Dreamingofts18 - Lia ♡

remus who needs to make eye contact with reader when talking bc she has his full attention but she tries averting her gaze and he’s Tall so he does that thing where he bends his head down/chases her eyes so they maintain contact

ugh this!!!!!!!! he definitely does this, so hot of him honestly. I didn’t do justice to your idea at all but I gave it a shot!!!

rockstar!remus lupin x fem!reader

Remus gets off stage and he’s somehow a billion times hotter than he was two hours ago. It’s cruel. He’s the kind of handsome that begs to be looked at. You don’t blame his screaming fans. Not when you’d definitely be one of them if it weren’t for your lucky position of the bassists girlfriend.

“Hey,” Remus says, slinging his bass over his shoulder as he jogs towards you. His headset dangles around his neck, makeup smudged under his eyes and his hair in disarray, and yet he heads straight for you, brushing away a couple of techies who try to wave him down. He comes to a halt in front of you, still buzzing with onstage energy. “Can I hug you?”

“Yeah,” you nod, breathless and he’s only said a few words. He’s so handsome you can’t think straight. He hugs you hard, and you don’t even care that he’s sweating buckets. His arms cage you, strong and heavy, and he smells like sweat and musk, his cologne subtle but heady.

“You played amazing,” you tell him as his hands roam your back, one between your shoulder blades and another at the small of your back, pressing you in.

Remus pulls back, hot hands sliding to hold you by the shoulders. He squeezes you, calloused thumbs at your collar. He’s smiling so big you’re sure his cheeks hurt. “

“Cause I had my lucky charm,” he says, chucking you under the chin. “I’m so glad you came, pretty girl.”

Heat flares behind your cheeks. You can’t believe he’s real, can’t believe he’s this handsome and calling you pretty and telling you he’s glad you came to his show. As if you’d ever even think about being anywhere else tonight but here. You dip your head so you don’t have to look at his handsome face, opting instead for the dirty backstage floor.

“I’m glad I came too,” you mumble, toeing a rogue piece of confetti with the tip of your shoe.

Remus follows you down, bending to your height and tilting his head up so you’re forced to look him in the eyes. He’s gorgeous and he’s lovely and he’s so close you could kiss him.

“What did you say, sweetheart?” He asks, lips quirked, his mouth so close that his warm breath fans over your lips. “Can’t hear you when you get all shy like that.”

You groan. He’s awful. “I’m not shy,” you protest, though you are, especially with him. You stick your chin out in a show of fake confidence. “I said I’m glad I came too.”

Remus’ grins and thumbs your jaw, then cards a hand through his messy, sweaty hair. “Mm, I bet you are, sweetheart.”

You know he’s teasing. You don’t mind it as much as you should.

“Remus just kiss meeee,” you beg your boyfriend who was currently withholding kisses in the name of education. He just tsked at you and continued flicking through the notecards in his hand.

“Not until you get a question right.”

“We’ve been at this for hours Mus. I’m a lost cause. Just give up and kiss me already!”

Remus scoffs “We’ve hardly been at it for 30 minutes love. Besides, what kind of tutor would I be if I gave up on you, hm?

You pout and sink further into the bed. “I hope you don’t do this with everyone you tutor.”

Remus chuckles and finally tears his eyes away from the questions. “Just the ones who really need the extra help,” he quips, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

You shove his shoulder and sit up. You turn so your body is facing him and prepare for a question.

“Okay, I’m gonna get this one. I feel it.”

Remus glances at you and then back at the cards, finally picking one he feels suitable to ask you. You think he’ll pick an easy one—he has to want a kiss too, right?

He shows you the front side of his flash card with some ancient runes scribbled across it in his messy handwriting. “What does this spell do?”

He studies your face as you study the writing. He smiles softly at your furrowed eyebrows. Any other time he would kiss the space between them, but he’s having far too much fun teasing you.

You finally come to a conclusion, albeit not a very confident one. You peak up at Remus and answer while crossing your fingers.

Remus bites his lip to contain his smile. He sets the card down and cups your cheeks in his hands. You grow giddy with anticipation as he leans in.

You scoot closer and lean forward, giving him a better angle. You place your hand on Remus’ thigh and close your eyes. His breath ghosts against your lips as he pauses.

“So close,” he whispers, pulling back and flipping the card around.

“Remus Lupin!” you grab a pillow from behind you and wack him with it, not even caring to check the card for the correct answer. Remus laughs loudly and blocks his face with his hands as you continue hitting him.

“You got it wrong! Hey! I was just trying to give you some-Ow!-encouragement!”

Remus grabs the pillow as you’re hitting him and tries to yank it away, pulling you with it. You fall on top of him in a fit of giggles. He looks up at you with so much love and smiles softly, pushing your hair out of your face and tucking it behind your ear.

