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BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 2014 | dir. Christophe Gans

this movie is so fucking creepy jesus fuck

The Hobbit | Traveller

❥ Chapter ³ | Burglar

❥ Word Count: 3440

❥ Warnings: No warnings for this chapter.

At Bilbo’s question on how he was wondering what twelve dwarves were doing in his house he held his arms out slightly in a way as if waiting for Gandalf to reply and when he got none he started to look over at Y/n though it was cut off with Ori walking into the hallway next to Bilbo.

“Excuse me. I’m sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?” Ori politely apologises knowing he’d walked in on a conversation though instead of Bilbo getting to answer as Fili walks into the hallways overhearing Ori’s question and grabbing for the plate.

“Here you go, Ori. Give it to me.” As Fili takes the plate Y/n knew what was coming next so as the plate flung through the air she took a step back while Gandalf stumbled out of the way where she’d just been standing. Kili who’d stepped out into the hallway from the kitchen now next to Y/n stopped the plate by grabbing it turning to give her a grin but was caught of guard as more plates came flying towards them, Kili easily grabbing them and flinging them towards Bifur who was washing the dishes, not even needing to turn around to grab the plates easily.

Y/n grabbing a few bowls and plates as well so Kili wouldn’t have too much to catch before moving forward ducking under a wooden bowl flying past towards the makeshift dining room.

“Excuse me! That’s my mother’s Westfarthing pottery. It’s over a hundred years old!” Bilbo barked out pointing at some of the dwarves overwhelmed by the sudden fact his delicate plates and bowls were being carelessly chucked around, or at least that’s how he saw it in his eyes.

Once moving into the dining room Y/n grabbed the bowl of honey she’d grabbed out beforehand wanting to put it away passing by the table where Bofur, Nori, Dori and Bombur where stomping their feet against the floor in a rhythm and clanging cutlery together opposite of each other.

“And… and can you not do that? You’ll blunt them.” Bilbo cautioned, noticing and hearing the clangs of his favourite cutlery.

“Ooh, do you hear that, lads? He says we’ll blunt the knives.” Bofur teased out grinning as all four continued what they’d been doing ignoring Bilbo’s warning and cautioning on his antique cutlery.

“♪Blunt the knives, bend the forks♪” Kili was the first to sing out hair slightly in his face as he whipped his face in the direction of the kitchen and back to the hallways as he grabbed and passed on plates with an ever present grin.

Y/n holding back a smile remembering how the dwarves would all soon join in as she walked back into the hallway and with her dipped the spoon of honey into the bowl spinning it around in it as she walked.

“♪Smash the bottles and burn the corks♪” Fili continues the singing catching another plate that had been passed to him narrowly avoiding Y/n getting nicked with it against her shoulder, though before he could say anything after opening his mouth she stuck the spoon of honey into his mouth before continuing her way towards the food pantry causing him to smile with the spoon was still in his mouth though he moved to start passing the plates again when she was out of sight.

♪Chip the glasses, and crack the plates♪

♪That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates!♪

♪Cut the cloth, tread on the fat♪

♪Leave the bones of the bedroom mat♪

♪Pour the milk on the pantry floor♪

♪Smash the wine on every door♪

♪Dump the crocks in boiling bowl♪

♪Pound them up with a thumping pole♪

♪When you’re finished if they are whole♪

♪Send them down the hall to roll♪

♪That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates!♪

Everyone ended up singing along while cleaning up, the commotion seemingly too much for Bilbo who runs around not noticing the dwarves were actually cleaning up their mess they’d made and quite well too. By the end of it he rushed into the makeshift dining room only to see a bunch of neatly stacked dishes and cutlery all clean and the table no longer having a scrap of food or crumbs on it.

Everyone cheering at Bilbo’s dumbfounded expression delighted by how shocked the hobbit was even Gandalf who said Bilbo’s name before sitting down, before Y/n entered the room next with a pleased look on her face nodding, causing another round of cheers at her approval of the cleaned room. Bilbo looked up at Y/n who just looked down at him with a shrug holding back a smile before cheekily adding.

“Told you most of them are good at singing.”

Though the cheerful room dimmed once a few harsh knocks at the door were heard, Everyone looked in the direction of the front door through the hallways, everyone knowing exactly who was knocking on the round green door. Y/n sharing a glance with Gandalf who nods subtly at her before announcing to the whole group in the makeshift dining room.

“He is here.”

• • • • • • •

Everyone was gathered in the hallway where the doors entrance was, Gandalf being the one to move towards the door opening it to reveal Thorin Oakenshield who was looking off into the distance with many thoughts running through his head but when he heard the door opening he looked in being greeted with the face of Gandalf.

