Oh I Love Otyken! Theyre So Neat. My Brain (which Is A Picky Picky Thing And Does Not Listen To Rhyme

Oh I love Otyken! They’re so neat. My brain (which is a picky picky thing and does not listen to rhyme or reason) also likes them! Happy brain music!

I would get married just to have a shark cake topper. 

GUYS LOOK AT THIS FUCKING WEDDING CAKE TOPPER I JUST BOUGHT

Oh man. I really want to write something like this? This sounds like so much fun and is so up my alley. (I am that slightly unhinged dude risking all of time to bring back the extinct birds. It is me.) 

...subplot of the wildlife photographer who is dead set on personally documenting mid-pliocene Brazil or something and tries to do everything by the book! But repeatedly ends up needing to get slightly rescued because they totally forget in the rush of getting That Shot that sometimes stepping on that twig will have effects down the timeline...

here is a concept: time travel cop, fish & wildlife division

most of their job is dealing with the kinds of assholes who think black market tiger cubs are a great idea right up until someone gets mauled, except these are even bigger assholes with black market Smilodon cubs that they are even less equipped to care for

this is the most straightforward and therefore relatively headache-free part of their job, because it’s the same “put that thing back where it came from or so help me” song and dance every time

it’s also significantly less depressing than the trophy hunters who don’t even want an alive extinct animal. those are extra annoying because you have to undo the time travel that let them kill that poor Megatherium or thylacine or anklyosaur or whatever, and it’s always so much extra paperwork.

and those people suck, definitely, and have fully earned a stint in Time Jail. no question. but they still do not create anywhere near as much work as the obsessive hobbyists with their exhaustively careful best practices and worryingly good track-covering. also, weirdly, it’s almost always birds with them?

like. the guys who will flagrantly abuse Time Law to bird-nap breeding pairs just long enough to raise one clutch of eggs apiece, and return them seamlessly to their spots on the timeline. who are so determined to keep their pet (ha) projects going that no one even realizes what they’re doing until they have an entire stable breeding population of passenger pigeons up and running. who are now the reason that reps from six different zoos are about to start throwing hands right in front of you over who gets dibs.

those guys cause the most paperwork. and half the time they’re snapped up by the same zoo or wildlife preserve that gets their colony of ivory-billed woodpeckers or Carolina parakeets or — once, very memorably — giant fucking South Island moa, and they never even spend a day in Time Jail.

I will add a note to support self-care!

Okay fuck it if this post reaches 666k notes by the end of 2023 I'll practise basic self care

Why 666k? Because it's funny and impossible so good fucking luck

I literally didn’t know this film existed until I saw this post. Absolutely going to spread the word and looking for tickets right now.