Sirius: I Want To Wake Up With You Everyday For The Rest Of Our Lives.

Sirius: I want to wake up with you everyday for the rest of our lives.

Remus: I wake up at 4:30 AM.

Sirius:

Sirius: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives.

Exhausted Bug

Summary: Sy's girl (autistic!reader) is near a breakdown. Luckly, he knows what is coming and what to do.

Warnings: autistic burnout symptoms, use of (y/n)

Word count: 557

Author's note: I describe here how I feel when I am exhausted. This is not a general behavior of all autistic people, if of anyone else at all. Everyone is different. I am not officially diagnosed, but have shamelessly self-diagnosed myself until I can get my hands on the oficial diagnosis.

Please be gentle.

The moment as they sat in the car, Sy realized what was up. (y/n) was silent. No comments about the evening. She said nothing and looked out the window, exhausted. Her eyes seemed almost dull. He hated it when she was like that.

They were invited to a family birthday party. Often she handled these pretty fine, but lately she'd been under a lot of stress at work, hadn't slept much, and somehow one social gathering followed another. Long story short. She was near a breakdown.

He watched her scratch the little bit of callus on her middle finger over and over again with the fingernail of her thumb. He turned off the radio and drove on.

Tomorrow, despite her exhaustion, she would get up as early as her body would allow. She would prepare her food for the week. She would exercise and do the things around the house that she hadn't gotten done during the week. She would make a quick lunch and then lie down on the sofa to sleep for half an hour. From that point on, her body would catch up with her.

Her power nap usually went on for at least 2 hours, often longer. When she woke up, it would take her at least 30 minutes to even peel herself off the sofa, but often it would take almost a full hour.

From then on, she would get nervous. She wanted to have time for her hobbies and now she didn't think it was worth starting anything at all.

Sy knew the procedure. He had already made sure that they would not have visitors tomorrow, nor would anyone call. He would take Aika to dog training and then go to his brother's gym, although he had his little home studio in the basement so she would have the house to herself. He had left food in the fridge to warm up and checked to make sure her headphones were charged as well. By the time he would return from his workout, she would be long asleep.

He would put water and snacks next to the sofa to make it easier for her to wake up. He knew her current projects to direct her attention to one that wouldn't overwhelm her, to help her relax.

Sy was a planner and a doer. He wasn't the biggest romantic in the world, but he knew what (y/n) needed. He didn't judge her for her quirks, just as she didn't judge him.

He didn't comment on the fact that right when they would arrive home, she would go to a separate room to walk in circles while listening to music. He knew it relaxed her. He knew she would never say anything when he woke up in the middle of the night again and locked himself in his workout room until the images of his nightmare blurred and he was tired enough to sleep again. Or that he had to check the house's security system at least three times in the evening before he could go to bed.

They were an unlikely pair, but they worked together. He wanted his little bug to be happy. No matter what it took to make that happen. Diamond jewelry, or as in her case, an oversized sweater of his and a few rounds in her daydream room.

Kitten and Grizzly

Summary: Sy finds out what his kitten really wants

Word count: 941

Warnings: mentions of primal play, mentions of masturbation

What Sy held in his hands was not what he had expected. Not quite. He thought his kitten would read tearjerkers.

She rarely allowed this form of girly hobby in front of other people. Hid them outright. He remembered once coming home from a binge earlier than he thought because one of his friends had broken his leg and finding her on the sofa watching Bridgerton. Her cheeks flushed abruptly, but she just said, "Shut up." and turned back to the TV.

He had sat silently watching along with her. Actually, he shouldn't say something like that, but he liked the show. So when the second season came out, he just turned it on for their weekly movie night and pressed (y/n) against him. "I want to see what happens to Eloise," he shrugged.

They were both treating it like their little secret.

So he would have expected that this secrecy around her Kindle was simply related to the fact that she just preferred to keep this girly preference to herself. Without comment from the outside.

But when the little device was switched on and lying forgotten on the bed and he read the first sentence of the page, he realized that he had been mistaken.

He wasn't stupid. He had heard of Fifty Shades and had also seen the movie, but it had amused her rather than being a serious read.

But after what he had now read, he realized why. Fifty Shades was probably rather laughable against this. Before he knew it, he was lying on the bed, immersed in this new world. Got to know a whole different side of his kitten. Neither of them were prudes, but she had never been so explicit about what interested her. Was she actually interested, or was this just a more outlandish outing for once? He hesitated, but then looked at the considerable library on the device.

