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smut is great but do you know what’s better? heart wrenching, soul twisting angst that makes you want to cry (take my money)

runs cold, runs deep (33496 words) by negativeyield Chapters: 10/10 Fandom: Ghost (Sweden Band) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Swiss (Ghost Sweden Band)/You, Swiss (Ghost Sweden Band)/Original Female Character(s), Nameless Ghoul(s)/Original Female Character(s), Rain & Swiss (Ghost Sweden Band), Dewdrop | Sodo & Swiss, Dewdrop | Sodo & Phantom, Mountain (Ghost Sweden Band) & You, Aurora/Swiss (Ghost Sweden Band), Cirrus & Cumulus (Ghost Sweden Band), Phantom (Ghost Sweden Band) & You, Aether & Swiss (Ghost Sweden Band)

Characters: Swiss (Ghost Sweden Band), Rain (Ghost Sweden Band), Dewdrop | Sodo, Mountain (Ghost Sweden Band), Aurora (Ghost Sweden Band), Phantom (Ghost Sweden Band), Cirrus (Ghost Sweden Band), Cumulus (Ghost Sweden Band), Cardinal Copia | Papa Emeritus IV, Aether (Ghost Sweden Band)

Additional Tags: Snowed In, Huddling For Warmth, POV Second Person, Swiss (Ghost Sweden Band) Is a Little Shit, Hurt/Comfort, Hypothermia, Drinking Games, Dewdrop | Sodo is Called Dewdrop, reader character is written with she/her pronouns but no physical descriptions, Self-Indulgent, mostly ghoul shenanigans, and me wrapping my head around ghost lore, Protective swiss, a little bit of ghoul POV, Cuddling & Snuggling, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Whump, Head Injury, Healing, Oral Sex, Consensual Sex

Summary: As the snow gave way to your weight and cut you off from the howling wind, the world grew much quieter. You took shaky breaths, trying to bring yourself back to reality. Think of a new plan. Find some help even though you drove for hours without seeing a single other soul on your route. That realization furthered the dread pooling in your belly. Maybe you were as doomed as you feel. Who in their right mind would be out traveling in this weather? __ “Maybe we should turn around?” Rain muttered, glancing out the window of the van with mild unease. “A little late for that,” Dew grunted.

[Or, the ghouls happen upon you caught in a blizzard and nurse you back to health. When the storm snows you in, shenanigans ensue and you end up finding more than some new friends]

READ ON AO3

//TIME IS TICKING.

WE ONLY HAVE A FEW DAYS UNTIL KOSA IS DETERMINED. THERE IS A HUGE AUDIENCE OF PEOPLE TRYING TO PASS THIS BILL, BUT THE INTERNET IS BIGGER!

WE NEED ALL THE SUPPORT WE CAN GET.

CALL REPRESENTATIVES, TELL FAMILY, FRIENDS, MOOTS, LITERALLY EVERYONE YOU CAN.

IF THE BILL PASSES, THE INTERNET WILL BE CHANGED AS WE KNOW IT. IT WILL NOT MATTER IF YOU ARE OUT OF THE US. MANY FANDOM SPACES ARE IN AMERICAN DOMAIN.

YOU WILL NOT BE SAFE FROM USING A DIFFERENT EMAIL, ACCOUNT, ANYTHING. STOP BELIEVING THAT. THIS BILL WANTS CONTROL AS FAR BACK AS TRACING US BACK TO NAMES, AGES, GOVERNMENT IDS AND LICENSE PLATES.

YOU WILL NOT BE SAFE BECAUSE, “OH THIS BILL CAN’T PASS IT VIOLATES THE 1ST AMENDMENT!”. THEY HAVE PASSED UNCONSTITUTIONAL BILLS. YOU WILL NOT BE SAFE BECAUSE “OH, THIS BILL HASN’T PASSED FOR 2 YEARS!” THEY ARE AGGRAVATED. THEY ARE PUSHING FOR THIS BILL.

DO NOT FORGET KOSA MERELY BECAUSE A LACK OF UPDATES. I NEED YOU TO SIGN PETITIONS, CALL REPRESENTATIVES. DONT FORGET. I WANT YOU TO MAKE AS MUCH NOISE ABOUT KOSA POSSIBLE. DO NOT. FORGET. WE HAD THE TIME TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT KOSA, AND YET WE FORGOT BECAUSE OF A LACK OF UPDATES. THAT BRIEF TIME WAS NOT A COOLDOWN PERIOD. IT WAS A TIME TO KEEP KOSA TRENDING.

STOP GOING ON TIKTOK, COMMENTING “B00ST” AND THEN CALLING IT A DAY. YES THAT HELPS, BUT YOU NEED TO DO WHAT 90% OF THESE VIDEOS WANT YOU TO DO. SIGN PETITIONS. CALL REPRESENTATIVES. THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS POST ABOUT KOSA YOURSELF.

To all new Ghost fans

Because I feel like a dad.

It's perfectly fine if you got into Ghost because of TikTok.

It's perfectly fine if your favorite song is Mary on a Cross.

It's perfectly fine if you can't tell Ghouls apart.

It's perfectly fine if you can't tell Papas apart.

It's perfectly fine if you're a bit lost and confused about the lore. We all are.

It's perfectly fine not to know everyone's identities.

It's perfectly fine if you don't want to know everyone's identities.

It's perfectly fine if you can't get/afford any merch.

It's perfectly fine if you can't afford to go to a ritual.

It's perfectly fine if you don't want to go to a ritual.

It's perfectly fine to interact with other Ghesties. Don't be scared of us. The majority of us are chill.

It's perfectly fine to ask for song recommendations.

It's perfectly fine to have your own theories and headcanons, as weird and unhinged as they might be. It's Ghost. They do weird shit, too.

It's perfectly fine to discover new artists through Ghost.

It's perfectly fine to be confused about things. Everyone is.

Ghost is supposed to be fun. So have fun, damn it.

- Jez

stay with me - swiss ghoul x reader

Author’s note: Hey ghesties I was in the mood to write some heart-wrenching angst because I love it sm, also this is my first ghost fic I’ve ever written so yeah hope you like it and requests are always open :) also any ghouls I write for are to be read as the characters, not the people behind the masks. Enjoy!! 

Other things to note: reader’s gender is not mentioned, reader and swiss are in an established relationship, reader’s mental health is not the greatest, reader has a black cat named Jiji, reader is in the 3rd year of college.

Warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST, slightly suggestive towards the end, hurt/comfort, no pronouns used for reader (swiss calls reader 'baby')

Word count: 1569 words

You had secluded yourself in your room, fuming. You and Swiss had just had a massive argument, the whole time you just felt arguing with him was pointless; but he wouldn’t give up. This time he had really hurt you, saying that if you weren’t going to support him, maybe you two should break up. Jiji, your teeny ball of adorable darkness, trotted over to you and rubbed its head on your leg. You sighed and picked him up, holding him close to your chest. You gave him a few kisses and he mewed as you sat down on your bed. 

“..Jiji.. what am I gonna do.. he won’t listen to me..” You whispered softly as you pet him. He mewed again in response, softly purring on your arms. You chuckled lightly, then felt a few tears welling in your eyes. 

“This whole thing just feels like…” you trailed off, mostly talking to yourself. You sniffed as tears started to fall. “..Maybe he’s right.. y’know?.. Maybe I am destined to be alone forever…” You held Jiji a bit tighter, trying not to cry.

Suddenly, as if he had a sixth sense, Swiss barged into your room. “Baby.. baby, I’m so sorry.. please don’t cry.. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it..” He said quickly, rushing over to hug you. Jiji leapt from your arms and laid on the bed, right on your pillow. 

You stood up as he wrapped his arms around you, hugging you tightly. You sobbed into his chest, your hands holding onto his shirt tightly. 

“Shh.. I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry.. I didn’t mean to say what I said, I’m so sorry..” Swiss whispered, rubbing your back soothingly as you continued to cry. After a few minutes of crying, you had calmed down a bit and started to speak. “..S-Swiss, I-“ 

He cut you off by placing a soft kiss to your lips. You stood in shock for a few seconds, another tear falling down your cheek. You kissed him back gently. “Shh.. ‘m so sorry, baby.. I never meant to make you feel alone..” He apologized over and over as he pulled away briefly to look into your eyes. 

“…if I’m being honest.. maybe you’re right..” You started, looking down. “..you know I don’t have enough money to follow you everywhere for your tours.. and then there’s my schooling..” Your voice catches in your throat as it hurt to say those words aloud. 

“…Wait.. What? What- what are you saying, love?” Swiss stared at you in shock and confusion. He had never thought that you would’ve actually thought of ending your relationship with him. 

“…y’know.. maybe we should take a break.. you’re always gone and.. and I need someone to be here for me, physically, for when I need hugs.. you know what I mean..?” You whispered, still looking down. It broke your heart to say those words, but maybe it really was for the best. 

He froze, his heart shattering inside his chest. His eyes got wide as he just looked at you.

“A.. A break…?” He stuttered, as if not believing what you said. “What do you mean? You want to... You want to... Be... Be away from me.. When I’m here..?” He asked, his voice sounding scared and he felt his eyes welling up. 

It broke your heart to see how badly your words had hurt him. 

“Take a break…” he repeated to himself, as if the words had just registered into his brain.

“But that means... That means... No more... No more... Kisses? No more... hugs... No more... Cuddling...? No more Jiji..?” His voice cracks towards the end of the sentence, now starting to cry. “Why…?” He asked, trying to stop you.

“Please... Please don’t do this..“He looked at you as if he was begging and his eyes were filled with desperate tears... He didn't want to do this, he didn't want to let you go. 

You looked back up at him as you heard him start to cry. 

“..I- I’m sorry, Swiss… b-but if you think that might be best-“

“No! No, I don’t think that’s the best!” Swiss exclaimed immediately. “Look, I- I let my temper get to the best of me, okay? I’m sorry I said that.. I didn’t mean it. Please, baby, don’t go.. I need you..“  He pleaded desperately, now starting to sob as well. 

