How To Make Your Writing Less Stiff Part 3

How to Make Your Writing Less Stiff Part 3

Crazy how one impulsive post has quickly outshined every other post I have made on this blog. Anyway here’s more to consider. Once again, I am recirculating tried-and-true writing advice that shouldn’t have to compromise your author voice and isn’t always applicable when the narrative demands otherwise.

Part 1

Part 2

1. Eliminating to-be verbs (passive voice)

Am/is/are/was/were are another type of filler that doesn’t add anything to your sentences.

There were fireworks in the sky tonight. /// Fireworks glittered in the sky tonight.

My cat was chirping at the lights on the ceiling. /// My cat chirped at the lights on the ceiling.

She was standing /// She stood

He was running /// He ran

Also applicable in present tense, of which I’ve been stuck writing lately.

There are two fish-net goals on either end of the improvised field. /// Two fish-net goals mark either end of the improvised field.

For once, it’s a cloudless night. /// For once, the stars shine clear.

Sometimes the sentence needs a little finagling to remove the bad verb and sometimes you can let a couple remain if it sounds better with the cadence or syntax. Generally, they’re not necessary and you won’t realize how strange it looks until you go back and delete them (it also helps shave off your word count).

Sometimes the to-be verb is necessary. You're writing in past-tense and must convey that.

He was running out of time does not have the same meaning as He ran out of time, and are not interchangeable. You'd have to change the entire sentence to something probably a lot wordier to escape the 'was'. To-be verbs are not the end of the world.

2. Putting character descriptors in the wrong place

I made a post already about motivated exposition, specifically about character descriptions and the mirror trope, saying character details in the wrong place can look odd and screw with the flow of the paragraph, especially if you throw in too many.

She ties her long, curly, brown tresses up in a messy bun. /// She ties her curls up in a messy brown bun. (bonus alliteration too)

Generally, I see this most often with hair, a terrible rule of threes. Eyes less so, but eyes have their own issue. Eye color gets repeated at an exhausting frequency. Whatever you have in your manuscript, you could probably delete 30-40% of the reminders that the love interest has baby blues and readers would be happy, especially if you use the same metaphor over and over again, like gemstones.

He rolled his bright, emerald eyes. /// He rolled his eyes, a vibrant green in the lamplight.

To me, one reads like you want to get the character description out as fast as possible, so the hand of the author comes in to wave and stop the story to give you the details. Fixing it, my way or another way, stands out less as exposition, which is what character descriptions boil down to—something the audience needs to know to appreciate and/or understand the story.

3. Lacking flow between sentences

Much like sentences that are all about the same length with little variety in syntax, sentences that follow each other like a grocery list or instruction manual instead of a proper narrative are difficult to find gripping.

Jack gets out a stock pot from the cupboard. He fills it with the tap and sets it on the stove. Then, he grabs russet potatoes and butter from the fridge. He leaves the butter out to soften, and sets the pot to boil. He then adds salt to the water.

From the cupboard, Jack drags a hefty stockpot. He fills it with the tap, adds salt to taste, and sets it on the stove.

Russet potatoes or yukon gold? Jack drums his fingers on the fridge door in thought. Russet—that’s what the recipe calls for. He tosses the bag on the counter and the butter beside it to soften.

This is just one version of a possible edit to the first paragraph, not the end-all, be-all perfect reconstruction. It’s not just about having transitions, like ‘then’, it’s about how one sentence flows into the next, and you can accomplish better flow in many different ways.

4. Getting too specific with movement.

I don’t see this super often, but when it happens, it tends to be pretty bad. I think it happens because writers feel the need to overcompensate and over-clarify on what’s happening. Remember: The more specific you get, the more your readers are going to wonder what’s so important about these details. This is fiction, so every detail matters.

A ridiculous example:

Jack walks over to his closet. He kneels down at the shoe rack and tugs his running shoes free. He walks back to his desk chair, sits down, and ties the laces.

Unless tying his shoes is a monumental achievement for this character, all readers would need is:

Jack shoves on his running shoes.

*quick note: Do not add "down" after the following: Kneels, stoops, crouches, squats. The "down" is already implied in the verb.

This also happens with multiple movements in succession.

Beth enters the room and steps on her shoelace, nearly causing her to trip. She kneels and ties her shoes. She stands upright and keeps moving.

Or

Beth walks in and nearly trips over her shoelace. She sighs, reties it, and keeps moving.

Even then, unless Beth is a chronically clumsy character or this near-trip is a side effect of her being late or tired (i.e. meaningful), tripping over a shoelace is kind of boring if it does nothing for her character. Miles Morales’ untied shoelaces are thematically part of his story.

