Duncan: On A Scale From One To Ten, How Bad Do You Want To Kill Me Right Now?

Duncan: On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you want to kill me right now?

Courtney: I’m hovering somewhere in the high thirties 

I'm halfway done writing a medieval royalty Duncney AU but I'm also suffering extreme brain rot from a Kb5 plus Gwen paranormal horror Au that doesn't have a full plot yet but it COULD if I start working on it. Anyways which one would y'all be more likely to enjoy?

Omg lmao Dilf Duncan in the future

•He’s the type of dad not to give a single fuck, he’ll go out and grab the mail shirtless, his robe open and wearing Courtney’s fuzzy pink slippers.

•Courtney’s pissed at him for wearing her slippers out of the house

•His children screaming in embarrassment, the school bus will be here any second go back inside!!

•Because of that, Duncan takes even longer outside lmfao

If they needed to be picked up from school he’d pull up with the music blasting his punk music.

Imagine little second graders running to the car like, “Dad stop!” Idk one of them is bound to enjoy it so they’d be fine, but one would definitely be mortified.

Jesus, what if Duncan had to fill in for Courtney for a PTA meeting?? A nightmare for sure.

courtney, looking at duncan: i could fix him

duncan, looking at courtney: i could make her worse

Heather is a character in the fanfic I'm writing and I have absolutely no control over her whatsoever. Is she a villain? Is she just misunderstood? Does she hate Courtney? Is she in love with Lindsay? Does she want to be with Alejandro? I have no idea. I am on a need to know basis.

In honor of ✨️Christmas✨️

Courtney grew up in a household where the tree was just for the aesthetic. Courtney would help her mother decorate it, but each ornament had a very specific place, and the tree (like everything else in their life) had to be perfect. They alwyas had the white lights. Never colored. And once it was decorated, they were absolutely forbidden from touching it. In fact her mother rarely let them in the same room as the precious tree. On Christmas morning, there was a perfect amount of presents, perfectly wrapped in delicate silver wrapping paper and beautiful gold bows. Before Courtney could open any, her mother spent half an hour taking pictures of the tree. And then a thousand more photos as Courtney opened them, each reaction documented for her mother's friends and family to judge. Once her mother is satisfied with the photos she leaves. Her father is always working Christmas (it isn't until years later they discover he's actually spending Christmas with his mistress) so Courtney opens the rest of her presents alone. And then once she's done with that, she grabs her sled, walks to the park, and takes herself sledding until the sun goes down. She likes the slower hills, giggling to herself as she glides down the snow. The feeling relaxes her. No one is watching her here. At the end of the day, she lugs the sled that is almost at big as her home.

Duncan's Christmas tree starts off as a chaotic assortment of random ornaments that his Ma and little siblings put on haphazardly, but as the month wears on, as dogs, cats, and toddlers wreak havoc on it, there are ornaments everywhere, and the tree is soon barren. The colored lights always stayed up though. Christmas morning was hell. He had to fight his big brothers to open his presents. More often than not, he only got one present after his brothers picked through his pile. He tried telling his parents about it the first few times he was old enough to talk. His father said "No one likes a snitch. And man up." His father didn't buy any gifts. That was Ma's department. Ma never got any gifts. That is until Duncan's old enough to have some money in his pocket. He always gives it to her the day after Christmas, in secret. Can't let his brothers know he's getting soft. As soon as the presents are opened, everyone goes their separate ways to play with their new toys. Duncan himself prefers to go sledding. He loves the rush he gets, wind speeding past his face as he gathers speed. After the first few times he gets bored and starts building jumps at the bottom of the hill. At the end of the night he walks home, freezing cold and covered in snow but happy.

So when Duncan and Courtney grow up, they make sure that their kids have the BEST Christmas. On Christmas eve they make cookies for Santa. It's messy and the cookies are always covered in Way Too Many sprinkles, but Santa (totally not Duncan and Courtney) loves them because the kids put so much effort into it. Duncan gets emotional when he sees that their daughter crinkles her nose the same way Courtney does when she's trying to concentrate. Duncan gives the kids a bath and they curl up on one of their beds so that Courtney can read them the Night before Christmas. As soon as their little eyes flutter shut, they sneak downstairs.

