Mistake.

Rafael Barba/Reader (ftm reader)

Rafael exhales as he lays down onto his bed, heartbeat racing, muscles relaxing. He pulls your limp and freshly fucked body into his side, feeling you shudder but embrace his hold on you.

This wasn't meant to happen. He was gone for four years, he broke things off with you without even telling you and moved across country.

Rafael came back and he was a defence lawyer. It was a shock to all of you, questioning a suspect and then suddenly he barges into the interrogation room and stops it. The look on your face, it was like someone slapped you.

How you got back into his bed after four years of being apart? It was fueled by hate. You yelled at him, you didn't even try and be civil — how could you? He left without a single word, but he had the time to video call you Aunt, ask her to go to Dinner. Rafael had your number, he didn't text or phone for Four Years.

Rafael found you after your shift, drinking in Forlinis alone. It was awkward, but he sat next to you. There was an uncomfortable silence that didn't last long. The first words you said to him were;

"Fuck you."

And then that started a bickering contest, he was saying he left because that was the right thing to do, you said that he could've done something different - you both were almost shouting, it wasn't until your anger turned so bad that you realised that you do miss him, that you kissed him. Unlike your arguement, it was soft and unexpected - Rafael relished the feeling of you, your lips. He missed you, too. He kissed you back, holding you close.

And then that's what led to you stumbling into his new apartment, richer than his last one was, making out like horny teenagers and trying to pry each others clothes off.

Rafael debated on whether he should take his time, take the time to feel you once again. But the little amount of alcohol in his body wanted different, and you didn't want something slow and sensual when you pushed him on his back on his own couch and tried to get the upper hand.

He took you to his bedroom and ravished you, holding you down and being rough, selfish, hearing your sounds that he deprived himself of. It got four years of stress out of his system, four years of regret.

Rafael felt you move away from under his arm, the bed dipping as you picked up your jeans and started to put them back on.

".. You're not staying?" Rafael asks, and he's disappointed. He watches you get dressed, it hurts him. You don't answer him and pull your t-shirt over your head, standing to now put on your shoes.

He calls your name, shifting so he's leaning on his elbows and you sigh, closing your eyes briefly.

"This was a mistake, Barba," you say, kneeling down to tie your shoes. You want to get out of here, how stupid could've you of gotten? Letting him in you the first day he set foot back in New York? You let your feelings over your facts; Rafael doesn't love you. Not anymore. Whatever this was, you don't ever want to do it again.

"Wait," Rafael gets out of his bed and slips on his trousers, following after you when you leave his bedroom. He stops you from opening his door.

"I'm sorry I left you. Its just.. I killed a baby, I didn't want you to be around that."

"I would've been there for you," You say back, "I told you before the trail."

Rafael furs his brows, hands coming to rest on your shoulders, he rubs them a little.

"Imagine what everyone would've said behind your back. Your reputation would've been destroyed."

"I was willing to put that all aside for you, I loved you, Barba, but you... you pushed me away like I never meant anything to you."

You open his door and his hands slip from your shoulders, you're leaving and he can't stop you. The difference is that you're just a few blocks away, in a precinct a 24 dollar taxi ride distance, you're not leaving to go to another state, he'll see you tomorrow probably. This hurts right now, he can't imagine the pain he put you through.

You leave his house, shutting his door behind you. Never again. You don't want to let him back into your life again. You want to discard all feelings for him, but the truth is you can't. Four years was a hell of a time and you thought you'd be over him now. But it's far from the case.