Parenting 200!

Parenting 200!

Hey people, its ya boy, the bitch. I’m making another one of these cuz someone asked and YES.  Corpse Husband x Son yes.  Tags: @save-the-sky @alilshit @whatifwedo @hughugh20@fleurmoon @bi-andready-tocry @itsminniekat @yoongi-holland@loraleiix @hacker-ghost @fanworrior @marvelous-musicals @annshit @unknown-and-invisible @letsloveimagines @babyhoneystvles 

————————–

————————–

————————–

Corpse was running some errands (which he really didn’t wanna do) with Tyler (that’s what we calling him)- his son. Y/N was home relaxing and doing her thing, she already did enough. She cleaned the entire house, woke up early to make them both an amazing breakfast, did the laundry, and made sure Corpses office space was nice and well kept so he could be in a nice area to record and stream. Corpse told Y/N that she needed to get some rest when she said she needed to go out to run some errands- he also made the mistake of deciding to bring a literal toddler around with him.  

Now don’t him wrong- He loved Tyler more than he loved himself, but Tyler can be a little shit sometimes. This child has gotten into a rainbow of different substances. 

Vaseline.  “What the hell- what is that- what is that on your face?” Corpse asked, though he already knew. “Baseline.” They said, rubbing their hands together. 

Coconut butter.  “You know better than this Tyler! Now you look all shiney!” Corpse said as he washed coconut butter off of Tyler. “Iz fun.” Tyler replied while Corpse just let out an exasperated sigh.

Baby powder.  “Tyler what the hell!-” Corpse yelled as he walked in and saw Tyler pouring baby powder down his pants. Tyler looked up at him and said “go way.” ANd when Corpse just stared and then Tyler yelled, “go WAY!”  Cake. “Sweetie! That was for your father!” Y/N said as she saw Tyler sitting on the ground shoving his face with chocolate cake. His hands were covered in it and his mouth was a mess. Tyler looked at her innocently and said “Izs mine!” Corpses clothes.  Corpse walked into the closet to put some brand new hoodies away when he saw none other than Tyler chilling there covered in Corpses clothes. It was a mess. Corpe just stared and shut the closet door, not wanting to deal with that just yet. Y/Ns clothes.  Y/N walked into the closet to see the mess. Tyler was putting on her heals and wearing her scarfs. She sighed and took a picture of a very surprised Tyler. Then she went to go yell at Corpse. Deodorant.  “No no no no no NO NO NO!” Y/N yelled as she pulled the deodorant away from Tyler’s hands. He was crushing it all up and smearing it on the floor. “It smell gud.” Tyler said innocently as he was picked up.  Soap.  “Tyler no no no! Take that out of your mouth!” Y/N screamed as she saw Tyler put dish soap in his mouth. She panicked and immediately told him to spit it out. Not even a second later Corpse came tripping into the room asking what the hell happened.   Y/Ns pads. “Tyler no-” Corpse said as he wheezed. Tyler was sticking Y/Ns period pads onto his body. “They stickers!” Tyler laughed, opening another one. Corpse fell onto the floor in sheer laughter, not being able to breathe. Corpses Stream. Corpse left to take a quick pee while he was streaming with his friends. While he was gone, Tyler snuck into his office and joined in as a replacement. “Haii” Tyler said, causing laughter. “Whos this?” Sykkuno asked. They all knew Corpse was a father but never heard anything else about him. “Tyver.” Tyler said, making everyone nearly cry from the cuteness. When Corpse came back, he sighed and took his headset away. “Uhm-” Corpse was cut off, “HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING PUT TYVER BACK ON!” 

They were all memories. Some good, most bad. None in the middle. He was currently in the store grabbing some things for Y/N. She got her period like just this morning and she was running out of pads so he needed to cop some of those and the more important things. Every female reading this oneshot who has gotten their period will understand the following. He threw oreo cookies, red velvet oreo cookies, hershey’s chocolate chip cookies, more cookies, two whole bags of snickers, three whole bags of kit kats, chocolate milk, and a chocolate cake into the cart. Then lastly, he awkwardly strolled into the feminine product isle where two other females were. Tyler was jumping around looking at everything and Corpse was avoiding eye contact. 

One of the girls looked at his cart, looked at him, looked at Tyler, looked at the cart, and back at him and said “She hit it hard didn’t she?” 

