Sorry Yeah Ive Got A Bad Case Of Thinking About My Friends. Im Afraid Its Incurable. Symptoms Include

sorry yeah ive got a bad case of Thinking About My Friends. im afraid its incurable. symptoms include happiness and love and wishes that they will have the life they want to live.

In reference to my own musings here:

There is a moment when Dongsik once again raised his voice at Joowon and said something completely harsh to him—the only time he ever did so again after pushing Joowon to his breaking point about Lee Geumhwa.

And this was when he finally figured out that Joowon went into Jung Cheolmun's house in Dongsik's place, thereby saving Dongsik from being framed for Jung Cheolmun's murder.

It's also this moment that Dongsik has said quite possibly the harshest words he can ever say to Joowon, at the height of his emotion:

"To be frank, I don't even want to see a glimpse of you. I could see your father overlapping over your face."

After these words were harshly delivered, it then cuts to the barest hint of hurt in Joowon's face (again, with spectacular acting by Yeo Jingoo)—because Dongsik's words did hurt.

And Dongsik must have seen this quick flash of expression across Joowon, who normally is able to keep his emotions in check, because Dongsik is quick to backpedal and explain himself, because Joowon does have the tendency to take everything Dongsik says at face value:

"I'm trying to hold out as much as I can. I know you did nothing wrong, and I know best when it comes to getting framed for doing nothing. So please, stop making a big fuss and feeling guilty for everything."

It is only after this that Joowon solemnly says a simple apology, when before he said he wouldn't apologize for protecting Dongsik. And with Dongsik's next words:

"Don't you ever do anything else to be sorry for."

It makes me wonder if Joowon truly understood what Dongsik meant with his parting words before he storms out of the interrogation room in a fury, leaving Joowon all by himself.

"Don't you ever do anything else to be sorry for" had it been someone like Han Kihwan who says it—someone that Joowon is used to hearing words like this from—it's very likely that Joowon may interpret it as: "Don't be stupid enough to make mistakes like this."

When in fact Dongsik meant it as: "Don't you dare do anything else to make me worry about you ever again. Don't you dare risk yourself like this again, not even for me. Especially not for me."

I wonder if Dongsik, in later coming down from the height of his worry-fueled anger, knows Joowon well enough already to know that Joowon may misinterpret his anger.

Because when we cut to the scene in Joowon's apartment, it's clear that Dongsik accompanied him there—maybe even was the one who drove him there, given Joowon's vulnerable, traumatized state of just witnessing someone die in front of him—and then adamantly refused to leave Joowon alone, even when Joowon is already making him leave.

"I won't do anything on my own, so just go."

I wonder if Joowon says these words to mean: "I'm not going to do anything rash that may constitute as a mistake in your eyes"; something that he would've meant to someone like Han Kihwan.

Or if he really, truly knows the reason Dongsik is there, as he said to Jihwa: "I can't let that fool go down alone."

I wonder if he said these words to Dongsik to mean: "I'm not going to make you worry over me again. I'll take care of myself, I promise."

Either way, it's an assurance to Dongsik, as much as Dongsik's presence in the Joowon's apartment then is as much a show of forgiveness, interspersed with the fierce protectiveness innate in Dongsik with everyone he has come to enfold under his umbrella of care.

"Now, are you ready to do some hare coursing, Lieutenant Han?"

I wonder if Joowon understands what Dongsik is really trying to say:

"I forgive you for going on your own, but this is what I meant when I vowed to you that I'm not letting you disappear from my sight. Whatever it is you intend to do, you don't get to do it without me.

I'm here. You don't have to do this alone. Let me in, let me do this with you.

Let me be your partner."

will i ever watch/read that? no, probably not.

but do i still go on ao3 to search up its most popular homoerotic ship and get infodumped all the necessary lore in order to enjoy the fics? yes, give me 14 more of that.

I recently talked about one piece of music in BE that didn't make it into the album, and now I know it appears in (at least) two pivotal moments of the story:

When Han Gihwan talks to Lee Changjin in the car (and Joowon listens), comparing Joowon to his mother, and

When Han Joowon arrests Lee Dongsik.

@vindicated-truth has already made an incredible post about how this parallel juxtaposes Dongsik to Joowon's mother, but I would like to take a moment to talk about how this parallel juxtaposes Dongsik to Han Gihwan.