Sometimes, over-describing a character’s movement is meant to show how nervous they are—overthinking everything they’re doing, second-guessing themselves ad nauseam. Or they’re autistic coded and this is how this character normally thinks as deeply methodical. Or, you’re trying to emphasize some mundanity about their life and doing it on purpose.

If you’re not writing something where the extra details service the character or the story at large, consider trimming it.

—

These are *suggestions* and writing is highly subjective. Hope this helps!

Words to Use Instead Of...

Beautiful

stunning

gorgeous

breath-taking

lovely

jaw-dropping

pretty

glowing

dazzling

exquisite

angelic

radiant

ravishing

excellent

ideal

sightly

wonderful

elegant

bewitching

captivating

mesmerizing

enthralling

magnetic

impressive

tasteful

charming

desirable

enchanting

Interesting

stricking

unusual

appealing

absorbing

srresting

gripping

riveting

alluring

amusing

exceptional

fascinating

impressive

provocative

prepossessing

exotic

readable

refreshing

entrancing

exceptional

Good

honest

upright

dutiful

enthical

pure

guiltless

lily-white

reputable

righteous

tractable

obedient

incorrupt

respectable

honorable

inculpable

irreprehensible

praiseworthy

well-behaved

uncorrupted

irreproachable

Awesome

wondrous

amazing

out-of-this-world

phenomenal

remarkable

stunning

fascinating

astounding

awe-inspiring

extraordinary

impressive

incredible

mind-blowing

mind-boggling

miraculous

stupendous

Cute

endeaing

adorable

lovable

sweet

lovely

appealing

engaging

delightful

darling

charming

enchanting

attractive

bonny

cutesy

adorbs

dear

twee

Shy

modest

self-effacing

sheepish

timid

way

reserved

unassured

skittish

chary

coy

hesitant

humble

introverted

unsocial

bashful

awkward

apprehensive

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ROMANCE IS DEAD | PSH

*ೃ༄ SYNOPSIS; Kiyoko Yamamoto wasn’t one for relationships; she didn't hate them if anything; she wanted to be in one so badly, but love never seemed to come her way. Guys would always throw themselves at her, but she was never interested, and when she was, they were too much. She just wanted a simple guy, not too pushy or too distant; it can’t be too much to ask for. Kiyoko took her failed attempts at relationships as the universe saying fuck you, so she gave up. Any attempt to become a taken woman was all but lost to her, but someone should probably tell her that the guy that lives across the street was definitely trying to flirt with her.

ׂׂૢ PAIRING; idol! park sunghoon x fem! oc

ׂׂૢ WARNINGS; just sunghoon being a simp, , swearing, racism, death jokes, inappropriate jokes, a little suggestive.

ׂׂૢ TAGS: romance, social media au, angst, slow burn.

ongoing!

social media profiles(tbh)

act one ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

chapter 01; fusion flavors  cafe

chapter 02; blind

chapter 03; manifesting

chapter 04; cancelled

chapter 05; hydrate

chapter 06; delusions

chapter 07; what is enhypen?

chapter 08; money hungry

chapter 09; drunken thoughts.\\

chapter 010; kdramas

chapter 011; #kihoon

chapter 012; dates??

act twoˏˋ°•*⁀➷

TBH

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To my readers:

If your comment is long and rambling and full of quotes you enjoyed, I will love it.

If your comment is full of story related questions, I will love it.

If your comment is a single sentence, I will love it.

If your comment is a single emoji, or a string of them, I will love it.

If you comment, I will love it. It's that simple.

Genshin Impact | Mini Illustrations | Furina

Download Link (Google Drive)

it’s a little early in the game but check this out!!!

its better with you …

[ pairing :: player!jake and f!reader | warning ;; fluff , angst , lil suggestive at some parts but no real smut! , swearing, tbh it might be a little fast paced 😭, reader messages r white while jake’s will be in black!!! ]

synopsis :: college life was hard, the work overwhelming and your teachers were horrid. not only that, but being the only responsible one in your friend group meant taking care of your crazy friends everyday. though, you don’t really mind it when you get to see a certain someone every weekend at parties…

profiles :: the best!!! | jake’s meat riders

# part one — studying…

# part two — you’re a distraction

# part three — again?

# part four — who are you, handsome.

# part five — i can’t stop thinking ‘bout you

# part six — get my mind straight

# part seven — he followed me?

more chapters tba.

EN-NARI. 2024.