“Gandalf, I thought you said this place was easy to find. I lost my way, twice. I wouldn’t have found it at all had it not been for that mark on the door.” Thorin spoke walking into the hobbits home while taking off his coat, handing it over to Kili giving his nephew a warm smile.

“Mark? There’s no mark on that door. It was painted a week ago.” Bilbo defended his freshly painted door, moving to peek his head out the door to try and spot this mark they were talking about. Gandalf just closes the door causing Bilbo to step back from it and turn to face Thorin who also turned to look down at the hobbit.

“There is a mark. I put it there myself.” Gandalf explained to Bilbo before turning to Thorin and introducing the two of them. “Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company. Thorin Oakenshield.”

Y/n while Gandalf introduced Bilbo moved toward the grey wizard feeling more comfortable beside him.

“So, this is the hobbit.” Thorin spoke, taking a few steps towards Bilbo before crossing his arms, interested in one of the two additions Gandalf had chosen for their company. Before walking a circle around him wanting to get a good look at their hobbit.

“Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?” Thorin asked as he looked Bilbo over.

“Pardon me?”

“Axe or sword? What’s your weapon of choice?” Thorin walked back in front of Bilbo when he finished circling him waiting for a response.

“Well, I do have some skill at conkers, if you must know. But I fail to see why that’s relevant.” Bilbo jested though was secretly proud of how he always won when playing conkers against others, still confused at what Thorin was getting at, asking these questions.

“I thought as much. He looks more like a grocer than a burglar.” Thorin joked in reply to Bilbo’s words causing most people in the room to laugh but before they could start making their way into the makeshift dining room Y/n stood next to Bilbo and facing Thorin.

“You’d be surprised, hobbits can be quite surprising at times when needed.” Y/n defended Bilbo, though he was still very much confused and unsure what they were even alluding to, still he was quite glad to have one person defending him.

“You are the other person Gandalf wanted to join the company, a human.” Thorin addressed her, giving her a once over. “And you? Your preferred weapons?” Everyone in the room was interested once more in finding out what their none dwarves in the company preferred weapon wise.

“My bow but I really prefer using my hands.” Y/n replied, surprising a few before Thorin stares at her for a few seconds asking “You prefer short distance fighting then.” Even though she used a bow she also preferred using her hands which would land her in very short distance fights.

“Kinda, my fighting style, well I guess you’ll just have to find out when we cross that bridge, though I can promise you I have very good aim and coordination when it comes to fighting.” Y/n reassured she’d be just fine even if in her life she’d only ever fought people in a training like situation. Along with Archery her brother and her had both taken up boxing because of their parents. A fighting style Y/n was pretty sure wasn’t too normal in middle earth.

“Where’s your bow?” Kili’s voice breaks through the silence that had started filling the hallway causing her to look over at him before pointing slightly at the door with the tilt of her head before adding “Somewhere outside where I left it.” Not particularly wanting to tell the only other archer where her bow was.

“Ah yes, let me formally introduce you. Y/n L/n, Thorin Oakenshield. Thorin Oakenshield, Y/n L/n. I chose Y/n for this as she will be a valuable and needed asset. Please trust in me when I say she knows what she’s doing when it comes to combat.” Gandalf properly introduced the two.

Thorin finally gave Gandalf an approving nod as there wasn’t much he could do against it anyway. With that everyone started walking into the makeshift dining room with Y/n standing next to Bilbo.

• • • • • • •

Everyone gets seated properly again at the table, though most have another ale as well. Thorin sat at the head of the table eating the leftovers that were made sure to be kept for him when had arrived. Though he would get to eat a lot of it from the questions that would be bombarded towards him and other things.

“What news from the meeting in Ered Luin? Did they all come?” Balin was the first to ask Thorin questions hoping for good answers in return.

“Aye. Envoys from all seven kingdoms.” Thorin let his spoon drop into his soup lightly answering Balin’s question first before going to take a sip of his soup while everyone around him is pleased with his answer.

“And what did the dwarves of the Iron Hills say? Is Dain with us?” Dwalin, Balin’s brother, asked the next question causing Thorin to put his spoon down again a few seconds of silence falling on the company before Thorin finally decided to break the news.

“They will not come.” At Thorin's words there was a round of sighs before he continued with the reason as to why they wouldn’t come “They say this quest is ours and ours alone.”

Y/n turning in her seat to look over at Bilbo expectantly waiting for his question, knowing what he’d ask.