But first, let's take a look at the first scene, from the moment the music in question starts to the moment it ends (all quotes are exact quotes from Viki):

[For context: Han Gihwan talks to Lee Changjin about The Hare & the Tortoise story, and ends it with, "If the strong don't make a mistake, then the weak will never be able to win." The music starts.] Han Gihwan: Han Joowon. He's my son. But he's more like his mother than me. They wait for someone to reach their hand out, but they're weak people who can't reach their hand out first. [Flashback: Lee Suyeon, Joowon's mother, reaches out her hand and says, "Joowon-[ah]! Come and hold onto Mom."] Han Gihwan: If someone reaches their hand out,- [Flashback: A different moment of Lee Suyeon reaching out her hand and saying, "Joowon-[ah], come and hold onto Mom. Joowon-[ah]. Please hold onto me."] Han Gihwan: -they can't even grab that hand. They pretend to be fine and act like they are strong and cool. They trap themselves in that pretence and end up destroying themselves. They are foolish people. CEO Lee, I will never make a mistake again. Lee Changjin: If your son's existence is a mistake, then will you get rid of him too? [Strategically placed thunder sound effect.] Han Gihwan: If you're curious, then just wait and see. [Flashback: Joowon and Dongsik are in the reeds field, Joowon says, "Lee Yooyeon, your sister. Did you really not kill her?" Joowon laughs under the rain.] Lee Changjin: Then what will you do about your son's partner, that bastard Lee Dongsik? I'm saying this because I'm worried that you'll be caught by that idiot who's running around everywhere. Han Gihwan: What police officer would catch me? Lee Changjin: That's true, because you'll become the Poliece Commissioner no matter what. [sigh] Stop paying attention to Kang Jinmook. What's so important about what he saw when he's already dead? The real problem is Do Haewon. We need to know just what and how much Do Haewon heard from Kang Jinmook. [The music ends, while they continue talking about Do Haewon.]

There are a few moments here I would like to point out and draw some parallels between this scene and the arrest scene.

Han Gihwan is wrong

First, Han Gihwan is wrong about both Lee Suyeon and about Han Joowon, and there is not a single word about his wife and his son that leaves his moth that is correct, except when he says Joowon is more like his mother than him.

"They wait for someone to reach their hand out, but they're weak people who can't reach their hand out first." And the flashback shows Lee Suyeon doing exactly that, reaching her hand out, and doing it first.

"They pretend to be fine and act like they are strong and cool. They trap themselves in that pretence and end up destroying themselves." And again, we see a mentally ill, crying, struggling woman, who begs her 7-year-old son to hold onto her as if he's her last refuge in life. Is that woman pretending to be fine, and strong, and cool? Or is it Han Gihwan who always strives to appear fine, and strong, and cool himself? Was she the one who trapped herself in that pretence, or was it Han Gihwan who trapped her in his pretence?

Han Gihwan is wrong about Lee Suyeon, and by extension, he's wrong about Joowon he's comparing his wife to. But the thing is, on the surface, if seems like Han Gihwan is correct about his son.

"They pretend to be fine and act like they are strong and cool. They trap themselves in that pretence and end up destroying themselves." And Joowon seems like the type of person to act all fine, and strong, and cool, at least at the beginning of the show—only it's just like his father does, not his mother.

"They wait for someone to reach their hand out, but they're weak people who can't reach their hand out first. If someone reaches their hand out, they can't even grab that hand." And it seems like that's exactly what happened to 7-year-old Joowon, who seemingly failed to reach out for his mother's hand, just like his father failed to be supportive of his struggling wife—only it's never a responsibility of a child to be an adult's support, while it is a responsibility of a spouse.

It seems like Han Gihwan is right about everything, it definitely sounds like it. I'm pretty sure Joowon, when he hears all of this, has every reason to doubt himself.

And the truth is, Han Gihwan is wrong—and that's what the second scene reestablishes, the arrest scene. I was going to include the Viki transcript of this one too, but in this case, the exact words said don't really matter, what matters is what the arrest scene means for Joowon.

Han Gihwan says, Joowon can't hold onto the hand that reaches out for his, but here Joowon holds onto Dongsik's hands.