You bring a hand up to the nape of Remus’ neck, playing with the soft tufts of hair. He closes his eyes in content and lets out a relaxed exhale. He leans up to meet your lips in a long awaited kiss.

When he is met with nothing but air, he peaks one eye open to see you looking down at him with a shit eating grin on your face.

“I didn’t answer a question correctly Remmy,” you tease, trying your best not to laugh. “What kind of tutor would you be if you gave up on me?”

Remus narrows his eyes at you and flips you over so he is on top.

“What spell opens locked doors?”

You giggle and roll your eyes. “That’s way too easy Mus.”

He whines and nudges his nose against yours. “Just answer the question.” You feel content knowing that he is just as needy as you are, so you decide to give in.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you whisper, “Alohamora.”

He wastes no time crashing his lips against yours.

healing my inner young girl is such heart wrenching back breaking work and no one is more worthy of it than her

SLUT!

chapter one: and I know you heard about me

pairing: peter parker x reader

series masterlist

“Sign the attendance sheet, please.”

An attendance sheet on a piece of loose leaf paper was sent around the classroom to mark the start of a new school year. Peter signed his name and then passed the paper along to the girl next to him. He could see you looking for a pen out of the corner of his eye and wordlessly handed over his own.

“Oh, thanks Peter.” You smiled at him and took the pen from him.

“No problem. Wait, how’d you know my name?” Peter wondered as you signed your name in the sheet.

“Because it’s on the attendance sheet you just handed me.” You laughed awkwardly.

“Oh. Right.” Peter blushed and strained his eyes to try and see what name you had written on the sheet.

“Y/n.” You told him when you saw him looking.

“What?” He asked and looked back up at you.

“You were looking to see what my name was. Its Y/n.” You replied and held up the sheet to show him.

“Oh.” He smiled timidly. “Yeah, I was. That’s a nice name. I wish I had it.”

“Thanks?” You laughed at his strange joke as he squeezed his eyes shut in embarrassment.

“Oh, and thanks for this too.” You said and went to hand him his pen back.

“That’s okay. You can keep it. I have millions. Actually, just 45.” Peter said and pulled a box of 45 blue Bic pens out of his backpack. You laughed at how serious he was, making him relax a little. He had just transferred to the college that year and was worried about being the only new kid in junior year, but you were making him feel comfortable already with the prospect of a new friend. And it didn’t hurt that you were the prettiest girl he’d ever seen.

“44 now.” You smiled and held up the pen.

“Right. 44.” Peter blushed. A silence settled between you but class had not started yet. The attendance sheet was still going around and the professor was busy on the computer. Peter felt awkward and didn’t know if he should continue the conversation or leave you alone now that you’ve spoken to each other. You were wondering the same exact thing and raked your braid for something you could say to restart the conversation. You and Peter turned to face each other and spoke at the same time.

“So what’s your major?” You asked at the same time Peter said “Do you play?”

“Oh, sorry. You first.” Peter laughed in embarrassment.

“I asked what your major was. I haven’t seen you around before so I was curious.” You repeated now that you were the only one talking.

“Bioengineering. And you haven’t seen me because I just transferred here. What about you?”

“Undeclared still but my advisor said this class will fulfill my math and science gen Ed’s. That’s the only reason I’m here.”

“So you’re not taking organic chemistry for fun?” Peter tried his hand at a joke. Luckily, you laughed even though his delivery wasn’t his best work.

“I am not. I’m only here so I can graduate. What was your question?”

“Oh, right. I wanted to know if you play.” Peter asked and pointed to the soccer ball sticker on your closed laptop.

“Yeah. I’m here on a varsity scholarship. There was no way I was getting into this school otherwise. I’m not very smart.” You said with a nervous laugh.

“I’m here on a scholarship too.” Peter smiled at having something in common.

“Oh, cool. For a sport?”

“No. For being poor but smart.” Peter said seriously, but you laughed again as if it were a joke. Peter felt himself relax around you and settled into the conversation. You chatted for a little longer until your professor finally started class. When class ended, Peter hung back in his seat and waited to say goody bye to you once you finished packing up.

“Could I get your number? I like to have at least one person number in the class in case I miss a day.” You asked Peter and handed him your phone.

“My number? Oh. Yeah, sure.” Peter tried to sound calm as he took your phone in his hands. He put in his name and number and smiled to himself for finally giving his number to a girl.

“And cause I think you’re cute.” You added as Peter typed, making him freeze. He looked up at you in shock as he added his contact to your phone.

“What?”

“See you later, Peter.” You laughed and took your phone back before walking away. Peter stood there frozen for a while before heading back to his dorm. Ned was already inside, working on something on the computer.

“I’ve fallen in love.” Peter said as he shut the door behind him. Ned immediately closed his laptop and wagged his finger.

