I WANT TO CRY HOW DARE YOU

I WANT TO CRY HOW DARE YOU

This should be fine, Kai thinks to himself when gathering the necessary ingredients among other groceries at the store. This is nothing more than me fulfilling a task Mr. Chidouin has given me.

This should do.

Back at the house Kai, after he's put away most of what he brought, starts the preparation process. Intending to get the most out of every moment he has left until it's time.

The rich darkness of the espresso swallows up the liqueur. It's as if the liquid is not a blend of two, but a reunion of that which has always been one and the same. In not just colour, but scent as well. The heat of the coffee is still there, but only faintly. Receding. Giving way to the relative coolness of the room. Ceasing. Gone. Kai finds himself feeling up his palms and fingers against the cup, holding onto the warmth as it leaves.

He lets go. This won't do.

Watching the vibrantly orange yolks and sugar combine into the beginnings of a custard is relaxing. The blades spin, the bain marie steams away and the mixture thickens. Bit by bit it thickens over the mild heat. Kai is mesmerized by the gradual change of the consistency, allowing himself to become absorbed into the slowing of time.

It's not the time yet. Not yet.

The creases deepen and the ropes thicken. It's time to get on with it. No matter how much one would like to prolong a moment, time cruelly marches on and the moment before is lost. The moment yet to come drawing nearer than before. The inevitable.

Mascarpone, vanilla extract, spinning blades. A moment more.

Whipping the cream to stiff peaks. Then fold, fold, fold. Each one a slow, steady step forward to the Hades.

Kai hears himself hum as he dips the savoiardi into the now cold, liqueur-spiked coffee. The tone is off and he repeats the errant part, unintentionally growing closer to being grounded in reality. As his delicate grip fails and a biscuit drops into the cup completely, he jolts back into the present.

He has to fish for the ladyfinger from the cup before it becomes too soaked, which almost has him swearing. Odd. My hands, shaking? Kai wagers it's just because he hasn't eaten for a while. Something about the shoemaker's children going barefoot. He chuckles at his silly negligence, shaking off the jitters as they scale his arms and sides.

Layer by layer, the deep dish becomes full and it's time to set it aside to wait for the moment it's supposed to be served. Kai stows it away in the fridge and closes the door. Now, I shall make the hours count.

Kai occupies himself with the other usual tasks around the house, making sure not to be seen by little Miss Sara once she arrives home with her mother. It's almost quite the entertaining game of dancing in the shadows, paving the way for the Chidouin daughter to have an ordinary day. It takes his mind off of whatever it is that he buries in with the layers of soaked cake and cream.

The hours go by and the kitchen is empty again. It's nearly time. Kai's jaw feels terribly stiff tonight.

Kai digs up the now cool and well-developed dishful of dessert from the fridge. When he dusts the top with some cocoa powder, his throat feels dry.

Supposedly, this kind of dessert is not exactly to Sara's liking, which is... fine, Kai supposes. It's quite alright.

Seems like only Mr. Chidouin himself is going to enjoy this treat prepared by Kai. Only one person to impress.

I sincerely hope you like it, sir. That's what Kai would've said if he could've spoken when he set a small plateful of the delicacy on Mr. Chidouin's desk.

Mr. Chidouin doesn't dismiss Kai. Kai takes this as a sign to stay and hear the verdict.

Mr. Chidouin barely breaks eyecontact as he enjoys the first few spoonfuls. He hums in satisfaction for the taste and texture but most of the sound is drowned out by the rushing of the veins in Kai's head, ringing in his ears.

You make a mean tiramisu, boy. I really like it. Make it again for me sometime, won't you?

Kai makes no face, instead responding with an of course, sir. This is not the time nor place. This is not the time nor place, he chants against the echoing shells of his consciousness.

With these words of acceptance Chidouin casts a warm smile Kai's way and enjoys more of the specially prepared tiramisu. The tiramisu Kai intended to be enjoyed, to be consumed. Kai can't help but lose the sight of where and why he is as he watches Mr. Chidouin so gleefully taking in the entirety of the delicious serving.

Finally the Chidouin Master chuckles and dismisses Kai, not having realised he must do so before Kai would find it appropriate to leave. Kai leaves with a modest bow and makes haste for the washing room. He silently glides through the air, not even feeling his feet on the lovely parquet of his new home.

The laundry ought to be moved into the drier.

In the washroom, Kai is alone. The time he'd dreaded had come and gone. Passed. I passed.

He holds the newly washed, still damp pink sweater of Miss Sara in his trembling hands as it catches his tears. In the silence, he can hear them make a quiet dapping sound upon hitting the fabric.

Oh dear, this won't do... This won't do at all.

I can't believe I haven't posted about the silly in so long!!!! Charachaerachararachararrraaaaa

I like your posts but I'd just like to point out that I am actually Kai's spouse

Thank you! Too bad that's not true tho 🤭

Rashida Tlaib has set up a petition to send to the White House to recognize and stop the ethnic cleansing and forced displacement happening in Gaza. If you’re a US citizen please sign. I have no illusions that this will change policy, but the public outcry against their actions must continue. We will not be distracted or discouraged from continuing to object to these humans rights violations.

Kai holding a puppy because he said the word puppy exactly one time in YTTS 🥰