“You’re going on a quest?” Bilbo asked from where he stood, the only one standing.

“Bilbo, my dear fellow, let us have a little more light.” Bilbo nodded at Gandalf’s request, moving away to grab a candle that was usually against the wall before heading back over.

“Far to the east, over ranges and rivers, beyond woodlands and wastelands, lies a single, solitary peak.” Gandalf spoke out while placing an old drawn map onto the table as Thorin’s soup was long forgotten and pushed to the side.

“The lonely mountain.” Bilbo read out, candle held in hand lighting up the area a bit more so those close to the map could actually read what was written on it. Gandalf's hand still resting near the solitary peak where the only coloured ink laid above it, ink red formed in the shape of a dragon.

“Aye, Oin has read the portents, and the portents say it is time.” Gloin pointed out and by the sounds of some of the dwarves it wasn’t Gloin’s first time saying these words to them.

“Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain, as it was foretold. ‘When the birds of yore return to Erebor, the reign of the beast will end’.” Oin explains what Gloin had been trying to say while looking at everyone and looking at Y/n who sat on the opposite side of the table next to Ori as she nods slightly along with his words for him to know she had been listening.

“Uh, what beast.” Bilbo spoke up, turning everyone’s attention to the hobbit.

“That would be a reference to Smaug the Terrible. Chiefest and greatest calamity of our age. Airborne fire-breather. Teeth like razors. Claws like meat hooks. Extremely fond of precious metals.” Bofur explained and described to Bilbo about Smaug in a bit too much detail.

“Yes, I know what a dragon is.” Bilbo rushed out so Bofur would stop describing the dragon in a bit too much detail.

“I’m not afraid. I’m up for it. I’ll give him a taste of dwarvish iron right up his jacksie!” As Ori stood up causing his chair to slide backwards, Y/n’s hand stopped it from crashing into the wall remembering about the chair before so she easily stopped it this time as he spoke loudly puffing his chest out proudly.

Nori praised Ori’s braveness though, Dori also next to Ori tugged him down back into his seat by his sleeve as Y/n pushed Ori’s seat back towards him at the same time.

“The task would be difficult enough with an army behind us, but we number just thirteen. And not thirteen of the best. Nor the brightest.” Balin explained the disadvantage they’d obviously be facing. Y/n moving to cover her mouth slightly as she tried holding back a smile at Balin’s last words spoken, while some dwarves muttered angrily at his words.

“Who are you calling dim?”

“What did he say?”

Fili thumps his hand against the table lightly to gain everyone's attention, including Y/n’s as she turns to look at him “We may be few in number, but we’re fighters. All of us!” Fili ended his mini speech with another louder thump against the table with his hand.

“And you forget, we have a wizard in our company. Gandalf would have killed hundreds of dragons in his time.” Kili chimed into what his brother was saying trying to up the energy and confidence of the company causing everyone to look over at Gandalf.

“Oh, well, no. I… I wouldn’t say-” Gandalf not sure how to go around the topic as he had in fact not killed a dragon before. Y/n’s hand against her mouth still there as she looked down trying to hide how amused she was, it was funnier in person. Finally looking up as Dori started speaking.

“How many, then?” Dori asked curious about just how many dragons Gandalf had killed.

“What?” Gandalf really caught off with the current topic.

“How many dragons have you killed?” Dori repeated his question a bit more clearly this time, which didn't at all help Gandalf as he sat there choking slightly on the smoke he’d inhaled from his smoking pipe.

“Go on. Give us a number.” Dori spoke out starting to get impatient and ended up with some dwarves standing up from their seats as the company all started arguing with each other.

Gloin moves his arm out to point at Nori across the table in some sort of argument causing Y/n to move her face out of the way at the last second from getting accidentally hit by Gloin’s hand making her shoulder bump into Fili’s who pushed slightly into Kili’s shoulder. Y/n moving to face and look up at Fili slightly with a short “Sorry.” Fili not being able to say anything in return as Thorin yells for everyone to stop in dwarvish.

This successfully silences everyone as those who had stood up during the argument had sat down quickly, everyone watching Thorin who was the only one standing now.

“If we have read the signs, do you not think others will have not read them too? Rumours have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen for 60 years. Eyes look east to the mountain, assessing, wondering, weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected. Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?” Thorin finished off his mini speech yelling triumphantly in Khuzdul. Everyone around the table joined in on the cheering.

“You forgot. The front gate is sealed. There is no way into the mountain.” Balin was the one to bring everyone back with common sense as they wouldn’t even be able to get in. Though Y/n shared a glance with Gandalf to which he nodded.

