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takes a pet like no problem

so Batman has the skill Functional Dissociation In Emergency that allows him to shut down all emotion when things get real bad which is why his coworkers think he's a sociopath and why his kids feel vaguely ashamed that they weren't born with this very impressive feat

yes there is a mini-little Bruce in his head that's having the panic attack and yes that Bruce comes screaming to the surface the second things are deemed safe and Batman has to go throw up in the corner in response

by pointyeared on Instagram

danny your entire secret identity hinges on an incomplete palette swap you gotta be more careful about how the light hits you 

basically i had an idea five days ago and blacked out and when i came to i had created This

Jason: There's a thin line between being a genius and being an idiot.

Jason: Tim uses that line as a fucking jump rope.

DEAR FANFICTION WRITERS

Thanks for existing

When Bruce gets injected with truth serum

"Who's your favorite"

Everyone looked at Jason.

"Out of the four of us," he clarified. "Who's your favorite?"

He, Dick, Tim, and Damian turned to Bruce curiously.

"Well..."

Bruce proceeded to go on and on for over 3 hours about how he didn't actually have a favorite and how proud he was of all of them, only interrupted when Alfred walked in and Bruce started about how he was the best butler-dad ever.

None of them could honestly say they weren't at least a little teary.

Snoozers

Reaper: Hey, Cassidy? Can I get some dating advice? Cassidy: Just because I'm with Genji doesn't mean I know how I did it.

I call this birdwatching, because he's a bird, watching.

(I probably stole that from somewhere)

Rant under cut :)

I keep forgetting that people read these things sometimes and reply to whatever I've written, so whenever that happens I'm like HOW DID THEY KNOW before I realise

I could've posted this two days ago, but I forgot, so here it is :)

I'll learn how to do backgrounds one day, I swear. And shoes. And clothes.

This feels super unfinished (probably the background), but I'm done with it. mostly because the cape started to look like flesh and I don't want to look at that anymore. Wish I could actually draw skin that well but eh. Looking at it now, the fabric of the cape looks weirdly heavy. But I did remember to give him a cape this time, so well done to me. It was very close, though.

I tried lighting!! And trying to contour stuff to shape and stuff!! I like the leg on the left.

I forgot to use a reference, mostly because I just wanted to get this pose out of my head, It's been stuck there for literally seven months and I've never been able to draw it properly without it being stable, if that makes sense.

Also fun fact, the actual image is super dark, because I have somehow made it a habit to colour with my lights off, so this image has an overlay of slightly red light over it :)

Here it is without that, and the colour background I usually draw on because white is too bright for my poor eyes

I drew the bat family

Late to the party

And here's the final part of the first chapter to the Optima Prime comic! Again, massive thanks to ErikaGSkerzz for the beautiful art. It was wonderful to work with her, I truly recommend commissioning her. Links to the first and second parts are here and here. Hope you all enjoy it. 💖

Bruce- So anyway, then I-, wait. Hang on.

Bruce, standing and walking to the window, pulling it open and leaning out of it- Don't even think about it!

Jason- Oh, come on!

Dick- How'd you know?!

Tim- I TOLD you he bugged us!

Clark- What were they about to do?

Bruce- No idea. But I've learned to play the odds

I have an obsession with Batfam meets the Justice League fics and headcanons in general, and my favorite situation is when the JL fully knows Nightwing, he's on the team, they all like him quite a bit, and he's so charming and open seeming that they all collectively forget that they don't know anything about him.

I want that, then on a mission, fighting a magic user of some sort, Nightwing gets zapped back to young Robin age. So everyone else on said mission is left confronted with 9 year old Dick Grayson in full Robin gear, who is fully ready to fight every single one of them, and they generally have no idea what's happening or who this child is, other than the fact that he's probably young Nightwing, except he won't answer to that name.

And Dick, extremely confused and suspicious because he doesn't know half of the people there, and the ones that he is aware of are wearing different costumes or are just straight up different people than they're supposed to be, proceeds to try and fight them, then actively try to run away.

Then they finally manage to wrangle him back to the Watchtower, trying to grapple with the implications that Nightwing has been a highly trained, costume vigilante since childhood, and managed to break a bone in Green Arrow's hand before they subdued him, and is still thrashing around and trying to bite various League members.

They call Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman in to see if they have any idea what to do with him, and when Robin sees Batman, he squirms out of Flash's grasp, runs to Batman, and climbs up his side until he's wrapped himself around his shoulders like he does it every day.

The Bat lets this happen, sighs in exasperation, then calls Zatanna to help.

The League is then left to piece together why tiny child Nightwing ran to Batman for safety, and why Batman seems a whole lot less confused than everyone else.

he got his revenge

Vicki Vale: Mr. Wayne are you Batman?

Bruce Wayne: What is a “Bat man?”

—

Vicki Vale: Mr. Drake are you Red Robin?

Tim Drake: Like the restaurant?

—

Vicki Vale: So Cassandra, are you Orphan?

Cassandra Cain: No I’m not an orphan. I have a dad.

—

Vicki Vale: Mr. Thomas are you Signal?