“No. Cut it out. None of that. Absolutely not.”

“You don’t even know with whom I’ve fallen in love with.” Peter pointed out as he plopped down on his dorm bed.

“Fine. With who?” Ned asked him.

“Her name is Y/n. She’s on the soccer team and in my organic chemistry class.” Peter said proudly.

“Wait, Y/n from the soccer team?” Ned asked. “Oh no, Peter. Thats never going to happen. I heard she’s really popular, but for the wrong reasons.”

“What reasons?” Peter asked. “And can people really be popular in college? Is that still a thing?”

“She’s a different kind of popular than what you’re thinking of. I heard she’s very popular with the guys at this school. And that’s all I’ll say.”

“Well can you say more? Because I don’t know what that means.”

“Oh my God. Do I really have to spell it out for you? I’m saying that I heard she’s kinda a slut. Like, big one.”

“A slut?” Peter laughed in surprise. “Do people really still use that word? I thought shaming women for their sexuality went out of style.”

“Nope. People still say it. Especially about her. I heard she sleeps with guys to get them to do her school work for her and then breaks their hearts. And I heard she even slept with the son of the President of the school to get in.”

“What? Come on.” Peter rolled his eyes. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. I don’t think she’s like that.”

“How would you know? You’ve only had one interaction with her.”

“And you’ve had 0 interactions with her.” Peter pointed out. “I’m hearing a lot of “I heard” and yet none of those things were told to you by her. So I don’t think it’s fair to judge her based on some crazy rumor before you even talk to her.”

“I’m just saying.” Ned shrugged. “She has a bad reputation. And that has to come from somewhere.”

“Well it doesn’t matter to me if she’s slept with a bunch of guys. If that’s even true. That doesn’t make her a bad person. She was nice and funny and I want to see her again. No matter how many guys she has allegedly slept with.” Peter replied with a slight roll of his eyes.

“Let me ask you this then; does she know how smart you are?” Ned questioned.

“Yeah. I told her I was here on a scholarship. Why?”

“Come on, Peter. Don’t you think it’s a little suspicious that the campus slut befriended you after finding out you were smart? She’s just gonna use you like she used all those other guys. I’m trying to look out for you, dude. I don’t want her breaking your heart, okay?”

“She’s not gonna do that.” Peter insisted. “And she’s not gonna try to sleep with me either. You’ll see. She just wants to be friends.”

Peter put his headphones on to end the conversation but Neds words didn’t leave his mind. He couldn’t help but wonder if there was any truth to those rumors. You did ask for Peters number after finding out he was smart, but that didn’t necessarily mean you were gonna use him, did it? One the one hand, Peter would he sad if it turned out that all you wanted from him was homework help. On the other hand, he felt slightly excited that a pretty girl wanted to use him. He knew his friendship with you probably wouldn’t end well, but he knew the middle would be fun.

The next day, Peter was walking across campus when he found himself having to pass through the club fair. He squeezed by a few tables and avoided any flyers when he suddenly spotted you. You were sitting alone at a table with a sign for the girls soccer team. You looked rather lonely and Peter noticed no one was going to your table. You suddenly made eye contact with each other and your face lit up.

“Hey, Peter!”

“Hey.” Peter greeted you as he walked up to your table.

“Can I interest you in signing your name next to one of our game dates? If you show up on that date, you get a free water bottle. Water not included.” You said and held up a clipboard.

“Oh, I’m very interested.” Peter joked and wrote his name down next to every upcoming game you had on the clipboard. You took the clipboard back and smiled when you saw how many he had signed up for.

“Are you sure? You’ll have to see me a lot if you come to all of these.”

“Sounds horrible. I’m in.” Peter replied, making your smile grow. He immediately pushed everything Ned had said about you out of his mind and let you speak for yourself.

“So where’s the rest of your team?” He wondered.

“Oh, I don’t know. They said they were coming but they haven’t showed up yet.” You said with a sad smile. Peter looked at the two empty chairs beside you and felt bad that your team mates hadn’t showed up. You noticed him staring and smiled in embarrassment.

“Hey, uh, what are you doing now?” You asked him.

“Nothing. I have a gap between classes so I was gonna go get some work done.”

“I have work too. You going to the library?”

“I might be.”

“I’ll join you.” You smiled and got up from the table. You took your clipboard with you and walked in stride beside Peter towards the library. You passed by a group of boys on the basketball team and Peter heard you let out a sigh. One of the boys, Brad Davis, whistled loudly at you as you passed by. You stepped closer to Peter and quickened your pace, but Brad just stepped in front of you.

“Well look who it is.” Brad grinned. “I haven’t seen you on campus yet this semester. But I figured you were, you know, busy.”

You kept walking and Peter stayed beside you as he gave Brad a strange look. Brad didn’t even acknowledge Peter and only kept his eyes on you.

