Well This Is Me

Well this is me

i don't WANT to live in a society i want to live in a bookstore cafe

“I woke up with a gasp in the back of an ambulance.  They’d shot adrenaline directly into my heart.  Apparently I’d been dead for 2.5 minutes.  The EMT’s were freaking out.  My chest hurt from the electric paddles.  And I was already in acute withdrawal.  At the time, it had been nearly twenty years of addiction.  I weighed 128 pounds, and I’m a six foot tall man. There comes a point when you’re given the gift of desperation.  And that was it for me.  Today is my 160th day clean.  I’ve never gone this far before.  One of the first things I did after getting sober was write my son a letter.  He was raised by my parents.  I told him: ‘You did nothing wrong.  I was an addict.  I loved heroin more than you, more than your mother, more than my own mother.’  And he’s forgiven me.  He’s a good hearted kid.  I think more than anything he just wants his dad back.  He came to visit me in November.  It was the first time I’ve seen him in seven years.  He’s become my biggest advocate.  He knows my day count.  He texts me every day for a feelings check.  He’s become my biggest motivation.  I just don’t want my legacy to be ‘dope fiend.’  That can’t be what’s on my headstone.  That can’t be how he remembers me.  I don’t want my kids telling their kids: ‘Your grandfather was a heroin addict.’  I want them to brag about my sobriety.  I want them to say: ‘That’s something he was, but he beat it.’”