The Look In Dean's Eyes Said It All-- He Said It Back.

The look in Dean's eyes said it all-- he said it back.

My thoughts

Okay, first of all, I promise that I do actually have a Cafe AU post ready to go, but I think I’m gonna post it tomorrow because currently everything is chaos. That being said, I would very much like to talk about what happened in last night’s episode, so this rant will contain spoilers for season 15. Feel free to skip it if you aren’t interested.

I wrote this in the dark in my film lesson, because I had to get it down, so if it doesn’t make too much sense, I apologise. 

Yesterday, you have no idea how stressed I was. I am only on season 12, and I live in the UK, but I was worried about the election, and I was worried that Cas was gonna die. And I knew, that when I woke up in the morning, I would know. In fact, I was expecting to wake up to the bad news.

When I woke up, of seven songs my alarm could have chosen to play, the universe decided on Carry On My Wayward Son.

I decided my best bet to find out the news quickly was on here, and sure enough, the top of my dashboard was a gif set with Cas saying ‘I love you’. I’m sure that you know I ship Destiel, but I wasn’t prepared to be that much of a clown just yet. I assumed it was a ‘I love you... I love all of you’ type thing, or someone had just decided to put those words over the top.

Then, a bit further down: a meme from The Good Place, which revealed that not only was Destiel canon, but Putin was resigning? (Not entirely sure if that is true, I haven’t had chance to fact check yet).

My first thought was not surprise or happiness or shock. My first thought was “I’m gonna have to rewrite my essay.” (I’m doing it on queer baiting and used Supernatural as the main example).

Not too long after, @helplessly-johnlocked very helpfully (thank you!) sent a link to the clip from the episode, and holy shit. I didn’t even react. And - like I expected - Cas is dead. And he is one of my all time favourite characters. But I couldn’t focus on that.

I may have only been in this fandom for a few months, (and I do not envy long time Destiel shippers) but before I even knew what Supernatural was, I knew the word Destiel. We’ll come back to the whole ‘bury the gays’ later, when I’ve actually had time to think about it. But the sheer emotion I felt that a ship that I have adored and read countless stories about had finally been properly mentioned was overwhelming. To be honest, the fact that Cas is dead hasn’t even processed yet, I don’t think. I’m in denial.

But then I had another thought. It’s 2020. Anything could happen. Maybe Cas will come back.

But if we talk about it from a narrative point of view for a second - and note that I haven’t watched the full episode, so this is just based on what I know - this has to be the greatest slow burn love story of all time, reciprocated or not. Ten years. Several deaths. Usually impossible odds. And a musical. 

Every single time he had to choose, Cas chose Dean. Over his own family (multiple times), over God, over his chance to do what he thought was right. They have fought, and they always make up. If Cas was any other character, Dean would have killed him a long time ago. If they didn’t know Cas before he betrayed them at the end of season 6, he would have been dead a long time ago. But Cas is Dean’s family. Whether he returns that love or not.

For Cas to admit his feelings, leaving Dean - a man infamous for not being able to deal with emotions - with absolutely no time to process this information, and then to immediately die makes no sense. And yeah, the supernatural writers love killing off their LGBT characters (RIP Charlie) but this takes it to a whole other level.

Does this mean that I think Cas is definitely going to make a reappearance? No. But is there a small chance? Perhaps.

Think about it this way: if you had asked me a year ago whether I thought a global pandemic was possible, I would have laughed in your face. If you had asked me a few months ago whether I thought I would ever read fan fiction, I would have thought you were insane. If you asked me last week if I thought Destiel would become canon, I would have cried laughing at the idea.

2020 has been a wild year. Let’s hope it has one more surprise in store.

Should I be concerned that this is how I am learning my news this morning?

me, logging on to tumblr tonight, having never seen a single episode of supernatural: 

So I may have told my mum that I finished writing a short story *cough* destiel fanfic *cough* last night, and now she wants me to send it to her friends. Help! I don’t think they have watched the show, but should I change the character names just in case, or shall I just roll with it and pray?

This is absolutely beautiful and now I am crying

10 Considerations Towards a Confession

X. You have always comforted yourself with the thought that in some place and some time, the both of you are happy. There is a world where there was no apocalyptic aspect to your meeting, where you got to learn each other in quiet moments and in careful touches. There is a world where neither of you has ever died. There is a world where you told him you loved him the moment you realized it. There are worlds where he might even say it back.

None of those worlds are yours, and all of those worlds are gone. There are no dreams left here.

IX. Your hand bleeds. It has bled since the moment you first touched him. You have always been happy to bleed for him.

Keep reading

This is so important! The ace community has been so kind to me as I have been figuring out my sexuality and afterwards, and it is lovely that we get a week to celebrate that. Happy ace awareness week, everyone.

Hey it’s ace week and you’re local ace has something to say! I’ve been out as ace for 3 years now and it’s still a big part of my identity that I’m proud of so here’s a lil something for those who need it!