Cosmic-folly - Wasting Time

✨️Encounter✨️

By jackdarylphotography

🍂 Autumn Cozy on YouTube

New Day

(c) riverwindphotography, September 2023

space ornaments

I took time off with the purpose of working on fic. But I find that I'm not very motivated to do anything and that I feel no great desire to right now.

My time off was meant to be relaxing but it's been anything but. I keep looking around my house and finding projects I need to work on, cleaning that needs to be done, things that just pile up until they become an irritant that scrapes across your skin. I feel the press of obligations and the need to keep up appearances or just keep up.

And I think that's been the worst thing about getting older: the creep of obligations and the constant battle to be involved in everything.

I used to be able to sit around the house all weekend without feeling as if I were wasting my time. I could take my time doing chores, going out, even sleeping in. But as I've gotten older, the time I have to myself and my ability to relax and enjoy it has gotten shorter.

I understand now why adults are always out of energy or always feeling overwhelmed. Unless you are able to outsource some of your tasks, there's just no time to do it all. Hobbies take a backseat to the obligations we have and it's draining to not be able to fully enjoy what you do when you have time off. To not feel guilty about putting off cleaning or laundry or something else.

I think the speed of which things happen these days also play into it. There's always a new show to watch; new video games to play; fandom is constantly moving and barely gives people a chance to breathe. It's impossible to not feel as if you're missing something because there are 100 things to track and know about.

This turned in to a long ramble but what it comes down to is that I'm tired of constantly worrying about doing something and not enjoying the moments I have. I miss the slow times and not worrying about being late, not getting the house clean, not having dinner ready at an exact time.

I need to let go and not worry about my progress.