You just stared at him longingly, feeling very guilty as you watched him cry. You started to cry as well, bringing a hand to your moth to try and stifle your sobs. “Please... I'm sorry... I'll do... I'll do anything... Please…” He begged again, holding you tighter. You sniffed. “..’m sorry, Swiss.. I’m so sorry..” You pulled away, wiping your tears. He stared at you in shock, deeply hurt. “..W-What do you mean..? You’re not… you’re not breaking up with me.. are you..?” He whispered. 

“I…” You were at a loss for words. You couldn’t bring yourself to actually break up with him. He was too perfect. You felt so terrible for doing this. “..Please.. don’t look at me like that..” You silently begged. He smiled sadly, caressing your cheeks with both his hands. He looked at you for a moment, then he leaned closer and he started kissing you tenderly, his lips meeting yours passionately and softly. He wasn't trying to be too quick, he just wanted to feel your body against him. He wanted to feel safe and loved by you again. 

You let out a soft whimper as you felt him kiss you. You stepped back a bit, but kissed him back softly. You pulled away briefly. “…Swiss.. I…” 

He stayed quiet for a few moments, but he kept kissing you. He was slowly picking up the pace, feeling you against him as his lips went down to your neck. “You're so beautiful... I missed your skin... I missed everything about you…” He whispered. He put his arm around your waist and he smiled, his eyes closed. For a few moments he felt safe and he felt free, he felt like nothing bad could happen now that he was with you again.

“Mm… S-Swiss.. please..” You put your hand on top of one of his to pull his arm off your waist, but instead it lingers. He looked at you, not believing you were still trying to end it. He was hurt so much that he didn't know how to answer you for a moment, he stayed silent. He started to open his mouth to say something, but then he closed it. He couldn't say anything... He felt like his words were trapped inside his throat. 

“Why…?” He asked softly. “Why do you want to... Break... U-us…?” He paused and his voice started to break now. He was about to cry again.

“Please, baby... Please... I love... I love you, I…”

He choked on his words and he covered his face to muffle his cry. “I can't... I can't do this... I can’t… I need you, baby..”

In that moment you regretted everything. You hated hurting him, and it just broke your heart to pieces to see him like this. 

“I’m so sorry, Swiss.. I’m so sorry.. I didn’t mean to hurt you..” You said in a quiet voice, hugging him tightly as you sobbed. He was held you as tight as he could without hurting you, his voice sounding broken and almost whispering.

“I love you…”

He kept looking at your face as he kissed you and he tried to make you happy, to make you stay.

“I.. I need you... Please, don't... Don't leave me...

He was caressed your face, and he kissed you again, a little more passionately than before.

“Please... Please... Baby…” He mumbled between kisses, and you felt his tears fall as well as yours. He was desperate and he didn't want you to go. 

You kissed him back with the same passion, feeling terrible. Your arms wrapped themselves around his neck, pulling him in closer as you two continued to kiss each other, both still crying. “I love you.. I’m so sorry, Swiss.. I’m so sorry..” You repeated every time in between kisses. 

“I love you... I love you…” He repeated his words, his voice breaking again as he continued to kiss you.

Eventually he backed you up to the bed and you both sat down, still giving each other short but passionate kisses. You pulled away, sobbing. “..I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean to hurt you… I feel terrible..” Your voice cracks, and he wipes your tears, disregarding his own. He smiled sadly. 

“..No, no… Don’t be sorry.. I’m the one that should be sorry.. I made you feel like I didn’t want you anymore.. I should’ve controlled my temper.. I’m so sorry.. Will you ever forgive me..?” He pulled you into his arms again, having you sit on his lap. You buried your face into his neck, holding onto his shirt tightly, letting a few last quiet sobs out. He rubbed your back soothingly, not caring that you got his shirt wet. “Shh… it’ll be okay..” He whispered. “..Will you ever forgive me…?” 

You nodded. “Yes.. yes, of course.. of course I forgive you. I love you.” You whispered with a smile. 

He smiled contently, resting his head on yours gently. “Thank you…” he whispered, continuing to rub your back and humming softly soon after, lulling you to sleep. 

a message from the bulletin board | cardinal copia x gn!reader

summary: the ministry’s bulletin board, ordinarily used for missing items or party announcements, contains a particularly interesting request this week – a lonely hearts ad.

content: 9k words, gn!reader, slightly suggestive at times, first date/first kiss shenanigans, sad lonely awkward cardinal fluff, you know the drill

Masterlist – Ao3 link

✦ ✧ ✦

You ignore the knot of people in front of the bulletin board.

As much as the whispers and giggles garner your attention, someone else attracts it even more. Cardinal Copia, red cassock, red biretta, arms filled with two boxes worth of files and papers, is trying to push the door to his office open with his hip under a swell of Italian curses. Certainly, his hip swing is impressive on most days, especially on stage, but today it seems more like a helpless, uncoordinated bumping that the door is fighting with every ounce of its wooden strength.

Evidently, he’s struggling.

“Good morning, Cardinal, do you need a hand?”

His eyebrows shoot up when he hears your voice and he stops dead in his tracks, slowly turning his head until he catches you standing right behind him. Despite your announcement, he visibly startles, nearly dropping the boxes in his arms.

“Oh, eh… yes, if you could open the door for me, Sibling?”

“Of course.”

With your hand on the knob, you watch as he hurries inside of his office, wheezing under the weight and dropping the boxes onto his desk with a dull thud that echoes loudly in his mostly bare working space. Apart from books upon books strewn across and around his desk as well as an old weathered couch, there hasn’t been any love put into decorating the space. You wait patiently for him to turn back around to you, a hint of red dusting his cheeks when he finally does.

“Thank you,” he squeezes out, trying very hard to swallow his heavy exhales. “I carried them here all the way from the archives. Long way, you know, even for my…” He holds up his arm, flexing it exaggeratedly. “My strong, powerful muscles.”

You giggle and he perks up in delight, eyes wide and shiny. “No problem, Cardinal, I can imagine they’re very heavy.” 

You smile at him and he smiles back, so sweetly, and you’re momentarily at an equal loss for words. A bead of sweat rolls down his forehead, down the prominent bridge of his nose. He brushes it away with a leather-gloved hand and you can’t help but stare as he wipes it clean on the heavy fabric of his vestments, shaking out his fingers once he’s done. You can’t look away as they flex and release, flex and release. They’re surprisingly long and so… nimble.

Copia’s violent cough startles you awake and you’re not sure if it’s his own nerves that make him clear his throat, if his overexerted lungs are protesting or if he caught you staring. Either way, you feel your own cheeks getting hot now, the moment of hesitant silence slowly transitioning into a gooey sort of awkwardness.

“So, ugh… I better get back to my own duties,” you say. “Lots to do, spring cleaning and all that.”

He nods. “Yes, yes, you are busy, of course. Such a busy little bee. Bzz bzz. Hehe.”

You awkwardly giggle back, trying hard to think of a clever joke. Maybe something that has to do with stinging? But before you can settle on one, the time for a witty come-back has stretched thin and so you just awkwardly wave at him, mutter a “see you later” and close the door.

With your back pressed to the wood, you let out a deep exhale, the butterflies – or bees – in your stomach making it very hard to breathe at a normal pace. Once you’ve recollected your wits, you notice that the hallway is still as busy as before, maybe even busier.

Like lions gathering around an animal carcass after days of starvation, what feels like half the abbey has been flocking to the big rectangular corkboard. You cannot possibly imagine what would warrant such intense interest. The most exciting messages on any given day are unusual sex requests, the invitation to a weirdly themed party or a call for applications to a particularly intricate sex ritual to honour the Dark One.

You push through the crowd to check what’s causing the repeated giggling and excited whispers amongst your peers when you spot a pristine piece of paper on the board. It’s thick, stark-white, shaped like a heart at the top and with pieces to rip off at the bottom that contain a phone number. You squint, move in even closer until you can make out the text – hand-written and in cursive.

I (m, 50) am looking for a partner to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t have any preferences but it would be coolio if we had similar interests, so we can have some fun together.

I like: watching movies, playing video games, going on walks, rigatoni, juice, small animals

I don’t like: coconut flavour, being barefoot, swimming, touching wet dishes, bullies, dentist appointments

If you think we are a good match I would like to take you on a romantic date. Please call or text me.  Bye bye!

You smile at the note but quickly find back down to earth when someone rams their elbow into your side. No one has taken one of the numbers yet, so you assume the excitement is more about the fact that there is a lonely hearts ad on the bulletin board at all than any actual interest in the person. You have to admit, it is a bit odd. Most younger clergy members just use dating apps these days or social media. But the lonely heart in question is fifty, so they may not be familiar with modern methods, and it’s oddly endearing that anyone would go through the trouble of creating such an ad. At the same time, it breaks your heart that someone in the abbey is so lonely that they risk the ridicule of half of the clergy members just to have a chance at finding love.

“Well, there are a bunch of people who it could be,” you overhear someone say. “Maybe one of the older Brothers, a bunch of them are single. Could also be that new bishop who just arrived, I heard he’s a cinephile and walks around the gardens quite often.”

You ignore the whispers of speculation, making your way back through the crowd to return to your duties. It’s almost dinner time by now and you need to get two more loads of laundry done before then. But even as you sort through piles of habits, cassocks and veils… you can’t stop thinking about the ad. You sincerely hope the person receives a few serious and not just prank calls. The note did sound endearing and you definitely see similarities. At the same time you’re far too busy nursing your hopeless crush on the Cardinal to actually entertain the thought of dating someone else. 

You decide to check on the ad again tomorrow, see if anyone took a number, and if not, you could at least save it to your phone… just in case.