Han Gihwan says, Joowon pretends to be fine and strong, but here Joowon finds the strength to openly cry in front of another person, without a convenient rain.

Han Gihwan says, Joowon traps himself in that pretence, while it's Han Gihwan himself who wants Joowon to pretend like everything is fine and to cover up for his mistake with Lee Geumhwa—and here Dongsik finally helps Joowon find a way to do her justice.

Han Gihwan says, Joowon is weak, but here Dongsik helps Joowon to find the inner strength to do the right thing and arrest him.

Han Gihwan says, Joowon will end up destroying himself, but here Dongsik encourages Joowon to continue on with the life that suits him best.

But more importantly-

Joowon is not a mistake

"If your son's existence is a mistake, then will you get rid of him too?" Lee Changjin says, and Han Gihwan doesn't deny the notion, basically confirming there is a chance his son's entire existence is wrong.

And Joowon flashes back to the first time he ever heard Dongsik's bitter laughter at the face of the unfair judgment. At that time, he couldn't understand where this laughter came from—why would a man laugh when asked if he killed his sister?—but here Joowon ends up facing all the things about himself his father says, and he reacts the exact same way.

He laughs, just as bitterly.

I don't think he believes what his father says about him—but that doesn't mean there is no doubt in him. Han Gihwan puts his existence—his entire being—into question.

Is the person, who is Han Joowon, a mistake?

Is that man, who came to Manyang a few months ago, a mistake? A man who we like to call a brat, a prince, a prick—we're really just parroting Han Gihwan, who calls him weak, unable to reach out, pretending to be independent—is that man a mistake?

That man, who treats everyone equally, who's truthful to a fault, who needs reassurance of a person being trustworthy before trusting anyone or taking anyone's hand—it is a matter of trust, after all. The man who is trying to get out of the entrapment of the pretence that his father put him in, who is trying to get to the heart of the case no matter what. Is that man a mistake?

Is his relentlessness in the pursuit of justice a mistake, when he's a son of the man who caused the injustice to happen in the first place?

And that's what Dondsik comes in to answer in the corresponding scene with the corresponding soundtrack.

Han Joowon is not a mistake.

Joowon is right when he makes no difference of people based on their age, or gender, or status, or their relationship to him, or what he can gain from them. Dongsik reassures him of it when he turns himself in to be arrested.

Joowon is right when he tries to reestablish the truth of what had happened to Lee Geumhwa despite the fact that everyone around him tries to shut him up about it, including even Dongsik at some point. Dongsik reassures him of it when he gives him a direction in which he can take his atonement.

Joowon is right when he doesn't trust anyone—not because he's unable to trust or trust is somehow a bad thing, but because he has a deep-rooted need to investigate for objective reasons to believe someone is trustworthy. Dongsik reassures him of it when he finally fulfills the only promise he ever broke, proving to be deserving of Joowon's trust.

Joowon is right in his relentless pursuit of justice, even if he took a few wrong turns on that path. Dongsik reassures him of it when he encourages him to continue on working within the justice system, as imperfect as it is, because the system needs someone like Joowon to work slightly better.

Joowon is not a mistake, and Dongsik reassures him of it by encouraging him to stay true to himself.

I know it's popular to view the arrest scene as heartbreaking—and it is, ngl—but let's take a moment to appreciate how throughout the scene Dongsik consistently gives wing to Joowon's entire being—just when he needs it the most. The arrest scene is heartbreaking, but it is also uplifting, and one does not negate the other.

I know it's also a bad taste to give Dongsik a parental role in Joowon's life—and it is a bad taste, absolutely—but the idea that Dongsik is not a parental figure, and the idea that he did something for Joowon that Han Gihwan failed to do can and should coexist.

@diveintovortex has just made the remarkable observation that there is a background music in Beyond Evil that isn't part of the official OST album.

I have yet to check the accuracy of this in rewatching the whole show (and isn't it insane to rewatch a whole series just to check the OST, my god Beyond Evil drives us all insane) but so far, this one special soundtrack plays in only two key moments:

1. The moment when Han Kihwan was in his car with Lee Changjin, telling him about how Han Joowon takes after his mother, Lee Suyeon, in that they're both pathetic and weak people because they don't know how to reach out to others for help. 2. The moment when Han Joowon arrests Lee Dongsik.

