So I Know That You Mostly Write Angst But I Am On My Hands And Knees For A Soft And Fluffy Fic Where

so i know that you mostly write angst but… i am on my hands and knees for a soft and fluffy fic where sam and reader have a baby and name it after danny, and telling him and y‘all are all just a mess of tears

Danielle (sfk)

trigger warnings: a lot of platonic danny x sam/reader, disgustingly sweet fluff

A/N: this is the first fluffy piece i’ve ever written and i’m ngl i definitely cried while writing this. i stayed up all night to write this so it might be sorta incoherent in some places but it's finnneee.

After a loud, elongated scream coming from deep in your throat ripped through the air, the room was pierced with the shouts and cries of the small child being picked up from below the curtain that was covering your legs. You slumped back onto the bed in exhaustion, lip quivering as you tried to take deep breaths to collect yourself. Sam was still squeezing your hand, tears falling down his cheeks while he stroked your sweaty and knotted hair.

It felt like ages before the small, wailing creature was placed on your chest. As soon as you caught sight of the baby, you burst into tears sobbed relentlessly. Sam was close behind you, sniffling and inhaling sporadically as he watched you cradle the child.

“Oh, god.” You moaned out, throwing your head back and crying harder. Sam’s ears perked up, his worry being dialed up to the max ever since you’d been admitted to the hospital.

“What? What’s wrong?” He begged, leaning forward.

“That’s a baby. Sam, that’s our baby.” You were nearly unintelligible, between the shivering lips and the uncontained sobs.

“I know, Y/N.” He was staring down with admiration. “She’s beautiful. Just like her mama.”

“She?!” You exclaimed, staring at the doctors.

“She.” The doctor confirmed with a smile.

Just as soon as she was placed on your chest, she was taken so the doctors and nurses were able to tend to your newborn daughter. This left you and Sam sitting together, weeping into each other as his hand gripped yours like you’d disappear if he let go.

“What’s taking so long? Do you think they’re okay?” Josh nagged in the waiting room.

“They’re fine, Josh. Stop overthinking.” Jake replied, trying to hide the fact that he was fidgeting with his rings in his lap.

You’d known the Kiszkas and Wagners for your whole life, practically growing up with them and spending nearly every day at either one of their houses. Jake, Josh, Sam and Danny always included you in their adventures - separate or as a group - and you’d grown close to the twins and Danny platonically. Sam, on the other hand, was a different story.

Everyone knew there was something between the two of you early on, though neither of you wanted to address it. His brothers were constantly pushing him to make a move, and Ronnie was pushing you, but neither of you ever even acknowledged the tension until a game of seven minutes in heaven in high school.

Josh and Jake were throwing a senior party, but dragged you, Sam, Danny and Ronnie along with the underclassmen. You had settled in a circle with an empty coke bottle between the ten or so people around you, Sam sitting across from you. When it had been your turn to spin, fate aligned itself to your liking as you watched the bottle slowly end its spinning, pointing at Sam’s crossed legs. He looked up at you wide-eyed, taking your hand in his and trying to ignore the smirk painted on Danny’s face as he watched you descend into the closet.

You pulled the door shut and tried to find his face, but it was impossible in the pitch dark of the tight space. You decided to throw your hand up and feel for him, giggling as your fingers made contact with his nose.

“Sorry.” You chuckled. “I can’t see.”

“I can’t see either, hold on.” His arms stretched out until either one of his hands were rested on your cheeks, and you would have been grateful that it was too dark for Sam to see you blushing, but you were sure he could feel the hotness on your face under his palms. You mirrored his actions, so the both of you were now holding onto each other.

“This game is so stupid.” He finally said after minutes of silence.

“Yeah.”

“Have you had your first kiss?” You didn’t verbally answer, but instead shook your head, his hands moving with your movements.

“What about you?”

“Nope.”

Another few minutes went by before he spoke again. “Do you want to?”

Your eyes grew wide. “Want to what?”

“Kiss.” He said plainly.

“Uh- I mean-”

“We don’t, like, have to, but if you want-”

“No yeah, I want to, but-”

You were blabbering over each other, finally ending the interruptions when you laughed. He followed, leaning his head back as his chest bobbed.