✦ ✧ ✦ 

Two birds land on his window sill, rubbing their beaks together in a kiss before happily chirping at each other. They’re in love, literal love birds, building a nest on the little protrusion in the wall right below his window. He’s been watching them occasionally, unreasonably envious, as they bring in twig after twig, ready to start their family. From the same window, Copia can make out the spring-filled gardens with their colourful patches of pink and red tulips, bumblebees hurrying from blossom to blossom, drunk on pollen and greedy for more. He can overlook the bright green meadow leading down to the pond, speckled with lush, budding trees. At this time of the day, after everyone finished their daily duties, the grass has almost completely disappeared under a plethora of picnic blankets.

Spring fever, he assumes, has to be the reason why everyone seems to be in love. Couples dozing in each other’s arms in the shade of the trees, feeding their lovers berries or grapes, taking a stroll down to the pond with their joined hands dangling between them, kissing without pause in the archways of the cool stone walkways leading outside. Just now he spots two Sisters rubbing sunscreen on each other’s bare shoulders, one of them kissing the other's head before they fall back onto their blanket, giggling happily at each other.

He feels so incredibly lonely.

This has been going on for weeks now and he’s tired of feeling so shamefully worthless of affection. Instead of the arms of his lover, he sinks into his tattered old desk chair and drowns his sorrows in boring paperwork. Not that that’s going well, but for lack of alternatives, he’d rather do budget calculations than sit in his quarters all alone. Every evening, the spring breeze carries the sound of happy laughter through his windows, usually while he’s playing video games all by himself, but he can’t keep them closed if he doesn’t want to sweat to death. Besides… that same gentle breeze is the only thing caressing his skin as he tries to fall asleep at night and if he closes his eyes, the wind almost feels like fingertips ghosting over his arms.

As he leaves his office that night, he receives another heavy but sadly much expected blow. Almost a week now and still no one has taken one of the numbers from his lonely hearts ad. Of course it doesn’t mean no one saved it to his phone, he tells himself, people are shy or they just don’t want to date an anonymous person. It has nothing to do with him, they don’t even know it’s him. And yet… if his dating streak continues so poorly, he’s not sure if he can stay sane for much longer. There are only so many tears you can cry in bed at night before it starts to take a toll on you.

His heart is especially heavy as he makes his way to his lonely quarters. One more day and then he’s taking it down, he decides. No use in waiting any longer now that surely everyone in the abbey has seen his request and the last thing he wants are pity calls.

✦ ✧ ✦ 

“So, are you going to call the Cardinal?”

You look up from your breakfast plate. Your friend Lily is sitting opposite of you, chewing on a blueberry muffin, and you narrow your eyes at her. “The Cardinal?”

“The number in the lonely hearts ad,” she says. “It’s still there, I checked earlier.”

“It’s the Cardinal?”

She nods, popping another piece of muffin into her mouth. “Duh.”

You feel your cheeks heating up and set your fork down to hide the sudden tremor in your fingers. “Which Cardinal?”

She gives a soft groan of annoyance. “Babe, there is only one of the Cardinals who would ever hang up such a goofy thing. Now, will you call him?”

Copia. She knows about your… slight infatuation with him. And despite being kind and not teasing you too much, it was just a matter of time until the occasion popped up. If he is looking for a serious partner… maybe it’s too late for you soon. The ad has been up for days and while you’ve been toying with the idea of calling, you just haven’t found the courage yet.

You continue eating, trying to act casual, but it takes you three attempts to pick up a stray piece of cucumber from your plate. “How do you even know it’s his number?”

Lily takes a deep breath, setting the muffin down to ready herself. “Sooo, Michael wanted to call the number to check who it is, right? Well, turns out his girlfriend already knew it’s the Cardinal’s number and his girlfriend is Sister Jill who knows it from Sister Mary who is roommates with Sibling Jessie who works with the treasury and their colleague Brother Paul works as the Cardinal’s assistant two times a week and that’s how he has the Cardinal’s number for emergencies.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh. Now, will you?”

Eyes on your empty plate, you bite your lip until you can taste blood. It’s Copia’s number, the number of your crush of about six months now, and he’s looking for a partner, unspecified. That’s… big news, intimidating news, news that calls to an action you’re not sure you’re prepared for.

Glancing at Lily, you catch her smirking at you and promptly give her a scowl. “I don’t know. What if he already got better options?”

She cocks her head to the side. “Better than you? I doubt it.”

“You’re biased because you’re my friend.”

A shrug. “You should try. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“He could be disappointed.”

“He’s more disappointed if no one calls,” she counters.

“Yeah but–”

You stop yourself when you see Nora, Lily’s girlfriend, approaching the table. Her arms wrap around Lily from behind as she presses a loud, lingering kiss to her cheek, both of them giggling.

“You scared me,” Lily says, turning around for a proper kiss.

“Sorry, love, but I can’t leave breakfast without my sweet treat.”

You avert your gaze, involuntarily feeling like an intruder. They’ve been together for a few weeks now, sickeningly adorable. Lily had been pining after Nora for months, a little bit like you with the Cardinal, only that she eventually found the courage to ask her out. To see her bravery being rewarded like that makes you incredibly happy for both of them. But at the same time… you have rarely ever felt your loneliness so sharply, the heaviness of your unreciprocated crush such a weight on your shoulders.

You know that if you want this to be you and the Cardinal, then there’s only one real answer to her question: You have to reach out to him.

✦ ✧ ✦ 

He’s ready to toss this day into the trash bin already and he only just got up. 

Last night, after tossing and turning for hours, Copia fell asleep only to promptly land in a hysterically embarrassing dream that made him jolt up whimpering like a kicked dog and hiding his face in the pillow. Bringing himself close to suffocation, he finally realised that he had not actually stumbled right in front of you, spilling juice all over his robes, scrambling to get up only to slip in the puddle by his feet, falling onto his butt with a high-pitched cry. You had been standing there motionless, watching the spectacle unfold until you turned around to leave.

This is the reaction he would expect, should he ever actually find the courage to ask you out. However, this is highly doubtful, because upon walking to his office half an hour later, he catches you with a group of friends. He often sees you with them – attractive young Siblings, evident chemistry between all of you, and every week he suspects a different one to be in love with you. He recognizes the two Sisters he saw from his window earlier this week. One of them presses a loving kiss to the other’s cheek and he wishes he could just walk up to you and do the same.

His heart hurts. No matter how much kindness you extend to him, you’re a beautiful young soul who could never be romantically interested in an aging loner. Copia is not disliked per se, he gets along with pretty much everyone, but he struggles to build meaningful connections. Between working his butt off to satisfy the clergy and spending time on his mostly solitary hobbies, it’s hard to meet people. He had to actively put himself out there but neither online dating nor any of the singles’ events Terzo sent him on brought any results – only what the young Siblings call getting “ghosted” or “benched”.

His ad is his last chance. And even that failed miserably.

As he ponders his options, your eyes suddenly meet his and he swears you’re smiling. Then you lift your hand in a cautious wave. For a second, he’s too scared to wave back because there are people around him, all of which could be your target. Your hand sinks after a moment as your smile slowly straightens and he suddenly knows that you do mean him. He lifts his hand far too excitedly in a reciprocative wave. Your smile returns, a shy one, but before he can even think about possibly approaching you, his knees suddenly give out.

No, they don’t give out, someone rams a trolly filled with supplies for Black Mass into him. Some of the tall candles roll off the top and clatter to the floor, breaking in half just like his dignity. 

“Oops, sorry, Cardinal,” the Sibling says, scrambling to help him up. “It’s so hard to steer this thing.”

“It’s fine,” he chokes out, the pain in his knees anything but fine. “It happens.”

“I’m truly so sorry.”

He smiles, a hand on their shoulder now that he’s on his feet again. “It is okay, eh? No worries.”

When his eyes try to find you again, you’re not there anymore and he can’t decide if he’s relieved or sad. He prays to Satan that you didn’t see him fall but there is no way you missed it. His dream, if slightly watered-down, did come true after all and perhaps now you won’t want to–

“Cardinal, are you alright?” 

Copia, still dizzy and skittish, spins around so hard he nearly stumbles again. He smooths out his now crumpled cassock, the dust he collected on the floor even more visible on today’s black vestments. In an attempt to retain his dignity, he straightens his spine and looks right into your beautiful eyes. You have a tendency to startle him like that and he wishes he could be more smooth about these encounters.

“Yes, yes, Sibling, thank you. It was… it was nothing, just a little stumble, eh?”

“Are you sure?” You inspect him from head to toe, your brow creased in concern. “It looked painful. Your knees…”

“Oh, my knees are fine!” he lies. “I kneel all the time, Sibling. You know this.” Your eyes widen and he continues to stammer. “I mean in prayer. I pray a lot. On my knees. I am a Cardinal, yes? It’s my job.”

 You nod heavily. “Yes, of course.”

“So, ugh… I better just fuck off.” He presses his lips together to keep more silly words from coming out. “I mean I’ll go back to work. ”

As he tries to leave, your hand shoots up, squeezing the muscles in his forearm. He’s not as much startled as enthralled by your touch, so unexpected that he has no time to feel insecure but so welcome that it almost feels natural to have your fingers on his arm. He swears there is a hint of nervousness in your eyes now and despite knowing it’s silly, his heart wants to interpret it as bashfulness.

“Cardinal, please. I… ugh…” 

You look beautiful from up close. Even if you weren’t stuttering he’d have a hard time listening to your words. It seems like you stopped breathing, your cheeks now a sweet shade of rosy, and you open your mouth to speak but no words come out. Eventually, you shake your head and run your fingers over the fabric of his sleeve. He thinks he’s about to pass out, his nerves rising until he can feel his heartbeat all the way up to his neck. Your hand is so gentle, so… affectionate.

“I’m sorry, Cardinal. I don’t mean to keep you. I was just thinking that I really like the black cassock. It suits you.”

