Easterncryptid - Something Different

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I’m losing my mind (trans. cr.btstranslation_)

I don't have an English translation of it. It's from this account: https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cp9i61dr7A2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

I've watched enough Kpop stuff to recognise "gongju" = princess, "baili" = hurry/ quickly

WELL❗❗❗

i luv him, your honor🥺

towards the sun

✧ choi seungcheol x reader

✧ summary: sometimes you wonder if seungcheol will one day regret being tied to you.

✧ wc is approx 2k

✧ warnings/tags: angst and comfort, insecurities. mentions of depression, anxiety. seungcheol talking abt his own struggles with depression. quiet anger, crying. seungcheol loves you sm and spoils you accordingly. childhood sweethearts, promise rings. you two worship each other <3 tons of metaphors.

✧ request: if you have the time can i please request for an argument drabble with cheolli? please make it angst with a fluffy fluff ending:))))))

✧ i hope you like this, anon!!! i couldn't fit in fluff at the end, but it's comfort and sweet. i know you asked for a drabble, but it sort of?? ran away from me?? i hope you enjoy nonetheless!!! <3

All night you had sat near the wall, watching your boyfriend socialize. Seungcheol was constantly moving, face bright as he talked to longtime friends and new ones, family members hugging him and congratulating him. 

 You drank your water steadily, trying to get that bitter taste out of your mouth. It had persisted ever since Seungcheol came home, brilliant and bright and shining. He was like a light amongst the crowd, a star amongst the ordinary. 

And you were part of that ordinary. 

He had risen so high. Seungcheol had flown towards the sun, fearless and accomplished. He hadn’t meant to leave you, hadn’t meant to leave you on the ground, but that’s where you stood; watching him fly away, stranded. 

When Seungcheol finally returned to your side, he pressed a kiss to your cheek. You couldn’t help but lean into him, despite all the thoughts that poisoned your mind and heart. He wrapped an arm around you, pressing you to his side. He was warm, as Seungcheol always was, warm from the heat of the sun and the satisfaction of flying so close to it. 

“I’m thinking we should head out,” he murmured, voice deep in your ear. He brought his other hand, the one not hugging your waist, up and brushed your hair from your face. Seungcheol’s eyes were sweet as they looked at you, soft with his adoration of you. “Don’t you think so, baby? It’s getting late.”

“Don’t you want to talk a bit more?” You asked, glancing about the room. People were still arriving, taking off their coats and scarves, cheeks aglow with the bite of winter. “You haven’t seen some of these people in forever.”

Seungcheol shrugged, humming as his finger traced the curve of your cheek. “I’ve always thought that if someone really wants to see you, they’d make an effort. You know more than half of these people don’t really care about me.”

You frowned at him, hating the thought. You found it hard for anyone to not care about him, not when his heart was so large and welcoming, when he was Choi Seungcheol. You loved him with every fiber of your being, loved him even when he flew to the sun and your feet remained on the ground, so how was it anyone had the ability to feel otherwise about him? 

Seungcheol laughed softly at your incredulous look. “Come on, baby. Let’s get some soju from the convenience store, some ramen. We can drive out of Seoul, look at the stars.”

Leaving the event was tricky. Even as he was helping you into your coat, even as he slid your fingers into your gloves and made sure they weren’t bunched awkwardly, people were stopping him. They glowed just from speaking to him, as if his stardom was enough to ignite them. 

Eventually the two of you made it out to the car, a sleek black thing that Seungcheol treasured. He tried not to be materialistic, not when the two of you came from families where your parents left you with your grandparents, heading off for long work days, each blinding into the one before it. But he couldn’t help himself. Sleek cars, branded clothes for the both of you, a promise ring, rosegold band lined with small peridots on your finger; a matching watch band for him, your birthstones surrounding the watch face. 

The car came alive with a smooth, deep hum. You couldn’t look at Seungcheol, staring down at your ring. 