“What? I don’t get a hello now? I thought we were friends.” Brad asked you as he slung an arm around you. You forcefully threw his arm off of you, sending him stumbling back a few steps.

“That’s fine.” He scoffed. “I see how it is. And I’d be careful around her, Peter. She’s a homie hopper.”

“I thought you played defense?” Peter asked you. Brad was so confused that he immediately stood still and stopped harassing you. You couldn’t help but smile at the way Peter unintentionally diffused the situation and linked your arm through his.

“I do. Let’s keep walking.” You whispered and quickly made it to the library.

“I hate that guy.” You mumbled once you sat down at a table together.

“You do? I mean, same, but why?” Peter wondered.

“Why don’t you tell me why you hate him first?” You laughed and leaned on your hand to look at Peter.

“It’s simple, really. Brad and I went to high school together so I’ve have a long time to build this resentment. But it stems from that fact that he’s rich and popular and into sports and I’m the other kind of boy you can be.”

“Ah, I see. The quiet, non-sports boy? Those are real? I thought they only existed in movies.” You teased him.

“Many would assume so, but we’re very real. And very jealous of big handsome jocks who drive cars that look like Hotwheels.” Peter replied, making you laugh again.

“Hey, let’s not pretend you don’t have some heat under those clothes. I felt your arm before. It’s harder than a steering wheel.”

“Thank you?” Peter blushed and scratched the back of his head.

“You’re welcome. And you’re plenty handsome so you don’t have any reason to be jealous of those boys. Especially not butt-wads like Brad Davis.”

“Oh. Well, thanks. You’re handsome too.” Peter said and then immediately regretted it. You gave him a look and he sighed.

“I meant-“

“It’s okay. I knew what you meant.” You chuckled.

“Oh, good. So what are you working on?” He asked to change the subject.

“Homework for our chemistry lecture. But I don’t understand any of it.” You sighed and flipped back and forth between your notes.

“Can I see your notes?” Peter asked and you slid your notebook over to him. Your notes were very unorganized and sentences often went unfinished. He assumed it was because of how fast the teacher spoke and you not having time to write it all down before the class moved on. Peter looked up at you and could tell you were embarrassed by them. He gave your notebook back to you and took his out of his backpack.

“Here. We can use mine instead.”

“Wow. You have girl handwriting.” You smiled in surprise and touched his perfectly organized page of notes.

“I appreciate that.” Peter said sincerely.

“How do you even know what to write down? I have no idea what’s going on in that class. I try to pay attention but the teacher goes way to fast so when she asks if we have any questions, I don’t even know what I’m confused about yet.“

“I was pretty good at chemistry back in high school. If you want, I could tutor you?” Peter offered.

“Really?” You lit up. “You’d do that?”

“Yeah. I’d be happy to.” Peter nodded. You smiled brightly, but then your smile faded as you realized something. You looked out the window at where Brad Davis was before looking at Peter again.

“Can I ask you a vague question and then not elaborate?” You asked him.

“Um, sure.”

“Have you heard anything about me?” You asked, and Peter immediately thought back to what Ned had told him.

“About you? No.” Peter lied.

“So you’re offering to tutor me out of the kindness of your heart? Not because of what you think will happen if you do?” You questioned skeptically.

“What’s gonna happen?” Peter laughed awkwardly. He knew exactly what you meant; you were asking if he only wanted to tutor you because he thought you would sleep with him. But Peter wasn’t about to tell his new friend that he heard she was known for that.

“Nothing.” You smiled in relief. “Do you want to get together tomorrow after lecture for our first session?”

“Sure. I’d love to.”

“Cool.” You smirked. “See you then.”

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❝late-bloomer❞

plot: you've never been kissed before. on a completely unrelated note, what if your best friend offered to be your first? pairing: tasm!peter parker x gn!reader. cw: post-tasm 2, gwen stacy mention, angst, self-deprecating thoughts about being undesirable and insecurity in love, best friends to wouldn't you like to know, eventual fluff, attempts at andrew garfield accurate rambling, he definitely talks you through it I mean who said that. words: 4.3k.

a/n: entirely self-indulgent because I wrote this after crying over being a late-bloomer for an hour ahahaha

Peter is reading something for research when you suck in a breath and finally ask, "What was your first kiss like?"

You hear his voice die in his throat. The small whispering of test results and calculations fall short, but you don't dare to look back. You're hunched forward so he won't see the way your eyes burn and brim with tears unshed because if he did, he'd ask about it and then you'd really start crying. Instead, you busy yourself with your phone, idly scrolling as if your question was pure curiosity alone.

You watch his ankles uncross, hear him sit up and then lean against the headboard again, fumbling for your train of thought, "Uh... sticky, 'cause I was six," Peter laughs, "You should know. You're the one who kissed me."

