Cryptid-in-a-box - Come And Be Welcome

One of the cartoons from my new book ‘Revenge of the Librarians’. 

Order it in good bookshops or online here: www.tomgauld.com

i would've made for such a good fucking cat life's so unfair

Haha nice job outwitting the gods bro, what about tomorrow though? What about the next day bro?

my library has a page where you can request titles to be added to the catalogue, and my requests have never, never been turned down

like, obscure book on irish mythology? added! cookbook written by a robot? hell yeah! just season 3 of a 1970s detective series, on DVD? sure, why not!

I don't know if it's that a librarian has decided to humor me, or if my library is particularly well-funded (I hope so; I love my library), but no matter what I request, they buy a copy and add it to the catalogue.

...so now, as I type in a suggestion for a queer romance with a pretty boy on the cover, I can only hope that luck is still with me

When I was about 4 or 5, my dad worked in software implementation (installing very complicated programs for entire companies, basically). And sometimes when people had a problem with the program, they’d call my dad.

If he wasn’t in the room, I was assigned to answer the house phone and say “Hello, Edward will be here in jutht a moment,” in my high-pitched lisp typically described by family members as “elfin”, and then yell for my dad. Then I’d listen to him walking them through the issue because I found it interesting.

One time my dad went in for a meeting with the CEO of a large company, like, one you’ve heard of, and the CEO said “Oh, by the way, your assistant is amazing! Fixed my problem immediately.“

After some very subtle investigative work - because if the CEO of a billion dollar company is pleased you don’t answer with ‘wtf are you talking about’ - he determined that what happened was the following:

The CEO called my dad at a very odd time of day, because rich people are like that.

The phone was answered by an elfin, lisping voice, which said “Hello, I’m thorry, Edward ithn’t here right now. Can I help you?”

“…okay, do you thee the power button? Can you rethtart the computer? …that means turning it off.”

Five minutes later, the CEO hung up, very pleased that an elf with a speech impediment had fixed his million-dollar software.