A compliment. His mind is racing. This is not what you really wanted to say, he can tell, but he grins anyway. You like his cassock? Well, you should wait until you see him in a suit. Maybe on a date. He should ask, he realises. This is the moment he’s been waiting for for months now. But as he continues to stare at you his tongue becomes too heavy to form the words, and then your hand is suddenly gone and takes his courage right with it.

“Thank you, Sibling,” he says instead. “I also really like your ugh… your outfit.”

Only when the words leave his mouth does he realise it’s the same everyday habit you’re wearing all the time. Somehow, the silly compliment still manages to conjure a smile onto your face and so he stops berating himself because he made you smile. The sight stuns him, butterflies erupting in his already nervous stomach.

“I’ll see you later, Cardinal,” you say then, your eyes leaving his to glance down the hallway where your friends are waiting, beckoning for you to hurry.

Copia nods and he looks down at your hand in silent fascination, staring at your fingers that are dangling by your thigh without any use as if he could magically make them touch his arm again. “Yes, yes. See you,” he mumbles. “Bye bye.”

When he looks back up, you’re already hurrying off. Copia stays frozen, his gaze trailing after you as though his eyes are glued to your form. Even when you’re out of sight it takes him a while to start moving, to start breathing again.

Around him, the hallway slowly empties as everyone starts to tend to their respective duties. Copia can’t help but feel the nagging disappointment about not asking you out. A chance like this won’t suddenly appear again and even if you refused him it would still be less humiliating than the untouched ad at the bulletin board. He should take it off right now, he figures.

Only when he enters the hallway leading to his office, something looks off about the postings. He notices the change from the corner of his eye at first as he walks past the large corkboard. More party flyers have appeared, someone took down the “diamond butt plug set missing” request that had been hanging there since an orgy in the Siblings’ wing went wrong last month. Instead, Copia notices a large poster promoting condom usage that partly covers the request underneath. Which is how he recognises it.

His ad. 

And one of the numbers is missing.

Copia nearly lets out a loud squeal as realisation dawns on him like the gentle spring sun rising over the hills every morning, bringing warmth and happiness after a cold, dark night. It seems like Cupid finally answered his prayers, like Aphrodite found sweet mercy for him.

Someone took his number. Someone wants to reach out to him.

For the rest of the day, he feels like he swallowed a swarm of bees, staring at his phone like it’s going to light up any second. Which it could. He could receive the message or call that changes his life any second now. Any second. Any… any second.

Nothing happens. Not in the next hour, not in the next two hours. All day, in fact, his phone stays quiet. His initial happiness deflates like a balloon. As he heads towards his quarters that evening, he observes how everyone piles into the dining hall, their happy laughter and cheerful spirits spoiling his usually solid appetite. He hates the sour feeling of envy in his stomach but he can’t help but suspect that everyone conspired against him.

Copia decides to skip dinner in order to cry into a big bowl of gelato. His nightmare might not have come true but his brain tortures him with pictures of your smiling face instead, with the phantom feeling of your warm hand lingering on his arm, and he can’t help but feel crushed anyway. He’d sell his soul to come home to you, to eat with you, sit with you, watch silly movies with you, fall asleep with you in his arms and wake up with your smile as the first thing he gets to see every day. It becomes increasingly clear to him that every day he misses out on being with you is a day tragically lost.

If only he was brave enough to change that.

✦ ✧ ✦ 

You’ve been pacing your bedroom for the better part of the evening now, back and forth and back and forth to the point where you’re seriously concerned about wearing down your carpet. The day passed uneventfully apart from your encounter with Copia in the hallway where you made a complete fool of yourself. You would have loved to skip all of the unnecessary fuss of texting back and forth but you barely spoke more than two words to him before you chickened out. Surely, if his interest in you was romantic, he could just ask you out instead of advertising himself on a public corkboard?

In any case, you’ve been typing out messages for over an hour now, deleting every single one of them only to throw your phone onto the bed multiple times before picking it back up to risk another attempt.

The reason you haven’t given up yet is that Lily knows you have his number now. Last night, when you thought everyone was asleep, you snuck out of your dorm feeling like James Bond with your torch and black clothing, tiptoeing down the empty corridors of the abbey. You didn’t want anyone spreading any premature rumors but a part of you was hesitant to take one of the numbers at all. Even if you called him, it wasn’t certain that he’d want to go on a date with you.

Still, you ripped off one of the thumb-sized pieces of paper and headed back – only to promptly run into Lily as she snuck out to meet Nora. You’re never going to forget her self-satisfied grin as she spotted you with the crumpled number between your fingers.

Begging your creative juices to start flowing, you stare at the empty message box. Perhaps you should be funny. You wonder if he knows the Piña Colada song. It is about a lonely hearts ad after all and he’s a musician. You type and type, delete and retype until you end on a rough draft to show Lily when she gets home. But no, upon rethinking, the joke is too silly even for you and there’s probably a better way to phrase this–

“Hey, have you called him yet?”

You jump, your heart rate doubling in shock. Lily appears in the open doorway and her voice startles you so fiercely that you clutch your phone to your chest. To your utter horror, the swishing sound of a sent message reaches your ear as your palm connects with the touchscreen, and when you glance down, the bubble with your typed out message sits at the top of your chat history.

“Oh no,” you whisper.

“What?”

“I sent my stupid silly joke message to him.”

Lily picks your phone from your hands, reading the solitary message from the display. “Well, at least now you’ll know if he shares your weird sense of humour?”

You grasp her shoulder and release a deep, throaty groan. Her words don’t calm you in the slightest, if anything, they only make it worse.

✦ ✧ ✦ 

Driving Miss Daisy can’t distract him anymore.

Every two minutes Copia reaches for his phone to check for any missed texts or calls only to have the gapingly empty home screen staring back at him. He never figured out how to change the pre-set wallpaper. Perhaps he could try again when he has a cute couple picture of him and his future partner. The thought makes him smile. It’s one of many little things he would change – if they only called.

Despite putting it on vibrate, he doesn’t trust the device to inform him of any news. He even carried it to the toilet twice already, just in case something happens while he’s gone. His ice cream doesn’t satisfy him tonight, everything feels bland and devoid of flavour, but he refills his bowl anyway. One big spoon and a bit of spray cream… and as he walks back over to his bed, he realises that he should definitely check his phone again because this took way longer than two minutes.

Right as he pulls the device out his pocket, it vibrates violently in his hand. For a moment he is so shocked to see a message pop up that he throws it away. It lands on his bed, bouncing a few times, display still lit up with one new notification glaring at him from the centre of his screen.

He takes a deep breath. This is real. He got a message.

No, he can’t look at it, he’s going to lose his nerves. A few more deep inhales and slow exhales, then he can’t fight the suspension any longer. 

Hey, stranger :) You don’t like coconut, so you probably don’t like Piña Coladas, but maybe I’m still the love that you look for?  I would love to go on a date with you, if you are still looking for one. 

It takes him a second, then another one. The ice cream melts in his bowl as it sits forgotten on the floor next to his bed. Suddenly it clicks and he chuckles, in relief as well as amusement, thinking that he knows that song, that he gets the reference. That means this person is funny. They made a joke. He smiles to himself. A funny person wants to go on a date with him.

He types back, deleting, typing again. After five minutes, he comes up with a reply.

Hello, stranger! 👋🏼 I do not like Piña Coladas 🍹 but I have many better things to offer if you want to go on a picnic 🧺 with me tomorrow? I will bring food 🥪 and drinks 🧃 of course. Hopefully we do not get caught in the rain 💦😀

He thinks about how he could sign the message but then his nerves start to kick in. If he tells the person who he is, they may reconsider their choice to go out with him and that’s the last thing he wants. Even if the date doesn’t go well, he wants to try his best, so he shoots another message after the first: 

Oh. It will be a blind date, if that is okay with you?

The next minute is the longest of his life. An eternity passes. He thinks he might have stopped breathing with how tight his chest feels. That is, until his phone lights up and shows the same number again, wringing a deep sigh of relief from him.

That’s fine with me. Where do we meet?

The squeal he lets out vibrates in his chest and bounces off the walls.

He’s got a date. Finally.

✦ ✧ ✦ 

Copia hears his bad conscience somewhere in the back of his mind whispering that blocking the best spot in the gardens all day is selfish. Perhaps it is true, perhaps he feels a little selfish today. And yes, besides feeling selfish he also feels a little guilty. Is it fair to go on a date when he has such a horrible crush on someone else? No. No, it’s not fair. But he can’t let another chance at love run through his fingers like sand on the beach. He simply has to grasp this opportunity.

His red-checked blanket lays untouched underneath the tall chestnut tree, its big, hand-shaped leaves rustling in the soft breeze as he approaches. The head of a rat is stitched into all four corners  of the fabric – a gift from Sister for his latest birthday – and it’s been sitting here since nine o’clock when he took the liberty of… reserving… the spot. He picked the north-side of the tree so that the shade falls exactly where he’s going to be sitting with his date in approximately fifteen minutes. If they prefer the sun, he can just pull the blanket over a little, but he’d never forgive himself if they got sunburn because of him.

Copia took the day off, his first day off all year in fact, risking his next employee of the month award to spend all morning in town, running errands. With the end of May and strawberry season starting, he visited every grocery store within walking distance to find the ripest, juiciest ones they offered. He was lucky enough to obtain a small basket filled with the most delicious-looking red fruits and some additional fresh ingredients for his sandwiches. While he was quick-witted enough to ask about his date’s allergies yesterday, he completely forgot to ask them about their favorite snacks and so he’s decided to just bring anything he could think of that wouldn’t melt in the sun.

The basket he packed feels heavy in his hand for that exact reason and when he sets it down on the blanket, he can feel the strain in his arm. The past hour was spent obsessing over his outfit until he decided to just go for the white suit combo. Yes, white fabric near grass and juicy red fruits is not the most brilliant idea, but he wants to look his best and that means going the extra mile, even if he has to wear the tiny, itchy underwear underneath.