No matter how many times he tells you this, you can't remember the day you'd been so bold as to plant one right on Peter Parker's lips. You felt like you'd remember that, but you'd been such an impulsive child back them. Bolder. Thicker-skinned.

But Peter remembers, and so does Aunt May who swears up and down that she'd caught it on camera ("If only I could find that damned photo album"). You're the only one who doesn't. It's like it never happened, "No, God... no. I mean like your first real kiss."

"Like with tongue?" You hear the humor in his voice and even your sullen mood doesn't stop you from smacking his knee. "I dunno what you're talking about. That kiss was real to me."

"I'm serious, Pete."

He hums. You're so, so tempted to look back and see what he's thinking, but it would give you away too easily. "It was... it was a kiss. I mean, Gwen- you know. You know. I was crazy about her. I didn't think I just... kissed her."

"How did it feel? Do you know?"

"I felt like I needed to do it. I felt like if I didn't, I'd throw up. Not actually, just... like I'd explode with all the feelings I had for her."

Your finger hovers over a tweet. In your wondering about that feeling of almost nearly exploding, you try to picture that rooftop kiss that Peter had relayed to you between classes, with hushed whispers and childish laughter. It was windy, and I was breathless, he'd said, and I wanted to lay myself bare. And I just... pulled her in. Shot a web and swept her up and kissed her. I think I've lost my mind. You remembered pressing your back against the school lockers to cool yourself as you imagined the scene, the steps it took for you to settle the uneasy churn in the pit of your chest. The euphoria and panic upon realizing that your Peter was growing up.

You felt overwhelmed just imagining it. You barely hear Peter ask why you want to know. "No reason. Was just curious."

You think that Peter accepts that as good enough reason because the room is silent again. You keep scrolling, keep taking subtle deep breaths to keep the tears at bay. You see a picture of a couple on your timeline and scroll faster.

A few minutes of peace pass before Peter broaches the subject again, "What about you?"

"Hm?"

"I don't think you've ever told me about your first kiss."

Your shoulders tense. No good effort hides the strain in your voice, "I haven't?"

A beat passes. You glance over your shoulder and see Peter staring right at you, his lips upturned in a small, resting smile, but his eyes are inquiring. He's trying to read you. Perhaps he's just noticed the heavy cloud hanging overhead. "Nope." He pops the "P". He's waiting.

You could lie. You could say it was Flash Thompson who stole it, mention that field trip to the zoo in middle school when he'd sneaked next to you at the peacock exhibit and pestered you about you and Peter. Peter wouldn't question Flash about it. Even if they'd made amends, any conversation about him would send him over the edge with memories of his childhood bully and how much he pitied you for having your first kiss with him. And all of you were far too old now; Flash Thompson had gone to another state to play football the minute he got his diploma. It'd be so inconsequential, such an easy lie.

But the longer it takes you to deliberate on it, the worse it makes you look. You should've offered up an answer easily, jovially, unbothered. It should be inconsequential. Anything more and Peter would call your bluff because he knew you better than you knew yourself sometimes.

At some point, you feel the brush of a lone finger at the base of your spine and it startles you. Peter's slipped his finger under your shirt, stroking along the middle of your back, "I won't laugh. If that's what you're thinking." He says softly.

Of course Peter wouldn't laugh at you. As much as your relationship was teasing, he knew where you were tender.

But it wasn't laughing you worried about.

"I know." You say, in lieu of a real answer. You fear you've given yourself away.

Now there are two fingers stroking your skin, "You don't... you don't have to tell me, if you don't want to," but you can hear the discomfort in his voice when he says it, like the thought that it's something you don't want to tell him concerns him, "it's up to you."

Just lie. Your breath shudders and immediately you regret it. There's no way he hadn't heard that.

Before you can recover, you're feeling the heat of his entire hand on your back now as it slips further up, as he sits up in bed beside you and rests his chin on your shoulder. The closeness of his breath makes you feel claustrophobic all of a sudden, "Hey, hey. I'm sorry. Did I push? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

You struggle to shake your head, but now your eyes are burning again and you don't think you can stop the tears this time, "You didn't." You insist.

"You're crying, bub," he laughs (not mockingly, never mockingly, never when you cry) and reaches a thumb up to brush away the first warm tear, "what's wrong?"

There's a million things you could say. I've never been kissed before, I don't know what it feels like to be longed for like that, I want to be longed for like that, why haven't I been longed for like that? But it all feels so heavy. Peter picks his chin up to kiss your shoulder and that really does it, "It never happened."

Peter's lips still against your skin. Their warmth slowly peels away, though you feel his breath ghost over the curve of your bone, "What hasn't?"

"A kiss. A first kiss, Peter. I've never had one."

"That's..." Peter sounds almost shocked, disbelieving. He never picks up that thought.