“So…” He finally started when he was composed again.

“I don’t really know what to do.” You admitted.

“Me neither.”

You froze as you felt his body move closer to yours, his grip on your face tightening ever-so-slightly as yours moved from his cheeks to the back of his neck. He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, jumping violently as the door was shoved open. Ronnie stood before you with wide eyes and a shit-eating grin, throwing her head behind her and shouting into the kitchen.

“Jake, Josh! You owe me 20 bucks!”

When sophomore year rolled around, you and Sam were still together. Jake and Josh were adults at that point, still including you but more immersed in the music scene and their jobs, so you and Danny had grown close like siblings. Him and Sam were best friends, and Sam was delighted that his girlfriend and best friend were best friends too. When their career really took off, you were with them for every show and every step of the way, joining them in dingy bars and cheering them on until you were sitting in a stadium full of thousands watching them prance around on stage.

So when you had announced you were pregnant, the boys were absolutely ecstatic.

You accompanied them to the studio nearly every day, and they babied you to absolutely no end. They wouldn’t even let you get up to get your own snacks, insisting that you should rest and stay on the couch. You always rolled your eyes but were secretly grateful for the care.

Jake and Josh got into frequent petty arguments about who would be the favorite uncle, and you had noticed after a while that whenever the topic was brought up, Danny went quiet and almost shrunk in on himself.

Sam had noticed this one day after the twins had gone off to the kitchen after one of their famous debates. He motioned for him to join the two of you on the couch, and you scooted over so that they would fit next to you.

“You okay Danny?” Sam asked after they were settled.

“Yeah.”

Sam frowned. “What’s wrong?”

There wasn’t much Danny could hide from him, so he huffed and leaned back so his head was resting on the top of the mahogany leather.

“Just- it’s selfish.” He sighed out.

“Come on. You’re the least selfish person we know.” Sam pressed.

You took a moment to observe Danny’s face, and noticed that his eyes were slightly glossed over. “I just… I just feel like it’s gonna change when you have the baby.”

“Of course it is, but that doesn’t mean it’ll be bad. We can figure out how to work with-”

“No, Sam. I mean, like- I’m not related to you. The baby’s gonna love Jake and Josh cause’ they’re your brothers, but I’m nervous that the baby’s not gonna like me.” His bottom lip quivered, and your nose grew hot as you tried to hold in your tears.

“Danny, you’re a brother too. If this baby is a Kiszka,” he interrupted himself to turn to you and point a finger, “which it better be,” you and Danny both laughed, “then this baby is going to adore you.”

You reached across Sam’s lap to hold Danny’s hand. “Don’t tell the twins, but I know you’ll be the kid’s favorite. Those two don’t know how to have fun without fire or alcohol and there’s no way I’m letting them around the little one unsupervised.” He chuckled along with you, wiping away some of the tears that had escaped at his confession.

It was then that the twins sauntered back into the main area, freezing as they saw Danny crying with Sam’s arm around him and your hand holding his.

“Everything okay?” Jake inquired, standing near the couch with Josh closeby.

“Yeah. I just- I’m nervous that mini Sam won’t like me.” The words flew out much easier now that he had said them once.

“What? Why would you think that?” Josh nearly yelled.

“Just because… y’know, I won’t really be an ‘uncle’.”

“Oh, bullshit. Me and Josh are fighting for second favorite, we already knew you’d be the first.” Jake teased, walking towards the three of you to rub his back comfortingly.

It was only a few days later that you went into labor. You were sitting on the couch - as always - when you felt a sharp pain in your stomach. You were at a point where those were pretty frequent, so you didn’t think much of it. But the pain didn’t subside for a couple of minutes, causing your concern to grow. You watched the clock and panicked as the next wave of cramping occurred five minutes later. Suddenly, you started to regret the entire thing. There was no way you could push an entire baby out of you in a couple hours - everything was becoming overwhelming and tears started to prick at your eyes.

You struggled to push yourself up, finally balancing on your feet and waddling over to the practice area. You felt bad interrupting the boys’ playing, but figured you should probably say something sooner rather than later.

