Sci-fi Landscapes By Andrew Porter

Sci-fi Landscapes by Andrew Porter

ANNIE HSIAO-CHING WANG

ARTIST

In Beyoncé’s “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM,” Beyoncé clearly starts that “This ain’t Texas”. If that’s the case, where does the song take place?

We have a few clues. First we know there’s a tornado, which puts it in one of seven states in Tornado alley. You can rule out Texas.

Second, we know there was a heat wave. Now the most recorded heat waves in 2023 (most likely when the song was written) were in Louisiana on July 30, Kansas on August 19 and 25, and Oklahoma on August 17.

This song can only take place in one of these states. But still we have more information give that we know she was in a basement, which rules out Louisiana given that both Texas and Louisiana have soil types that eliminate basements being built in the states commonly.

That leaves Oklahoma and Kansas.

Which brings us to our final piece of information in the song, that this has spurs, furs, and boots which means it must be a state close to Texas, mimicking Texas culture, which also has prominent gambling (as we see she talks about it not being hold em, but cards are still involved). This leads us to conclude that the state we’re in must have rampant casinos, which can only mean one state.

If we rule out everything else, take only the facts into consideration, and completely misread the song…

Texas Hold ‘Em can only take place in Oklahoma.

How much tenderness...