He read through the summaries and some reviews. One theme seemed to run through. Primal Play.

He memorized a few titles and put the Kindle back in its place as he had found it, only this time turned off.

He said nothing about it for now. The next few days, when his kitten was at work, he spent reading more and more of the books he had found. Not only once did he have to interrupt himself to get relief. If she liked that sort of thing, he was definitely into it.

Little fantasies crept into his head. How he caught her. Burying her underneath him. How she would live up to her nickname and scratch his back until red streaks decorated the skin. How he would growl when she bit him as hard as she could. Animalistic lust.

He wanted it. He wanted her. He wanted her that way.

He needed to talk to her. Today.

He waited until they were lying on the sofa together, watching a horror movie.

He cleared his throat hesitantly. "Kitten we need to talk," he began. She broke away from his embrace and looked at him uncertainly.

He looked back uncertainly. "First... It's important to me that you know I didn't WANT to snoop," he began, holding his index finger up to her nose. "But your Kindle was on the bed, turned on, and I picked up a phrase and then I just couldn't stop." He looked at her searchingly. She let no emotion flit across her face. Her walls completely intact and set on a defensive course.

He sighed. "Why didn't you ever say you liked that kind of thing?" He stroked her calf gently with his thumb. She shrugged her shoulders. "Kitten. Come on. If there's one thing I can say, it's that these ideas don't leave me cold, and I really, really want to hunt you." He grinned at her, but that grin fell from his face as she got up and left.

"Kitten!" he called after her, following immediately.

"Sy. This isn't going to work." she sighed still walking.

He grabbed her wrist and held it tightly. "Why?"

She slumped her shoulders. "Because my head won't cooperate," she sighed.

Sy was confused. She let her back fall against his chest. He held her tightly. "It's not about the hunting," she began. "It's... In the books... It's just feelings and actions. It's no thoughts. It's not overthinking. It... Damn you know me Sy. I always think about everything way too long until my thoughts are no longer thoughts. It... I want someone to rip this burden out off my mind. I don't want to have to think. I want to be able to just be, if only for a short time, but I can't. And I never will be able to. All I have left are the books." She literally fell against him. "If you want to chase me through the forest like Little Red Riding Hood, we can do that. But that's not really what this is about for me."

He turned her around and she dropped against his chest in surrender. He just held her close and stroked the back of her head.

"I just want you to feel good," he mumbled softly.

"I want to. But I'm afraid that if I do, I'll just be disappointed.", she murmured humbly into his chest. "After all, you're made for this.", she said and a small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

Sy grinned. "I'll be your grizzly if you stay my kitten."

She sighed. "We'll try."

He smiled and continued stroking her hair. "You just wait kitten. I've managed to handle a few other missions."

She smacked his chest.

They laughed.

The Wallflower Dance

Summary: Reader flees from her parents ball. Sirius saves the day and her feelings.

Word count: 1.214

Warnings: little hurt, LOTS of comfort, mentions of buising (no violence is happening or happened)

The wallflower dance was probably the most humiliating tradition of my family. Only a man could have thought it up.

Every year it took place. Once at the summer solstice and once at the winter solstice. The girls and ladies were dragged onto the dance floors and nicely draped side by side. The trick? There was exactly one male counterpart too few. One girl would be left without a dance partner and she would be the wallflower for the rest of the evening. The wallflower would spend the rest of the evening on the edge of the dance floor watching. That was the tradition.

I had been the wallflower for 3 years, since my introduction to this nutty society. Every time. Six times I had stood on the sidelines. Each time hurt in a different way.

The first time, I was crushed. I had tried so hard with my dress and my hair. The second time, I wanted to cry. Again? Why? The third time, I was sure I was just too ugly for this tradition. The fourth time, I stood on the sidelines, snivelling, watching the girls dance as they floated across the floor like princesses. The fifth time, I wanted to refuse to attend the ball at all. The sixth time, I was annoyed and angry.

Today I stood on the dance floor again. I had no hope. I wondered what would happen if I just left now. My mother would behead me. That's what would happen.

The boys and men came onto the dance floors and grabbed a partner one by one. One jostled me briefly before motioning to the girl next to me.

I rolled my eyes. I waited for everyone to see that I was left again and silently left the floor.

I watched the girls dance and rammed my gloved nails into my upper arm.

If I at least knew that someone had been interested in me for once. But no. No one had ever asked me out, or treated me as anything other than one of the guys.