Y/n standing up grabbing a few people’s attention including Fili who pushed his ale cup further on the table so she wouldn’t accidentally knock it over as it had been resting at the edge of the table. Y/n moved to stand next to Gandalf and Thorin and Gandalf spoke out to Balin directly but was meant for everyone to hear.

“That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true.” As Gandalf says that Y/n moved her hand into her hidden pocket pulling out a key, the fact Gandalf had given her the key on their travels toward Bag End for safe keeping had made her check her pocket every few minutes at the beginning nervous she’d somehow lose it but she hadn’t.

Thorin looked at the key in her hand astonished as he asked out more than just curiously looking over at Gandalf for an answer “How came you by this?”

“It was given to me by your father, by Thrain, for safekeeping. It is yours now.” Gandalf explained before Y/n took this as the sign to pass the key to Thorin taking a step towards him with a gentle smile and holding the key out towards him. Thorin briefly looked up at her before giving her a nod of approval taking the key.

“If there’s a key, there must be a door.” Fili thought out loud causing Y/n to look over at him raising an eyebrow as if to say ‘really?’. Y/n had nearly forgotten about how the two brothers stated the obvious every now and then. She just held back a sarcastic comment looking down at the map.

“These runes speak of a hidden passage to the lower halls.” Gandalf explains pointing at the map. Y/n holds back a sigh moving to look at Kili who pats Fili’s shoulder with a grin adding on “There’s another way in.” basically stating exactly what Gandalf had implied. Y/n was just going to ignore that.

“Well, if we can find it, but dwarf doors are invisible when closed.” Gandalf sighed after explaining their new predicament before continuing “The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map, and I don’t have the skill to find it. But there are others in Middle-earth who can.” At Gandalf's words Y/n shifted awkwardly on the spot knowing exactly what the hidden words said but knew it was best not to tell anyone not knowing how that could change what will happen in future so early on in the quest.

“The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth and no small amount of courage. But if we are careful and clever, I believe it can be done.” Gandalf finished what he wanted to say to the company.

“That’s why we need a burglar.” Ori deduced finally getting the reason they’d need one now.

“Hmm. And a good one too. An expert. I’d imagine.” Bilbo finally spoke up, walking to stand next to Y/n hands fiddling with his suspenders.

“And are you?” Gloin questioned the hobbit as everyone watched expectantly.

“Am I what?” Bilbo asked, confused looking behind him before realising everyone was staring at him and not something behind him. Y/n holding back a wince at the situation looking down at Bilbo before nudging him slightly causing him to look up at her as she mouthed silently ‘are you a good burglar.’

Bilbo’s eyes widening understanding what she’d mouthed to him realising he was the ‘burglar’.

• • • • • • •

Previous chapter

Here's part three! Hope you all enjoy it. Sorry it hasn't been grammar and spell checked yet but will be soon. Comments, likes and reblogs are always appreciated and motivating, thank you <3.

Taglist:

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Masterlist

The Hobbit Masterlist

Posted 05/02/2022

☕🌿Coffee Magic🌿☕

☕Flavors + Correspondences☕

Almond(milk): mental clarity + fortitude, luck, abundance, healing + good health

Amaretto: opening the mind, warding against negativity, creativity, luck

Blueberry: aids in memory + mental clarity, calmness, youth + glamour magic, restoration, aura cleansing + strengthening

Caramel: aids in changes + transformations, soothing quality to spells, good in Fae magic, increases tenacity

Chestnut: warding + protection, prosperity, longevity + increase stamina

Chocolate: self love + nurturing energy, ancestral magic, grounding, love + sexual prowess

Cinnamon: spiritual + personal power, healing, success, lust, luck, prosperity, strength

Clove: protection, actualization of desires, banishing negative + hostile forces

Coffee: inspire creativity, clear emotional + spiritual blockages, dispel nightmares, fortitude + increased stamina, encourage diligence

Coconut Milk: confidence + aid in glamour magic, strength, beauty, love

Cow milk: nurturing, fertility + prosperity, protection, abundance, aid in motherhood

Hazelnut: self-love and compassion, inspiration, creativity, wisdom + insight

Honey: happiness, offerings + Fae magic, sweetness, love, prosperity, healing, passion, spirituality

Irish Cream: dreams + intuition enhancer, prosperity, growth, aid in change

Peanut(butter): stability, aid in manifestation + intuition, attraction, energy

Pecan: spiritual purification + protection, abundance + prosperity

Peppermint: healing, purification, psychic powers + transformation, sleep, prosperity, passion

