...maybe, Rosinante Muttered, As If He Didn't Already Know The Answer Of What Doflamingo Was After Himself.

　❝ ...maybe, ❞ rosinante muttered, as if he didn't already know the answer of what doflamingo was after himself.

he'd known the answer since they were both children, still living in that dirty shack and hated by the world. when doflamingo promised him one day he would 'fix things' for the two of them and then, days later, took what little of their family the boys had left and destroyed it instead.

the commander's chest tightened and suddenly, just as he was regretting giving up his last cigarette he had on hand, it was as if she had read his mind. he gratefully took it, pacing the speed of his inhale in an effort to mask the acute panic he had inadvertently triggered himself into.

　❝ i don't work well on teams, though. you know that. ❞ well, technically; it wasn't as if he prided himself on working alone, or hated other people ー people tended to just get hurt more often when he was around.

A snort and a flick of ashes, Bellemere offered the tall man his own cigarette back. Or at least a hit off it, considering he likely needed it more than she did. It was the nicotine that did it for her, having picked up smoking, gambling at bars with men twice her age, attempting to appear much older to avoid suspicious from the bar tender.

"No one would expect you to," she offered, along with a clap on the back. "That's kinda the whole point of the marines, right? We're a team and all that..." A smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, because she didn't entirely believe that... not anymore. Not really. If they were truly all on the same team, she'd imagine men like Donquixote Doflamingo and Shiki the Golden Lion never would have been allowed to amass a following at all.

Bellemere shrugged. "Power. Isn't that what they're all after in the end?"

probably won't get to these for a few days, or maybe not until early next week, but here's a tentative meme/inbox call from cora.

i'll pick 1-3 memes from your tag to send in. no cap, though i might be selective about what i decide to turn into threads depending on how many people like this. just trying to gently ease myself back into things.

　❝ we weren't around the... nicest folks at the time. i'm sure he's told you all about that, though. ❞ hell, never mind law telling her, he was certain nami got firsthand experience just how unpleasant his older brother's crew was through helping out law in dressrosa. rosinante recalled them being insufferable to deal with while still undercover over a decade ago, he couldn't imagine what they were like nowadays.

　❝ it would have been too suspicious of me to take the kids and run, so i had to get... creative. and, by 'creative', i mean 'treat the kids who showed up there like shit until they run away crying'. ❞

rosinante leaned back and gave her the air to speak & gather her thoughts, eyes receptive to the changes in her face. as much as he wanted to think their circumstances were the same, that was too simple.

the fact of the matter is that he was here, and bell-mere wasn't. law had the opportunity to heal ー to get closure ー directly from him, but nami didn't. there was only so much he could say, and only so much her guilt would allow her to believe. at least for right now, until they could form a bond in their own way.

for now, he'd settle for a bit of levity.

　❝ eh, well... depends. i doubt you were worse than law, unless you're the type of kid to try and stab your mom? ❞

"Why would it be for his own good? You're so ... nice."

He was so sweet, so kind, and she'd only known Rosinante for a short while. It was easy to see his good qualities, and while she had her issues with the institutions of marines, there were decent ones. Her mother was one of them; it was one of the main reasons she would always feel some sort of kinship with marines of the female variety. She wanted to believe there were some who were doing their work for the right reasons; her mother had been one that did. There had to be others that cared about people, the ones they swore to protect. Although it appeared to be easier said than done, to show such compassion.

"I gave her hell," Nami admitted, resting her chin in her palm, continuing to stir her tea. It was an easy way to pull herself away, to lure herself into somewhat of a trance. "I was spoiled. Selfish. You say she didn't regret it, but I dunno." She smiled, albeit weakly, because it was really all she could do. She still felt so much guilt. Guilt for surviving. Guilt for leaving. Guilt for living.

It was amazing that she had opened up so much, in such a short amount of time. She didn't always talk about her past --- she had others who would listen, but there were very few who might relate. How odd it was, that she'd found someone, in him. How much they had in common in their chosen dynamics --- maybe it meant something.

"I bet Law didn't cause you trouble, like I did for her."

🐝  *  ―  𝑬𝑴𝑶𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑳𝒀 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑮𝑬𝑫 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.

❛  why did you have to leave me?  ❜ ❛  how could you do this to me?  ❜ ❛  i trusted you!  ❜ ❛  i'm sorry, but i can't do this anymore.  ❜ ❛  do you even care how much you hurt me?  ❜ ❛  i'll never stop fighting for us, no matter what.  ❜ ❛  i don't know if i can forgive you.  ❜ ❛  i never thought i'd feel so alone, even when you're right here.  ❜ ❛  please don't go, i can't handle losing you too.  ❜ ❛  you were the one person i thought i could always count on. why did you have to let me down?  ❜ ❛  did you ever even care about us? about me?  ❜ ❛  i wish i could hate you for what you've done, but i can't.  ❜ ❛  why do you always have to play games with my feelings?  ❜ ❛  i never thought saying goodbye would hurt this much.  ❜ ❛  every time i close my eyes, all i see is the pain you've caused.  ❜ ❛  why do you insist on tearing us apart when we could be so happy together?  ❜ ❛  i'm tired of pretending everything's okay when it's clearly not.  ❜ ❛  i don't even know who you are anymore.  ❜ ❛  i need you to understand how much you mean to me.  ❜ ❛  i'm scared of losing you, but i'm even more scared of losing myself.  ❜ ❛  why won't you let me in? what are you so afraid of?  ❜ ❛  you were my world, and now everything is falling apart.  ❜ ❛  how am i supposed to trust anyone after what you've done?  ❜ ❛  i can't go through this heartache again.  ❜ ❛  why did you leave without saying goodbye?  ❜ ❛  how could you say something like that to me?  ❜ ❛  you've always had a way of making me feel worthless.  ❜ ❛  don't you dare walk away from me when i'm talking to you.  ❜ ❛  please, just tell me the truth, even if it hurts. i can handle it.  ❜ ❛  i don't know how to fix what's broken between us anymore.  ❜ ❛  you're not the person i fell in love with anymore.  ❜ ❛  just hold me and tell me everything will be okay, even if it's a lie.  ❜ ❛  i trusted you, and you betrayed me.  ❜ ❛  i never meant to hurt you, it was never my intention.  ❜ ❛  i've given you everything, and it's still not enough.  ❜ ❛  why do you always have to make everything about you?  ❜ ❛  why did you do it? why did you betray me like that?  ❜ ❛  i miss you ... more than words can say.  ❜ ❛  you're the best thing that ever happened to me, and i'm scared of losing you.  ❜ ❛  i'll always be here for you, no matter what. just please don't shut me out.  ❜

gonna level with you: situation hasn't improved and, emotionally, i'm very much a tired, cracked egg. so chaos gremlin wilder might need a few more days to return to form.

BUT ー i did manage to do all of my drafts** on both here & cora. like, a total reset to zero for the first time in months. whew.

thank you for all the patience, and sorry for all the whining about my situation the last two months. i'm sure you're all sick of hearing about it OTL, so thank you for putting up with me when i've really had no one else to commiserate with.

⸻ 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲, 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝗺𝗲 𝐬 𝐦 𝐢 𝐥 𝐢 𝐧 𝐠

ㅤㅤ      𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐙𝐎𝐍.   Donquixote   Pirate   Executive.   former   World   noble .  .  private   &&.   selective,   extremely   headcanon   based    Rosinante   of   Eiichiro Oda’s   One   Piece.   Canon   Divergent.   nsfw / Dark   themes    present.  minors/personals   absolutely   do   not   interact.     !  medium   activity   adored   by   Aria   (30   ●   she/they   ●   cst).