His heartbeat is going a mile a minute now. He can’t unpack yet, he doesn’t want the food to be out for too long, and so he sits and waits, his hands sweaty under his black and white leather gloves. The fact that the gardens around him slowly become crowded as the afternoon rolls around does nothing for his nerves. He can feel the curious glances, can hear the hushed whispers, and as the hour nears, he starts sweating even more despite the shade. If the unanswered ad had been embarrassing, being stood up so publicly would be even worse. 

And then the most horrifying thing ever happens.

Copia sees you walking along the path, wearing a weather-appropriate, slightly dressed-up outfit that makes his eyes involuntarily roam your whole form. But he can’t fully focus on your loveliness. At first, he’s panicking that you’re meeting your friends somewhere close by where you could see him with his date. He would be so embarrassed, so distracted, so uncomfortable. But you walk straight towards him and that’s even worse. If he has to tell you that he’s busy meeting someone else he might spontaneously combust, explode into tiny particles of humiliation. It would ruin everything, his date and his crush on you. What if his date shows up and sees you with him? What if–

Oh no, you don’t stop approaching, you don’t take a turn, you walk up straight to where he’s waiting – with a hint of hesitation, yes, but very directed steps. Copia jumps up immediately, his black hat nearly falling from his head.

“Oh, Sibling,” he stammers, lifting a trembling hand to adjust his fedora. “Hello, hi. Are you spending some time outside today as well?”

Your mouth opens and you wring your hands before hiding them behind your back. “Hello, Cardinal. I ugh… I’m supposed to meet someone here under the chestnut tree.”

Copia furrows his brow, slowly registering your words. “Meet someone. Under the chestnut tree.” 

“Yes.”

“Oh, Satan. It’s you?” He stops, stares, comprehends. He sounds incredulous, his voice a higher pitch than usual. “You’re my stranger?”

You nod, big eyes staring into his mismatched ones in silent expectation, hope and fear muddled together in the crease of your brow. He doesn’t know how to react, just rubs his thumb and index finger together as his mind races faster than speed limit.

“Is this… is this bad?” you finally ask, breaking the awkward silence.

“No!” Copia exclaims. “No, no, no. Please, please sit.”

You do, kneeling down on the blanket a little hesitantly. Copia joins you, still not fully trusting his senses. This feels like a hallucination. His disbelief has to be the only reason he hasn’t passed out yet. Is he really on a date with you right now?

After another moment of silence, Copia notices you eyeing the basket and snaps back into reality. His plans, his very detailed plans for how this date is supposed to go, flood his mind and he remembers the first step now. Swallowing his shock, he sits up a little straighter.

“Ah, eh… yes, I got you something.” He reaches behind the basket and procures three deep red roses he stole from Primo’s rose garden on the way here. Their intense smell hits his nose as he whips them past his face and hands them over. “These are for you. I hope you like roses. I know it is a bit cliché but also a classic, no?”

“I love them,” you assure him, holding them up to your nose with a smile. “Thank you, they’re beautiful.”

He smiles. “Good, good. Yes. So… I thought about what we could do and–”

“Cardinal,” you interrupt then. 

“Oh, no. No, call me Copia. Please.” He gives you a shaky smile. “We’re on a date, no?”

“Copia,” you try but feeling his name on your tongue doesn’t make you feel any better. Ever since getting here your bad conscience made it hard to fully settle into this date and with his visible distress upon discovering it’s you, you feel like now is the time to address it. “Before… before we do this, I have a confession to make…” 

He hums and wriggles his eyebrows. “Oh, really? Well, I would love to see you in confession soon…”

You blush furiously. “Oh, no. No, that’s not what I meant.”

A flash of concern and you can practically see all of his insecurities mirrored in his eyes. You’re both tiptoeing around the same question, you assume, but it’s on you to take the plunge.

“What… what do you mean then?” he asks.

“About this date…” His lightheartedness completely disappears. You feel bad for ruining the mood but it’s too late now and you need to get it out, you owe him that much. “Copia… It wasn’t a blind date on my part. I… I knew it was you.”

“You knew it was me?” he asks and again his features change, eyes wide now. He really had no idea that people knew the ad was his and suddenly he feels like a fool.

“I’m so sorry, I should have been honest from the start.” You stare at his gloved hand but you’re too scared to take it. “I hope you can forgive me for keeping this from you.”

“You knew it was me and you still… you still wrote to me? You still came?”

You furrow your brow. “I didn’t tell you because then I would have had to admit that it’s me and I was scared that maybe you wouldn’t want to go anymore.”

“Me? Not… not…” He shakes his head so fast that his fedora once again threatens to fly off. “Oh, tesoro, I would have… I would have been on the moon with joy, as they say. Yes, yes, I would have.”

You don’t correct him. Instead, an insecure smile settles on your face. “You know you don’t have to say that, Copia, it’s okay if you were hoping for someone else… That’s the risk of going on a blind date, right?”

He yanks your hand out of your lap, wrapping it up in both of his gloved ones. “Tesoro, can I be very honest with you?”

You nod. “Of course you can. Always.”

“I was hoping it was you.”

Your breath catches and steals your next words. The same incredulity that hit him earlier now settles in your chest and you can’t find it in you to question him.

Copia immediately fills the silence. “I never… I never thought…” You watch his Adam’s apple bob up and down, a nervous swallow, before he wets his lips. “Dolce, you were always very good to me. I always saw your kindness, you understand this, yes? Don’t get me wrong, I just… I never thought you were interested in me like this. In such a silly old man.”

You have to giggle through your nerves. “I love that you’re a silly old man.”

He smiles shyly. “You are very sweet, tesoro.”

“I’ve actually had this crush for a few months now,” you admit, encouraged by his positive reaction. “And I want you to know that when I saw your ad I thought about calling even before I knew it was you.”

His smile grows impossibly bigger at that. “Did you?”

A nod. Copia squeezes your hand, then brings it to his face for a kiss. You feel his wet lips on your skin and they’re so soft, so gentle. When he sets your hand back down you see a trace of black lipstick on its back and instantly feel warm and fuzzy inside.

“Should we start then?” he asks. “I brought a lot of things, let me show you.”

The basket opens to reveal a plethora of food and drink options. Copia sets down a foil-wrapped plate with sandwiches that look a little wonky so you assume he made them himself, then some juice boxes, apple and orange, a box of fresh, delicious-looking strawberries, two bottles of water, reusable plastic cups and plates. At last, he hands you one of many different muffins he must have stolen from the kitchens.

“For my dolcezza,” he says with a smile.

More heat spreads in your cheeks as you take the little treat from him with a thanks. You’re both visibly losing your nervousness now, your postures less cramped, stretching out your limbs on the blanket with your bodies angled towards each other.

“Maybe we should… talk a bit about us?” Copia proposes. “To get to know each other, sì? I would like to learn about you.”

“Oh, yes, that sounds good. Do you want to start?”

He thinks on a good starter question, the pressure clouding his thoughts for a moment but then his silence grows thick and he has to say something. “So, ugh… do you like Star Wars?”

This is not one of the questions on his list of conversation starters. For some reason, every single meaningful thought suddenly leaves him. Luckily, this simple, safe question seems to put you at ease and you relax even more.

“I do,” you say. “I watched all the movies.”

“Oh, good! And what is your favorite?”

You pluck a piece from your muffin, popping it into your mouth. “Hmm… The Empire Strikes Back, I think.”

“Hehehe, sì, sì, I am your daddy.” His eyes widen. “Not that I’m… I don’t mean… you know, the scene with Luke… ugh. So, anyway, yes, that is my favorite as well.”

You giggle and he lights up, smiling so hard that his cheeks hurt. You reach for one of the sandwiches then. Copia helps, holding the plate up for you.

“So, these are all inspired by Italian foods. I have ugh… caprese. Mozzarella and tomato?”

You reach for the one he showed you. “That sounds great, thank you.”

Copia can’t help but stare as he awaits your reaction. You hum in delight and immediately take another bite of the soft bread. Satisfied, Copia allows himself to grab one as well now. Conversation slows down as you eat but you continue to talk about your interests between bites, finding more and more similarities as the minutes pass. 

Your little spot is beautiful, cool enough to sit comfortably but warm enough to feel the reviving effects of spring. The leaves above you rustle every now and then, birds and bees flying past, the odd ant crawling over your blanket in search of some crumbs. Neither one of you is bothered as you sip on your juice boxes in tandem and intuitively increase your proximity.

With your bodies gravitating towards each other like that, you end up sitting very close after a while. Copia reclines against the tree trunk, pulling his hat down to grant him more shade, a little bit like a cowboy leaning against the walls of a saloon. His white suit is an odd contrast to his relaxed pose, not the most comfortable outfit to lounge in. Without thinking too much about it, he pulls you close to him and angles you so you can rest your head in his lap. 

You’re only tense for a short moment. Copia gets rid of his gloves and you can feel his bare fingers running over your scalp. The steady pattern he draws calms you and you sigh, closing your eyes for a few minutes as a warm feeling of safety spreads out in you.

Copia can’t help but stare. Despite the initial hiccup, you’re so comfortable around each other that he feels like he’s known you forever. This is a dream come true for him, all his fantasies, his wishes, his longings, they all seem to come together in the lovely face dozing in his lap. You’re the most stunning sight he ever had the pleasure to behold. Every line, every hair, every mole, blemish or scar combines into the most beautifully painted canvas – and to him, it’s perfect. You’re perfect.

“Do you want a strawberry, tesorino?” he asks then.

You open your sparkly eyes and they reflect a speck of sunlight breaking through the canopy. Blinking a few times, you shift in his lap to avoid being blinded. He tenses as your cheek narrowly misses his groin, but then you nod and he distracts himself by reaching for the box of strawberries. 

