If You Want A Tolkienesque Man, You Have To Become A Tolkienesque Woman.

If you want a Tolkienesque man, you have to become a Tolkienesque woman….

Be six feet tall, have gray eyes, and long hair

Weave spells of enchantment upon your enemies through your singing

Create strikingly lifelike sculptures

Dance in glades

Slay the embodiment of fear and death

Protect your own woodland realm

Help the resistance effort to overthrow the enemy that took over your land

Give good advice

Decorate your home with water lilies floating in pots of water

Only give your shiny hair out to short kings

Befriend a giant dog

Give gifts

Weave a really good banner

"Its ok to mock and appropriate people's religions and beliefs if I cry religious trauma first!"

You fucking clown

Ordinarily I can have a civil debate with protestants but the moment they start insulting Mary I want to throw hands

really into knights and mixed media recently

pissing off both sides by referring to both Israel and Palestine as "The Former Kingdom of Jerusalem"