Potentially Obscure Adulting Tips:

Potentially obscure adulting tips:

1. There is a significant difference in quality between all paper products at different price points(a la paper towels, tissues, Kleenex’s) it’s worth it to run a small experiment and see if buying the product that’s three dollars more expensive lasts you twice as long as the cheapest stuff.

2. Many organic crops are grown in farms adjacent to non organic farms and as such, between crossbreeding and cross contamination, most “organic” products can’t be guaranteed. Don’t waste your money.

3. Aji no moto (Japanese fish stock) is a great and cheap way to flavor most foods.

4. Deli meat of choice with condiment of choice is a great way to get much needed calories and protein if you’re not up to food prep (if you use pesto or other veg based sauce, you get the triple whammy of veg, protein, and calories!)

5. Drinking water is easier if you have a designated water container (thermos, coffee mug, solo cup, it doesn’t matter) empty it out when you’re done drinking and keep it next to your source of water. That way you can drink a little each time you pass by.

6. Never underestimate sensory deprivation as a sleep aid. Sleeping mask, ear plugs/noise cancelling headphones, weighted blanket, chilly room. It helps.

7. You’re allowed to indulge. You’re allowed to indulge. You’re allowed to indulge. You made it. You’re an adult. Don’t spend your whole life just struggling to try and make some future version of yourself profitable. Enjoy life now. It’s okay.

Doctor: you have a double ear infection and a sinus infection! It's rare for a double ear infection to occur in adults.

Me, in my head: fuck yeah I'm special Doc.

Not me thinking polls were nonsense until tumblr implemented them lol

Hey you know how I said I was going to make a workbook on the kind of bullshit you need to do when someone you love dies? I actually did that.

HERE IS THE VERSION WITH LOTS OF SWEARING AT THE USELESS, SHITTY SITUATION YOU’RE IN.

HERE IS THE VERSION WITH A FAIR AMOUNT OF BLACK HUMOR BUT NO CURSEWORDS.

Featuring Helpful Sections such as:

Death Certificates – What you need, why you need them, and how to get them

Prepare to spend a long and miserable time on the phone

What the Everloving Fuck is Probate

Some Simple Dos and Don’ts

Shitty Mad Libs – Templates for writing Obituaries and Memorials

How to plan a non-religious death party

So you suddenly have to become some sort of hacker or some shit

This is an eighteen page book that you can print out, download, share, and give away; it is meant to be used to collect information about funeral planning and account management after a death OR you can use it BEFORE you die and give people information so they’re not stuck playing Nancy Fucking Drew while trying to keep seventeen cousins who crawled out of the woodwork from gutting each other in front of the fucking casket as they argue about who’s inheriting grandma’s favorite dentures.

It’s not exactly cheerful and it’s full of things that are probably going to feel really fucking raw if you’re processing a fresh death.

I’m sorry! I love you! Death is shitty! I’m trying to laugh about it a little and I hope you can laugh a little too because otherwise we’re all just going to cry together.

Good luck!

(in memory of my weirdo mother and her weirdo siblings who all died too fucking young and left me holding this flaming bag of dogshit)

Gerard P Donelan

From time to time I have small, personal epiphanies about words/meanings/common phrases and holy dick, do I feel like a toddler in an adult body sometimes.