You turn your head away and toss your phone onto the bed, no longer interested in pretending you could distract yourself with anything else. You try to shrug your shoulder out from underneath Peter's mouth but he's quick, the hand at your back locking around you and you can't escape him even though you want to, even though you need to get away from his sweet smile and lovely heartbeat that thuds a little faster against your side.

It was already so much to tell him you hadn't had your first kiss yet, to admit to your best friend who—despite popular Midtown High opinion—has always been so irresistible to lovers, that you haven't gone as far as something so... simple. Something teenagers running your old stomping grounds have probably experienced ten times over by now. You don't think you can handle his pity too, "Peter, please."

"There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. Everyone moves at their own pace."

You hiss through your teeth. You don't mean to, but the spite overwhelms you like red hot heat for a minute, "It's easy to say that when you've done it already."

You catch Peter's eye and immediately regret it. His untamed brows are drawn together, expression more analyzing than pitying. Even though you're brimming with feelings, he seems as if he's trying to wade through them, search for the gnarled root at the center of it all.

Then, and he says this so carefully that the meaning takes a moment to catch up with you, "There's nothing wrong with you."

It's the sincerity that does it. You shove his hand off of you, jerk away from him in a scramble to stand, but Peter is fast and lithe and he's always been two steps ahead of you even before the bite. He's up on his feet before even you are, coming to stand in your way when you go to grab for your bag, "Peter, move."

"Look, can we... can we talk about this?"

"I really don't want to. Move."

"Why are you shutting me out?"

"Because I want to go home. Move."

"Is it because of what I said?"

"Yes!" You blurt, growing frustrated the longer he blocks your path, "yes. Because I'm sick of being told there's nothing wrong with me when clearly..." Your voice tapers off, afraid to give him the reason he needs to worry about you, "Please. I'm just tired. It'll go away on its own, it always does, I just can't be here right now."

The standoff between you two lingers, feels like you might have to fight him just to escape. It takes everything in you just to keep eye contact with him and not burst into tears.

Peter clearly doesn't want to let you go. You can see that genius brain of his running every possible scenario in his mind in which he convinces you to stay, cry it out, leave happier than you came. None of them come soon enough. You brush past him when he realizes he's got nothing, and even the hand that grabs for you is halfhearted, shrugged off with little force.

"I'll see you later, Pete."

You let his front door shut on its own.

It hasn't been great.

What typically took a few hours to shake off had settled over you like a dark cloud ever since you'd stormed out of Peter's place. Even though you texted him like everything was fine (and dodged any phone calls so he wouldn't hear the truth with those freakishly good best friend senses of his), you had yet to see him again. Had yet to let yourself be seen.

You told yourself that it was just you missing Peter, and you believed that to be true, but you also believed that when he looked you in the eye and told you "there's nothing wrong with you", you hadn't been prepared for the nakedness of it all. He'd dug deep, right to the source. That kind of thing was hard to move past.

So you avoided him. If he came by your place, you pretended you weren't home. If he showed up at your work to take you to coffee, you lied and told him you had plans with a coworker. It had been several days now and you felt more and more cowardly by the minute.

It was Peter. Of all people, it was Peter. Your best friend. You could tell him anything (most things, some kept a little closer to the heart). You should be able to.

And it was silly. Being embarrassed about not kissing anyone. Plenty of people were in the same boat as you and they didn't ice their best friend out about it.

Ugh, now you were just making yourself feel worse.

You'd had enough. You'd end this pity party today. As you make your way through your apartment door, you promise yourself that after you've showered, after you've made yourself a filling dinner, after you've settled into bed, you'd call Peter and ask him to meet for pizza this weekend. You'd talk like civil adults who understand that life isn't a race. You'd share your couch, laugh about the whole thing, and maybe, just maybe, the hollowness in your chest that longed for someone's desire to fill it would finally-

He's sitting in your kitchen.

Legs dangling off the island, mask rolled up to his nose, and a spoon clattering out of his mouth and into a bowl of ice cream. Your front door shuts gently behind you.

You stare at each other for a few seconds. Then you glance through your bedroom door, cracked open just enough for you to see the breeze rustling your curtains. You turn back to Peter, who's cleaning off his bottom lip of raspberry sorbet. "Did you climb through the window? You have a key."

Peter sets the bowl down beside him, shrugs, "You weren't returning my calls."

Your shoulders sag and you drop your things to the floor, "Peter-"

"No, no," you watch him slide off the countertop and bounce over to you, and the nearness you aren't prepared for makes you back away an inch or two, "No Peter. I'm not Peter. I'm Spider-Man. See?" He gestures to the suit.

You reach your hand up and pinch his exposed cheek, then narrowly avoid his teeth before he tries to nip you, "I'm not in the mood. I said I'd call you later, I'm just... busy."

"Busy avoiding your best friend."