Pumpkin: wishes + dream fulfillment, protection + guarding, prosperity, magic enhancer, love

Oat(milk): tradition + ancestral work, health, stability + fortitude, beauty + youth, comfort, home magic, healing

Raspberry: invoking fertility or love, kindness + compassion, desire fulfilment, creativity, libido + sex magic

Sugar: used to amplify spells, sweetness + love, attraction, comfort, Fae magic

Soy milk: success + strength, growth, healing

Toffee: playfulness + youthfulness, friendship, easing transitions, courage + strength

Vanilla (creamer or vanilla extract): love, release of stress + anxiety, success, vitality + healing

🔮Bonus Magic Tips🔮

Pick ingredients for your coffee that align with your ambitions for the day.

It can be used as an offering to deities, spirits, ancestors, etc.(e.g. for Sif I sweeten the coffee with oat milk + honey but for Hel I leave the coffee black for an offering)

Consider the way you stir! Counterclockwise banishes and repels negativity, clockwise invites + brings energy to you.

Stain pages for you journal, spell work, or book of shadows! You can also use a strong brewed coffee and a paint brush to paint sigils onto the pages! .

See the full post + bonus recipe at the hidden hearth patreon.

References: The Herbal Alchemist’s Handbook by Karen Harrison

**Disclaimer: a lot of the nut and milk correspondences are personal + intuitive**

sleepy haku

Daisy tatt commish

I redid this older comic I made for my storytelling class based on this post. Have some cute wlw love in your day.

It’s hard, if I had more free time I could make it so pretty, this is what I could throw together for the assignment.

Help support a queer artist: Ko fi, Redbubble, Teepublic

Simz Art on Instagram / Tumblr / Patreon

Alright, so I just gotta say that I think the LOTR community is sleeping on one of the best possible dynamics for a potential Elf-Human romance. Like yeah, we all want Legolas to marry us and worship the ground we walk on - But I can’t help but love the idea of the Lotr Elves looking at their s/o like “Look at my pet human, aren’t they adorable?”

Because elves live for hundreds of years. They’re in-tune with nature in a way we, as humans, can’t even understand. So I just imagine an Elf-Man romance where the Elf does genuinely love and admire their human, but also finds them cute in the same way we'd find a cat cute. Bonus Points if it starts out like that, but then evolves into a very genuine, respectful romance between the two of them.

Legolas: This is my favorite human, (Y/N), they are very small and entertaining. They hit me with a cardboard tube once. I love them.

Also, you cannot convince me that this isn't what happened with Kiliel. Tauriel thinks Kili is her sweet little meow meow, meanwhile Kili thinks Tauriel is the fairest being in Middle Earth. It's a perfect dynamic.

is the lotr fandom still active on this site?? like if i were to say the magic words "hey request lotr stuff" will they crawl out from the depths or am i doomed to a life of loneliness here

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Japan and beastiary!

In every wood in every spring there is a different green.

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Mmumechii on Instagram

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you wanna talk about why content creators are leaving tumblr and leaving you high and dry without material to fantasize over? let's talk about it.

hmm, lets see!

first of all, none of you fucking care to reblog our work. we are all aware of how tumblr's algorithm is absolute trash. writers have been BEGGING for readers reblog their works bc it's the only way our works can be seen and in turn, we receive the fruits of our labor via followers and exposure. but no, lets make MORE THAN HALF of the likes to reblog ratios consist of fucking LIKES. on top of that, we don't we shit on writers for wanting the absolute BARE MINIMUM aka a REBLOG bc well, they're not entitled to it aren't they? while writers aren't necessarily entitled to notes, answer this; do you work for free? do you bust your ass doing something knowing that there will be no pay off what so ever? that's what i thought.

secondly, you treat us like shit. you expect us to spit out content like we're a machine and when we don't get to it on time bc we have - idk - LIVES, you send the shittiest asks demanding for more content that you aren't even paying for. do you think people are gonna neglect their real life responsibilities to write for YOU and for FREE? absolutely not. on top of that, when we start writing for ourselves and our own spaces, we get push back. yea, not an effective way to encourage your favorite fic writers to give you more content to consume.

and lastly, YOU STEAL FROM US. each and every fic that a writer puts out has taken hours, days, weeks, or even months to write. that's lots of hard work and time invested into one single piece for you. free of charge. people put their fucking hearts into their work. and what do you do in return? disrespect them in one of the most hurtful ways possible.

so yea, i don't blame a single fucking person for leaving this shithole and NONE of you should be surprised. this is YOUR doing.

just drank water. life is so crazy