Corpse looked at her and sighed, “Yeah…” then he picked out the kind he always saw in the bathroom and then dragged Tyler away and out of the isle. 

“Nooo! Im still looking!” Tyler whined. 

“Well you’re done looking.” Corpse said, walking up to the check out area and checking his stuff out himself. He already felt enough anxiety today so all he really wanted to do was go home and cuddle with Y/N and watch Shrek for the fifthteenth time with Tyler. 

After he bagged everything he pushed the cart out of the store and towards their car. Tyler was jumping around again and being a little shit, so Corpse had to pick him up and hold him and load groceries into the car one handed. Painful. After loading the groceries he set Tyler down and went to bring the cart back. 

On his way back, Tyler latched himself onto Corpses leg and cried. Good lord. “I want icereeeeem!” Tyler whined as Corpse sighed, dragging him around. 

“Tyler we already spent enough! Mom will share some of her food!” Corpse said, tugging Tyler off of his leg like a cat and walking him to the car. Tyler kept complaining and screaming, but Corpse did his best not to listen. But while driving home, the screaming got worse, and Corpse gave in. 

“FINE DAIRY QUEEN IT IS!” Corpse yelled, immediately apologizing for yelling. Then he took a sharp turn and headed to DQ to get this toddler an icecream cone (And Y/N an oreo blizzard, but don’t tell). He really didn’t wanna pull into the drive thru, but his anxiety said indoors is worse so he pulled into the line. It was November so Corpse did not understand why there was so many people in the line. Corpse sighed, trying to ignore Tylers whining. “I know it’s long and annoying but we have to wait Tyler.” 

“I want icecreeeemm!” Tyler whined, and Corpse began to grow frustrated. He loved Tyler, but he really wanted to get home. Y/N was probably scrunched up in agony with her period pains and when he gets home shes gonna be fucking dead. Yes you heard me. Dead. Corpse didn’t want to go to court for being blamed of his girlfriend’s death. 

During the wait he actually got a call from Y/N. He instantly picked it up, saying hello. 

“Where are you?!” Y/N complained. She was hungry, in pain, and worried. Corpse and Tyler should’ve been home an hour ago. But instead they were stuck in a DQ drive thru. 

“Dairy Queen. Tyler wants an icecream cone.” Corpse sighed, “He’s been a pain the ass so far…” 

“He’s always a pain in the ass but we love him.” Y/N chuckled, “Can you get me a cookie dough blizzard?” 

“Oh. Ok.” Corpse was surprised. Y/N always went for that legendary oreo blizzard. Guess he’ll get it for himself then. “Are you feeling ok?”

“Mmm no. Periods suck. Men will never feel real pain.” Y/N groaned, and Corpse rolled his eyes playfully. 

“Say that next time people are calling me sus in Among Us.” Corpse laughed, “Oh- I gotta go, this lines finally moving.” 

“Ok, bye love you~” Y/N said. 

“Love you too.” Corpse said before hanging up. He got up to the speaker and breathed in, trying to order his food without getting nervous. Social anxiety sucks, I don’t recommended having social anxiety. He stuttered a little, but it wasn’t too bad. When he got his food, he quickly got the fuck out of there and zoomed back to his place.

When he got to a stop light, he handed Tyler his ice cream cone. Almost immediately he began to chow down, his teeth didn’t even seem sensitive at this moment. It impressed Corpse. His boy was something else. 

When he finally made it home, he had many things to do. He got Tyler out of the car safely and picked up all the bags full of food with one arm. On the other, he held Tyler and the ice cream. From there, he made his way into apartment building like a goddamn champ. Sure, he was in pain, sure his muscles were gonna burst, but this, this guys, is what real men do. He is a super dad, he will do what no man ever dares to do.

People were looking at him, it made him uncomfortable. He was glad the apartment had elevadors. Tyler kept eating his ice cream loudly, which made Corpses pain ever worse. When he finally got to the door, he lifted his already weakened arm and turned the doorknob, shoving himself into the room. 

“Honey I’m home!” Corpse said tiredly, dropping the bags on the floor and lightly setting Tyler down. He walked over to the living room, seeing Y/N laying in a mess of blankets and pillows on the floor. She was wearing one of Corpses hoodies that were way too big on her. She looked distressed, but when Corpse put a cookie dough blizzard in front of her, she looked up and took it. 

