not working for me anymore.”

He backed away, eyes never straying for yours, “And why’s that?”

You closed your eyes before exhaling, the truth flying out with it, “Because I love you, Azriel. I know it wasn’t supposed to happen, but it did and I can’t do anything about it. I need more Az, more than just the hook-ups.”

He said nothing, only watching you before letting out a booming laugh that had you flinching, “Oh my gods, y/n. You’re serious?”

Your silence spoke for you as his expression hardened, light amusement in his eyes, “Don’t you get it, y/n? We could never be more than this.”

You watched, confused as he made his way to the door, “And why’s that?”

He threw a look back at you, speaking matter-of-factly, “Because, y/n, there’s no nice way to put this: your just a good fuck.”

The door closed, jarring you as the tears began streaming down your cheeks.

Pleaseeee someone give me ideas. I’ve been sitting for an hour, doing nothing. Please someone request or give me an idea….

<3

SHATTERED SOUL

Eris angst :( not even x reader. just him being sad. Sorry in advance.

Warnings: heavy abuse, blood, very sad I think (it was when I wrote it.) also not proofread… and I think I italicized everything that needed to be??

Shatter: to hold something to tightly that it would break.

That’s all Eris had, really.

Broken things.

Nothing physical, really, aside from a few bones and lacerations in his skin. But those broken bones bore a broken body, broken soul. His broken mindset, which was instilled in him since he was young, to rule them, you have to break them.

His father’s words rang in his ears as the male tossed and turned all night. One of those all too common sleepless nights. Wallowing in self pity, hatred swarming his mind - he hated that this was the life he was born into, hated that he did nothing about it, hated that he couldn’t, hated that he gave up so easily.

Hated that no matter how many brothers his mother gave him, how many servants swore their loyalty to him, how many soldiers died for him, how many females he bedded, he truly had no one. No other soul that could bare those secrets he kept, could see the mangled up body his father created and manage not to vomit. Hell - it made him want to.

There was nobody to calm his fits of rage, when the fire all but consumed him, burning the furniture and wooden walls of his bedchamber. “Not a soul,” his mother murmured to herself, running her hand through the young male’s red curls. She watched the craftsmen reinforce his room with iron - the walls and doors thick and heavy enough that should Eris combust into flame, he would not burn down the whole estate. Not one ember could escape; or enter, Eris thought.

“It is for our protection,” his father reminded him, just a young male of seven. “So you don’t go around incinerating the whole damn house.” Eris’s grip on his porcelain fox tightened. A keepsake his mother gifted him - she fixed it neatly on his bedside table once he’d grown out of his crib. Eris was too afraid to leave it in the room with all the workers; his favorite little fox must be protected. “You don’t own these Fae,” Beron continued, referring to the servants and maids that bustled around the Forest House. “I do. You will be best to keep your fire to yourself in there.”

He continued, despite turning to walk down the hall. “Should you throw another fit to burn down your bedchamber, no one will be able to enter. That includes - ” his voice raised. “To save you.”

Eris flinched, not at the words, the hateful language his father offered him since the day he was born, but at the shatter in his hands. The broken pieces of glass that sliced his fingers and carried his crimson blood to the marble floor.

Beron turned on his heel from the end of the corridor. Lady of Autumn waited with baited breath as she tried to anticipate her husband’s next move. But he only nodded. “Good. I hated that thing anyway.” With that, he turned away, leaving his son and pregnant wife to watch the remainder of the male’s cage be welded together.

The first of many broken things, Eris thought, holding his pillow over his head, trying to block out any of the light and noise that just wasn’t there, yet blurred his mind and evaded him of sleep.

He’d learned to suppress the flames.

All by himself.

All alone in that iron room.

It was something he’d taught his brothers, too, once they grew of age. Eris was the only one with the metal walls - he was the only one that needed it. He’d protected the rest of them enough to prevent them from burning down the house, instead accidentally wiping out whole orchards and half the Autumn forest.

He mastered the flames for himself and all his brothers. He no longer burned hotter than a thousand suns when he was angered. He didn’t burn down his bedroom, nor the furniture.

But Eris could never master the art of suppressing his anger. When he was eighteen, he shattered the whole entirety of his bathtub.

The day he’d left Morrigan in the woods, just across the Autumn Border, his father nearly killed him. Not for anything he particularly did, but for the simple embarrassment he caused the High Lord. There wasn’t anything else she should have done (aside from maybe executing her) that his father would have preferred. But for the Night Court to spit in the face of Autumn? By offering their heir a female who’d rather lie with Illyrian scum than Autumn royalty? It enraged him.

Eris actually wished Beron killed him adter enduring the beating his father gave him. A male that barely reached an age in the double-digits, held by two of Autumn’s strongest soldiers, beaten bloody, chained up and whipped until he passed out. He didn’t know he could be burned so badly - not with his own fire powers swirling through his veins. But he couldn’t keep up, too tired, too tired, too much blood loss. He couldn’t ward off his father’s flames with his own, he couldn’t stand, could barely breathe, let alone produce flame.

And when he finally recovered enough to winnow from the cellar to his room - the cage, he’d strangely never felt safer in - he laid on the expensive rug, dry blood flaking off his body, until he healed. Until he could drag himself to the bath to clean his wounds.

He sat in the tub, right in the center, hunched over in the water that began to boil around him due to the heat the male was emitting. His hands reached for either side of the tub wall, fingers gripping the edge until his pale knuckles ran truly white.

A soft gasp left his lips when the walls around him shattered and the water fell from around him. He loosed a string of profanity when he shook his foggy head and realized what happened. Streams of fresh red blood ran down his arms and dripped over his wet legs. He carelessly plucked away the thick shards of porcelain and cursed the Mother - and himself.

His mother promptly replaced it with a copper one.

Eris rolled over in his bed, throwing the pillow aside and turning away from the bathing room, instead facing the wall of windows. The heavy drapes were all drawn shut - not an ounce of light entered his bedchamber. But his eyes burned bright regardless.

He didn’t know how to calm his little fits of anger.

But he dreamt of a lover that could.

Someone who didn’t fear his fire, he wouldn’t have to suppress his flames around her, he could let the harmless hellfire run circles around them, encapsulating him and his lover in a blaze reserved just for the two of them.

He dreamt of a time and world where he we wasn’t broken - where he wasn’t breaking things. One where the teacups didn’t shatter under his touch and slice his palms. Where he could look at his lover and remember that his world was not ending. That no matter how much his father beat him and berated him, he could leave and there was someone to hold each night.

Or a not-so-far-off world where she would pick the glass from his wounds and kiss his hands until they were healed. And he would let the tears fall from his eyes, she would brush them away with the faintest touch. And everything he’d been holding in for the past five hundred years would be worth it, just for one moment with her.

And for the millionth time, he laid in bed, hot and skin coated with sweat, trying not to erupt into a fit of flames, he dreamt of a a lover that held him tight. So tight, she would keep him from breaking.

But Eris holding her so tight that she might break. That she’d crack in his arms and fill all the voids he had in his broken sliced skin, between his bones, and through all the ridges of his scars. That you’d become one whole being - shared breath, shared space, shared soul.