Nobody had noticed that you walked in until Sam felt a poke on his shoulder, turning around to see you standing with scared eyes and a single tear running down your face. His hands stopped playing, prompting the other boys to observe the situation.

“What’s wrong, pumpkin?” You blushed at the pet name as he rubbed the tear away with his thumb.

“I’m having contractions.”

“What?!” He screeched, standing up and sending the bass crashing to the floor, making you cover your ears.

“Sam!” Jake shouted, rushing towards you both, quickly being followed by the other two boys.

“What’s wrong?” Josh spoke more calmly.

“Contractions, we need to get to a hospital.” Sam explained shortly. “I need to get the hospital bag.” Before you knew it, he had rushed off, leaving you with Danny and Josh as Jake ran to go start the car.

“I’m so scared, I can’t do this.” You whined miserably.

“Yes you can-” Josh started.

“I can’t! Babies are huge, this is gonna hurt so bad.” You wailed.

Danny stood in front of you and enclosed your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him as he spoke with confidence. “You can do this, Y/N. You’ve been planning for this ever since you were in high school. In a couple of hours, the love of your life is gonna be laying next to you in a tiny little crib, and you’re gonna forget that it was even painful at all. It’s gonna be so worth it.”

And he was right.

Sam was cuddled up next to you in the small bed, squeezing you gently as you both stared at the baby. She was wrapped in a tiny little cloth, moving every so often and stretching out her tiny fingers. Silent tears were running down your cheeks, and you assumed Sam was crying too.

A knock on the door broke the both of you out of your trance, looking at the entrance to find the twins and Danny slowly making their way in.

“Hey-”

You interrupted before any of them could get anything out. “Come look at her. She’s so pretty.”

“She? It’s a girl?” Jake asked with an awestruck tone.

You nodded and motioned them over, grinning as Danny walked towards the bassinet. You turned to Sam and gave him a knowing glance, eyes brimming with fresh tears at the situation that was about to unfold.

The three boys leaned over carefully, reaching out to leave delicate touches on their niece’s small hands and feet. They spend minutes standing and simply adoring her, and it made your heart swell.

Josh was about to ask what her name was when he caught sight of a white slip of paper attached to the crib, standing up straight and making eye contact with Sam after he’d read it. He pointed to Danny, asking a silent question, and his eyes filled with tears when Sam nodded in confirmation.

“Danny.” Josh said softly, nudging his shoulder.

“Yeah?”

Josh took a moment to give him a good look, noticing the amazed look in his eyes and the softness in his body language and tone.

“She’s got a name.” He finally choked out, making Danny’s eyes widen in excitement.

“What is it?” He looked at you for an answer, but you nodded your head towards the crib in response. Jake had bent over and looked and was now standing silent next to Josh, holding in tears of pride and love as they watched Danny search around cluelessly.

The whole room froze as he finally found the paper, leaning in to see it more clearly. It was as if time stopped, the four of you watching him straighten up in slow motion and gaze down at the baby again. His blood-shot eyes whipped to meet Sam’s, who was openly crying now.

“Are you- is this real?” He forced out, his words wavering with the tightness in his throat. Sam simply nodded, and that was all it took for the dam to break.

His hand whipped to cover his mouth as his eyes shut tightly and tears raced down his cheeks and to his neck. Josh landed a hand on his back, pulling him in for a tight embrace. Sam had abandoned his position behind you to stand up and engulf Danny in a hug. The taller man met him halfway, nearly tackling him as he wrapped his arms around your husband and squeezed him until he couldn’t breathe.

“I love you Sam. Thank you, you have no idea what this means to me.” He whispered.

“I love you too. I couldn't have asked for a better person to name my kid after.”

He pulled away from the hug and walked to you, leaning down and pressing a kiss to your forehead. He sat down at the end of the stiff mattress, trying to contain his tears as the soft whines of your baby were echoing through the room.

“Do you want to hold her?” You asked Danny, watching as he perked up nervously.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I am. Wheel her over here, I’ll show you.”

The twins carefully pushed the baby in your direction until the cradle was directly beside the bed, and you stayed laying down as you directed Danny on how to hold her. He stiffened when he heard her begin to cry, but you assured him that it was okay. Once he had her settled into a comfortable position in his arms, he stood up tall and looked down. Almost immediately, the baby had stopped crying, making Danny soften immensely.