You can feel him trail after you as you walk away, beginning to undress. He catches your coat when you throw it toward the couch and hangs it up all neat on a hook. He kicks your shoes to a wall and tugs your belt from your fingertips once you've undone it. Then, unexpectedly, he hooks said belt around your waist and yanks you back to face him.

The momentum throws you fully into his chest but he's sturdy, unmoving as you grip his shoulders and give him the most hostile look you can muster. You attempt to wiggle out of the trap but he pulls the belt tighter, forcing you closer, and then you start to panic as the space between you both disappears, "I haven't been avoiding you, I just needed space." You quickly explain.

"And I get that," he admits, "but you scared me. I've never seen you like that before. Not with me. Not ever."

Of course he hadn't. It was why you kept all of this a secret in the first place. Because you knew he'd worry, and you knew that there would be nothing he could do to fix it. Not like he usually could.

"It was a... brief lapse in self-esteem. That's all. You're making it into a bigger deal than it should be."

"It's not a big deal?"

"No! That's what I keep trying to tell you."

"So it doesn't matter at all."

"Correct."

"Right."

"It's just an arbitrary milestone that means nothing." You grip the leather of your belt but you're nothing against his superhuman strength. Pleading with your eyes, you do your best not to slip back into that vulnerable place all over again. Peter made you feel safe to do that. Way too safe to do that. "I promise. I'm not avoiding you."

You get sick of staring into the whites of his mask and so you grab the edge of it and pull it up to his hairline, little tufts of curls poking out as his face is fully revealed to you. You stare into those sharp, probing eyes of his, forcing yourself to stand the test of Peter Parker's perception.

Suddenly, you're released.

You stumble back a bit, the belt clanking against the floor, as Peter throws his arms up in defeat, "Alright, alright. I get it. I should've let you breathe the other night. I was just worried, is all."

You smile, "And I appreciate that."

Peter quickly glances at you and then away, making an exaggerated show of kicking imaginary dust off the floor. "First kisses really mean nothing then, huh?"

"Zilch. Nada."

"So... doesn't matter when it is, who it is..."

You watch him carefully, "If this is about when we were six-"

"No, no, I know that didn't count. You don't even remember it," his face contorts in a wince, "I was just thinking. Something."

Your eyes narrow, "Uh-huh."

"Well, I mean, is that why? Because you don't remember it? Or... is it because it was me?"

"The kiss?" Peter blows a raspberry, looking more bashful by the second, and nods without looking at you. "It's... it's because we were six. And we didn't know what we were doing. I was just mimicking what we saw. We didn't know anything."

"And now we do."

"Yeah. What are you getting at, Pete?"

He sits on the back of your couch and kicks his feet out in front of him. "If all that matters is that we both know what we're doing, and a first kiss is just a meaningless milestone to you, then I thought that maybe we could give it another go. You know. So when a real kiss comes along that actually means something, you'll have an idea of how it's supposed to go."

You're six years old again.

You and Peter Parker are sitting in the dirt, mouths covered in sticky ice cream that the summer sun melted right up. You're both talking about Flash Thompson's trip to Florida and the hilarious sunburn he came back with when you spot an elderly couple across the park, pressing their mouths together over and over.

You're looking over at Peter and asking about it, sure it couldn't possibly feel good, and he's telling you that when Uncle Ben kisses May good morning in the kitchen he always looks away because it's gross.

And you're thinking... you start thinking something.

You're thinking it would be funny—that Peter would hate you for it, but you're just so curious—and you're pressing your lips to his so quickly that he doesn't get a chance to pull back before you're giggling in the grass. And May's voice flutters in the background, a shrill and delighted, "I caught that!" that makes you both turn tail and run toward the swings.

Peter's still staring at you, waiting.

Part of you feels like it's pity. Like he doesn't want you to feel bad about yourself. Like he doesn't know how else to fix it, because he has to fix it. He has to fix everything. He has to be your hero.

But the other part? A restless and selfish part wants to take it; it's curious.

You take a step forward, the two of you watching each other, waiting to see if the other might back out at the last second. He stays exactly where he is, legs parting slowly, and the silent invitation makes you feel hot under the collar.

When you're standing between them, you feel his knees bump your legs on either side, his hands planted firmly into the couch cushions. You notice the grip he has on them, "Are you sure?" You pause.

Peter tilts his head in that strange, spider-like way. As if he cannot fathom why would you ask such a thing, "Of course. I'm the one who offered."

Your hands shake as they consider where to put themselves, and you get about halfway to his shoulders before he takes them and places them on either side of his face, mumbling something about how it might help you feel more in control, quell your nerves a bit.

Peter's cheeks feel so warm in your hands, and you can feel each swallow he makes the longer you take in his expression. "Should... I move in first? Or..."

He laughs, short and high-pitched, "I guess I can go first."

