Darkhoneybrowneyes - The Tangled Mess That Is My Mind.

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Love in the Air: At the Mercy of Love (Sky x Prapai Confession Scene)

So the confession scene is easily one of the most important and pivotal scenes in Sky x Prapai’s storyline, and I have a lot to say about it. This scene left me quaking because it’s very, very layered. I’ve had to delve deep to truly try to understand the emotional perspectives of both characters in this moment.

From Prapai’s point of view, Sky has just attempted to ruthlessly hurt him, which was incredibly out of character. Prapai knows this isn’t his Sky. Knows Sky wouldn’t say and do things like that, but he doesn’t understand why Sky is saying this. And Sky is a person who comes with a lot of ‘whys’ that Prapai doesn’t yet have all the answers to. He decides not give up, because his love and concern for Sky far outweighs his own pain.

I’ve tried picturing how Prapai felt when he read those words in Sky’s notebook. The first few pages are sweet and endearing, Sky’s notes begin purely as a record of facts. Slowly those become more telling, more revealing in how much Sky values Prapai’s presence, but also how much good he sees in Prapai.

Up until this point, Prapai has been putting his everything into pursuing Sky, in the hopes that Sky may at some point reciprocate even a fraction. Even in the previous episode, when Prapai gets angry, he says, “I might be a psychotic stalker in your eyes, but please understand how worried I am of you”. Despite how assured he comes across, Prapai is actually very insecure about how Sky feels about him. He has no real grasp on Sky’s true feelings. Though he suspects Sky returns them, he doesn’t actually know for sure. Sky’s notes reveal that he’s taken note of every gesture, every act of devotion that Prapai has made thus far. Nothing Prapai has done has gone unnoticed.

Prapai must have felt overwhelmingly validated and touched, that the person he loves has equally treasured every single moment of his presence. All the effort, all the time he has poured into Sky, has been seen, and is absolutely worth it. But Sky wanted to keep all this hidden. He didn’t want Prapai to know. And that fact was likely going round and round in circles in Prapai’s mind, whilst he sat there in the dark - stewing, and getting increasingly angry and hurt by the entire revelation.

Which leads onto the part which devastated me. Sky insecurities, fears and anxieties laid raw and utterly unfiltered in excruciating, heart-breaking detail. Sky’s complete sense of worthlessness couldn’t be any clearer. Prapai knows there’s a shadow chasing Sky but he still doesn’t know what that shadow is. He loves Sky but Sky doesn’t love himself, and you can’t simply re-programme someone’s mindset like a switch. It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, that isn’t enough to convince them to love themselves as much as you do. Sky truly doesn’t feel worthy of Prapai’s affections, and so that entire final passage is Sky pleading, bargaining for Prapai’s attentions to stay with him. It’s the most agonised, distraught, desperate cry for someone to stay and not abandon him.

Sky is so determined to project a strong façade. To have his worst fears being read out to him by the man he loves, the man he thinks no longer wants him anymore - is like hearing the taunting voice of his demons being actualised through Prapai. An echo of what I assume his ex intentionally may have done to mentally torture him. This whole exchange proves to be downright unbearable for Sky, because his attempt to maintain any semblance of control or strength is utterly shattered. The only thing he could withhold from Prapai were his true feelings, in order to protect himself. Now Prapai knows everything. Utterly everything. He’s completely at Prapai’s mercy. And he promised himself he would never let that happen again. Sky, who is overcome by a vision of his worst hell, can only dread what comes next, that Prapai could use his fears as further fuel to hurt him.

Now my interpretation of Prapai’s response is that he is fundamentally still fuelled by anger (again out of concern and heartbreak for Sky). The tone he uses throughout is absolute admonishment, ‘You really thought that you could be the bad guy? You? Who were you trying to fool? Why were you trying to make yourself out to be the worst when I know you’re not? Why would you even try to get me to hate you, resent you, be angry at you?’ The fact that Sky even attempted to turn Prapai against him, to save himself from actually seeing Prapai do it of his own volition, is again a huge sign of self-sabotage.