“Hi, Danielle.” He finally spoke, choking over the name. He stuck a finger out to stroke her cheek and let out a watery laugh as her tiny hand grasped it, not even reaching all the way around. “I’m gonna spoil you rotten.”

“Wait, that’s my job.” Josh piped up from across the room, trying to hide his tear-stained cheeks by wiping them vigorously.

“Actually, I’m her dad, so it’s my job.” Sam argued, making you giggle tiredly.

“Can one of your jobs be to come cuddle me? I just pushed that thing out of my vagina, I think I deserve to be spoiled too.” The soft and tender environment was broken by your joking, making them all laugh. Sam returned under the sheets, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb. You focused on the shapes and patterns he was making, and melted into him when you realized he was spelling out your daughter’s name against your skin.

taglist: @dakotadovato @ymcmbchika @doodle417 @ria-gvf

“What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done for fun?”

I refuse to apologize for being soft—let me fall in love with life. let me sing and speak to my house-plants, let me dance in my bedroom with headphones, let me read by my windowsill when it’s pouring outside. let me stroke my friend’s face and say something sappy. let me be unapologetically happy for the little things that make my day better. life’s too short anyway, at least let me love it every step of the way

I Hear the River Say Your Name

Chapter 5 (ch. 1 | ch. 2 | ch. 3 | ch. 4)

A Josh Kiszka / fem!reader fic

Summary: Even before you were dating, you and Josh had been friends for years. You didn't see anything changing between you anytime soon. Then one day, you wake up and Greta Van Fleet doesn't exist and Josh isn't your boyfriend.

Tags: mostly exposition, angst, plot movement, someone is finally introduced (kind of)

Trigger Warnings: addiction, struggling with sobriety, drug abuse

Words: 4.2 k

+++

It had taken a lot of arguing on your part, but you were able to convince the boys that you were well enough to go home. Maybe you should’ve been more concerned about your health like the boys were, but there were a lot more important things to worry about. You had already lost two days from the Vide Noir and another day in the hospital - you didn’t even want to think about the bill that would come from that extended stay.

Jake ended up taking the guest bedroom in the house. Once again, you had a suspicion it was due to Daniel asking him to keep an eye on you. There weren’t any hotels close by, anyway.

All four of you were in the living room, the three boys watching you pour over your tarot cards as you tried to decide what your next move was. It seemed that all it took to convince Sammy and Danny that you were telling the truth was Jake’s say-so. You tried your hardest not to take offense to that.

“She’s not lying, you guys,” he whispered to the younger two when they thought you weren’t around. The acoustics of your house were great at carrying sound.

“So what do they say?” Sam asked, still skeptical about the validity of all the spiritualistic stuff. He knew better than to openly mock the practice, but he still was stubborn towards being a full believer.

You stared at The Tower, Five of Cups, and The High Priestess in frustration. “All they’re telling me is that I’m throwing a pity party for myself when I should be paying attention to signs from the universe.”

“Well, that’s very helpful,” Sam so helpfully pointed out.

Annoyed, you slot the cards back into the deck.

“Keep it up and you’re looking at turning into my new poker deck,” you threaten your cards under your breath, shuffling them in your hands.

“I don’t think talking to them like that will help,” Daniel pointed out from his spot next to Sam on the couch.

You huff out in frustration. “They sass me no matter what I do.”

“Just keep trying until we can see Veda,” Jake gently suggested, his hand coming to rest on your shoulder and give it a reaffirming squeeze.

You let out another sigh, this one weary. You were ultimately upset because you knew you weren’t as good at divination as your mentor was. It probably didn’t help that you were sick with worry over what your Josh might do back home to try and reach you.

Placing your hand on top of Jake’s, you leaned into his touch momentarily before going back to shuffling your cards. Before you could even ask your cards a question, there was a knock on the door.

“I’ve got it,” Sammy offered, getting up from laying his head in Danny’s lap and removing his boyfriend’s fingers from his hair.

You didn’t think much of it, thinking one of the boys ordered pizza and didn’t tell you. So, you continued shuffling your cards. Just as the Two of Cups came fluttering out of the deck and onto the floor was when he walked into the room.

