Me: *rolls Up To A Merchant In Ancient Athens On Heelys And Sipping A Starbucks*

Me: *rolls up to a merchant in ancient Athens on Heelys and sipping a Starbucks*

Me: Yo where’s your horribly dense wine I’ve got coin

Merchant: What on earth are you wearing

Me: It’s called pants.

Merchant: I hate that.

Everyones like "oh no the tragic events were so avoidable, thats terrible" but they never ask "did you experience catharsis, how was the catharsis, the catharsis looked fun"

Vampire and werewolf dating

year of the ox

Get up girls we have another day of obsessing over fictional characters to cope with reality ahead of us

imagine a rosario vampire kind of setting, where a human winds up at a monster school. except the monsters all know they’re a human. maybe they’re part of a new “monster/human friendly relations” project. everyone is pretty cautious about causing an incident, so they’re treading lightly around the human. but the human doesn’t even bat an eye at the strange stuff that goes on, so the monster kids gradually become more relaxed around them.

here’s the thing. the human doesn’t actually realize they’re at a monster school. they’re basically the living embodiment of “staying in their lane”. they see strange monster things happening and they’re like “huh. well that’s none of my business” and just go about their day

so the monsters think the human knows what’s up and doesn’t care. the human thinks they’re at a weird but ultimately normal human school. then the human sees something so explicit that they can’t help but connect the dots, like a werewolf transforming right in front of them. the human screams, the werewolf yelps, everyone else starts screaming too. there’s lots of confusion all around. 

eventually they all figure out what happened. then the human’s friends start quizzing them on how the hell they never noticed.

“the werewolves literally walk around with their ears and tails out.” “I thought they were just furries okay?!”

“but the vampires drink blood at lunch! only blood! they don’t eat!” “listen, even goths can be insecure about their weight. it’s not my business if they want to go on a weird tomato juice diet.” “I guess that explains why you hugged Travis and told him he was beautiful the way he is that one time.”

“there are fairies in our math class. they have wings.” “*shrug* theater kids are weird.”

“Ynolk'ku is the offspring of an eldritch abomination. the whispers of the dead follow xem wherever xe go. are you saying you never heard that?” “I figured it was just really loud creepy music playing from xer headphones.”

“centaurs. harpies. nagas.” “okay I know I already said furries, but really committed furries.”

“Cindy is a sasquatch and she’s covered in fur.” “who am I to tell a girl to shave?”

“the dryads wear clothes made out of living plants.” “aesthetic or death.”