Baby Blues

Baby bluesೄྀ࿐

sometimes I forget that tumblr is the only site I can be on that nobody from my actual real life knows about or could find me on and that I can rant or write really shitty poetry about stuff any time I want. Its free and the police can't stop me and neither can the people who know me irl and would be mortified! Thrilling!

I DON'T EVEN WANT THIS MAN ANYMORE

I do but i don't and this is the only place I can say shit like this and not have to apologize for it or worry someone will find it and I'm. lsoing my fucking mind over here. I hate him. We're in love. He doesn't even fucking like me. He's obsessed with me. I can't tell if I'm in a bad relationship or not. Things are easy but aparently I always make him feel guilty, and he slips up and I think he only tolerates me because I do not ask for much, and I ask for more, and he encourages it, and he tells me something new, and makes a passive aggressive comment, and I am so exhausted. I don't think we're playing mind games on purpose I think we're just barely adult teenagers who have never been in a real relationship prior to this and are learning. I fear we may learn just enough to want to be with other people. I fear I will become someone I will not like if this happens. I'm so fucking angry at him right now I can't stand it and I can't tell if it's justified and i am overheating as I type this and I just want somebody who obviously, wholeheartedly, VISIBLY likes and loves me and prefers my time to anybody else's and acts like it. This fucking sucks. I hate it here don't date a man guys don't do it just admire them from afar and run away

Yeah

I am finally off my period and am going out w my man tomorrow and if I don't get dick by approximately 10:01pm Friday, March 8th 2024 I am going to gnaw off my own leg

"Don't assume that just because you'd like to be with me 24/7 and I'm not comfortable with that that you love me more than I love you"

That's quite literally exactly what that means???? Like obviously you mean more to me than I do to you??? Like you'll fuck me in your bed but then I'm not allowed to stay in said bed because you need your little wind down time (you are my wind down time) which, of course, doesn't involve me, since I'm just too much for you to relax around. Like what??? What the fuck do you think the point of relationships is. "I'd move in with you right now if I could" No you literally wouldn't????? Like obviously if you can't even handle this you'll never be able to settle down with someone! Except, no, you just won't be able to settle down with me. It's not that you don't like people in your space when you're having peaceful time, it's that you don't like me in your space. And the right girl will come along and you'll want to be with her 24/7 and god I hope she doesn't want anything to do with you. And if she does I hope I never hear anything about it. The physical intimacy is just fine, sure, but emotionally it's just too much. Your lifestyle just doesn't allow it. Don't you know what that means to me?? I TOLD him what he was getting into when I agreed to be physical. Like I told you that it would change how I felt about things and it was another level of closeness and if he didn't feel the same about that then he needed to just leave me the fuck alone but nooooo. This is so exhausting. I hope he finds someone that he actually wants to be around and I hope I never, ever have to see anything about it. I hope I don't make it past twenty if it isn't with him.