Duncan cracks open Courtney's favorite wine as she lays out the obscene amount of presents they need to wrap. She picks out a special wrapping paper for each kid so that they can easily tell who each one goes to. She goes to great lengths to make sure they all have an equal amount of presents. But then Duncan will find one more because his precious baby HAS to have this, so they spend another hour at the store making sure there's still an equal amount of presents. And then the wrapping begins. Courtney insists they watch a cheesy Halmark movie, and Duncan is always invested by the end. It's painfully easy to tell if a present was wrapped by Duncan or Courtney. They finish wrapping presents at midnight. After making sure to eat all of the cookies left for Santa (leaving one with a strategic bite taken out of it), they stack the presents under the tree. The tree itself is a sight to behold. The ornaments always stay on. If one does fall off, Courtney makes sure to put it back. They always make the tree decorating an event. Everyone helps, and it doesn't even bother Courtney that the ornaments are crooked or unevenly spaced. Because her babies put them there and every time she looks at the tree she smiles. Unless Duncan changed the lights to colored. They're in a silent war all month long. Any time either of them walks into the living room, they change it to their preferred light setting. Their kids giggle every time, wondering why their parents take these lights so seriously. If they happen to be in the living room at the same time, it's a race to the remote.

On Christmas morning, Duncan and Courtney are woken up by little feet stomping down the hall to their room and screaming that Mommy! Daddy! Santa came! He left presents! It's CHRISTMAS WAKE UP! They sit up in bed and hold their little ones, feigning shock that Santa really did come. They tell them to go sit downstairs and then drag themselves out of bed. Duncan starts a pot with coffee and by the time Courtney is done waking up he's able to hand her her favorite Christmas mug full of coffee with her creamer just the way she likes it. She slumps against him and he presses a kiss to her head before whispering that the kids are going to explode if they don't get started soon. She kisses him and tells him that they better get going then. Their kids are practically vibrating with excitement but are sitting patiently by the tree. Duncan and Courtney make a big show of slowlyyyyyy finding their presents. And then verrryyyy slowlyyyy handing them to the kids who are losing their minds (because they are amazing parents but they're still assholes). And as soon as the presents are in their hands Courtney sighs exaggeratedly because oh no she forgot the do something superrrrr important and it's probably going to take at LEAST an hour. And Duncan agrees that yes it is superrrr important and how could they not take at least TWO hours to complete this totally real task and the kids are Screaming. Until Duncan shouts GO! And from there it's a flurry of wrapping paper and thank yous and hugs and smiles. And Duncan goes around with a trash bag throwing away all their wrapping paper so that Courtney can actually relax and enjoy Christmas morning. And with his bedhead, rolled up sleeves, and Grinch pajamas, Courtney thinks he's never looked sexier.

Once the kids are done with their presents, Duncan brings out a whole pile for Courtney. And of course the kids have presents for her too. Once she's done opening hers and giving each of the kids a big hug, she whispers to Duncan that he gets his gift later and winks as she walks away to start on breakfast. Duncan is convinced he has the sexiest wife in the entire universe. Duncan makes pancakes and Courtney fries bacon as the kids play with their new toys. Once breakfast is eaten, it's time to go sledding. Courtney puts an excessive amount of clothing on the kids and then they all pile into the car. Duncan pulls all of them up the hill, claiming that it's easy, but as soon as they're to the top he falls into the snow, making all the kids giggle and climb on top of him "Daddy you have to come down with us!" Their braver children clamber into the sled with Duncan, and sqeaul when Courtney gives them an extra push.

Courtney climbs into the second sled with their littlest one and holds them tightly as they glide down the hill. They spend all day in the snow. While Courtney finishes up a snowman with the older ones, Duncan shows their littlest how to make a snowball, and then demonstrates how it works by chucking it at Courtney's back. She whips around with a terrifying glare. "And now, we run." Everyone is soon covered in snow, and it doesn't take long for teams to form. They build snowforts and make snowballs, starting an all out war. It ends when Courtney and Duncan meet in the middle and wrestle each other down into the snow. Eventually Duncan cups her face and kisses her so sweetly she drops the handful of snow she was clutching. Then one of the kids throws a snowball directly at their faces. They're about to retaliate when the littlest sneezes and says "I'm cold Mommy." They quickly head home and curl up onto the couch with hot coco and a Christmas movie. The kids quickly fall asleep, tuckered out from such a big day. The whole family is warm and cozy, everyone all tangled up under blankets. "Merry Christmas Princess." Courtney laughs and kisses him. "Merry Christmas Duncan."