“Hey, mama.”

You froze, your gaze focused on the card in front of you that was synonymous with soul mates and true love. You didn’t have to look to know exactly who walked into the room.

The sound of his voice brought tears to your eyes. Your heart was throbbing as your hands shook. The lump in your throat made it impossible to breathe. Your eyes flicked up on their own accord, meeting the amber brown that you knew so well.

You didn’t realize you were getting up until you found your arms wrapped around Josh’s shoulders. You never thought that being able to smell cigarettes and a sweet woodsy fragrance would make you feel so at ease. After being in a foreign environment for days straight, you had finally felt at home.

“I missed you so much,” you whispered, your hold on him getting tighter.

For a second, you were able to convince yourself that everything was normal, that the reason you had missed him so much was because the band just got off a long tour and you hadn’t seen him in months. There was no worrying about alternate dimensions and questions of your sanity, your only concern was what you would be able to do now that Josh was back in your arms.

That was quickly dashed by the loving yet uncertain way he returned the hug. Immediately you were reminded that the person you were holding wasn’t the one who you gave your heart to, despite having the same face.

“Sorry,” you muttered as you disengaged from the hug. You felt yourself stagger back as you stepped away, a hand in the center of your back preventing you from tipping over. You looked over to see Jake at your side.

The air in the room was suddenly awkward as no one spoke. You were left to stand there, attempting to prevent the inevitable as you tried to keep yourself from crying. You kept stealing glances at Josh on the insane notion that he’d look into your eyes and just become your Josh.

“Uhm… I-I take it the boys filled you in on what’s going on?” You ask, wringing your hands. You felt Jake’s hand twitch against your back, maybe as a reaction to how fragile your voice sounded.

“They told me everything the day you were admitted to the hospital,” Josh answered, looking very out of place as he seemed to close in on himself. His body language was very closed off, his shoulders hunched and arms held tight against his body.

Another silence filled the air, just as tense as the last one. Everyone was uncomfortable, not just you and Josh. You were uncomfortable because you wanted to just hold Josh and do everything you normally would with him, but you couldn’t. Over and over in your head was the repeating mantra of “he’s not yours”.

“You should get yourself settled. If you and Jake don’t want to share a room, I can find the blowup mattress for you,” you offered, unable to meet Josh’s eyes anymore.

“If you don’t mind…”

Needing to get away, you nod your head and immediately turn on your heel to head towards the basement. You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t realize that Jake elected to come with you.

The tile of the basement was cool against your flaming skin, the middle of the floor seeming like the perfect spot to sit.

“It’s not really him.” The voice made you jump, coming from behind you. Turning around, you saw Jake leaning against one of the support beams with his arms crossed over his chest.

“I know,” you lamented, your face burying into your hands. “You don’t know what it’s like to wake up one day and find out the person you love is in love with someone else.”

Jake huffed out a single laugh that seemed to be on the bitter side. “I wasn’t just talking about the Vide Noir when I told you I’m the only one who knows what you’re going through.”

You ruminated on what that meant, what he was trying to tell you. The rueful smile on his face should’ve been answer enough.

“Jake… I-”

“I know…”

You watched as Jake’s cool composure began to weaken, his eyes darting to the ground as he gnawed on his lip.

“You have her face,” he whispered.

“Yeah, that I understand.”

“I know you weren’t actually the one to do it, but you got me through the darkest point in my life. It felt like you were the only one who cared about me at times… the only one who saw me as human and not just a Void Chaser. Yeah my family cared, but you were the only one who refused to give up on me and stayed by my side the whole time. It’s hard not to fall for your savior like that…”

At this point, you shifted so that you were fully facing Jake.

“And then I find out that you made the same mistake I did and it all just crumbled. I was so mad at you because you saw what Vide Noir did to me and I never wanted anyone to go through what I had to, let alone you… And I know it’s selfish, but you promised me that you would never take Vide Noir. I made you promise on the worst night of my forced isolation because I care for you so goddamn much and it would kill me to see your life destroyed like mine was.

“Not only that, but learn that you’re in love with someone else… Not just someone else but my own twin brother… I just snapped. I shouldn’t have treated you like that at the hospital,” he vented, his fingers brushing against his arms like he was attempting to soothe himself.