Seungcheol was a man far above you in all aspects of the word. Once the two of you had stood side by side on the ground, your childhoods spent running from one house to the next, your grandmothers wearing matching, knowing smiles. But then he had left for the city, his dreams so big and bright, promises to return heavy on his tongue and weighing down on your heart. 

And he had returned for you. You had waited for him, both feet on even ground, but now you couldn’t help but think. 

Did you belong? Did you belong in this sleek black car with your ordinary desk job? Did you belong on his arm, when he shined so brightly and you blended amongst the crowd? 

Seungcheol pulled onto the interstate, fingers drumming on the wheel. Once he got into a comfortable pace, he removed one of his hands and moved it to your thigh. He grabbed your hand, thumb running over the ring absentmindedly. 

His nails were so perfect, you thought. Clean and manicured, trimmed. Your own were uneven, chewed with specks of dirt underneath them. 

You moved your hand from his, clenching your hands together. You shifted back in the seat. 

“Baby?” Seungcheol asked, glancing over at you. “What’s wrong? You tired?”

“It’s --” You sighed, looking out the window. Darkness had long descended on the city, traffic on the highway loose. “It’s nothing.”

There was a temporary silence. “I don’t think it’s nothing. Come on, baby.”

“Do you think we’re right for each other?”

As soon as it left your mouth, you regretted it. You wanted to reach out and grab the words from the air, throw them out the window. They felt so wrong. They felt wrong once you said them, real and tangible. They weren't just your silly thoughts anymore. 

He was quiet beside you. But you weren’t foolish enough to think that he had forgotten about it, that he was ignoring it. That wasn’t who Seungcheol was. 

“I want you to say that again,” he said, voice heavy. “Say that again.”

You felt like crying. How horrible you were. Seungcheol had a wonderful day, surrounded by people who loved and adored him, and here you were. Ruining it with your venomous words. 

“I just --” You broke off, throat thickening with the weight of your words. “Won’t you regret this?”

He was quiet again, though this time it was a baffled, agitated sort of silence. A car roared past you. He tapped his finger against the wheel. “Since you seem so knowing on the subject,” Seungcheol began, his voice tense, “why don’t you enlighten me further on my regrets.”

You took a deep, shuddering breath. The stars were completely hidden by the city. Your tears rose up, stinging at the corner of your eyes. “It’s just. We’re so different.”

“We’ve always been different. I don’t see why it matters now.”

You sniffled, ashamed of yourself for causing his voice to harden like that. Seungcheol didn’t yell at you, not after witnessing you flinch back from him once as teenagers. Still, the hardness in his voice, the absolute void of any affection and emotion, made you feel as if you had been yelled at. 

Disappointment, you found, was just as bad as anger. 

“We were kids,” you said.

“Oh, so now that we’re grown it suddenly matters? What the fuck, Y/n. What the fuck is this? What are you trying to say? That these past years haven’t mattered? That we don’t matter? That I don’t matter?”

“No,” you began feebly. “I just --”

Seungcheol interrupted, his red-hot anger slowly beginning to bubble up and out of his mouth. “This is so -- what? You’ve suddenly decided that we’ve wasted the past twenty-five fucking years of our lives? That suddenly because we’re grown that it makes everything fucking invalid?”

“Seungcheol,” you whispered, speechless. 

“I’m so fucking mad at you.” Seungcheol announced. He glanced behind him before turning on the turning signal. Seungcheol merged off of the highway, onto an exit. “I can’t fucking. So everything you’ve ever said to me doesn’t matter?”

Finally a sob, loud and ugly, erupted from you. You pressed your hands up to your face, obscuring it from him. You were shaking. Your heart was bleeding, it felt like. “I love you,” you sobbed, “I just don’t know what to do when you’ll stop loving me.”