With careful fingers, he grabs one of the shiny heart-shaped fruits, making sure to touch the stem to avoid any stains, and then guides it to your mouth. He can’t help but stare as he sees your lips part for him, the tip of your tongue peeking out to welcome the sweetness. You sink your teeth into the red flesh, so eager, and spatters of juice stain your lips. They appear even more saturated as you lick them clean, wetting them with your tongue, and he so desperately wants to kiss you.

“They’re so sweet already,” you say, taking the rest of the fruit from his hand.

“Yes, I agree.”

You giggle. “Copia, you haven’t even tried one yet.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean the strawberries.”

You huff out a flustered breath, fighting the still evident smile on your face, and hold the half-eaten strawberry up to his mouth. “Try.”

He lets you feed him with burning cheeks, keeping his eyes locked on yours. As his teeth meet the flesh, a few droplets of juice fall astray but he doesn’t even care if they ruin his suit anymore. He can’t stop looking at you, thinking about your soft hand so close to his mouth. He wants to kiss it again, desperately, and so he traps it with his when you try to pull away. With his lips pressed to your palm, he closes his eyes, kissing all the way down to your wrist where he lingers.

You gasp softly, lips parting as Copia continues to drag his lips over the delicate skin. Your reaction brings a smirk to his face, another moment that he’s going to think about for days to come.

“I tried, dolcezza,” he says. “And I think you’re still sweeter.”

You blush so prettily at that. Flustering you is easier than he expected and he takes notes of every little thing that draws a reaction from you. You spend another hour like this, eating fruit, drinking juice, chatting about all sorts of things while you exchange soft touches and words of your blossoming affection. At some point, the gentle breeze that carries on throughout the afternoon becomes stronger, and more and more people head back inside to escape a possible weather change.

Neither one of you wants to leave but as you start to shiver more violently, Copia’s worry about you catching a cold wins over his desire to prolong your date. He proposes to head inside as well, running his hands over the goosebumps on your bare arms to warm you up.

When you reluctantly agree, he starts to pile your dishes and the leftover food into the basket. You move to help but he stops you with a tut. “I will pack this up, eh? Don’t worry about it.”

“I could help you, you know.”

“Ah, no no. I invited you, yes? It is my pleasure.”

It only takes him a few minutes to pack everything up. You grab your flowers in the meantime and he watches from the corner of his eye as you sniff them with a growing smile on your face, swaying slightly from left to right. As Copia shakes out the blanket, folding it messily in the middle, you hesitate by the edge of your little picnic spot.

“So, do you want to walk back together?” you ask.

Copia smiles, glad that you don’t want to leave him quite yet. “I would like that a lot, tesoro. Should I carry the roses for you?”

You hand them over and he places them on the lid of the basket before he carefully picks it up. When he’s by your side again, you stop him with a hand on his forearm, the same gentle squeeze you gave him the last time. Only this time you don’t leave. Instead you lean in and press a soft kiss to his reddened cheek, your lips lingering for a few seconds longer than necessary. Copia opens his mouth but he can’t think of anything to say. Instead he uses his unoccupied hand to fish for yours.

Hand in hand, palm against palm, you walk past the leftover groups of Siblings that make use of the last few moments of sun. Neither of you spares anyone else even a glance. Whenever your eyes aren’t focused on the path ahead, they meet each other, giddy, love-sick smiles gracing your lips.

As you finally pass the first archway and enter the cool stone corridors of the abbey, Copia suddenly stops. Your arms slowly extend as you take a few more steps but before your hand can slip from his, he pulls you back. Maybe he used a little bit too much force or maybe he just caught you by surprise, but you practically stumble into his arms. A gasp falls from your lips. You make no attempt at breaking away and so Copia gently guides you against the frame of the archway, setting down the basket in the process so he can place his other hand on your hip.

Big eyes look up into his. He leans in slowly. The rim of his hat catches the stone and it finally slips from his head, dropping somewhere. Copia doesn’t care because he can already feel your sweet strawberry breath on his lips and nothing could stop him from getting a taste. Your hands impatiently grab at his lapels, then, pulling him even closer, and he gasps at the force of your need. With your eyes falling closed, lips slightly parted and your chin tilted up, Copia feels like he’s in a dream.

“Please,” you whisper.

He has to fight a moan, the word resonating somewhere deep inside his belly. Still, he draws out  the moment for as long as he can, stalling as the tension crackles in the tiny space that separates you. He starts by nuzzling your nose while he pushes his hand upwards until he can grasp your jaw. As he angles your head just right, he feels your lashes fluttering against his cheeks. He fights off a giggle as they continue to tickle his skin and you shift slightly against him, growing impatient.

“Co–”

His mouth swallows your next syllable. You hum against him as his lips capture yours with gentle adoration. The grip on your waist tightens at the same time as his thumb presses into your cheek. Want, need, trickles into your belly and Copia feels the same way, moving his mouth against yours with slightly more pressure. The kiss is still slow, still tame, but it’s unmistakable how much stowed up desire for the other you both hold inside.

For a while you continue like this, your body trapped between Copia and the cool stone and the world around you a mere shadow. You open your mouth for air and that’s when you can feel his tongue cautiously pushing against yours. The sensation makes you feel even more fuzzy, the need for oxygen forgotten as you tangle your tongue with his. The taste is sweet, residues of fruit and juice, and underneath it all you feel Copia. Copia.

You only break away when you’re both struggling to keep up the pace. He’s a mess, his lipstick gone, black smears covering his chin and cheeks where his eye make-up rubbed off. You lift your hand to wipe some of your mingled spit off of his chin and the blissful expression on his face makes you smile. You love to see his face ruined like this, you decide. And Copia, seeing the lipstick-smears all over your kiss-swollen mouth, unknowingly thinks the same.

“We should do this again sometime,” you say. “The date but also… this. Actually, I think we should do it again right now.”

Copia chuckles, resting his forehead against yours. “How about we never stop doing it?”

You nod your approval, wrapping your arms around him to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. It’s soft, if a little bit sweaty, messy from the loss of his hat. “I would like that a lot, Copia.”

“I mean it, tesoro,” he whispers with a hint of insecurity. “I don’t want to stop spending time with you. Ever. We already wasted enough of it.”

A big smile breaks out on your face. Copia can’t help but return it, squeezing you a little tighter to his body, and you giggle happily as he kisses your nose.

“You’re right,” you finally say. “Let’s not waste another moment.”

✦ ✧ ✦

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this silly little story – kudos, comments, rbs etc are as always much appreciated ♡

Masterlist – My Ao3

I wanna make out with swiss so bad rn. I wanna be cuddled up in bed as he kisses my forehead before peppering my entire face in kisses before giving me a peck on the lips. I wanna squeeze him and hold his face softly as we kiss. Swiss is just so handsome.

Slutty Swiss, slutty Swiss, won’t you swing those slutty hips my way you utter tramp

Cr: missvoss on TT

OH MY GOD?? THIS WAS SO GOOD WTF

Betrayal (Azriel x Reader)

Summary// After arriving home late one night, you find that you've been betrayed by your mate

Note: Thank you, @momopeachcream , for the idea, I hope this fits what you were thinking!!

Request: I have a fanfic idea if you don't mind you don't have to write it but I love your writing And this is my first time requesting so I'm sorry if it's weird. It's a azriel oneshot where the reader is his mates and azriel decides to be an asshole and cheat on her with elain but think is he doesn't know that his mate secretly has been an assassin all this time and is crazy 🤣 when she's really pissed off so when she Finds out instead of crying she goes up to where Cassian is training the Valkyries and the whole inner court happens to be there and starts beating the absolute living shit out of azriel much to his and everyone shock ( reader is usually very quiet and shy and kind so they didn't think she'll be capable of doing this) there could be comedy, angst,angry smut, I don't know I just know that I woke up and this thought just slapped me in the face. I like the idea of the reader going from kind sweet natured girl to absolutely badass scary bitch. 😂

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You rushed down the alleyway, discarding your sodden clothing as you went, pouring water from your canteen onto your hands, scrubbing your skin raw as you rushed to remove any evidence. You would need to shower as soon as you got home, knowing the scent of blood would linger until then, knowing your mate would smell in on you if given the chance. This was the worst part about what you did: the secrecy. You could never tell your mate, knowing his loyalties lie with his brothers. And although you didn’t think that he would judge you, choosing to love you despite it, you couldn’t say the same for his family.

You’d weaved your deception carefully, slipping into the sweet and innocent girl that your mate knew and loved. It wasn’t as if this was a total lie. You were her, and she was you, but there was more that went undetected even by the Spymaster. Your mental shields never faltered in the presence of the Inner Circle that had inevitably become a part of your family. You quite liked them if you were being truthful, finding peace and comfort in the nights spent in their company. It was obvious why your mate adored them, and you only wished you could allow yourself the pleasure of knowing them better. However, you’d deemed it too risky, worried they’d uncover the truth, expose the things you did under the cover of darkness, the very things better left alone. Your High Lord and Lady would not take too kindly to your profession, slipping through the darkness and taking down the scumbags who caused nothing but problems. That was the only redeemable thing you did. You looked into your targets, deeming whether or not they were worthy of the death wished upon them. Only then would you strike, making sure that you did it swiftly, efficiently, not wanting to cause pain, regardless if it was earned. The Mother could provide that in the afterlife, it didn’t concern you.

You rounded the corner, finding the bedroom light in your townhouse still on. Shit. You looked around frantically, needing to find some way to cleanse yourself of your earlier altercations. It dawned on you then that the house neighboring yours was empty for the time being, the small home being a summer getaway for the family that owned it. You’d told Azriel that you were headed to an old friends house for the evening, telling him you’d be back late as you had a lot of catching up to do. You smiled to yourself, mentally patting yourself on the back as you realized it gave you the perfect cover. As you walked across the street, you looked around, finding only silence as you crept towards the back door. Crouching down, you began working the lock, quietly opening the door as you’d done many times prior.