Duke Thomas: Am I what?

Vicki Vale: Are you the Bat Signal?

Duke Thomas: That is the stupidest question I’ve ever been asked.

—

Vicki Vale: Damian, are you Robin?

Damian Wayne: Tt, I am not a bird. Are you well, Ms. Vale? I’m concerned for your mental state.

BRUCE WAYNE & DICK GRAYSON

↳ Batman/Superman: World's Finest, drawn by DAN MORA

Bruce and his youngest sons faking tiredness to leave the gala

To anyone who thinks Bruce has a clear and consistent favourite child I raise you this: it is infinitely funnier for Bruce to have a complicated and elaborate “ranking” system of his kids that only he’s privy to.

Picture this: Batman, dosed with truth serum, gets asked as a gag from one of the goons holding him captive who his favourite bat-vigilante is and instead of giving a straight answer, he launches into this whole explanation about the ranking system and who’s in the current lead, who’s hanging behind, etc. At some point (this is a mystery to everyone involved) a whiteboard appears and he starts explaining his system like he’s a football coach before an important match. Out of nowhere he starts pulling out little cardboard cutouts of his kids and pins them to the board. At some point the red string comes out.

Jason hasn’t killed someone in a week? Automatically promoted to favourite. Tim hasn’t caused an international incident in the past month? Puts him a few points ahead that keep decreasing the longer he refuses real sleep (20 minute power naps don’t count Tim! Says powernap inventor Bruce Wayne). Cass gave him a hug this morning and wished him a good day? Favourite until he gets a call from dick telling him (without shouting!!!!) that he’ll be there for this week’s Sunday dinner. Duke accidentally scratches the Batmobile? Demoted to the “in trouble” zone (which, honestly, that’s where his kids spend most of the time in😭). Damian did not attempt to free all the animals in the zoo they visited? Favourite. Until Bruce found out he was just trying to conceal the cat hidden in his room that Bruce explicitly forbade him from keeping.

Dick arrives at the family dinner with a busted shoulder and a bruise the size of Texas on his face? Gets demoted so far down that even azraeil scores higher than him. He’s in the “in trouble” zone for a constant month after that. Oh one of them survived an almost death? Favourite for at least the next week. At least. Multiple people survive an almost death? EVERYONES the favourite. The least favourite is the growing grey hairs on his head.

The end of day results are decided by who bothers to wish him goodnight and if all of them have fucked up in some way the past week then Jon (Kent) becomes the automatic favourite until someone cracks a joke that Bruce actually finds funny.

The favourite child changes daily, hourly even, and his kids are aware this system exists and keep trying to crack the code but he always Knows and just smirks smugly.

Bruce tries to figure out why his kids tend to fall asleep when they're under his cape, because it's been happening since Dick was Robin and twice with Jason could be a coincidence, but it's still happening by the time Damian arrives, so there has to be something there

It's the weight? They do like they weighted blankets, but that doesn't seem to be it

He's doing experiments, anything but asking, really-

And it's not like they'd actually tell him that the real reason it's not the cape itself, but the fact that to be covered by it they're being carried by him

They're being hold by their dad, and can hide into the little darkness that it makes, making a little warm, safe, comfortable place because of the man who's wearing the cape

Most of the kids cried upon realizing this, they hadn't felt like that in a long time, or ever before

But since then, it was always a nice thing for them, no matter how big they got

Dick had tried to forget about it when he fought with Bruce, but the first time he had to be carried around after patrol together again, it was still there

Jason had almost actually forgotten when he came back, and by the time he was in good terms with B, he definitely was too big for it, right? Wrong, when they got attacked with fear gas and he was the last to be able to get out of it, he found himself in that same old warm place

Tim felt wrong about it at first, not his place, like everything, he remainded himself, but as time went on, he found himself craving for it sometimes, to an embarassing point where Bruce will just start opening his cape to him every. Night. Not that Tim will say no to it. Bruce does that to him, it's almost a routine by now

Cass and Damian have always liked to hide in there for "surprise factor" but if they stay in for longer, and Bruce knows they'll doze off, it's not a problem either

It gets a bit hard when it happens at the same time though

It was one of the first things they all did when Bruce was back from the time stream, a nice way to process the idea that he was back with them-

red hood being Big Scary™ to everyone except when he's around Nightwing is so funny to me. you catch him on an average day and he's just this big intimidating wall of muscle and kevlar, but you get him around his big brother and he goes full annoying little brother. defaulting to dick, making fun of him, hanging off his brothers arms and shoulders despite being a head taller. and dick is just like yeah!! this is my baby brother!!

the “We should get married so we can’t ever be forced to testify against each other” trope except it’s Bruce and Clark as a catch all for any/all crimes committed by Bruce (as a vigilante) Clark (usually as a party to vigilantism, but also all the lies/forgery to look human) and both of them (money laundering, fraud, etc committed to create and fund the Watchtower).

Because if one identity gets found out, it’s not hard to connect the dots. And if it ever came to a trial, or a military tribunal, no one would see spousal privilege being invoked by Batman & Superman coming. Not from a mile away.