“You should tell me how you feel.”

Jake scoffed. “I just did.”

“Your me, the one who actually belongs here. I don’t know her feelings for you, but she must care a whole damn lot about you from what you just told me. She’ll see how much you love her and the best thing you can do is be honest,” you advised, wanting to help Jake find happiness.

“I’ve never been good with words,” Jake refuted.

“Write her a song, then. Use all that untapped talent of yours.”

“You’re not as subtle as you like to think you are,” Jake teased, a smile back on his lips, albeit a small one.

“I’m not letting this go. You need to try again,” you pressed.

Jake playfully rolled his eyes. “Let’s find that air mattress before Sam starts a rumor that we’re fucking down here.”

+++

Sam had indeed started a rumor that you and Jake had fucked in the basement and that’s what took you so long.

“Sam, we were down there for five minutes. Now that might be normal for you, but it takes me more than five minutes,” Jake implied after his little brother made a joke about the two of you.

Immediately, the smile on Sam’s face fell. You had to bite down on your fist to keep yourself from laughing, a snort escaping your nose. You also heard a laugh escape from the kitchen, Josh getting some water there.

“Please, there’s no need to lie to make yourself look better. We all know I have the most stamina in this family,” Sam shot back, resting his arm around Daniel’s shoulders and taking on a cocky persona.

“Forgive me, but who’s job requires them to be constantly running and moving for hours straight?” Jake rebutted, the sibling rivalry sparking between the two.

“Running around and feigning injuries is something completely different. If you really want to play this game, all we have to do is ask Daniel to corroborate my claims. Daniel?” Sam turned to his boyfriend, a smug look on his face.

“Samuel Francis, don’t you dare rope me into this,” Danny firmly stated, his hand rubbing at his forehead.

“Oh shit, you got middle-named,” you laugh, unable to contain yourself anymore.

Pouting, Sam crossed his arms over his chest.

“Alright, I’m gonna throw on some music before Sam throws a tantrum. Do you have a speaker I could use?” Josh asked, poking his head into the room from the kitchen.

“I’m not throwing a tantrum!”

Everyone threw him a look before completely ignoring him.

“Yeah, there should be one next to the microwave. Bring it in here so we can all hear it better,” Danny answered, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders and pressing Sam against his side.

Josh did just that, hooking up his phone to the speaker as he walked towards the vacant armchair. He finally looked up when he had a song picked out. Setting the speaker on the table that sat next to the chair.

You froze when you heard the first notes of the song, your chest tightening and your eyes stinging. There was no possible way that Josh did it to purposefully harm you, but goddamn did he manage to go straight for your heart.

“Are you ok?” you heard Jake ask, but he sounded like he was yards away. When you didn’t answer right away, he put his hands over yours. You didn’t notice they were shaking until that moment.

All you could do was shake your head no, your throat closing up with the lump that was forming in it.

You looked up at Josh, finding a blurring figure before you. He seemed to have no idea what you were going through. No idea that the song he chose to play was the only one that would’ve been able to tear you apart atom by atom with sheer amount of agony you felt from loss.

“What’s wrong?” Sammy asked, now attuned to the happenings around him. There was so much concern in his voice that it made your chest tighten. He sounded so afraid and his voice so small that you couldn’t help but feel sympathy for him.

“This was our song,” you manage to choke out, your eyes flicking over to Sam’s.

You glance back over to Josh, his attention now fully on you. He seemed very uncomfortable once again. Though, you couldn’t tell if it was because you were crying or because you were crying over a relationship with him that he never had with you.

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy

Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry

Sunshine on the water looks so lovely

Sunshine almost always makes me high

You didn’t want to be in that room anymore hearing that song, but you also couldn’t move. You swallowed in an attempt to rid yourself of the dryness in your throat to no avail.

Besides John Denver’s singing and guitar floating through the air, it was completely silent in the room.

“This was the song that Josh first kissed me to,” you continued, your voice broken and raspy.

You watched from the corner of your eye as Jake looked to his brothers. You saw as Danny and Sam shared a look with each other before getting up from the couch and tepidly walking out the back door.