You know you're supposed to close your eyes, but as he comes in close, you can't help but keep them lidded, taking in every twitch of his mouth as he inclines his neck, shuts his eyes, and kisses you.

Your brain reacts a half-second after his lips touch yours. You've probably stopped breathing, and you have to force your lips to unstiffen so that you could actually feel him. His lips are a little wet—he'd been rolling his bottom lip between his teeth since he'd sat down—and they taste faintly of raspberry. They're not cold though, and the feeling isn't unpleasant.

You don't know how to react to it, don't know if you should move or not, and so instead you curl your fingers into the silk of his nape and wait for the pounding in your chest to stop.

You feel him mouth at your bottom lip just once, and then pull back. "How'd that feel?"

You recall the sensations that went through your brain (all that it can recall anyway, when Peter's looking at you like that), "Slimy...?"

Peter's face falls, and then he bursts into laughter, shakes with the force of it, and drops his head on your shoulder. "There's got to be a better word than that."

"I don't know! I was just thinking about the feeling."

"I don't want to know what it felt like, I want to know how it made you feel. Did you like it? Hate it?"

"I don't know. I'm- I'm nervous."

"Hey, that's okay," his hand rubs your hip, warming the skin there, and you find yourself leaning into it for comfort, "everyone is their first time."

Peter is so, so gentle. Your heart feels like it might give out, but a little less now that it's over and he's not looking at you in disgust. You don't know what you expected, but... this was better. By far. That part of you that felt selfish takes over again, "Can we try again?"

His eyes widen a bit, but he's immediately nodding, "Okay. Yeah. Okay. We can try as- as many times as you want."

You nearly choke on your spit. "Can we?" Your voice comes out a meek whisper.

Peter nods. He brings his legs in so that he's sitting properly now. "Of course. You wanna move me? I can sit somewhere else. Or you can sit if you want."

"No, I like you here," you say, feeling your stomach tighten when his thighs lock against your legs, "um. Is there anything I can work on? How did I feel?"

"Warm. Soft. Just try to loosen up, alright?"

You force yourself to release the tension in your body and move in first this time. Images of rom-com kisses flood your brain, how you memorized their rhythms and the placement of their mouths. You try your best to mimic it, make it feel as good as it seemed to look, when you feel one of Peter's hands slip behind your head and angle you away just a hair, "You're tensing up," he warns, making you pause, "it doesn't have to be perfect. It's just you and me. Breathe for me, okay? Turn your brain off."

You feel your stomach flip a bit, and nod along mindlessly. You try again.

This time, it feels a little different. Not wet or stiff, even if it is still awkward. It almost overwhelms you when, as you're mouthing at Peter's lip, he returns the favor, but you keep your brain empty. You can't focus on the details because it won't feel right. You can't focus on the way it looks because it won't feel right.

So you focus on Peter. You focus on the hand on your hip drawing you closer and the hand on your neck rubbing circles into the knot there. You focus on the feeling of his suit under your pinkies. You focus on the small hum he makes when, with quite a bit of building up to it, you pass your tongue over his.

Almost as soon as you do it, you pull back. Peter is flushed and it makes the beauty marks on his skin stand out more. His eyelashes flutter, a half-smile on his lips that are kissed red. By you.

You open your mouth to ask but he beats you to it, "I think you've got it now... yeah. Definitely." You're so relieved you sigh, sagging away from him, but he catches your hands before they can can leave his face completely and holds them in his lap. You don't dare move them. "How about you? Did you like it?"

You nod, speechless.

Peter laughs and squeezes your hands in his, "Okay, good. Good. I love you, you know? I know it doesn't... replace what you're looking for, but you're wonderful. You're insane and funny and stunning and there's nothing wrong... you know? You're perfect. Take it from your loser best friend who had to get bit by a radioactive spider to get to first base."

You snort, "I mean, if that's all it takes..."

Peter shakes his head and stands, but his hand remains on your neck as you follow his eyes to his full height, "So, we good? No more ignoring me?" You bite your lip, nodding your head. Peter smiles. "Good, cause I'm starving and I need you to split a pizza with me."

"You just polished off a tub of ice cream and you're still hungry?"

"I'm a growing spider, honey. And I missed you." Without warning, the hand on your hip hooks around your back and hoists you into his body, throwing you off balance once more, "I'll swing us there and cover cheese sticks too. Sound good?"

You know you don't have much room to argue when he's being so generous. And not when he's beaming at you, so genuinely relieved to have you back that it would knock you off your feet if he wasn't holding you up.

He was right; this wouldn't replace what you were looking for, but it gets pretty damn close. Closer than you expected, actually. But it's just the adrenaline. This didn't change anything.

Did it? You stare up at Peter.

"We can try as many times as you want."

You might have a very different problem than you started with.

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