“You look like a mess.” Y/N laughed, sitting with her legs crossed and beginning to eat.

“I’ve had a long day.” Corpse chuckled and sat next to Y/N in the mess. “Tyler seemed to have fun I guess.” 

“What do you mean I guess?” Y/N chuckled into her words.

“Oh you know how Tyler is baby.” Corpse took a big bite of his blizzard, “I bought everything you will need for a week.” 

“Great!” Y/N leaned in and kissed Corpse on the cheek. Corpse blushed a little, but smiled. Next thing they know, they are cuddling against each other and eating their blizzards. This was the only way to make Y/N happy while she was on her period. 

Then heard a loud crash.

“waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” 

“God fuckin’ damNI-”

If anyone tries to say Max did not deserve this today….your a ridiculous.

Max has 10 poles this season 10 wins, when he has finished a race it’s been first or second, has driven phenomenally all season.

He has had to deal with Lewis and Toto and the Fia trying to make him the villain, make him lose races…he has had to deal with the pressure at 23/24 years old and he has had the best mental strength. Mercedes look ridiculous at the moment.

Max Verstappen is the World Champion and the most deserving one🧡🧡🧡

Seb, writing in his journal: It’s 3 hours since Kimi retired, and after hours of careful evaluation I have come to the conclusion that-

Lance, to the tune of The Final Countdown: IT’S THE FINAL BRAINCELL...

Charles: [off-key kazoo playing]

Seb: -there is no intelligent life in this paddock.

tuesdays, i be keeping it casual

LEWIS HAMILTON | Fashion Icon

Re-blog if you're accepting anonymous asks from anyone about anything

Brown Sugar at The Beach

Summary: you book a major modeling gig as a beach babe in Harry’s Watermelon Sugar video, you never expected to be his shea butter baby.

Warnings: sis absolutely none

Pairings: Harry Styles x black!reader

Permanent tag list: @charmed-asylum

•••

“I don’t know if they want all this ass in the video?”

You made a face, looking back at your bikini-clad body laying in the sand. Your best friend, Elise, sat beside you with a bowl of fruit in her hands. She laughed at your comment and rolled her eyes.

“Imagine that. Millions of girls and gays are going to see your thick ass on their screens in a few months. That’s crazy.” Elise popped a grape in her mouth and laughed. She glanced at the other half-naked women on the beach and shook her head. “I’m glad I have Bella because I know these women would get me in trouble. I don’t know how Harry does it.”

You turned and laid on your back on the peach-colored towel. “Think about it. Like you said, millions of people throw themselves at him so he’s probably tired of it.”

“That’s true. But can I blame them? I may like women but I can understand that is a fine ass British—Oop! Bitch he’s right there!” Your friend gasped. Her eyes going wide as she tried to not make eye contact.

“Stop lying, Elise. We don’t start for another thirty.”

“Open your eyes bitch! Fuck, now he’s coming this way!”

You rolled your eyes. Elise has played plenty of pranks on you over the years and of course today was no exception. You sat up on your elbows, lifting your heart sunglasses above your brows. “Now why would you...” You started. The sand shaking out of your thick, bouncy, curls while you lifted your head to the sky.

Your heart dropped to your ass. Walking barefoot on the hot sand towards you was Harry Styles. He had on red pants and a shirt/sweater vest combo that you knew had to be expensive. Or maybe it was a gift from Gucci since he has been blowing up their business. Quite frankly you were too stunned to think about it.

“Hi, nice to meet ya!” Harry beamed at the two of you. Extending a hand to Elise. She stood up from the sand and shook his hand gently. “M’ names Harry.” He brought a hand to you, his eyes staring. You stood up quickly in fear of being rude.

You took it while Elise introduced herself. You tried not to have a goofy smile on your face. Even Stevie Wonder could see that this man was beautiful and you knew Harry’s reputation for being nothing but a gentleman. He was very charming to say the least.

“Didn’t catch yer name?” Harry said softly, tilting his head slightly.

Your eyes went wide for a moment. “I’m Y/N.” You managed to say without stuttering or hesitating. The goal was to stay professional but it was kind of surreal working for someone that your friends listened to back in middle school and high school.