“We’ll give you two a minute.” Jake squeezed your hand before dropping it. Suddenly you felt fear at being left alone with Josh. The other three had acted as a buffer for the two of you, but now it was being ripped away from you. You didn’t want to have this conversation with him just yet and it seemed Josh didn’t want to either.

But, it seemed the universe was deaf to your wishes. There was nothing but a tense silence as you and Josh stared at one another.

“Y- He sang this to me to tell me he loved me for the first time,” you added, not knowing what else to say. You didn’t know why you were telling him any of this, but you couldn’t not tell him.

Josh let out a deep sigh, the weariness evident from the look on his face. “Sunny, listen-”

“Sunny?” The way your voice sounded so pathetic made you cringe.

“Do they not call you that where you’re from?”

“They do… but you’re the only one who’s called me that here.”

Another silence permeated the air. Josh was pursing his lips, a look in his eyes like a deer caught in the headlights.

“You really don’t remember?”

Josh struggled with his words for a moment, his mouth opening and closing as he attempted to speak.

Part of you knew that it wasn’t fair to hold Josh to these memories that he didn’t even have, but you were just so heartbroken at the idea that Josh forgot all the things that were so important to you; to forget all the love you shared.

“It’s not really him.”

You knew that, but it was still Josh. And Josh was the person who was your constant in life, the one who you could rely on no matter what.

“Y-He asked me out in high school one night while we were getting McDonald’s. There was no fanfare or any grand gesture, but you knew I didn’t want that. I just wanted you.”

He began playing with the hem of his shirt, avoiding your eyes.

“Whenever I was having a bad day, you would play Sunshine On My Shoulders and you would dance with me. Sometimes all it would take was just you holding me to make me feel better. When you were away on tour, you would make sure you talked to me every day to let me know you were safe. I always made you your favorite cocktail when you were home. You knew that I said my favorite flowers were lilies even though they were roses, but also thought roses were tacky. You knew I played Poems, Prayers & Promises when I missed you and you would sing Sunshine on stage to let you know that you missed me…”

It was getting hard for you to speak, the sobs you were choking on stealing your air.

“You don’t remember any of it?”

All Josh could do was shake his head. No; it wasn’t him.

You fought your own emotions in order to speak, wrangling them so you could continue this conversation.

“You never loved me?” It was a simple question, but Josh reacted to it like he had been shot.

He looked you straight in the eyes. Actually, he looked beyond your eyes. He gazed straight into your soul and attempted to uncover your motives behind asking that.

Luckily there was a knock on the door that interrupted the tense moment. Wiping away the tears on your face, you got up to answer it.

“Veda?”

“I found an answer,” she rushed while pushing past you and into your house.

“What?” You quickly shut the door behind her so you could follow her in.

She was disheveled, her hair hastily pulled back into a ponytail at the base of her skull and she was wearing an old t-shirt with a pair of jeans. There was also the fact that she looked about half in a daze, her eyes cloudy yet somehow wide. She refused to stop moving, pacing in the living room where Josh was still sitting.

“Veda, what is going on?” you ask again, following her with your eyes as she raked her hands over her face and walked the length of your living room.

“There’s absolutely no time to waste, you need to astral project right now,” she implored, the urgency all but clear in her voice.

At this point, you noticed how Josh got up from his seat and slipped over to the back porch where his brothers were. You were grateful for that. You didn’t really know how to retrieve the others without Veda attempting to stop you.

“Ok, ok. I will, but first you need to tell me what’s going on. Why weren’t you answering your phone?”

She let out a frustrated huff, but she did answer you. “I was able to receive a sign from the Lady Moonbeam from your realm that they found an answer on how to get you back, but you need to act fast. That’s why I wasn’t answering.”

You heard the boys enter rather than saw them, your eyes fixated on your mentor in front of you. The news came as a shock to your system… a way home…

“What’s going on?” you heard Jake ask from your right, an arm protectively wrapped around your waist.

All it took was a glance in his direction to know that he was sizing Veda up. Yeah, he had good reason not to trust her after she technically was the one to put you in the hospital, but now really was not the time for that.