He was quiet, the car following a curve off the exit. When the car straightened out, his hand appeared on your thigh. Seungcheol squeezed it once before moving his hand again, grabbing your arm. His hand slid up your arm, wrapping around your wrist. Seungcheol moved your hand from your face, sliding to hold onto your fingers, ignoring the wetness from your tears. 

“You can’t,” he began, voice thick with emotion. “You can’t decide that for me. You can’t suddenly decide that I’ll stop loving you. That’s not -- Baby, that’s so unfair.”

You sobbed again, nodding against your hand. He pulled into a gas station, putting the car in park. Seungcheol undid his belt, turning to you. He reached out, taking both of your hands. “I want you to tell me what’s going on, baby. Give it to me straight.”

You sniffled. You reached up, removing your hand from his to rub at your nose. Seungcheol tsked at you, reaching into the glovebox and removing a tissue. He gently pressed it against your nose, wiping. 

“Come on, baby.” He muttered. His eyes were so wide, shining with unshed tears. “Let me see what’s going on inside that head of yours.”

You took a deep, shuddering breath. “It’s just -- Seungcheol -- you’re so amazing.”

He blinked, not quite following. 

“You -- you make more money in a month than I do in a year,” you went on, refusing to look at him. “Everyone knows your name. You’re -- you’re amazing and brilliant and famous, and I’m so ordinary and dull and work at a desk.”

Seungcheol let out a loud sigh, one of his hands moving to brush at your cheek and remove some of the tears there. “You know how stupid that sounds?”

“I know!” You sobbed, nodding. “It’s so fucking stupid but I can’t stop thinking about it. Seungcheol --”

He leaned fully over the center console, as close as he could get to you. He wound one arm around your shoulders, bringing you into him. “Baby. You are the most beautiful, brilliant, spectacular, amazing, perfect person in the world.”

You shook your head against him, but he sank one hand into your hair and stopped you. “Listen to me, Y/n. You are. You are so perfect. Do you remember the last tour? I couldn’t even make it through Japan. And I was so, so angry. Angry at myself, angry at my brain. But you weren’t. You just held me, loved me. Even though I felt so fucking ugly, you loved me like I was someone worthwhile. And baby --” 

He pulled away, his fingers swiping at the tears beneath your eyes. “I’m telling you right now. You’re fucking worth it. You’re perfect, and beautiful inside and out, and even if you weren’t you still would be because you’re mine. You’ve been mine since we were five and scaring my big brother with worms. You were mine when I left for Pledis. You were mine when you began college, when I came home from that tour. 

“You were mine, just like I’m yours. You’re still mine, I’m still yours. I will never, ever, regret this. I will never regret you.” He sniffled, and when you met his eyes they were slightly red. He was such an ugly crier, you thought, but still you couldn’t help but think he was the most beautiful person in the world. “Every single fucking day I wake up and think of how blessed I am to have you by my side. Whether you work in a desk or fucking -- if you decide to be a damn professional table tennis player. You’re mine, and I’m keeping you.”

You nodded, sniffling once more. “I’m sorry, Cheol.”

He shook his head. Seungcheol pitched forward, pressing his mouth to your hairline. “Don’t be, baby. Just promise me the next time you start thinking like that, you’ll tell me.”

“Cheol --” 

“I know,” he interrupted, though not unkindly. “I know how hard it is. But you’re mine, and you know how I like to take care what’s mine. I can’t do that if you’re not telling me what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours.”

You swallowed, a deep sigh leaving you. “I love you, Seungcheol.”

“I love you,” he returned, as easily as breathing. "Now let's go get some drinks, some ramen, and then we'll go home and cuddle in bed. Okay?"

You pressed a kiss to his chin, breathing in the smell of his expensive perfume and aftershave. "Okay."

Seungcheol might have flown to the sun, might glow and shine like a star; you might be standing with both feet firmly on the ground, squinting against the sun, watching as he took off. But the thing was, you would come to realize, that no matter how far Seungcheol flew, no matter how close to the sun he got, he would always come back to you.

Always.