You made quick work of washing, careful to leave everything as it was before you’d arrived. As you closed the door behind you, fixing the lock, you made a mental note to bake them some lovely treats when they came home. Turning, you rushed across the street, smiling when you saw your bedroom light still on. Stepping inside, you froze, face paling at the sounds drifting from the stairs.

Moans.

Your heart raced as you quietly made your way to the staircase, cautious of the creaky spots on the floor as you crept up the stairs. The bedroom door was cracked, the scent of sex and arousal overwhelming your senses as you sent a prayer to the Mother above that you were wrong, that this was all a dream even as a particularly rough grunt sounded from the room. You stopped before the door, chest heaving as the moans reached their crescendo, panting the only thing that followed. Your heart dropped as you recognized her voice.

“Az… gods…”

Elain.

You couldn’t stop the tears that brimmed as his labored voice responded, “Fuck, you’re perfect.” He paused and you could feel your heart breaking in your chest as the sounds of kissing washed over you. Your mates words were soft, barely above a whisper, but they were deafening, “I love you, Elain.”

She hummed, “And I love you, Az.”

You released a shaky breath, slowly backing away, unable to bear anymore as your soul itself shattered. There was rustling behind the door, momentarily snapping you out of your thoughts.

“You should get going, y/n said she’d be home late, but I don’t want to push our luck.” You held back your scoff, how kind of him to think of you only after he got done fucking the oldest Archeron sisters brains out.

You spun on your heel, rushing back down the stairs as quickly and quietly as you could manage, not waiting to hear what was said next. Slipping out the front door, you were met with the cool night air, the chill brushing over you, a chill that you didn’t register. You had gone numb, your bodies reaction to the pain that pierced your heart. You were on autopilot, walking down the street and knowing that you’d have to go back into that house, having nowhere else to go for the night. You peaked around the corner of the street, waiting for Elain to exit so you could go back. Tears rolled down your cheeks as you watched the door open, your mate kissing her once before she turned to leave, the door closing behind her.

You set a brisk pace, mind racing as you made your way to your home, entirely unsure of what to do. You didn’t want to confront your mate, needing time to process everything first. But pure rage filled you as you realized you’d have to share a bed with the man you loved, the very man who’d betrayed you tonight by bedding another.

Standing before the door, you took a deep breath, slipping into the role of doting wife, completely unaware of any affairs taking place. You opened the door to find Azriel seated on the couch, book in hand. He looked up, smiling at you before rising, book marking his page that you both know he hadn’t even begun to read.

Arms outstretched, he made his way to you, “Welcome home, princess. How was your evening?”

You returned his smile, gracefully walking towards him, wrapping your arms around him as he did the same, your body recoiling from his touch, “Fine, my love. I trust that your night was enjoyable?”

You backed away, facing him as he shrugged, “More or less. But it’s much better now that you’re here.”

You held back your laugh as he twisted a strand of your hair between his fingertips, head cocked as he looked at you, “You showered?”

Nodding, you quickly spun a lie, “Yes, I made a mess of myself at dinner, and my friend was kind enough to let me borrow her bathroom.”

He smiled, wholeheartedly believing you as he took your hand, brining it to his lips and leaving a kiss on your skin before pulling you closer, pressing his mouth against yours.

You swore you could taste her on him as you pulled back, feigning a yawn, “I’m quite tired, my love. I’m going to head to bed.”

Warning flashed in his eyes, a look you would’ve written off under any other circumstances before he regained his composure. You knew he was worried you’d scent his actions, having arrived too soon for the room to properly air out.

Kissing your head, he spoke softly, “Of course, y/n. I’ll be up soon.”

A soft smile crossed your lips as you turned, making your way up the stairs for the second time tonight. The bedroom door was wide open, a few of the windows cracked as well. His efforts were laughable, sex still strong in the air as you eyed your bed with disdain. You mindlessly went through your nightly routine, pushing away any thoughts and feelings for the time being, needing sleep and an empty house before you could figure out what to do next.

Sliding under the blankets, you couldn’t help the wave of nausea that ran through you. She’d been here not too long ago, in your bed, on your pillow, with your mate inside of her, providing pleasure that was promised to only you. You turned off the lamp, laying in silence as you worked to steady your breathing. You heard Azriel on the stairs, closing your eyes as he entered the room. You evened your breathing, hoping he fell for your ruse. He shuffled about, changing into his nightwear before the bed dipped behind you. You wanted to scream at the arm he wrapped around you, at the way he pulled you close, kissing your head before settling in.

You were never more grateful for sleep to claim you, needing monetary peace and darkness.

————————————

Peace did not come, only darkness. Darkness filled with reminders of the night prior that had you waking up feeling just as exhausted, if not more so than last night. Turning over, you ran your fingers along the bedsheets, pure habit that had your hand was searching for your mate, only to find his side of the bed cold. Laying still, silence greeted you, the house having long since been emptied after Azriel left for his morning training. Sitting up, you found a note on your bedside table, opening it to find his neat letters informing you that he would be heading to the River House afterward for a meeting.

Rising from the bed, you couldn’t stop the shudder that racked your body, eyes trailing around the room as you remembered the night before. Elain. You couldn’t say you were surprised that he’d been with her. You were surprised he cheated, not with who he chose. Regardless, your heart still broke within you, soul shattering further at the betrayal of your mate, the man destined by the Mother to be your perfect match in every way. You wanted to crawl out of your skin, knowing that you slept in the very bed the two had fucked in, needing a shower to cleanse yourself of the new filth you’d gained.

Standing under the hot spray, your tears began to fall, shortly followed by sobs that wracked your body. You were shaking from the force as a scream fell from your lips, body aching as you completelyfell apart. You allowed yourself extra time, wanting to regain some semblance of sanity so you could figure out what you now wanted to do. Stepping out, you wrapped a towel around your body, walking up to the mirror and staring at the broken woman watching you.

Taking a deep breath, you spoke to the woman, “You will get through this. Heartbreak or not, mates or not, you do not have a choice. Calm down, have a plan, and the rest will follow suit. You will be fine.”

You made quick work of dressing, dawning a sun dress, the skirts flowing around your legs as you pulled your hair back before rushing down the stairs and sliding on your flats. Leaving your home behind you, you set out to find Madja, hoping to gain insight from the woman on what would happen if you broke the bond, hoping to learn of your options. Weaving through the streets, you arrived at her shop in no time, the bell ringing as you stepped inside, nodding to the young healer at the counter.

“I was hoping to speak with Madja?” You smiled, working to keep your voice steady with the weight of the morning still dragging on you.

Folding her arms on the countertop, she titled her head towards a door, “Just through there. Although she might be in an appointment, in which case, you are more than welcome to have a seat until she is free.”

Dipping your head at her, you made your way to the door, opening it to find a hallway of doors, only one of them cracked open, light spilling out. As you neared, you heard voices filtering out, the raspy voice of Madja meeting your ears. Just as you were about to turn, you found yourself frozen where you stood, recognizing Elain’s voice as the other woman in the room.

“So, I’m right then?” Her voice was shaky as she spoke, waiting for answer.

There was movement before the old healer responded, “I’m afraid so, my dear.”

Elain gasped, “But it’s only been a few weeks! Isn’t this supposed to take a lot longer?”

“Not in your case. You seem to be very fertile indeed, Miss Archeron.” Fertile? The room was spinning as you clenched your fists, “You are, in fact, pregnant.”

Your vision went red. Pregnant. Azriel. Rage simmered beneath your skin as your mind went quiet, body moving on its own accord as you spun, turning back the way you came and barreling out the door. Your mate had gotten another woman pregnant while you were away. The alarm in her voice told you enough: Elain knew it was his, and she was unsure of what to do.

By the time you looked up again, you found yourself standing in front of the River House, not giving it a second thought before barging in. You made a beeline for the High Lords study, heart thundering in your ears as it cracked impossibly farther.

Slamming your fists on the doors, you watched as they flung open, providing a booming sound as they bounced off the walls, hinges trying to pull them back shut from the sheer force. Stalking in, your eyes passed around the room, taking in the Inner Circle, who all wore shocked expressions, clearly taken back by the anger rolling off you. Your eyes met his body humming with energy as fear sparked in his gaze, seeming to understand why you were there.

He rose, hands coming up in front of him, “Princess, I can explain, I-”

“Do not call me princess.” You were fuming as you stalked towards him, slamming your hands against his chest, catching him off guard and sending him to the floor, gasps sounding throughout the room, “When were you going to tell me? Unless, of course, you were planning to keep your affairs behind closed doors. Did you really think I wouldn’t find out? One step into our room, and I could fucking smell her. And if that wasn’t enough, I arrived home earlier last night. I heard you.”

His eyes widened, mouth opening to speak, but you cut him off, “And you know what is truly the best part of all of this? I went to Madja this morning, wanting to find out what my options were with the bond, because this,” you gestured between your bodies, “is over. I’m done with you, Azriel. But not only was I surprised to find your new fuck-buddy there, but I was even more surprised to find that you got her fucking pregnant. Father of the fucking year award, nicely done.”

Feyre was the only one to speak, your mate laying on the floor in silence, “What’s going on?”

Your thoughts were not your own as you lunged for the male on the floor, body falling on his seconds before your fists did. Even as shouts filled the room, you didn’t stop, your rage blinding you as you brought fists down again and again, not stopping even as the warmth of blood reached your hands. You kept going, feeling him squirming beneath you, unable to do anything as you held him down. Two sets of hands grabbed you, Cassian and Rhys, pulling you away as your chest heaved. Your knuckles ached from the force of your hits, looking down to find Azriel covered in blood, his face littered in cuts and bruises. You smiled, noting the way his eye was beginning to close up, the way his nose now bent at an odd angle.

You whipped your head to your High Lady, giving her a winning smile, “Congratulations! Your going to make a wonderful aunt.”

