completely-zoned-out

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Everyone Prefers Jeonghan

everyone prefers jeonghan

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completely-zoned-out

7 months ago

彡why can't i hate you?

pairing' young k x reader

genre' angst

warnings' good relationship gone bad, reminiscing about past relationship, reader is still in love with younghyun, flashbacks written in italics, based off of "i loved you" by day6

wc' 1.6k

a/n' i listened to "i loved you" at least forty times back-to-back yesterday, so i decided to write a fic about my bias based on the lyrics 🙏 is anyone gonna read this? ofc not. am i still gonna post it? yes ofc

You hated him. God, you hated him. If your mother had heard you say that, she would’ve scoffed and told you, “Hate is a strong word.” But you thought it wasn’t strong enough. Scrolling through the Google drive he had sent you on your last anniversary that was filled with all the old pictures and videos he'd taken of the two of you on his stupid vintage film camera, you could only think of all the things about him that you hated. You hated his stupid hair that you used to run your fingers through at night, his pointy nose that you used to kiss in the mornings before you left for work, his calloused hands that used to hold you with such warmth, his pretty lips that once told you that he couldn’t imagine living without you, that he would love you till the day he died. The same lips that told you he didn’t love you anymore.

“I just…can’t do this anymore.”

You stood still in the kitchen of your apartment, your hands frozen as they still held the potato you were peeling as you prepared dinner for yourself and your boyfriend of six years. It was Friday night, which meant that Younghyun had come over for dinner, as he had nearly every Friday for the past six years- barring the times he’s been on tour. When he’d arrived at your apartment, you could tell that something was off. You’d just assumed that he’d had a bad day, or was just tired. You never would have thought that he’d be telling you this. Not after you’d discussed engagement rings just last week.

“What are you trying to say? You’re just breaking up with me? Did I do something? Did I say something?”

He shook his head with his face in his hands as you rambled on, questioning what could’ve possibly made him say these things to you. He looked up at you, both of you looked a wreck, tears in your eyes and noses running.

“It’s not that. You…You didn’t do anything.”

“Then why? What happened? Why now?”He took a deep breath as he took in your disheveled state. The tears from your face had fallen onto your pretty powder blue sweater, and he fought the urge to smile at the thought that even after all the years you’d been together, all the fights you’d had, all the times you’d seen each other at your worst, you still tried to look pretty for him. But as sweet as that thought was, it still couldn’t change how he felt.

“I don’t know. I just…I don’t know how else to say it. But I just…” He took another breath to steady his shaking voice, “I just…Don’t love you anymore.”

You hated how he never gave you a reason. Even after crying and begging, he couldn’t tell you. And maybe you said some things that you shouldn’t have, maybe telling him to leave, that you never wanted to see him again was going too far. And maybe it was a lie.

After he left, you found that he’d blocked your number, your socials, everything. Just like that, he erased you from his life. You resented him for that. After he left, you went numb for a few weeks. It was like your whole world had ended, like everything had lost all its meaning. Your mom came by almost every day to check on you, and of course to tell you that she never really liked Younghyun, that she just wanted you to be happy, and you’d be better off without him anyway. You hated how she talked about him.

After a while, you decided to pick yourself up and go about life as if he never existed. You threw out all the things he’d left at your apartment over the years, including the plant he’d given you as a housewarming gift when you first moved in. You tried to forget him, forget the time you spent with him, the trips you went on, everything. It was hard when your coworkers and friends would ask about him, when your cousin asked if you were bringing him to the upcoming family reunion, when the little old lady that lived in the apartment next to yours knocked on your door to ask if he could carry her new coffee table up to her apartment.

You were doing well at forgetting his existence. It had been almost three months, and your apartment had been scrubbed clean of any trace of him, all his photos had been deleted from your camera roll. But while you were sitting on your computer in your home office, scrolling through your Google drive to try and find an old work project that you needed to reference in a new report, you came across his last anniversary present to you. You couldn’t stop yourself before you clicked on it. Looking through all the old photos and videos of the past six years, you felt nothing but resentment as you saw his smiling face in the thumbnails.

You must have been scrolling for at least half an hour before you stopped at a certain video, the thumbnail bringing up a particularly harsh memory. You hesitantly clicked on the video, and the sound of your own laughter flooded from your speakers.

He’d really outdone himself this time. When he’d asked you a month ago what the number one place to go on your bucket list was, you immediately told him “Vienna”. You’d wanted to go ever since you were a little kid and you’d heard the BIlly Joel song of the same name coming from your dad’s record player. Little did you know that he’d take you there as a surprise for your fourth anniversary.

You giggled in glee as you looked out across the beautiful river that you’d always longed to see. You turned to see Younghyun pointing his camera at you, grinning as he observed your reaction.

“Are you filming me?”

“How could I not?” He laughed as you playfully swatted at the camera, pulling the neck of your sweater over your face so he couldn’t film it. “You’re just so beautiful, I can’t help it.”

You stilled and smiled as he reached one hand out to grab your own and drag it away from your face, the neck of your sweater falling back into place at your collarbone. He pressed your knuckles to his lips before turning the camera so the both of you were in the frame. You wrapped your arms around each other, his arm that was not holding the camera coming to rest across your shoulders. You reached one hand up to grab his hand that rested on your shoulder, while your other hand went to the back of his neck, your fingers lazily playing with the soft brown hair that you loved so much.

The two of you smiled at the camera for a moment, listening to the river lazily flowing as the sun set behind you and the crisp autumn air blew through your hair. Younghyun turned to look at you, his eyes scanning over your features, smiling lazily as you turned to meet his gaze.

“What?”

“Nothin’. I just love you.”

You grinned as you bounced on your tippy toes to leave a quick gentle kiss on the tip of his nose. “Really?”

He shifted his arm that rested across your shoulders downwards so it wrapped around your waist, his hand playing with a loose string at the bottom of your sweater. “Yeah…You know, I can’t imagine living without you.”

You blushed and buried your face into his shoulder, his hand tightening around your waist. “Younghyun, you can’t just say things like that.”

He grinned and pressed his lips to the top of your head, “It’s true, though. I’m gonna love you till the day I die.”

You pulled away briefly to look up at his face, which was smiling warmly down at you, his eyes filled with nothing but fondness as they met your own. You narrowed your eyes at him, looking up at the camera and back to him.

“...You’re not about to propose to me are you?”

He let out a laugh before bringing you in closer, pressing another kiss to the top of your head before burying his face into your hair. “No, not yet. It’s coming, though.”

You looked up at him again, the look of love on his face told you that he was telling the truth. “I’ll be waiting.”

You didn’t feel the tears that had been cascading down your cheeks until the video had ended. You hated him. You resented him. You never wanted to see him again. So why were you crying? Was it because you wasted six years of your life? Was it because you felt lied to? Why were you wasting your time crying over a man that didn’t love you? Over a relationship that was never meant to be? Why did it hurt so much?

You hated him. You hated him. You hated him.

But as your tears started falling harder and soft sobs escaped your mouth, you knew the truth. You didn’t hate him. You never hated him. You loved him. You knew deep in your heart, that you really did love him. You loved him so badly, it made you hate him all that much more. No matter how many times you tried to erase him from your memory, or how many times you tried to forget the love that he gave, or the time you spent with him, you knew you never could. Because you loved him. And deep down, you always would.

Tags :

ahhh stop this hurts 😭 the way he was going to propose 😭😭 I'm so glad I've never dated or been through a break up because it really sounds like that hurts day6 young k

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completely-zoned-out

6 months ago