Again, I'm not sure if there are other moments in which this specific soundtrack is played, but with these key moments as the only ones the music is used so far, it's safe to say that this music is something akin to "Han Joowon's Theme".

It's—a heartrending juxtaposition of loss and abandonment: the loss of human connection, the fear of losing someone you love.

It's—a heartbreaking juxtaposition between Han Joowon's mother, and Han Jowoon's partner.

Lee Suyeon, the mother who abandoned him, and made Joowon into the kind of person who believes that everyone he ever allows himself to love will leave him in the end—therefore there's no use for human attachment.

And then, to juxtapose that with him arresting Lee Dongsik, heartbreakingly reinforcing the fact that in the end, he has to let go of everyone he has ever allowed himself to love.

And in both cases—it's because of him.

“If I leave Joowon here, will you let me go?”

"If you don't arrest me, I won't ever turn myself in. Please arrest me now."

This is the young boy who had never forgotten that the only reason his mother felt trapped in a loveless, abusive marriage is because of him.

This is the young man who had never forgotten that his partner had promised to turn himself to him, for him to arrest himself.

This is the young boy who stepped back when his mother reached out to him, refusing when she asked him to come to her.

This is the young man whose partner had to be the one to reach out to take his hand, for him to make the final arrest.

This is—the music of Han Joowon's heart breaking over and over again as he is forced to let go of the person he loves.

Because this is what they believe is the right choice they should make for their own life. Even if it meant breaking Joowon's heart.

Even if it meant breaking Joowon.

It makes the coda in the end so much more meaningful now, to juxtapose the scene of Joowon finally visiting the grave of the mother who abandoned him—and reuniting with the partner he himself had handcuffed, once upon a time.

His mother had never—and will never—come back to him, ever.

His partner—did.

@diveintovortex has just made the remarkable observation that there is a background music in Beyond Evil that isn't part of the official OST album.

I have yet to check the accuracy of this in rewatching the whole show (and isn't it insane to rewatch a whole series just to check the OST, my god Beyond Evil drives us all insane) but so far, this one special soundtrack plays in only two key moments:

1. The moment when Han Kihwan was in his car with Lee Changjin, telling him about how Han Joowon takes after his mother, Lee Suyeon, in that they're both pathetic and weak people because they don't know how to reach out to others for help. 2. The moment when Han Joowon arrests Lee Dongsik.

Again, I'm not sure if there are other moments in which this specific soundtrack is played, but with these key moments as the only ones the music is used so far, it's safe to say that this music is something akin to "Han Joowon's Theme".

It's—a heartrending juxtaposition of loss and abandonment: the loss of human connection, the fear of losing someone you love.

It's—a heartbreaking juxtaposition between Han Joowon's mother, and Han Jowoon's partner.

Lee Suyeon, the mother who abandoned him, and made Joowon into the kind of person who believes that everyone he ever allows himself to love will leave him in the end—therefore there's no use for human attachment.

And then, to juxtapose that with him arresting Lee Dongsik, heartbreakingly reinforcing the fact that in the end, he has to let go of everyone he has ever allowed himself to love.

And in both cases—it's because of him.

“If I leave Joowon here, will you let me go?”

"If you don't arrest me, I won't ever turn myself in. Please arrest me now."

This is the young boy who had never forgotten that the only reason his mother felt trapped in a loveless, abusive marriage is because of him.

This is the young man who had never forgotten that his partner had promised to turn himself to him, for him to arrest himself.

This is the young boy who stepped back when his mother reached out to him, refusing when she asked him to come to her.

This is the young man whose partner had to be the one to reach out to take his hand, for him to make the final arrest.

This is—the music of Han Joowon's heart breaking over and over again as he is forced to let go of the person he loves.

Because this is what they believe is the right choice they should make for their own life. Even if it meant breaking Joowon's heart.

Even if it meant breaking Joowon.

It makes the coda in the end so much more meaningful now, to juxtapose the scene of Joowon finally visiting the grave of the mother who abandoned him—and reuniting with the partner he himself had handcuffed, once upon a time.

His mother had never—and will never—come back to him, ever.

His partner—did.