Glass shattered somewhere in the room as you looked down at the broken male, your mate staring up at you in despair and desperation, silently begging for forgiveness you would never give. Your voice was cold, hard and unfeeling, “I hope it was worth it. I hope fucking Elain was worth all this.”

You shrugged out of the males grasp, storming out of the room, body finally beginning to calm. You passed Elain on your way out, seeing the fear in her eyes as she took in the blood on your hands, splaying her hand over her belly in a protective manner. You scoffed, pushing past her and heading back to your home, needing so desperately to sleep once more, wanting the darkness it offered, if only for a little while.

BARK BARK BARK

For everyone on tumblr who hasn't yet seen Swiss spitting on his rainshaker and wanking it off-

Them 😩❤️‍🩹

Btw please credit me or my Twitter if you gonna use my videos :,)

(reblogs are fine on tumblr)

I fuvkn love Mountain ghoul

if you do nothing else today PLEASE for the love of satan listen to these clips of ghost warming up before a show in 2019

papa sounds fucking INSANE. i am approx. 34k of the 35k views.

their harmonies--my soul just left my body. i am a husk

the ghoulettes. THE GHOULETTES!!!!

holy shit balls

i cant fucking move

Phantom dropping on his knees in front of Dew. FOOTAGE LOCATED SOMEONE COME FORWARD WITH A CLOSER SHOT. BEGGING ON MY KNEES (like Phantom. Credit to juliehvarmannsen on Instagram

no but really 😱

GODDAMNNNNN PAPAAAAA

yeah no i’m never gonna be normal about it

src

you can only reblog this today

i think i js melted

“𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙜”

𝗅𝗈’𝖺𝗄 𝗑 fem 𝗈𝗆𝖺𝗍𝗂𝖼𝖺𝗒𝖺𝗇!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

warnings: mostly none tbh! just angsty:))

a/n: hi friends!!! this is mostly inspired by the song “lovesong” beabadoobee! (plz go listen to her music shes amazing)

this is super short but i hope you guys enjoy!!

——————————*:ꔫ:*———————————

i was born a few years after the sky people attacked, i was 4 when my parents were attacked by the sky people, i was left alone and the sully family took me in.

i loved them like they were my own family, (platonically of course.)

me and lo’ak were like inseparable, ride or die kinda stuff. if i got in trouble, for sure lo’ak was aswell.

we would do the most stupid shit ever, whatever comes to our intrusive mindset first.

when we first met he made a little bracelet covered in pretty flowers to show his welcome to me in the family, he also made one for himself so we were matching, till this day, he never took it off.

lo’ak vowed to never leave my side and i said the same thing too.

when we had to leave the forest, lo’ak BEGGED jake to include me and he obviously agreed since i couldn’t be left alone.

it was days after we discovered the seas of awa'atlu, it was hard adapting to their ways but we soon adapted to it.

i’d usually go around the sea, admiring the small islands around me.

i also noticed that lo’ak barely talked to me anymore like he used to, i’d always try to approach him but he was always busy or talking to tsireya.

my heart sinks to my stomach whenever i see him talk to tsireya, how he seems more happy when talking to her, i felt like me liking him was a waste of time, he liked someone else.

i swear, he was always in my head all throughout the day, even if he likes someone else.

i mean i kinda knew it, that day when we first met them, he was looking at her like she was the most beautiful girl on pandora.

i usually brushed it off by helping ronal or tonowari with anything they needed help with.

kiri started noticing my sorrow, and soon asked.

she sits down next to me on an empty spot and places her hand on my shoulder.

“hey y/n, are you okay? you seem down these past days.”

i look to her and sigh

“it’s nothing kiri, just missing home.” i stood up and walked away.

i wanted to see what lo’ak and tsireya were doing, i hid behind a rock, and started to spy on them, not really.

i saw that he’s really happier with her, playing around near the shore and hear their laughs in the distance. i mean i’m happy for him i just hope he never forgot me.

i stood up walking away afraid i might just burst into tears and they would hear me.

i started walking away to my marui pod as i felt an arm grasping my shoulder, i squealed as i took out my knife and pointed it near the unknown figure’s neck.

“woah calm down tiger, it’s just me.” lo’ak chuckled as he put down my arm with the knife in my hand

i put my knife back as i walked away from him, while he was slowly following me

“jeez lo’ak, i could’ve killed you.” i sighed in relief as my head was still down.

“so, why were you spying on me and tsireya?” he confronts me as i froze in my spot, with a hundred thoughts in my head, did something snap? was i too loud?

“just wanted to know if you’re treating her well.” i continued walking with tears pooling up my eyes.

“treating me well, what do you mean?” he tilts his head in confusion acting gullible and shit

“it’s because it’s so obvious you like her you dumbass!” i let all my anger out on him as i took a deep breath and faced away from him, with different emotions filling my mind

i mean i was happy for my best friend, i’m just selfish about it, knowing that if i said something else, our friendship would be ruined and i don’t want that.

lo’ak chuckles in a reply— “oh yeah, how did you know?”

my heart sunk when he said that, not till my stomach. but till my heart never existed, then it happened, tears started staining my face as i turned to him, staring at him.

“you should go tell her what you feel, you don’t wanna keep her waiting.” i said with a dull voice as i turned away from him

i feel his hand grab mines and pulls me to him

“hey hey hey, im sorry i was kidding.” his gaze softened as he pulled me into a hug while smoothing my hair out.

i didn’t complain, after all he was my bestfriend.

i melted in his touch as tears started streaming down my face.

“look i don’t like tsireya, i was asking for advice from her.” he spoke out of no where as his index finger hits my chin to drag it up to his face

i looked at him in confusion — “what advice?”

“to confess to you silly. i like you y/n, ever since the day we met, i thought of you as a silly hapoy crush but when i got older i realized it became more serious. even sometimes i’m running over sentences at times with you, i mean who wouldn’t love you? you look like you’ve been sent down by eywa herself.” he started ranting about how much he liked me

my eyes lit up, as he wipes the tears of my face gently.

he… liked me? i mean i kinda knew he was joking when he said he liked tsireya but i never expected it was me.

“you.. like me?” my voice still soft in a slightly confused tone.

“of course silly, who else do you think i was talking to, the floor?” he chuckled as he brought me closer to him.

i hugged him like super tight, really tight as the tears started to spill again, making me sob.

he hugged me back trying to calm me down as we sat down near the shore.

we stayed in silence as we melted into each others touch.

my head resting on his shoulder as his hand was on my thigh, caressing it for me to feel a little less dense.

“i like you too lo’ak.” i replied out of the blue, hoping i wouldn’t startle him.

he turns to me with a soft smile planted on his face which made my heart melt.

“really..?” his hand that was on my thigh was now intertwined with my hand.

“i still like tsireya though.” he started joking around

“oh really?” i had this jealous look on my face.

“just kidding, you’re cute when you’re jealous.” he had a small smirk on his face

he just stares at me passionatley before he pulls me in for a soft but something-ive-been-waiting-for-my-whole-life kiss.

oh lord.. thank you.

Ok, so this is definitely a NSFW thought, but I just imagine this with Az and holy moly 🥵

on the edge.

author’s note: goddamn edging azriel is such a hot concept. i hope i did it justice. warning: smut under the cut.

The shadowsinger can’t stop shaking.

His breaths are coming out in low, strangled pants as you slowly lower yourself onto his cock. It had been an hour of nothing but this torturous teasing, sixty minutes of you grinding down in a languid pace, letting his cock slip in and out of your pussy, stopping at the midpoint before starting the sadistic routine all over again.

Azriel wanted nothing more than to hold you down, fully sheathe himself within your silky walls, and fuck you into the mattress until you were hoarse from screaming in pleasure.

But he couldn’t.

He didn’t have permission to fuck you.

He didn’t have permission to make you cum.

You were clear on the rules. Tonight, you were in charge. Azriel could do nothing but let you use him as your own personal fuck toy. Over and over again, you brought him to the edge only to pull back once his orgasm was so close he could taste it.

Even now as you raked your nails against his tattooed chest, using his shoulders to give you the proper leverage to grind into him, Azriel couldn’t stop trembling. His legs are shaking as you ride him and he’s so overstimulated, the tip of his cock throbbing from the multiple orgasms that you’d denied.

Azriel squeezed his eyes shut as you grabbed his shaft, rubbing your soaking wet folds along the underside of his cock. You moaned as the throbbing vein rubbed deliciously against your clit and you rolled your hips into him, letting the friction build your pleasure.

Your mate trembled from the effort it took to keep himself from cumming. His wings unfurled as a sob racked through his body, a single tear falling down his cheek as the absence of your sweet pussy tore him away from an orgasm once more. He feels so overwhelmed, so conflicted between pushing you away to stop the sensation and cuddling into you for support. Azriel’s hands hovered on your hips, his head falling slack against your shoulder as he cried.

You swiped at his tears with your thumb and kissed the spot where they fell. “Poor baby,” you cooed, running your hands through his soft raven locks. “You’re doing so well, my love. Gonna give you what you want, okay baby?”

Azriel looked up at you, his hazel eyes pleading. “P-please,” he breathed. “Please. I need you, mommy.”

“I know, baby.” You kissed him softly and he sighed in relief as you shifted in his lap. Azriel let out a sharp gasp as you finally sank all the way down, taking all of him in. He could have cried with relief at how your walls hugged around his cock, snug and tight and secure just like it should be. “You’ve been such a good boy for mommy, haven’t you?”

Azriel sniffled, nodding. The praise felt like a beam of light in the hazy fog. “I think you deserve a reward, Azzie. Do you want me to keep riding you or do you want to fuck me?”

His voice was barely a rasp. “I want to fuck you. Please.”

You flipped over and pulled him on top of you. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you pushed him further in, groaning as he stretched your walls.

“Come fuck me then, baby.”

literally

i can't be the only one who's anti gwynriel and elriel 💀i want that man for myself. idc.