“We’ve got an answer from the other side,” you explain, wiggling out of his grip. He sent you an annoyed look but didn’t try to hold onto you.

“She needs to astral project right now while the window of opportunity is still open,” Veda added, her hands wildly gesturing in show of her restlessness and anxiety.

Jake crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes, leaning closer towards your mentor to… to do what you didn’t know. There was a moment as everyone watched the two, tension so thick it was ready to snap like a hyperextended rubber band.

A moment later, Jake scoffed and leaned back. There was a cruel smile on his face as he shook his head. “You’re high on Cosmic Ash right now.”

The change in Veda’s temperament was visual as her frantic nature dissolved into that of resentment and annoyance. She mirrored Jake’s action of crossing her arms, a fire in her eyes that you’d never seen before.

“You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you Jacob?”

Jake’s annoyance burned into pure rage, his hands clenching against his arms and turning white. Without thinking, you stepped in front of the pair with your back to Veda.

“Jake, stop it. This isn’t you,” you reprimanded, placing your hand in the center of his chest to hold him at bay. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Danny, Sam, and Josh all tense up. They were ready to step in and pull Jake off of the both of you at any second.

Behind you, you heard Veda sniff out a soft laugh and that set you off.

“Veda, you too. You’re not even close to acting like yourself right now. Now we can sit here and squabble like a bunch of preteens, or we can act like the adults we all are and tackle this very urgent and very important task with professionalism, got it?”

With a huff, Jake nodded his head. He dropped his arms to his sides and looked away from Veda. Turning to the woman in question, she also agreed with a nod of her head. Finally, you let go of Jake.

It was still extremely tense as Sam went to go make you your drink - coffee instead of tea this time.

“I’m giving her the Vide Noir this time,” Jake informed, a look on his face that challenged anyone to object.

All eyes were on him, no one expecting that from him.

“Jake, I don’t think-”

“Shut up, Josh. I can handle myself,” the younger twin snapped, his fingers playing with something in his hand. Only you were close enough to see that it was his sobriety chip.

Everyone sat in stunned silence at Jake’s outburst. After a moment, he sighed and scrubbed his free hand down his face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap like that.”

“You’re under a lot of stress right now, it’s alright,” Josh reassured, sending a small smile towards his brother.

Jake returned it, albeit slightly forced.

“And what makes you think you’re doing that?”

Veda had her arms crossed over her chest again, her leg bouncing up and down to signal her restlessness.

Instantly, you saw Jake’s hackles raise. He grit his teeth together as he spoke, his jaw clenching. “Because it needs to be done right.”

Before it could devolve into another pissing match, you interjected.

“Are you sure? After what you told me downstairs?” you asked gently, placing your hand onto his tensed up shoulders.

His face instantly softened as he saw the concerned expression on yours. You saw the sadness in his eyes before you heard it in his voice.

“You’re not her, remember?”

You searched his face for any cracks in his psyche that would indicate that he actually couldn’t do this. You were unsuccessful, there was nothing to indicate that he was lying.

Relenting, you nod your head. You turned to Veda and asked her to hand over the crystal vial. She did so, eyeing Jake as she approached but not doing anything other than giving you the drug.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t perfectly comfortable with placing Jake’s worst vice back into his hands. You knew you could trust him, but you were just worried that you would only cause damage if you gave it to him.

You didn’t miss the way his hands shook as he tried to uncap the vial, his face revealing nothing about his true emotions. In fact, you were almost tempted to say that his eyes were vacant.

He took the coffee mug from Sam, the youngest’s hands wavering ever-so slightly as well. Jake took in a breath before dropping two drops into the mug, flinching each time the black liquid spilled into the coffee.

You wasted no time taking the mug from his hands, not particularly liking the way Jake’s eyes seemed to turn hungry as he gazed at the deadly vice in front of him. He snapped out of it when you removed it from his sight, sending you a thankful glance.

“Remember what I told you last time: stay focused,” Veda voiced from her spot in the chair, a concern laced into her eyes.

You nodded, sending a glance over at Jake. He wasn’t looking at you as you raised the mug to your lips.

All it took was one gulp and you were pulled under.

+++

Sorry this took so long, I got writers block halfway through.

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i bet her fingers touch all the right places