Gojoswhitebabydolllashes - Anastasia

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IF I DIE TONIGHT IMMA MAKE IT EPIC

Logan howlett x reader

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Warnings: deadass I do not know. Sad. Sad kitty cat. Idk everyone's sad. Some things may not make sense yet. Major Canon divergence

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I don't remember the first time I wanted to die. Maybe it had been when I thought I lost Logan for good. The nights I slept alone and the days I spent cooking on my own and the nights I spent watching the TV, lying by the radio incase I received a message. I even chopped the wood.

And then one day the radio just, went silent.

I had been getting small messages every now and then, whether from a random or a helicopter pilot or just government things. But one day it all just stopped.

I think that's what true fear feels like.

Silence.

-

Westchester was just as I remember. So lively and comfortable. But not as warming, it didn't feel as much like home as it should have.

"So what are we even doing here?" Wade asked.

Behind us, Charles stepped on a few glass shards with a crunch and then looked up at us. "There's someone here I think can help you," he grunted as he fixed himself.

"God I hope it's doctor strange, God he's delicious in the first movie" Wade spoke under his breath.

I side eyed him, and as I did, I noticed Logan had stopped walking behind us and was standing at the window of a shop. There was something melancholic about it.

"Logan?" I questioned him as I walked toward him "what are you looking at?"

He tilted his head down and left, eyeing my feet approaching, and then looked back to the window. Inside on display was a small baby sock with pink frills. It lay abandoned on a splintered wooden shelf.

For some reason, it affected Logan more than I felt it would.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

Stupid question.

"Let's just get out of here" he grumbled and walked off.

My mouth fell into an o shape as I stood baffled by what just happened. Nevertheless, I picked up my feet and started walking again.

-

🧠

Sometimes, when I get time to myself. I like to think of Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr. Both powerful mutants with incredible abilities, arguably they were otherworldly. Best friends and yet enemies.

Charles once told me, "To be so close is to be too far away"

Since then, I still don't have a fucking clue what he meant. I thought about it every night, asked people what they thought of it.

Yet I still don't have an answer. And when I ask Xavier about it. He says "each day you get further away, is a day you get just that bit closer"

And if he hadn't been so old I would have punched him for being so cryptic.

-

"Is this the place?" I asked and turned to Charles.

He nodded with raised brows. "This is is the one"

The building was made of red brick and had pristine white bordered windows lined with vines and small flowers.

"Its so beautiful every part of me is crying" Wade stated. And silently me and Logan cringed, and I could have sworn Charles did too.

"The people inside aren't. So watch yourselves" Charles warned us.

"You know I wish I could. I wanna rewatch my best jerk off moments"

Logan ran a hand down his face and rolled his eyes into his head.

-

Inside seemingly already waiting for us, we're 3 people. One was a woman in a long purple robe like a witch. One was a man in a bright blue leather suit, and the last was another man in a dark green suit.

All were undeniably a bit scary to look at.

"Charles dear, you've returned," the woman spoke, then Gasped "oooh and with guests"

"These are my acquaintances. You don't need to know their names" Charles spoke.

I assumed they weren't of major importance if our names weren't even necessary.

"What can we help you with?" The man is blue had a deep voice.

The kind that made you want to turn around and leave. Like being caressed by a bear growl.

"I need a truthspeaker" Xavier said bluntly.

Apparently, that's a normal thing around here. Saying things like everyone is supposed to know what that is. I tell you what bloody annoying is what it is.

"Well, here's one right here." The woman is purple pointed to herself and stood up off her chair and strode elegantly toward Logan.

She snaked her manicured hand around his bicep, then up his shoulder and around his neck. Smirking with her maroon lips, she eyed me.

Snarling with disgust and anger and whatever comes in between, i stared back at her. She flicked at logans beard with her bright red nail, and his eye twitched slightly. Without another thought, I looked at the wall.

"Oh, you're an interesting one, aren't you?" She was talking to me. I turned my head slowly to face her.

"So much emotion. So passionate and pure. Like a wildfire, aren't you?" She grinned with that fake feminine grace that made me sick.

"Do I look like I want to talk to you?" I said blankly.

Before another word came out of my mouth, the woman grabbed a silver stick adorned with red gems from her pocket and swiftly stuck it to my mouth.

I found myself then and there unable to move or say anything.

"So complex. Very intense" the woman smiled with her eyes closed. It was creepy.

"So much sadness and despair. I've never felt such loss in one person. You've experienced great trauma in your life. Grief is never easy. You know one person will experience one traumatic event by the age of 17. By the looks of you, I'd say you have had one each year of your life. Always grieving and putting yourself into dark places. Is there someone who got you out of that place? That helped you?",

This was when I started looking at Logan. With glossy, red eyes, i watched him as his face changed. Into someone I knew. Some thing one that I recognised. He changed and contorted to create a man I loved. A cruel joke was being played, and I was the punchline.

The woman turned her head to Logan and then back at me grinning.

"Oh I see what's happening here. You love him don't you? And you can't handle the handle the feeling"

I started sobbing harder. "Alright that's enough" one of the men spoke but the woman shut his off quickly.

"You can't bear to watch him can you?, it pains you to know he does not love you. So dreadfully, it consumes. Your love for him. It encapsulates you, suffocates you, and drowns you. It is you. It is all you ever have been, and all you ever will be"

And for once. I could not tell someone they were wrong.

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