“Well, Elise an’ Y/N, I jus wan’ed t’ come by an’ say thank you for being here.” His smile got even wider and you could tell this video meant a lot to him. “M’ sure ya know the song has a bit of a ... sexual nature. Personally, I jus felt it was important to make sure I was allowed to touch ya if I’m directed? Like ya face or mid area? Nothin inappropriate of course. And if yer uncomfortable I’d still love to have ya in the video, I won’t make ya do anything yer not comfortable with.”

Not only was this man fine but he was focused on consent?! You couldn’t believe it. You had been on plenty of other shoots before and the men were perfectly fine but never made an effort like this. If you didn’t have a slight crush on him before then you did now.

You nodded in understanding. “Thank you for speaking with us, I appreciate it. I don’t have an issue with touching or anything so you have my permission.”

“Totally. Whatever makes the video look good, I’m down.” Elise agreed. “I’m going to go grab some water.” She ran off to the craft section, leaving you and Harry alone.

Harry clasped his hands together. “Perfect.” His attention shifted to you, a brief pause as he thought of what to say. He didn’t want to leave you so quickly so he tried drumming up another conversation. His eyes darted to the heart shaped sunglasses you had. “May I?” He asked, pointing at them.

“Yeah. Yeah go ahead.” You took them off and handed them to him, your fingers brushing up against each other. “The costume department said they matched my blue bikini.” You chimed in.

Harry gave you a glance over, biting his bottom lip before smiling. “They are one hundred percent correct. I kind of feel compelled to steal them though.” He stared at the plastic in his hands.

“Why is that?” You asked, genuinely confused.

Harry put the glasses on his face. “Because everyone deserves to see yer eyes, darling.”

You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out. You were stunned. Harry was called away by a producer and said that he would see you later. You stood there smiling like an idiot so you turned to face the water. Hoping the sound of Malibu waves would bring you back down to earth.

You tried getting the compliment out of your head but it was hard when Harry was everywhere. The video was nothing but him and women either eating fruit or rubbing it. The director loved your look and insisted on keeping you near Harry as much as possible. The way he looked at you while you fed him watermelon made you blush, and you hated it. Hated how he could make you lose all professionalism in an instant. You thought the worst of the temptation was over as the shoot shifted into group scenes, but that relief was soon over. The director told you and Elise to sit in the sand in the center of a group of women. Harry was told to be in the middle, and you both would pull on him.

“Hey, Y/N?” Bradley, the director asked. “I’m loving the way it’s looking but it’s missing something. Do you mind kissing Harry on the cheek when you pull him in your direction?”

Elise started chuckling and you wanted to punch her. “Of course.” You nodded nervously. You turned to Harry who was inches away from you. “Harry?”

“Y/N?” He smirked.

You huffed, trying not to pout. “Do I have permission to kiss your cheek?”

“Yes, my consent queen.” He started laughing. “Run ya had through my curls too.”

You rolled your eyes as couldn’t help but chuckle. He was cheeky as hell but a great person to be around. There was a five minute break but everyone was supposed to stay in their spots. So you, Harry, and Elise were laughing and joking with each other while the other models were socializing amongst themselves.

The five minutes were over quickly and before you knew it you were called to action. You gently placed a hand on Harry’s jaw and throat, bringing him closer and pulling his cheek to your brown glossy lips. He smiled and sang the lyric “watermelon sugar high” with a huge grin on his lips. That was the first kiss that you had ever shared with him and you assumed it would be the last. But that was in January.

It was now May 18th and the video was premiering in less than a minute. You sat in Harry’s Malibu home in the living room. A bowl of raspberries was sitting beside you and you continued to pop them in your mouth. “Baby!” You yelled out. “I pulled it up on the tv!”

“Waaaaaaaaaaait!” Harry ran out of the bedroom, only a pair of Grey sweat shorts on. He sat down on the floor in front of you and pushed your legs open so there was space for him. “Okay now we can start. Feed me, lovie.” He opened his mouth.

You laughed. “I don’t know what you’re so eager for, you’ve already seen this. But banned me from seeing it early, remember?”

“Yes. I remember. I remember I paid for it too.” He shook his head. “No sex for a week was honestly quite cruel.”

You grabbed the sides of his head and tilted his head back. You leaned down and kissed his forehead, his nose, and then his lips. “And you survived just fine.” You kissed him again. “Maybe instead of watermelon you can get some brown sugar tonight if you behave?”

“I will never complain again.”