I felt my cheeks grow warm and a pressure build up behind my eyes. I quickly turned and ran out intonthe garden. The dance was still going on, but I was not willing to watch it again.

The thirteen-year-old girl with the soft heart and big hopes, unfortunately, was still sitting behind my eyes, looking disappointedly at her beautiful dress.

I tore the gloves from my fingers and threw them carelessly into one of the flowerbeds I was walking past.

I heard footsteps behind me. I walked faster. I didn't want my mother to see me crying.

As the footsteps came closer and closer, I called out annoyed: "I'm not doing this to myself again! Your daughter is ugly. Accept it!" I stopped petulantly, breathed heavily. "I was going to ask if you wanted to dance." I heard a voice behind me that definitely did not belong to my mother. I turned around slowly. Sirius Black was looking at me with pity. I was getting angry. "I don't want your pity," was all I said and turned back around.

"I would've asked you when we were fourteen, but my scarecrow of a mother never let me participate in that crap. She thinks I'm just embarrassing her again." I stopped and turned back around. Sirius almost ran into me, but caught himself just in time.

He looked at me kindly. "Hi.", he said just beaming. "Hi.", I replied hesitantly. "So? Dancing?" He grinned at me. I turned and strolled on. Without haste this time. "Wallflower.", I said, "I'm not allowed." "Technically, we're not on the ball," he smiled. I sighed and lifted my arms into position. Sirius grabbed me and put one foot forward to step on mine with conviction. I groaned slightly, but had to laugh.

Sirius smiled. Slight embarrassment lined his eyes. "There's a reason I wasn't allowed on the dance floors. I'm sorry." "That's okay." He shook his head. "I should have just asked you in school," he muttered. "Ask what?", I asked irritated. Sirius looked at me in wonder. "Well... For a date.", he answered as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

I laughed lightly. "Yeah right. After beauty queen Susan Mitchel the little (y/n)." I shook my head in amusement.

When I looked up into Sirius' face, however, I wasn't met with the approving grin I had expected, but only a more confused expression.

"I'm serious," he said. He let the light swing dance fade out. Now I was looking confused. "Really?", I asked dopily.

Sirius nodded. "Do you know that Susan doesn't look half as good as you do under all that makeup?" he asked me. "It takes her over an hour to look like that."

He gave me a friendly look before grinning. "And there's only room for one diva in a relationship, and that's me." He winked at me coquettishly. "I need time for my hair."

I smirked slightly. "I'm serious. Noone wants to see that rat's nest in the mornig." He lightly punched my upper arm.

A gesture that was meant to be encouraging, but only reminded me of how other guys liked to treat me like that. Like one of them. Not just once had I been darkly bruised.

My smile stiffened a bit, but I tried to keep it up. "You okay?" he asked uncertainly. "Yeah. Sure," I smiled.

Sirius faltered. "You probably don't want to go out... at all. With me... Well, you have to have that much arrogance first," he tried to lighten the situation with a laugh. He tried to lighten up the situation with a laugh.

"I would," I blurted out. "It's just...", I gestured to my shoulder, "I don't like it. Mostly it just hurts and..." I looked to Sirius, whose eyes grew wide in shock. "Not that you hurt me right now.... But with the others..." I sighed. "All the other girls get hugs, or they put an arm around their shoulders and then I get beaten green and blue for the greeting." I looked down at the floor. "It's meant nicely, but I hate it."

Sirius looked at me intently. "Who was the last boy to hug you?" he asked. "I don't think there ever was one," I reasoned as Sirius raised his arms in the air as well. "Can I be your first?" he smiled. I walked up to him, but was slightly unsure. To be honest, I had a hard time remembering any hug I'd ever gotten.

Sirius took over for me and wrapped his arms around me. 'He smells good,' it flashed through my mind. I unobtrusively sucked in the scent and let myself fall into the hug. He stroked my back gently. He was about to break away, but my arms remained wrapped around him. He took the hint and put his arms around me again.

"Are you at the Malfoys' this weekend?" he asked into my hair. "I'm afraid so," I mumbled into his shirt. His laughter vibrated through his chest before he gently pushed me off him after all. "How about a date? I know a good place to hide in the backyard." I nodded with a smile. "I'd love to."

Remus: I was wondering if you wanted to go with me as a guest... friend... thing.

Y/N: You mean like your date?

Remus: ...I guess that's also a term that could be used.