We’ve seen Sky do this before. He’d rather try to hasten what he considers is the inevitable, taking the choice and control out of the other person’s hands. So yes, understandably Prapai is furious. He’s so helplessly angry because Sky tried to stop him from having any say, to stop him from having any choice in the matter. Sky jumped the gun and cut him off, and to top it off, tried to make Prapai completely hate him for it. To Prapai, what dealt the biggest blow, what was potentially the most hurtful, the one thing he could not accept - is even if Sky truly didn’t want him anymore, he has no right to take away Prapai’s love for him. ‘Don’t you dare try to make me hate you, when you have no idea just how much I love you. You are not allowed to take that away from me. You have no idea how utterly impossible that would be.’

Along with Prapai’s anger, is also fear. The thought that he may have never known, never heard these thoughts and feelings. The thought that he may have never had found out, or been willingly told by Sky himself, had he not come across the notebook. Knowing what he could have lost, missed, passed by, had he not decided to persist. That Sky was going to take away his right to know. And the anger, pain and frustration at the thought that Sky would keep that from him. That one thing he values above all right now, which is Sky’s love.

Within Prapai’s tone, there’s also a degree of, ‘Why would you do this to yourself? How could you be so cruel to yourself? Do you even know how you sound? Why?’ Prapai hates the fact that Sky keeps bringing himself down. Sky’s self-esteem is already sitting at rock bottom and for some reason Sky (being his own worst enemy) only continues to reinforce this. I think Prapai reading out every word was a way of hitting it home to Sky, that there’s no way on this earth that he could ever convince Prapai or anyone else that he doesn’t care. Because someone so broken, so insecure, so desperate of love - someone who wrote those words, thought those words, could never.

I also believe Prapai’s hurt here stems from annoyance at himself. Annoyance that he ever, even if for one second entertained any doubt. That he ever thought badly of Sky, because this, THIS, is stone cold proof that Sky could never do anything capable of hurting him. Every word in that notebook is probably like a stab in the heart. And perhaps Prapai reading it out loud was to remind himself that he shoulders the blame. For not being able to get through to Sky, for not being able to be everything Sky needs.

Now, I think the almost interrogative way that Prapai reads the notebook whilst Sky breaks down is an attempt to tear down every wall and façade that Sky has remaining. We could see this as an act of ‘tough love’. Prapai has tried coaxing, and soothing, and being soft and gentle with Sky. But maybe the anger in this particular moment led him to try being blunt for once. Prapai so desperately wants Sky to be completely unshackled, unburdened, stripped down to his most basic fundamental. The Sky he was before all the pain was inflicted on him. The Sky underneath it all who wants him and loves him. The instant Sky confesses, Prapai’s face immediately smooths over like he’s finally gotten through. There’s an instant register of relief like ‘there it is, there you are.’

I feel like the purpose of this scene was to be a moment of catharsis for both characters. As much as I do feel Prapai went in pretty hard, I also recognise that he’s been dealing with a lot of pent up frustration, fear and worry, that he hasn’t been able to direct anywhere. And to the man’s credit, he has been incredibly patient and understanding with Sky thus far. He refuses to let any of it out on Sky, so all of that worry has been kept largely to himself. The revelation of Sky’s true feelings just unleashed all that coiled up tension. For both of them actually.

To date a person who is dealing with severe trauma is not for the faint-hearted. I’m really glad this was addressed, because trauma may manifest as instances of misunderstanding or miscommunication, that will inevitably cause issues, disagreements, and possibly fall outs in the relationship. Sky will always be prone to think and assume the worst. All those fears don’t just go away as soon as you’re in love. Their relationship is going to be a real challenge, there’s no skirting around that. I do think this was a great dose of reality for Prapai, because this was the first real instance where Sky’s demons have manifested into an actual obstacle. Before that, Prapai has always been pretty steadfast and unfaltering. This completely hit him out of left field, and he realised that yes, he can be shaken too. He’s not invincible. He can also be subject to doubt, hurt, and anger.

What I am really appreciative of is that this scene acted almost like a reset. It allowed them to be completely honest and laid bare. Now there’s no question to be had how they feel about one another. And that’s a good place to move forward from.

You're so used to seeing others perspectives, you realise that most things are not about right or wrong but are about perspective. And its all good untill you can't confidently defend your perspective/beleifs being right, because you don't believe that there is anything that is always objectively right anymore.

You know.....when you're raised to always put yourself in everybody else's shoes, one day you realize you don't fit in your own? Heck....you don't even know where yours are.

CHEN YI CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT | EP 02 vs. 12

The same activity is either threatening or foreplay depending on how Chen Yi looks at it